Max the Communist's Open Salon Blog

Rejecting Bisexual Narratives of Hate

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:03:15 -0400

Who are you? What is the story of your life? Are you the hero, the villain or some poor, misbegotten thing?

Along the way in life, our lives can pick up fragments of prevailing beliefs, judgements and narratives which, either consciously or unconsciously, we incorporate into our own identity's construction.

If you've been out long as bisexual, pansexual or queer, you've noticed the negative bisexual stereotypes which are the legacy of all people with fluid sexuality--the sum of these forms a narrative about bisexuals that straight and lesbian/gay people often rely on, unquestioningly, for information. The difficulty lies, not just in getting people to see you--the you right in front of them--past the narrative imprinted in their brains, but also not allowing that narrative to infect your own life in the form of internalized biphobia.

The dominant narrative about bisexuals is uncertainty, instability, and falsity, as if bisexuality were inherently impossible, imposing the impossibility of being true to yourself and, therefore, anyone else. The inherent instability of the bisexual state is depicted in goofy or stupid ways, like the below cartoon (created by bisexual cartoonist Melaina) characterizing the "confused bisexual:"

Or the narrative follows a more pathological path, wherein a bisexual character's instability shifts into depictions of madness, amorality, opportunism, manipulation and even murder. Paul Verhoeven's Basic Instinct is a classic example of this portrayal of bisexuality but it's latest, most popular incarnation may be Natalie Portman's tormented ballet dancer in Black Swan.

In fact, the mainstream entertainment industry may have an interest in portraying bisexuals as forever unbalanced--the better to draw bigger audiences, bigger revenue. Recently, a popular Latina author, of what has been dubbed chica lit in publishing circles, got disturbing news from the production company that had bought the rights to her novel, The Dirty Girls Social Club, for development into a TV mini-series for NBC. They planned to transform a lesbian character, who was in a long term relationship with another lesbian woman in her novel, into a single, scheming, trampy bisexual woman.

"I was first alerted to the change in this character over dinner with Ann Lopez, Lynnette Ramirez and Luisa Leschin in Los Angeles eight or nine months ago. After a few cocktails, I asked them what major changes they’d made to my book, and they told me this one only.

“We had to make her bisexual because the lesbian story line isn’t fresh anymore,” Lynnette told me. (By that standard, we ought to make all straight characters bisexual too, no?) “And, let’s face it,” she said snarkily, “no one trusts a bisexual.”

I took that moment to tell the ladies at the table that I was, in fact, bisexual, and very trustworthy. Bisexuality, I informed them, did not mean a person had a compelling need to screw everything in sight. It means only that we are attracted to SOME men and SOME women and, just like straight or homosexual people, monogamous and normal when we commit to a person we love.

The women around the table seemed very uncomfortable with me after that. I’m not sure if it was because I’d objected to the change in my character, or because I was bisexual, a condition they clearly saw as pathological and depraved."

What are the consequences of a continual replay of this meme about unstable bisexuality? Believe it or not, one can still find modern mental health resources positioning bisexuality as a source for mental illness, even though the APA removed bisexuality from its diagnostic manual of mental illness a few years after it removed homosexuality. J. Michael Mahoney's work, Schizophrenia: The Bearded Lady Disease claims that schizophrenia is the result of "severe unconscious bisexual conflict and gender confusion" which "are the primary cause of all mental illness." Never mind that Mahoney is a journalist, not a psychiatrist or psychologist, one can still find the book listed as a current and unqualified resource for information about schizophrenia.

Now you'd think that being constantly labeled and depicted as a crazy, confused, untrustworthy, tormented bisexual would be be enough stigma to deal with--but wait, there's more.

The narrative that a bisexual receives from the lesbian/gay end of the scale is one of cowardice and treason. Certainly, the lesbian/gay narrative carries all the unstable, unreliable, untrustworthy elements of the mainstream one--where else does the LGBTQ community get its negative beliefs (about all kinds of queerness) except from the dominant culture? But the bisexual narrative in lesbian/gay culture adds on another layer, a layer of unvalorous perfidy.

In dominant lesbian/gay culture, the prevailing narrative is that the bisexual isn't real and is, thus, a perfidious liar. A deeply erroneous New York Times article from 2005, "Gay, Straight or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited," is still sited by gay pundits asserting the nonexistence of bisexual men and within the past few weeks, several gay male friends of mine have turned to it in conversation to validate the non-existence of bisexual men. Fortunately, when first published, GLAAD and NGLTF were both on the ball denouncing it--recalling that its head researcher, J. Michael Bailey, had previously published an equally specious study on transexuals.

