Students, we know that leftists and liberals are all related to psychologists and that they have huge math issues, so let's get right to work today!

First, we will have a brief test to measure your current levels of proficiency. Then we will have a lesson in the quasi experiment and statistical analysis. Finally, there will be a brief pop quiz to determine if the educational outcomes have been accomplished!

It's as simple as pi! Speaking of pie, here is your first question (answers at the end of this article).

QUESTION 1:  

Linda has lemon merengue pie. It is the kind that is made with Eagle Brand, egg, and a buttery graham cracker crust, not that weak assed gelatin crap.

Linda has 6 friends and six individual pies. How much pie will each friend get?

A. One and 1/6 pies each, because Grizelda refuses to eat anything that came from a chicken's butt.

B. One pie each, because everyone is high on Chronic Supernova and no one cares about the damn dairy.

C.  None, because pie is the opiate of the lumpen protelariat.

D.  Two pies each because liberals always want to  consume more than they have.

E.  Three pies for Debbie and half a pie each for the others, because Debbie has the loaded gun.

QUESTION 2:  

George, Dave, Frank and Leonard went to the Occupy Oakland protest and they all got arrested. The bill came to $35,698.

How much should each person pay? 

A. $329.95 each.  They called Dave's Dad's lawyer, who got them out of that fine, but they had to pay the taxi bill from Santa Rita jail to the Jack London Square parking lot. Most of that money was for overnight parking in Jack London Square parking lot.

B. Dave, Frank and Leonard each pay $5,725 . George pays the rest, because he has his Mom's Amex Titanium debit card.

C. Nothing. They didn't go. They just tweeted about it all night, using Guy Fawkes avatars and pretending to be "Anonymous". 

D.  Frank pays it all, because he's the one who handed out the drums and the vuvuzelas, which got them arrested in the first place. 

Well done! 

 Charles Bernard Bell, PhD

Now, here is lesson number one:  How Do Liberal and Lefty people Work Out A Math Problem?

Step One:

One hundred people are to be surveyed to see if they agree that something should be done. The first step is to determine which choices are available for doing someting.

Step Two:

Since all 100 of those surveyed will be lefties and liberals, there will be the following choices:

A. Nothing should be done until there is group consensus.

B. Everything should be done at once.

C. A staged approach to doing nothing should be done.

D. A staged approach to doing everything should be done.

E. There should be broader consensus before deciding which things can be done.

F. A steering committee must be formed to determine how consensus should be arrived at for deciding the choices.

G. Once the steering committee completes its task, the consensus metholodogy should then be put to a vote of the entire membership to determine the final choice for a consensus method.

G. A planning committee should be formed to select the steering committee.

H. Before anything happens, a manifesto must be written.

 Step 3:  Count the individual choices for items A through H, and determine which option recieved the highest number of choices.

Step 4:  Apply the Google Panda algorithm that was generously provided to the class by the kind hackers from "Anonymous". 

Step 5: Use the results as statistical proof that, extrapolated to represent the preferences of 300,592,680 Americans, the final choices are what the American people really need.

This proof goes into the manifesto, of course.

This ends today's lesson. Now for the pop quiz!

1. What consensus?

2. Why aren't there any Anarchists on the steering committee?

3. Are the planning commmittee qualified to plan?

4. Is that a bag of Skunk Red Hair over there? Well fire that up and pass it around! Shit!

5.  How many languages should the manifesto be translated into? Anyone know Farsi?

6. Were the questions truly randomized? 

7. Wait! Weren't the choices already decided and identified at Step Two? 

 Answers to the diagnostic quiz:

1.  D

2. D 

Answers to the pop quiz:

1. Grab package and hold tightly. Then shout as  loudly as possible "This IS Consensus, you pustulent clown!"

2. Remove Guy Fawkes mask and reveal yourself to be the anarchist.

3. All planning committee members have graduate degrees in planning.

4. Yeah. Allright! Don't hog it all, now.

5.  324. Yeah, but Farsi left an hour ago.

6.  Yes. 

 7. Yes.