keri h's Open Salon Blog

The OS Editor's Drinking Game

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 18:08:46 -0400

After reading Jake's plea, and the comments thereafter, I have come to the conclusion that the only possible way to survive being the editor of OS is to turn it into a drinking game. I suspect it's already been done, and that Mr. Sugarman and his friends have a many a fun time recounting stories of our collective ~~idiocy~~ creativity at NYC's varied drinking establishments.

Just in case he hasn't formalized it, or needs new ideas, I present The OS Editor's Drinking Game. You can play along at home!

1. A post uses the phrase "love Open Salon" : 2 sips

2. A comment uses the word "meta" : 1 sip

3. Private messages using the words "bully," "harass," "alter," "crazy," or "afraid": 1 sip for each use.

4. Post or comment referring to OS as a family : Finish your drink, dad.

5. Requested account deletion by someone in a huff : 2 sips

6. Requested reinstatement by any person who requested deletion per #5 : Finish your drink.

7. Title of a post contains the name of an OS member : Shot of tequila.

8. Title of a post contains the name of an OS member and it's "Margaret" : 2 shots of tequila.

9. Comment or post uses the term "slippery slope" : Drink a Slippery Nipple.

10. Any public reference to you on OS as Sugarcube, Sugarcheeks, Sugarbun or other sweet treats : Shot of rum

11. The entire cover, including Most Viewed and Top Rated, contains no posts about Open Salon or the actions of its members in regard to OS:
Buy a round for the bar! (Don't worry, this will never happen)

Cheers!!!

Supergluing the bunny

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 18:06:37 -0400

"Leo caught a baby bunny. It was screaming, I had to get it."

"How wounded is it? Mortal or not mortal?"

"Not mortal, you know Leo."

"Okay - put it in the cat carrier with some newspaper shreds and we'll nurse it when I get home."

An interesting phone call when you are beginning a six hour drive home!

Leo is our cat. An 8 month old big boy who operates on a strict catch-and-release policy in regard to hunting. Gopher and lizard relocation projects have been in place for several months. He survived a rattlesnake bite last month and just one week later was stalking some larger prey in the backyard.

No this is not Tink, I swear.

I returned home and we got out little bunny for an inspection. He was scared but pretty much fine - except for a hole about the size of a quarter in the skin of his back.

"This bunny needs stitches," I said, "but I can't do stitches on an unanaesthetized bunny." The vet is only in our town on Tuesday and as cute as it was, tiny wild bunnies aren't getting a 45 minute drive to the emergency vet.

We cleaned the wound as best as we could. As I cleaned I remember the story my friend had just told about the liquid stitches they used on her daughter's forehead and how they'd had to hold the wound together until it set.

"Superglue! We'll superglue it together!!"

(In the interest of accuracy, I should be clear I was not using Superglue, I was using Gorilla Glue and am only using the term superglue in its more generic form.)

So Mr. H held the bunny and I squooshed the sides of the wound together and applied glue to joined pieces of skin. Waited for a couple of minutes to see if it would hold and ... I'm glued to the bunny. Waxing is a totally inefficient hair removal process compared to pulling your glued-covered fingertips away from bunny fur!

However, the wound closure was holding perfectly. Back in to the cat carrier it went. We agreed if little bunny survived the shock of all of it until the next day, I'd nurse it fully back to health. Lo and behold, the next morning, there it was, bright-eyed and fluffy-tailed.

Little glued bunny

One things was clear - this bunny did NOT want to be in this cage, was not going to eat or drink, and needed to get back outdoors. There are two houses near us (but not too near) that always have bunnies hopping about outside. So I took him over there and let him go under a big sage bush. I'm hoping he can learn by watching the other bunnies and have a happy, hoppy life!

One thing I wonder - if I put Gorilla Glue on a rabbit, will there be some sort of crazy animal transmogrification that will result in Wallace & Grommit's were-rabbit? King Kong Bunny? Only time will tell!

See the World, Have an Adventure

Tue, 5 Jun 2012 20:06:28 -0400

But first, 8 weeks of hell.

Like the children of several other OSers and like several OSers themselves back in the day, my boy is off to boot camp. Correction: my future sailor is going on-board the RTC at Great Lakes Naval Station.

Relief, sadness, joy, hope, pride cycle through me like the swipe of the second hand.

Did he have to say, today, "I'll VOLUNTEER for combat if I can"? Right before we dropped him and his tiny allotment of belongings at the recruiter's office? Yes, he did. He's always wanted to be a hero.

But first, 8 weeks of hell.

Blog comment in support of Foolish Monkey's post

Fri, 4 May 2012 21:05:04 -0400

As I cannot put a photo in a comment, I must respond here to Foolish Monkey's excellent post (http://open.salon.com/blog/nofrillsmonkey/2012/05/04/tittyplatters-girlywomen_god_save_the_queen_from_stilettos)

First, I often love me some stilettos. But only for occasions and yeah they hurt but I think they are cute. And I'd rather have someone looking at my cute shoes than my draggedy ass.

More to the point of your post. This is a young lady I know in person. This picture was taken of her on her prom night.

Everyone above the age of 30 who saw this said "oh my, what a pretty girl."

The girl pictured said, "oh it's ugly. My teeth are yellow and my lip is weird."

She was not kidding. That, my friends, is sad and a precise indicator of all FM was discussing.

I Got Your Back

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:02:19 -0500

Have you ever noticed

When you've got someone's back

It means you

Are

The nearest person to get shit on?