Fuck this! Fucking fuck the fuck out of all of this?
Damn.
I missed another dusting dust up because my laptop was getting a colonoscopy by Sacramento people and offshore job hogging Hindus who cannot, at threat of losing their very essence of life, bicommunicate a simple concept for the love of God and to benefit the efficiency and comfort of a simple soul.
Sinking down into the warm and jasmine scented waters of a bathtub would be my fate right now if I were not so devoted to executing the revenge of a life lived well.
I mean it. I have the Hydrocodone Bitartrate, the alcohol and the tub. I am only lacking the jasmine scent, but that is just a short walk or drive away at the CVS pharmacy. That place is closed right now and will not open up.
I will not drive after having brandy.
Fuck fuck fuck it all!
I don't own a gun so I can't blow my brains out, either.
And God and Jesus are watching so I have to live.
Fuck.
These thoughts come, ironic. They come at the end of months long battles, followed by the specter of new medical nightmares, just when I should be celebrating.
And self celebratory stuff like Valentines Day comes along to tell the entire world that we all have, at some point, failed the failures of the stuff of life, no matter how much we have to boast about.
And the jasmine scented tub and thoughts of helping myself through that door to oblivion seem perfectly reasonable.
Give the person who is suffering strong drink, they say.
Even being the comic offers no relief. Faith and positive belief are the only ropes that can climb me out of this hole.
And I get thankful for not being an atheist. There is no envy of them whatsoever.
No amount of disbelief will give relief from the idea that we exist in a cold, uncaring and perfectly evil universe. (What a conundrum) Both the unbeliever and the believer must deal with an equal truth.
Both types of us will fight like wildebeests to stay alive.
Welcome to my world. My world is sometimes completely electrical and ultraviolet as a malignant place that lies under the despicable rule of depression.
I will live because an idea exists in me and, with me and us all, something is in the works. As long as an idea exists and something is in the works, I become capable and stronger.
The world takes on its normal coloration and expression.
Then I eventually know joy.
And these thoughts and this discussion will not come up again for a while.
Here is the idea:
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nilesite
Brie aka Barbara K
Gerald Andersen
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Ben Sen
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Comments
Hell, yes!
I hope your world takes on its normal coloration and expression, and that you experience joy again as soon as possible. But I understand, sometimes we can't rush these things.
and sometimes i just say Fuck this! Fucking fuck the fuck out of all of this.
naneh: You all in San Francisco? Oh hell yeah, no matter what!
Sorry that your god lets you down. I know you expected better of it - probably still do. Remember, it's not the god you believe in that helps you go forward when the world dumps shit on your head; it's the faith and belief of "something better is ahead"; even when that doesn't make much sense either.
Some seem born to be believers. Some cannot be believers no matter how much they might try. Yet each gets rained on by the same storms and each wonders "why the fuck is this happening to ME?!!"
..........and believer & unbeliever alike get no answer......
;-)
.
Please! Don't stereotype our furry friends! You should have said...
"...cooperate like wildebeest..." (No "s" on the plural!)
"Wildebeest have developed additional sophisticated cooperative behaviors, such as animals taking turns sleeping while others stand guard against a night attack by invading predators."
Or maybe "...decipher the messages of other species like wildebeests..."
"Wildebeest can also listen in on the alarm calls of other species, and by doing so can reduce their risk of predation. One study showed that along with other ungulates, wildebeests responded more strongly to the baboon alarm calls compared to the baboon contest calls even though both types of calls had similar patterns, amplitudes, and durations. "
And while humans just get stupider and stupider in crowds...
"Recent research has shown that a herd of wildebeest possesses what is known as a "swarm intelligence", whereby the animals systematically explore and overcome the obstacle as one."
When not retching, it helps me to remember than in every challenge there is the possibility of a reward...
I love a good rant especially if it has some joy in it.
rated with love
Just kidding, you can have some too!!! ~hug~
Please send me a link to this dust up asap!
HUGGGGGGGGGGG
"My world is sometimes completely electrical and ultraviolet as a malignant place that lies under the despicable rule of depression."
I hear you, Zuma. In fact, I'm right there with you lately, without the distraction of "electrical and ultrviolet." February is like that, for some damned reason. But you've got this, Z. I know you have it.
Lezlie
((HUGS))
Meantime, I like the concept of your laptop getting a colonoscopy. (Does it produce the shit better now? Sorry, sorry, I didn't meant that - it was just a colonoscopy joke, not at all a Zuma joke.) (So why aren't I deleting it? Cuz, that's why.)
Maybe we all need colonoscopies. I know that after some unpleasant procedure, or an illness, or something nasty, I feel so much better that it's over that I mistake the euphoria for coming to terms with the universe. It can last for, oh, days at a time.
I remember telling my more foul mouthed troops that the word "Fuck" is to be used like a strong spice...too much of it and it loses its savor...especially when toes get stubbed or major roadblocks won't fall down.
Thank you all for your great, wise and kind words. These will help a LOT. Now, let me go find a dustup for mixing it up. It's February, the second worst month of the year and we should all be in a big mashup.
Sky: my God cannot let me down because my expectations of life are mine. I don't know who made us out to be God's commanding officers, but it's kind of the other way around and cannot be a narcissistic process.
Yah, you gotta do it right. I have had those thoughts. Usually just before I take a hammer to something I shouldn't, or throw tools, tear up an important paper or rip out some important component in something I am supposed to be fixing.
I must not have done those right, because in each and every case, I felt regret later, not satisfaction.
Screaming at the Universe should end in some sense of satisfaction and that can only be had if done right.
As to my own last thoughts? Mmm. I thought about it, but it always boiled down to, is the this the last best joke, testament, argument or point I can make? Because once enacted, there's no changing my mind.
So I think now, that the best joke, testament, argument and point I can make is to stick it out, screaming to the powers that be that I'm mad as hell (certifiably probably) and I'm not gonna take it any more.
And in the words of Simon and Garfunkle:
There stands the fighter
Who carries with him the reminder
With every blow that has knocked him down or cut him to the quick
Until he yells out, in his anger and his shame,
I am leaving, I am leaving,
But the fighter still remains.
Tag team life, anyone?
--r--
;-)
.
Myriad, where's the dustup? I saw half of one. Do we need to dust something up in order to have something to yack about?
fuck fuckityfuckfuckfuck. and then some.
I learned a lesson: we have to tackle at what is eating us and put it down. Not doing so takes us down. I share permission for all of us to tackle it.
Con: Not those Brooks Bros! They were in cahoots with the dry cleaning industry and probably got kickbacks!