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FEBRUARY 4, 2013 5:39PM

King Richard's Bones

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King Richard III was one power hungry, mean son of a beyotch. He was the younger brother of King Edward IV. These were House of York jokers, or yorkers.

Richard had a singular deformity, a twisted spine. Hang onto that.

But what about his bones?

Hang on.

Anyway, Richard was like Karl Rove and he resented Henry IV, who was more like Clinton. It was peaceful during Henry IV's reign. People were happy.

King Henry IV had two sons,  King Edward V and Richard Duke of York. These were the adorable little Princes in the Tower. They disappeared and were likely murdered by Richard III, their uncle.

I'm hungry! Where are the bones?

SSSH! That no-good honey badger, King Richard III! He didn't care who he killed or murdered most foul!

Richard III was king for only about two years, from 1483 to 1485. He got whacked at the  Battle of Bosworth, Leicestershire when he was 32 years old. The forces of Henry VII whacked him like Big Pussy.

Richard III was the last King of England to die in battle.

Kings get their own security and are into getting naked in Las Vegas and preserving the environment these days. That's how they roll!

Richard III's distant cousin,  Henry VII (1457-1509), succeeded him and ended the War of the Roses. Henry VII was the great-great-grandson of Edward III.

So Honey Badger thought that incest was best! Just like my mom and dad! But what about the bones?  Come ON!

Settle down, you! We don't talk about your parents ! They have webbed feet!

Here's what happened. There was a grungy parking lot in Leicester, UK. The place has seen better days, but was once the site of a Franciscan friary called Greyfriars. The friary was demolished during the 1530s.

You mean they fractured the friary?

Shut UP!

Archeologists researched the extensive collection of friary documents until they had to start wearing bifocals and were talking to themselves in some kind of strange clicking language.

The scientists started an excavation last August. They unearthed the remains of the Greyfriars cloisters and chapter house and the church.

Pssst! Xenonlit said "unearthed the cloisters"! Teee heee!

Records indicated that Richard was buried under the choir area that lies in the center of the church.

All those singers, doing gospel music and getting happy had no idea that they were singing or dancing on his grave? 

I will hurt you. So, anyway, the architects dag.

They dug.

Shut up! I'm old. A word slips up now and again.

According to the UK Guardian, The DNA of the bones was verified and the bones prove to be those of King Richard III.

 Michael Ibsen is a Canadian born carpenter who is believed to be a distant relative of Richard III. His DNA was used to confirm the identities of the bones. 

Isn't he supposed to get royalties or

something? That Canadian guy? What if

he has  to smuggle maple syrup and

cheese if his carpentry does not pay off!


I will ignore you.



In celebration of the discovery, I

present “King Richard's Bones”






NO! Not that! Put that away!





Go somewhere like here and get your









A good BBC article with maps

A UK Guardian video article about the confirmation.

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After Richard III, kings discovered they could send lesser nobles and peasants to do their battles for them. In the US, they just send the peasants. It's called the poverty draft.
Yah, I've never believed Shakespeare's Tudor propaganda about Richard, but this has been a fascinating story beginning to end. The bones will be reinterred in Leicester Cathedral.
His kingdom for a horse?
So many things have changed in the last 500 or so times around the Sun. Whatever Richard III was, he was a monarch who fought in battles. Back then nobles and monarchs fought, and commoners carried their gear. Now commoners fight and carry their own gear. Oligarchs don't get close. No bones about it.
Richard III called. He's pissed about your comparing him to Karl Rove!

They should bury Karl Rove with Barney, the other pet of King George II. By the way, I had spotted dick once, but a little penicillin cleared it up. R
Old Dick rises in car park.

Yes, indeed. They sure hacked him to bits, didn't they?

What did he do with those two boys one wonders...

and he surely did not have a good PR man if he only lasted two years as King, BUT having Shakespeare as his biographer made him live forever.

I love this stuff. History rocks. I think I shall go make a mess and get a good biographer.
Someone was talking about giving his bones a state funeral! The man was widely reviled as a monster, but he gets a state funeral? How many cheesy business interests plan to make a buck off of that nonsense?
OOh. scary thought. Our big problem right now is that everyone, commoner and noble alike, has access to his or her own fighting gear. That was never intended. We have a potential for 300 million individual fiefdoms.
Intriguing to imagine a parking garage resting on the king's resting place. I was surprised they didn't find Jimmy Hoffa lying next to him.
For Jimmy Hoffa, you have to look under Tiger Stadium.
MMmmm....spotted dick!! :D
lmao... if history was written like this, I'd have retained a lot more in school. rated!
Thanks! I wanted a break from being serious and decided to recall trying to tell my nieces and nephews anything. It went just like that!