Part One

Part Two

I was a vase!  I had just learned to grab the molecues of a delightful bit of chinoiserie and to sit quietly on the mantle of a New York Townhouse, where the monster was stalking a lovely man who wore ascots and smoking jackets. His name was Messr Clacque, and he was visiting with his friend, Messr Clicque.

Just as the monster was getting close enough to dive into the body of Messr Clacque, my friend, the Elephant Foot Umbrella Stand, leapt up and placed himself between the two, causing the monster to flee through the mullioned window and into the night just as Messr Clacque was yelling something about pussies.

We all followed: the picture frame, the Aubisson rug,  several pairs of drapes, both left and right, and the andirons, all of them. We flew over New Jersey and didn't even stop in Buffalo for some wings.

Some joker is in a shark tank, carving pumpkins. I do not make this stuff up. Just see for your self. After all, this is attention deficit fiction!

We flew through the night. Westward, we flew, knowing that the dawn would be farther away with each mile.  Night was no more to us than day, dawn no more than dusk.  We had no eyes, no ears, no mouths and no hands, but we saw and felt and tasted everything, contrary to popular belief. The ice crystals over Tennesee were particularly delightful and tasty. I became some of them and wanted to frolic around for a while, but a Canadian Goose scooped me up and made me come along.

The monster was trying to flee across the world! It kept going all through the night and well into the extended night.  Since we moved like cracks of lightning when we wanted to, we out flew the sun.

Anyone who missed Lionel Atwill in "Murders In The Zoo" is a big clown!  Who could fail to shiver with dreadful horrible delight as the fiendish and cuckolded Doctor sewed up the lips of his rival in love, then abandoned him, hands tied, in the middle of the jungles of Pre-War Vietnam?

After a few diversions that involved chasing the monster out of some long haul truckers and away from some hookers, we were over Kirtland Air Base, home of the big idea of mine. I just had to remember where to go, once we arrived at the massive complex, which spread across the blank New Mexico desert.

And, there it was! A remote structure, surrounded by layers of fencing that was topped with concertina wire like a bizarre cake with razor sharp stainless steel icing.  The monster was there, eyeing a slim, serious looking young airman who was patrolling the perimeter. 

We surrounded the beast and, after a few wild hours of chasing it around the desert and up into the hills, we herded it into the structure, where, much to it's surprise, it found itself in the middle of a pristine chamber...filled with fully armed nukes!

There were big ones, small ones, short ones, tall ones.  Someone was playing the radio....