[Note: since the OS link program is currently not functioning, you will have to paste these URLs into another window:

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.phpt=3799

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4349 ]

Just like the straight narrative for mainstream society, the dominant L/G narrative is always there to refer to as a guideline: too scared to adopt a "real" queer identity--lesbian or gay--bisexuals are liars. There's no valor in being a liar; hence, within gay and lesbian subculture, bisexuals cannot be true to others, not being true to themselves--connotations of being a "user" or "traitor" follow. The loyalty of a bisexual person, either to a lesbian or gay individual or to queer struggle in general, is perennially suspect. In the narrative, such a person is always cowardly and a risk to associate with. There is nothing honest, trustworthy or heroic about them.

Of course, lesbian and gay culture is not monolithic, nor are all lesbians and gay men the same--dialogue and education can always loosen the hold a defamatory narrative has. But one is, in a sense, standing against a tidal wave of disbelief about you. And all the faith in the innate goodness of people, especially lesbian and gay people, doesn't necessarily prepare one for the shock of overt biphobia when expressed by L/G queers attacking bisexuals who have come out to be a part of the struggle for LGBTQ rights.

[http://www.starobserver.com.au/news/2011/03/16/pride-march-biphobia-‘not-acceptable’/47068]

It was with no small sense of relief that I received the news that San Francisco's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Advisory Committee (LGBTAC) approved a report on the impact of stigma on bisexual men and women, to recommend to San Francisco's Human Rights Commission--the first governmental body in the US to acknowledge our condition in social and civic life.

[http://visible.bisocialnetwork.com/bisexual-invisibility-report-makes-history/]

Cobble that with the presentation that I and other members of Bisexual Queer Alliance Chicago were able to give to LGBT and straight mental health professionals in February at the Center On Halsted, plus the presentation of The Legacy Project by Victor Salvo at our March BQAC meeting, which includes bisexual along with lesbian, gay and transgender historical figures, and I begin to feel something like promise and hope.

[http://www.legacyprojectchicago.org/]

Create Some Change, Really.

Thu, 20 Jan 2011 18:01:47 -0500

My dear darlings! Max is back.

Thanks for showing up for your Max-attack. Yes, I know that I've strayed too far from your loving arms.

Special for today for your organizing pleasure: The Creating Change Conference, sponsored every year by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force--this year in sunny Minneapolis/St. Paul, Feb. 2-6. NGLTF began these conferences 23 years ago to give budding, and not-so-budding, queer activists a shot in the arm with workshops and sessions galore toward building a more skillful, pro-active grassroots movement.

Even without the Bi/Pan/Fluid Institute, which will be held on Thursday, February 3, Creating Change would still be a bang for your organizing buck, with 250 workshops and up to 2,500 fellow LGBTQ showing up for networking and brainstorming.

It was a pleasure learning about BiNet USA's set up of the Bi Institute from Faith Cheltenham, the new prez of BiNet USA. But even more exciting was discovering this cable access TV show in the Twin Cities. Now, this is what I'm talkin' about--more bi media! More! MORE!

For some stupid reason, the OS program is not embedding any video code, so allow me to leave you with a link: Bi Cities. Go check it out now and come back.

____________________________________________________

Okay, it's a little embarrassing when bi activist Becky Saltzman doesn't know what GLAAD is, but other than that, I love Minneapolis and their bisexual talk show--with it's cheesy 70s intro music!

I lust for Chicago to have something similar. (But let's get house music for the intro, okay?)

There is more to say about creating change, but I'm saving that for after the conference. I think anyone inclined should go just to get on the organizing bandwagon, learn some new tricks and apply them to your game. Let me just say that on Creating Change's website there are these little button designs that say "Power is sexy" and "Action is Hot." But oftimes, boys and girls, activism isn't sexy and hot. Still, no matter how unsexy it gets, activists do it anyway and for all they go through, they should be praised.

Best of to you CC and NGLTF and all your participants. Here's to a great activist start in 2011.

Making it with a bi guy--or, the queering of breeder sex.

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 15:12:17 -0500

Sorry I've been away so long peeps.

I've been job hunting and staying alive. Writing theater criticism for chicagotheaterblog.com pays a little, but not enough. I'm working on this being my breakthrough month for full-time employment. Your kind thoughts, prayers and encouragement are always deeply appreciated.

I probably wouldn't have posted at all but this little bit of excellent writing caught my eye. Rachel Rabbit White's "I'm in a bisexual marriage" provides much-needed relief to all the"why-I'd-never-date- a-bisexual-man" writing that's found out there on heterosexual women's dating and relationships websites .

I do find his bisexuality hot. It’s not that I’m into the fact that he’s into sucking c**k and Christian Bale. It’s that he’s done the work on himself to know his sexuality. When we’ve hung out with guy friends who’ve said something defensive about not being gay, he’s switched it into a positive conversation about sexuality and how he knew he was bi. It’s self-confidence. It’s being comfortable in your own skin. And that I’m into.

