Soap Box Amy's Open Salon Blog

TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN....

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 13:12:07 -0500

The following are brilliant statements, expecially in light of the heinous crimes committed by the Roman Catholic Church, the failure of all (male-controlled) organized religion, mainly because no one ever practiced their religious beliefs. For example, Christianity is a non-violent religion, yet "Christians" have never had any problem killing others.

Another truth, at least indisputably true to me, is that Americans are the most controlled population in the history of this planet. Goethe's statement ( a great German writer for all you poorly educated Americans)says it all!

Napoleon said, and truer words were never spoken: "Religion is the only thing keeping the poor from murdering the rich."

Karl Marx said: "Religion is the opium of the masses."

Goethe said: "No people is more enslaved than those who falsely believe themselves to be free."

More Haiku

Thu, 7 Jun 2012 10:06:20 -0400

Haiku is a non-rhyming form of Japanese poetry consistingof three lines and seventeen syllables. The first line is comprised of five syllables, the second of seven, and the third of five. Nature is the typical theme of haiku as in the following.

#1, ROSES

Whorled velvet petals,

What universe, mysteries

Breathe sweetly within?

#2, SUMMER

Golden August day

Glowing white flower faces,

Silver sylvan breeze!

#3, WINTER on the DELAWARE RIVER

Watchful herring gulls,

Gray and white like winter clouds,

Perched on rafts of ice.

#4, SPRING

Darling daffodils!

Each dancing, swaying, twirling,

Trumpeters of spring!

#5, WINTER

Winter's cold gray sky

Brings hot dreams of blue-gold skies.

Ah! Summer delights!

Winter Haiku

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 12:01:37 -0500

Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry comprised of three lines. The first line contains five syllables, the second seven syllables, the third five syllables. Haiku are composed most frequently about nature.

Sky, apricot glow

Gently scratched by tree fingers

Wearing black lace gloves.

Watchful herring gulls,

Gray and white like winter clouds

Perched on rafts of ice.

Scoured steel gray sky,

Winter's cloudy umbrella,

Come, sweet breath of spring!

Pick Up That Crying Baby!!

Tue, 8 Jun 2010 12:06:50 -0400

NOTE: The state of parenting in this country is a sad one from what I observe. I see parents ignore, hurt, and commit other offenses against their babies and children every day! Furthermore, the views of parenting presented on TV are usually ludicrous, with probably the most absurd one being that children CHOOSE to behave the way they do (defiant, bratty, disrespectful, whining, doing poorly in school, being rude to others, hurting others, etc.). My children behaved the way I wanted them to because I was the one determining how they would behave. Period.

I've learned and observed raising two children of my own, now adults, and from studying and teaching psychology for over 30 years.......

I'm going to say this flat out: I'm a much more successful parent than almost any parent I've ever known or observed, and as Will Rogers said, "If it's the truth, it ain't braggin'...." I think two main reasons account for this. I was in my thirties when I had my children, and I had degrees in psychology and education. I was actually much, much better prepared in my twenties to deal with children and babies than most, having studied psychology and education, plus the experience of helping raise a much younger brother after our mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was three years old and died when he was five. But I'm still so grateful I had my children in my thirties!

I gave a tremendous amount of thought to raising my children before they were born, something I wouldn't have likely done in my twenties. I understood from studying psychology that most of us become the same type of parents our own were which explains the issues, dysfunction, abuse, etc. that often go on for generations. It's called "observational learning" in the field of psychology in that our own parents are our primary parent role models. And based on what I've observed since college, most people never question the status quo or think in depth about much of anything which translates into becoming the same type of parents their own were, which usually means repeating the indifference, dysfunction, parental failures, even abuse, and of course, damage to self-esteem, on and on, that was done to them.

I used to ask my college students what they thought of their parents. Did they like them, confide in them, avoid them? I remember specifically asking one large class to raise hands if they really liked their parents. One student raised his hand. "If you don't like your parents", I would tell students, "your own children will feel the same toward you unless you do things differently. It takes daily thought and effort to be a good parent, and if you unthinkingly repeat, as most do, what your own parents did to you, then your kids will feel toward you as you feel toward your parents!" Among some members of my own extended family, physical abuse has been repeated for five generations so far.

As a parent, I decided that I would not use violence as was done to me, and that developing self-esteem would be my primary focus. So, what is self-esteem? I had so many students who claimed to have high levels of self-esteem when, in fact, they didn't understand what self-esteem really is. Many seemed to think that if they were cocky or aggressive or not shy at all or liked to be the center of attention, they had high self-esteem. Wrong.

Self-esteem is defined as a largely unconscious assessment of one's own abilities, personality, looks, intelligence, etc. The rare, rare person with high self-esteem is generous of spirit, not petty, usually accomplished and successful yet modest, isn't critical of others, wants others to be successful rather than competing with them, has a positive outlook, believes in her/his ability to deal with problems and challenges, and is unlikely to abuse him/herself with promiscuous sex, alcohol, tobacco, poor diet, and so on. Those with high self-esteem do not talk to themselves in negative terms such as "I'm so fat and ugly!" or "I always say and do the wrong thing." They do not compare themselves to others nor would they change their bodies or faces with cosmetic surgery.

The most obvious way to determine another person's level of self-esteem is to observe that person's behavior. As the field of psychology says, behavior says everything. Anyone who is mean, vindictive, bullying, critical, nasty, harsh, etc. is telling the world, "Yes, my behavior indicates that I am neither happy nor a positive person. My negative behavior reflects my low level of self-esteem."

