A Pirate Wimmin
Welcome, students! Today we will learn about Pirate Wimmin Math! Pirate Wimmin are the world's best mathematicians for one reason...
They knew that this item:
:---------------->
IS NOT NINE INCHES LONG!!!!!
Ancient Pirate wimmen created a universal mathematical proof that Little One Eyed Mookie got exactly the same amount of juice as Pee Pee Joe.
Pirate wimmen invented dividing the restaurant meal check to 14 decimal positions without a calculator.
Pirate wimmen calculated the exact number of minutes before an old school check could clear the bank.
We can immediately construct a 10 digit, random numbered, fake phone number every Saturday night.
Pirate wimmen are capable of assigning the correct value to Valentines day, Mother's day, Wedding, Christmas and other gifts.
Pirate wimmen are experts at calculating the statistical odds that Hubby is the baby daddy.
Just by sniffing, Pirate wimmen can determine the quality of food at the molecular level.
Pirate wimmen can tell exactly how much more activity is allowed after the "low fuel" indicator gives a warning for any mechanical device or combustion engine.
Pirate wimmen invented the "five second" rule for dropped food.
Pirate wimmen are known for figuring out, to the nanoliter, how much water can be added before any other liquid loses the required flavor, sudsiness, scent, color, or grease cutting potency.
So, with these kind of brains, just what do Pirate Wimmin need to learn?
NOTHING! IT'S TIME TO PARTY, LOOT AND CREATE INSURRECTION!
Yee Hah! We celebrate getting 4 days into the year 2012 without an apacolypse, or those strange noises heard around the world turning into the beginning of the alien invasion!
WE CELEBRATE DON CORNELIUS, WHO GAVE US OUR MUSIC AND OUR LINE DANCES!
SEMPER FI AND R.I.P
WAH Hoo!
Load the bunkers with buck naked mens!
Piebald the brakens and
Unstow the gins
Bring up the rums,
The whiskeys,
The brandies,
Tequillum,
The vinos
The spliff
And See's Candys!
And bring on all the comestibles!
Load the sidebars with digestibles!
Cue up the chick flicks,
Don the swimsuits,
Gather the dirty jokes!!
Put up the music
The tunes of the masters!
And dance the day...
Swashbuckle the night...
And celebrate...
Making the Tea Party...
Making the Right Wing...
Making the bills go away!
Ha!
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Keka
skypixie0
Theresa Rice
SheilaTGTG55
Eljekar
Erica K
Salon.com
Comments
i love it when they get all riled up & start an insurrection,
cuz i enjoy revolutions, especially ones begun by
women.
“Load the bunkers with buck naked mens!”
Many could be recruited from this site. Many men, wishing to shed conventionality. Many.
Booze & comestibles. Tunes of the masters.
As a dylano-phile/-ologist, I suggest
‘thunder on the mountain’
you(pirate woman): "hey"
man: "howdy ma'am"
you: "could u do something for me? i hate to ask , but......."
man: "yes, anything, what is it?"
you: "take all your clothes off?""
man: "really?!! well, sure............."
eye engagement on the best physical attributes,
be they: smile, chest, abdomen, lower, legs, or whatnot,
is advised. and then a delighted warm laugh and offer
of some good beer or chick wine or whatever..
There's a ruckus in the alley and the sun will be here soon
Today's the day, gonna grab my trombone and blow
Well, there's hot stuff here and it's everywhere I go
I was thinkin' 'bout Alicia Keys, couldn't keep from crying
When she was born in Hell's Kitchen, I was living down the line
I'm wondering where in the world Alicia Keys could be
I been looking for her even clear through Tennessee
Feel like my soul is beginning to expand
Look into my heart and you will sort of understand
You brought me here, now you're trying to run me away
The writing's on the wall, come read it, come see what it say
Thunder on the mountain, rolling like a drum
Gonna sleep over there, that's where the music coming from
I don't need any guide, I already know the way
Remember this, I'm your servant both night and day
The pistols are poppin' and the power is down
I'd like to try somethin' but I'm so far from town
The sun keeps shinin' and the North Wind keeps picking up speed
Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need
I've been sitting down studying the art of love
I think it will fit me like a glove
I want some real good woman to do just what I say
Everybody got to wonder what's the matter with this cruel world today
Thunder on the mountain rolling to the ground
Gonna get up in the morning walk the hard road down
Some sweet day I'll stand beside my king
I wouldn't betray your love or any other thing
Gonna raise me an army, some tough sons of bitches
I'll recruit my army from the orphanages
I been to St. Herman's church and I've said my religious vows
I've sucked the milk out of a thousand cows
I got the porkchops, she got the pie
She ain't no angel and neither am I
Shame on your greed, shame on your wicked schemes
I'll say this, I don't give a damn about your dreams
Thunder on the mountain heavy as can be
Mean old twister bearing down on me
All the ladies of Washington scrambling to get out of town
Looks like something bad gonna happen, better roll your airplane down
Everybody's going and I want to go too
Don't wanna take a chance with somebody new
I did all I could and I did it right there and then
I've already confessed – no need to confess again
Gonna make a lot of money, gonna go up north
I'll plant and I'll harvest what the earth brings forth
The hammer's on the table, the pitchfork's on the shelf
For the love of God, you ought to take pity on yourself
Copyright © 2006 by Special Rider Music
A mouse and an elephant are best friends and are skipping through the forest together. Suddenly the elephant falls into a deep, deep pit. He tries to jump out but it's too deep. He tries to scramble up the side but it's loose sand. The mouse is frantic for his best friend and runs off to the nearest town for help. Soon he returns with a big truck and a rope, he ties the rope to the truck, tosses the other end to his buddy, guns the engine and pulls him out. They embrace and continue skipping through the forest.
