It is my one year

anniversary at

Open Salon!

Please join me in

celebrating

by

signing my condolence

book!

Here's an elegant feast!

 Here's… Read full post »

I went out for the first time in a year and actually shopped!  This is the first month of not scraping by, counting up loose change, trying to figure out how much two wheat pennies get on E-bay, or considering robbing a bank.

Hooking is out. I'm way too fat and… Read full post »

Celebrations

Thank you very much for everything.
I have no complaints whatsoever.

a personal prayer - hugh redmond

I would be true, for there are those who trust me;
I would be pure, for there are those who care;
… Read full post »

 Part One

Part Two

I was a vase!  I had just learned to grab the molecues of a delightful bit of chinoiserie and to sit quietly on the mantle of a New York Townhouse, where the monster was stalking a lovely man who wore ascots and smoking jackets. His… Read full post »

Part One

 The monster, had taken over the body of an overdressed and over botoxed heifer...the kind with the huge bubbies that look as if she had taped a couple of soccer balls to her chest. it glared balefully, then ripped itself out of the poor woman and flew in my… Read full post »

I write because I was chased by the type of monster that ravages and eats the body in order to release the soul.

Then it eats the soul.

This monster rankles and torments and bullies a person until there is no more will to live and then,  just before… Read full post »

Application For The Position Of Open Salon Editor

General Zumalicious, Pirate Woman

Sacramento, California

 • Curating Open Salon content, and helping incorporate it into Salon's overall editorial content.

Editor's picks and the home page will never be the same, I pro… Read full post »

Ha!  I've had this monitor, which went with my useless MAC, sitting up and taking space for years. Years!  I couldn't get rid of it.  So it sat there, hulking, stubborn and bulky.

It was squatting there, gloating, as I carefully dusted the useless creature. Then, it dawned on me… Read full post »

Richard Wright 1908-1960

Messieurs Clique and Clacque are two elderly gentlemen who love to share a hearty late Sunday meal and sip cognac while they discuss the issues with the writerly community at Open Salon. Today, there is dismay, as… Read full post »

ADORATIONS

Praise God from whom all blessings flow;
praise him, all creatures here below;
praise him above, ye heavenly host:
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

traditional hymn - words by thomas ken - 1674

 … Read full post »

I don't have any reefer and it makes me mad.

Cab Calloway "Reefer Man"

I watched a crazy movie last night. It had Anthony Perkins and Tuesday Weld. It was called "Crazy Wild Things". 

I fell asleep.  Let me tell you something. Don't ever fall… Read full post »

I joined Netflix in order to get the free two week trial. Pretty cool. I've already watched that newfangled Indiana Jones movie, and thought that it has new life, thanks to that cutie pie, Shia LeBouf. No way would someone as old as Harrison Ford and Karen Allen be able to… Read full post »

This  flossy bit of manitude will wow the women, even when the shotgun wont!

And how is this for the ultimate in mullety goodness?

A manly man could wear this to dazzle the fish next Spring, and spring they… Read full post »

It's writing crunch time again, so I will be in and out for the next few days.

I've been working on this, Zuma's First Annual Bad Costume Pit of Hellishly Bad Taste, bit by bit.  As a result, here are some of the sickest and the worst Halloween costumes from… Read full post »

October 19, 2009

The Kanzius Machine:

A homemade machine that uses radio waves and nano technology to target cancer cells was featured on last night's episode of "60 Minutes". John Kanzius had leukemia. With no medical background, or even college, he built his machine and used it on/… Read full post »

Snap!  My neighbors were so excited.

They were yelling about a double

rainbow.

I said “Oh yeah, let me get my

camera!”  

They didn’t believe that my cheap… Read full post »

Last Tuesday, a storm that is classified as a "West Coast version of a hurricane" hit Sacramento with a wallop that was frightening.  The howling winds and relentless rains went on for an entire day, resulting in 3 inches of rain for Sacramento, and up to 9 inches of rain up… Read full post »

Yahweh, Elohim, al-Lah, God is the presence
in whom my being comes alive
the core and ground of my existence
the infinite and inexhaustible ground of all being
the source of life and goodness
the fountain of all holiness
the originator of unconditional love and
the initiator of the Big Bang.… Read full post »

I screamed “Get up get up get up…here!”, and dashed to the rear of our “base camp”. Mama didn’t raise no dummy. When partying anywhere, anytime, and for any reason, sit near a working exit and be the first ones out. 

Otherwise, stampedes work this way: Women… Read full post »

 Part One

 Part Two

     That party developed its own weather system, I swear. The Underground had never failed to knock us off of our feet, but this was the best one so far. Here I sat with my two best friends, a buttery man who needed… Read full post »

Last week, it was the Australian group who did the Michael Jackson. Today, it's about a pointy nosed White model who had her skin smeared with Max Factor no. 14 or something.

So, I thought that I would do some public service for people who think that they can wear blackface… Read full post »

 Part One is Here.

We made our way through the parking lot, me peering around as if the society police were stalking us and waiting to pounce, snarling for our papers and shining flashlights in our faces. We were an hour late, but so… Read full post »

This was the last time, and I meant it. That bastard, Jerome said that we were going out and he was already an hour late. We were supposed to be at "The Underground" at ten o’clock and it was already eleven. My makeup was perfect, but I couldn’t stand up all… Read full post »

It's time for the Monday Attention Deficit Newsrap.

1.  Kevin Johnson (former NBA star, and mayor of Sacramento) wuz robbed in San Francisco. We loves us some Kevin Johnson here.

2.   Six year old Zachary Christie was busted for showing up to school with a spork. What are they going… Read full post »

Some humans are led to acts of self sacrifice that resonate throughout the centuries. St. Damien of Molokai lived such a life, and his story still has a powerful emotional impact on me. A 19th-century priest who deliberately sacrificed his life… Read full post »