So now, the question is, how do parents develop high self-esteem in their children? First and foremost, pick up that crying baby!! The idea that picking up a crying baby will "spoil" it originated with John B. Watson in the early 20th century. Back when credentials didn't carry the weight they do today, Watson was a businessman turned psychologist with no degrees or training in the field, whose goal was to make the field of psychology into an objective, scientific one.

Although this was a worthy goal, psychology can only go so far in terms of hard science. Certainly some areas of psychology are very scientific such as the biology and chemistry of the brain. But psychology is a social science dealing with complicated human beings with complex cognitive processes and emotions, and although Watson made significant contributions to the field in developing what came to be known as "Behaviorism", his ideas on the raising of children are ridiculous!

Watson devised an approach to the care of babies and children that included rigid schedules for feeding, naps, etc., and worst of all, insisted that crying babies would be spoiled if parents responded to crying by picking them up. WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! Did I make that clear? A more damaging and stupid idea for dealing with babies is hard to imagine! I always picked up my children when they were babies, toddlers, and young children, and held them and carried them around as much as they wanted. After all, in some cultures, babies are constantly carried, even when asleep as in traditional Vietnamese culture, or they are tied in special wraps to the mother's back as in many Native-American and African cultures. Thus, these babies have constant access to their mothers as well as the consistent comfort of contact with her warm body.

However, Americans embraced Watson's unsubstantiated, unsupported ideas religiously, and what I find absolutely amazing is the fact that an idea that actually damages children is still around in the 21st century!! What does this say about Americans? I do know and have often observed, that many parents think harsh treatment "toughens" children, especially boys. WRONG!!!! Perhaps our Puritan heritage explains part of this view as the Puritans believed that "the devil had to be beaten out of children".

The USA is one of the only nations today still accepting of physical punishment of children. The idea that something so brutal and negative (I speak from personal childhood experience!) can produce positive behavior is absurd!! Physical punishment produces angry children who are very often willing to hurt others verbally and physically. (Again, I speak from personal experience!) Furthermore, the inflicting of pain on a much smaller, helpless human being, who has no recourse whatsoever against any adult, says to the child, "You worm! You deserve such terrible treatment because you're a horrible person! And the fact that I as your parent choose to hurt you demonstrates clearly how worthless you really are!" Any parent who believes that physical punishment is "good" is probably rather sadistic and a total bully, in my professional opinion

The development of high self-esteem, the best defense a parent can create in a child for dealing with the world, is NOT enhanced when a baby's needs are ignored. As psychologist Erik Erikson said, by the time a baby is 18 months old or so, it has developed a sense of the world as a scary place or a safe place depending on whether or not its needs are responded to. If a baby's crying gets little or no response from parents, then that baby, a thinking, observing, learning human being from the minute it's born, develops a sense of the world as a fearful place, a place where it isn't heard or valued. But if that baby's needs are immediately addressed, then it develops a sense of the world as a more positive place where it is valuable and taken seriously, and it learns to feel like a worthwhile human being.

Is there a better defense in life than to truly believe in oneself? Surely, developing high self-esteem in children prepares them for life in a way that nothing else can! This translates into teens who can resist peer pressure to participate in negative behaviors such as vandalism or shoplifting. The high self-esteem teen doesn't have to "prove" himself to others, but has the strength to say, "I'll pass on that..." Developing self-esteem begins the moment that baby is born. Some seem to think a baby is an unfeeling blob of flesh. That baby is a human being from the moment of birth and must be treated with respect and love so as to begin developing feelings of competence and worthiness.

First and foremost, PICK UP THAT CRYING BABY!!! How else can a baby communicate?! It can't yell, "Hey, Mom, come get me...I'm lonely in here and need human contact and stimulation!" It can only cry. That baby can't say "I'm distressed, I'm hungry, I'm bored, I need a hug...." IT CAN ONLY CRY!!! Again, I see far too many parents who seem to think that crying is normal baby behavior. WRONG!!! Crying is the only means a baby has of indicating it needs something. To ignore such crying says to that baby, "I don't care whether or not you're crying or you're distressed..." (And I've seen exactly this in public far, far too often!) What does such parental behavior say to that baby? It says loudly and clearly, "You're not important enough for me to stop and see what you need....." And so begins damage to self-esteem! Yep, that's right! In infancy!!Babies and children have to be treated as valuable, worthwhile human beings in order to develop self-esteem, and that begins with picking them up when they cry so as to determine what is needed, saying in effect, "Yes, your needs are important and will be addressed....you're a human being after all who needs a lot of attention and care right now, so I'll be an attentive parent because I value my child."

Although most children don't grow up to become ax murderers, far too many DO grow up as negative people who will always be unhappy, who will have unsuccessful relationships with others whether in marriage, at work, with friends and neighbors, with their own children, etc., who will be critical and harsh toward others, even angry and aggressive, who will drink too much or gain too much weight, thus ruining their bodies and their health, on and on and on.....Low self-esteem afflicts far too many on this planet. We all fail as parents sometimes. I made mistakes for sure, but at least I tried harder than most, beginning with ALWAYS picking up my babies if they cried!

Spring Haiku

Sat, 27 Mar 2010 18:03:14 -0400

Again, a definition of haiku is included in the post before last one.

Nine

Gold crocus peeking

Through litter, brown matted grass,

Death of tired winter!

Ten

Gray rainy spring days,

As lovely as sunlit ones,

Grow perfumed color.

Eleven

Pure snow white crocus,

Thaws, thrills my winter-chilled heart,

Weight of winter gone!

Twelve

Hello, gold crocus!

Harbinger of all things spring!

Hope and joy renewed!

Thanks, readers.....