Wouldn't you know it... suddenly the mouse falls into a deep deep pit. He tries to jump out, but it's too deep. He tries to scramble up the side, but it's loose sand. The elephant is frantic for his best friend so he straddles the hole and lowers his dick into it and the mouse climbs up the big dick. They embrace and continue skipping through the forest together.
The moral of the story is, if you have a big dick, you don't need a big truck.
* Pirate Wimmin are able to tell sexist jokes in dance halls and instantly subsitute the truck for a Vette, Porche or whatever silly vehicle a cabin boy is bragging about when he's trying to pick her up.
many sociocultural issues addressed.
if a mouse of a man needs a large full phallus
(metaphorically) to climp out of the pit, he must
engage with it, to his
ultimate advantage.
not just suvival.
my bar comeons are obscure. the gals around here
prefer that. for example, a gal drinkin white wine, i will say,
"whaaat kinda wine that, if i may ask/'
tis..whatever..
then 'ah you know men love their beer.
but what is it, my dear, that you like from wine?"
'uh. well makes me feel different, but not..sloppy, ya know what i mean"
shit do i know what they mean.
talk talk. i a m all talk.
While General Zuma is hunting and gathering I'll make sure everything remains at peace! Here's a list of all the pirate movies ever made. Entertain yourselves.
http://www.thepirateking.com/movies/index.htm
♥
Would a little delicate fruit wine be welcome at this bash? I have half a bottle of apple and half of blueberry - very nice mixed.
P.S. - they can keep their nine inches. Since I only got 6 inches myself...
Reporting for duty. On my cellphone.
pirate wimmin, que vivan ~
Lift the rum up just before it goes down. Saulos a todas !
We got spicy parables
About dicks and symbolic trucks
We got delicate sweet wine
And a whole lotta luck
This party is a rockin' rollin'
And no one's drunk right now
So here's to another cannonball
Right off the port bow! yee hah.
Wi' pyrate wimmin'
Away with the swords and pistoleros
Gyratin' to the tune of El Boleros
The Flamenca guitar played to perfection
To pyrate wimmin's ears, an audial confection.
Lo and behold their shimmery eyes
Wi' which they discern whimsical lies
And 'ware ye men of telling them in stride
Cause once caught, yer over the side
Splashin' and thrashin', shoutin' and splutterin'
All the while pyrate wimmin eyes be flutterin'.
Me? I be a simpleton who ain't defendin'
How men are dogs and tend to truth bendin'
Huh uh, not me, I'm dedicated to the veracity
Of the fairer math's feminine perspicacity.
And that's why I like swimmin'
With Pyrate wimmin'.
--r--
With the pirate wimmin
No right wing shark will bite our butts
'Cause we caught them all for steaks
We'll wear the teeth 'round our necks
For them is just the breaks!
Those are dem moments when a nekkid mens be finest
When deys confesses to being committer of crimes that
Lead him down the plank but only after he’s been all the way down my list.
Jes’ sos dey knows why dey get thrown into the foamy seas, all men like ‘n nekkid
~ props to dunniteowl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnO_IuOT9ks&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzcv5TJkJBA&feature=player_embedded
Let's dress the mens up in these sarongs...they're a little skimpy, so less is better!
Oooh...speaking of sturdy...we just got 45 crates of Republican manifestos! We can make paper mache masks, bras and cod pieces!
Arrgh, me fellow wenches
join me in the Siren Song:
Siren Song
This is the one song everyone
would like to learn: the song
that is irresistable:
the song that forces men
to leap overboard in squadrons
even though they see the beached skulls
the song nobody knows
because anyone who has heard it
is dead, and the others can't remember
Shall I tell you the secret
and if I do, will you get me
out of this bird suit?
I don't enjoy it here
squatting on this island
looking picturesque and mythical
with these two feathery maniacs,
I don't enjoy singing
this trio, fatal and valuable.
I will tell the secret to you,
to you, only to you.
Come closer. This song
is a cry for help: Help me!
Only you, only you can,
you are unique
At last. Alas
it is a boring song
but it works every time.
— Margaret Atwood, 1976
A pirate joke....
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!
Fernsy: The math was to fool the riffraff and to keep them out! It's the pirate in you that got you path the shield of math. Ha ha!
What do Pirate Wimmin like to buy when they get to dry land?
Yarrrrgs and Yarrrrrgs of fabric for they new frocks!
Wimmen Pyrats. Tough, strong and proud.
rated with love
Love the pirate joke. Also L'Heure's big dick job. I'll be repeating them at my Super Bowl party. Unfortunately, my wife is the only one attending.
Myriad: *double snort!*
ONL: Ooohh la la! There is intrigue and romance. Do you need a papier mache masque and codpiece to disguise your...ummm...affection?
And poetess is here, too cool.
and where are those boyos, the Tr ig and Nanetahay and Tinkertink? I think they're passed out in their back yarrrrrrrrrds. sknorxx.
I'm somehow watching those creeps, too. I don't know why...ohhh...I turned to CNN because the guide said "News". But it's Newty Boy right now. He sounds like he's about to cry! I wish they would let some lefties in there.
Uh....no.
Okay, too much pirating and CNNing, and I'm off to bed, doped with cold meds. I'll check in tomorrow to see if y'all got shipwrecked or what.
More excellent poetry here Captain. If you don't mind perhaps another poet to whet my lusty Pirate Wimmin appetite?
I am so crashing and burning. It's been a long day! Thanks for a great bunch of piratey goodiness, all.
And don't forget to use maths when an axe, gun or bullet won't do! ha ha.
There is much to celebrate and much to do. Do you realize that, in just a few months, we backed down Netflix, B of A, Komen, and Verizon? We got ta got ta become consumer and philanthropic pirates and keep kicking ass.