And they keep a'coming!
Realize that the reader is flabby of mind!
YOUR readers will get lost if you do not give them all of the details. Realize that readers have unlimited time to read about the character's choices in clothes, women or men, cars and animal relationships.
And do not forget to fill page after page with the character's ceaseless inner dialogues.
Pad this: "James did not like to be blindsided. His beady eyes were in constant motion when he left his apartment building and headed north on 39th avenue.
Come on, writers! Pump it up! What about his mom's stepmother's sister's habit of sniffing bath salts and copier fluid? Did his cousin not have a purple Buick that bucked and snorted like a donkey? What about his shoes?
These are details that the reader needs to know. Without details, your story will read like a police report and you know those jokers can't write better than a sixth grader.
Do Your Aliens Right
When you make an alien, you must consider the genetalia and porn. Would the genetalia of a hermaphroditic alien work like this, for example?
When you name an alien, make sure that the name is ridiculously obnotic. Here are some examples.
Avoid Euro names, as space is nothing like the European Union. Aliens don't get bailout loans out there. They just take what they want.
Aliens also do not come from America's wormy heartland or Canadia. SyFy channel is FIRED for setting every alien planet in the forest and for buying their costumes from Wal Mart.
When creating alien royalty, be creative for goodness sake!
Write a medieval fantasy if you want kings and queens. Leave Prince out of it. Prince does not want to be in your story.
Think of these titles:
All High (Fill in title)
Tea Party Obliterator
Curator of the Rant
Housewives of Boneyoucopia
Virgin Hooker Priestess
Holder of the Royal Implant
Priest of the Funk
Curator of Porn and Scandal
Do you see how these titles can snap a dull reader out of their pot fueled haze?
Realize That Aliens Eat Their Food Differently
Have your aliens use chopsticks and eat lots of noodles. Are you kidding?
Have your aliens eat all of their food with their hands, their tentacles or their flippers. Get off your butt and figure out some utensils!
Mix stinky, burping or farting aliens with prissy humans at the same dinner table. There's a limit to diplomacy for a reason. Figure out that reason!
Make a a spider-pig eat like a spider-pig! Come on! These are highly advanced species! They eat canned or powdered slops or sip predigested prey. This was invented in the 90s, so get with the times!
Focus mostly on alien hygiene, household plumbing, relationship issues and bodily functions.
Forget why or how those aliens got here or why they came. That has been done before anyway.
Vampire aliens and zombie aliens are so "Plan 9 From Outer Space". Think about Anarchist Aliens and Chaos Aliens.
Extreme aliens are a given, but extreme what?
Google SEO aliens will morph a lot and keep the reader confused.
Romney aliens are the most equivocal of all aliens.
Aliens with 3 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon will spook everyone!
Do not ignore alien humor!
Come on! Aliens love standup comedy and they watch "Skarduay Night Live".
Do you really believe that aliens have no Jon Stewarts or Paul Mooneys among them? Can you imagine a universe so humorless and boring that there is no Paul Mooney to yell...
"Blalak don't crack! Bwahah ha hahahaha!"
Now get out of here and find the humor in life among the alien peoples! Figure out where an alien's funny bone is hiding, then tickle it good!!
Your next alien adventure can be a boring pile of recycled ideas or it can be the breakthrough story of the century!
When working with aliens, dodge the conventional and head for the reinventional. Realize that carbon based life forms and medieval fantasy creatures aren't the only kids on the interstellar block.
Now hit that word processor and liven up that stilted excuse for a future history or arkography. Make it good and make it juicy.