Last week, it was the Australian group who did the Michael Jackson. Today, it's about a pointy nosed White model who had her skin smeared with Max Factor no. 14 or something.
So, I thought that I would do some public service for people who think that they can wear blackface makeup, by offering some suggestions as to when and where it is appropriate for White People to use Blackface makeup.
A. Blackface is always appropriate and beautiful if you were born with one.
1. Always use blackface, along with little nappy afros when going to Black owned and soul food restaurants! You will be welcomed with open (or at least moving) arms, and maybe even your food will get some extra special attention!
DONT: Wear white hair and white lips.
2. Wear blackface makeup each and every time that you have a job or client interview! You will immediately benefit from all of that affirmative action that everyone is so excited about.
DON'T: Do blackface that is not completely convincing! Do the lips too, so that people think that you are really black!
3. Wear it in class, especially when you have that bigoted professor who always has something negative to say to the students of color. He or she will be thrilled to adjust the "subjective" judgment that was helping your grades up to now!
DO: Insure that you have complete makeup coverage!
4. Wear it for at least a week at a time. You will enjoy the fruits of all of our liberal labor in forcing society to be "politically correct". You will personally experience the levels of political correctness that our society has to offer, all right.
DONT: Forget the neck, ears, and lips.
5. Wear it when you are driving to a new location, and might end up in the Ghetto. You will be welcomed with fist bumps, and high and low fives!
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Dan Brekke
Jesse Mitchell
garfish
C.K. Dexter Haven
ronnierayjenkins
Robin Sneed
Salon.com
Comments
Hello: Absolutely not! That would be a fashion tragedy!
You forget "when you're dating Whoopie Goldberg."
Rated!
remember "watermelon man"? oh boy. both are pretty scary.
some day blackface/whiteface will be a sexual fetish, probably in japan. I say this because at this juncture in time, what isn't?
in fact it's probably a fetish now but no one's sharing that weird little world. yet.
Great piece. R
(my god, you are funny and so rated)
people are hurtful and stupid, makes you wonder what they were thinking?
Monte
and i *LOVE* your new name and avatar, zuma. sooo dishy and scary.
Cap'n: That's what seems to be in his facial expresson.
ladyMiko: Surly's comments might be why I do such evil.
mistercomedy: Did you get a video that I can see?
Nofrills: Ohhhhh! Watermelon man was criminal! But it would end profiling! I am screaming at the idea of Japanese fetishists!
Owl: My goal was to get some suckers in trouble, so they learn something that they need to know. Yeee!
John: Ooooh. Maybe his skin lightener isn't working and he's really black!
Nikki: I couldn't help myself. A little angel on my right shoulder said "no, no!" but the little devil said "yes, yes!"
Cap'n: ye horny devel, ye! She is exquisite.
Scanner: Oh hell to the no!
OE: oh you pun meister.
Hy: Well maybe if they follow my advice, they will have some lessons...
Monte: What were your plans, there? Skipping studying and Partying in disguise?
Kate and fem: Thanks, dears.
BTW can I wear an albino face with Asian eyes?
Rated
Two later but notable black entertainers who appeared in blackface were W.C. Handy (many times) and even Count Basie in the 20's. For further reading on the subject see Black Like You by John Strausbaugh and Where Dead Voices Gather by Nick Tosches.
Latter-day instances of blackface on whites are of course objectionable if demeaning intent is present, but you have to ask yourself; if Ted Danson was married to Whoopi Goldberg and she didn't care, should anybody else? They probably thought they were being extremely ironic. I don't/didn't find them funny, but it made people think, which I guess was the point. Then when people got tired of thinking about it, they got mad.
Dave Chappelle appears in whiteface and is hilarious, and some of Richard Pryor's best material was his imitations of white middle-class dialect. Maybe someday we'll all truly be post-racial. Until then, we have the spectacle of white musicians imitating black musicians, sometimes well, sometimes poorly. I have to say, although I liked the Rolling Stones "Brown Sugar" when it came out, when you think about the lyrics, it induces cringes; a bunch of white British art school boys singing about black female sexuality.
The imitation/flattery rarely goes the other way, although there's Darius Rucker and Charlie Pride, two black country musicians, and for true weirdness, there's the Persuasions a cappella album of Frank Zappa music. There are some who trace black falsetto to Jimmy Rogers, a white country singer, but I think the link is weak.
My favorite recent black-to-white-to-black two-cushion shot is an album by black jazz pianist Cyrus Chestnut playing songs by Elvis, a white musician who of course made millions covering black songs such as You Aint' Nothin' But a Hound Dog and That's All Right Mama, making much more money than Big Mama Thornton ever did.
Another curious sidebar in America is the New Orleans Mardi Gras Indians. I hope they never shut them down because they create some great music (I like the Wild Magnolias and the Wild Tchapaitolous). For my money, I'd take Bo Dollis, the black singer for the Wild Magnolias dressed up and screaming like an Indian, over Elvis, Mick J. and the rest of the black imitators without blackface.
I'm going to write a novel about it all someday, as soon as I finish my gay boxing book (seriously).
Rated for sheer wrongness.
I'll ditto surly, miko and femme.
Con: You wrote a whole blog here. I am honored, indeed. It's true, and even African American film stars, like Lena Horne, had to wear darker makeup in order to look blacker. That gay boxing thing...who plays the lead?
old new lefty: Those guys never let any black people get close enough...not even servants!
coyote: I think that those folks who insist on blackface makeup will find themselves safe and happy if they follow my "advice"..snort...
Andy: Why wrong? Why, I can't imagine anyone getting hurt....
...snort...
Marcela: all for the greater good...yee.
JK: thanks!
Theo: It is almost Halloween. Oh, brother...there will be some people...i just know it.
Spin Doctor: Will they take the bait...uhhh...advice?