One Friday evening we took a visit to our local feminist sex shop. It’s the kind of place with non-threatening pastel walls and sample toys to fondle. Suddenly, we came upon it: a beautiful 7-inch, vein-y dildo. Made from silicone. It even had balls! My husband ran his finger along the shaft and I knew we were taking it home.

How refreshing to find a woman take on and enjoy gender transgression with her bi guy while eroticizing the gender exploration in herself. Being bi herself, no doubt, helps. But I have a sneaking suspicion straight-identified folks here at OS will open up about their gender play a little more if they just pass this article around amongst themselves.

So whaddaya say, breeders? Care to share the queer kink you get up to behind close doors? Be my guests! And of course, queer/pansexual/bi friends, your tales of queering breeder sex are always welcome.

Hmm . . . the curious and inquiring patrons of Ye Olde Dildo Shoppe.

. . . and a contemporary version.

News Flash! Prop 8 Unconstitutional

Wed, 4 Aug 2010 17:08:12 -0400

This just in my email from Equality Illinois:

Just moments ago, federal district court declared Proposition 8 to be unconstitutional!

In January 2010, attorneys Ted Olson and David Boies went to trial in Perry v. Schwarzenegger, a federal case challenging Proposition 8-California's discriminatory ballot measure that took away same-sex couples' right to marry in the state. The suit was filed on behalf of same-sex couples, who were denied marriage licenses, on the grounds that Proposition 8 violated the equal protection principles and the due process clause of the U.S. Constitution.

Today, for the first time, a federal court ruled that the denial of marriage licenses to same-sex couples violates the U.S. Constitution. Chief Judge Vaughn R. Walker of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California ruled that California's denial of marriage licenses to same-sex couples violates the Equal Protection Clause and the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment.

While the decision of the federal district court overturns Proposition 8, it is probably not the final word on the matter. The decision is likely to be appealed to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit and then to the U.S. Supreme Court. This exciting development brings us one step closer to full LGBT equality, but the final outcome in the matter may still be years away and same-sex couples in every corner of the country are still being denied federal recognition of their relationships.

AT FUCKING LAST! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

YEAH, MOTHERFUCKERS! WE'RE AMERICANS, TOO. SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS FUCKING CONSTITUTIONAL! EAT IT, PROP H8TERS! EAT IT, LDS CHURCH!

QUEERS RULE!

The struggle is not over, but tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999!

The Safety of Community, or, Where Is Safe for Bisexuals?

Mon, 2 Aug 2010 02:08:54 -0400

Everyone wants safe space. For some feminists and LGBTQ, establishing safe spaces against sexist and homophobic discrimination is still a lifelong pursuit.

The LGBTQ have their own community. It's a community that, presumably, provides all the queers within it with a safe space to be themselves. That's the theory, anyway, at least as I was informed by the young lesbians and gay men I came out to at Oberlin College. It was from these same young gays and lesbians that I got my first taste of biphobia. What they dished out in their politicized, ivory tower way was nothing compared to what I met up with in Chicago's urban gay and lesbian spaces when I arrived in the summer of 1986.

From that summer onward, I have found myself wondering, "When am I going to get my safe space? When is this community going to be a safe space for me?"

I recently joined a small group of women in a study conducted by Wendy Bostwick, a public health researcher and assistant professor at Northern Illinois University. She's engaged in examining bisexual women's mental health. I had met Wendy last summer during the Bi Health Summit in Chicago. You can find my report on her preliminary findings in this old post.

Basically, this was a safe space. Wendy, conducting the study, emphasized the need for confidentiality to me and to four other women participants. It was a study for the purpose of determining how having a fluid sexuality informed our choice of identity and how identifying as bisexual had impacted our attitudes and mental health.

One of Wendy's questions dealt with how we thought about the LGBTQ community. My response was that I had a tendency to think of it as a place filled with hidden land mines. In the past I would go into a queer space presuming that it would be safe--or at least safe enough--for an out bisexual like me. Sooner or later, though, I would step on a land mine; some form of biphobia would blow up in my face, maybe a little explosion, maybe something big. I just couldn't tell when or where it might happen. Or how much it could hurt.

Most of my bi activism in the LGBTQ community has been driven by this need for safe space, if not for me, then for a younger generation of bisexuals, pansexuals, or queers. I've set up bisexual support groups and activist groups for the purpose of creating a safe space for myself. I've engaged in dialogues--sometimes all-out confrontations--to create, or at least demand, an end to biphobia and safe space for bisexuals or anyone with a fluid sexuality. It's a good thing I could do this in tandem with what bisexual and queer activists were doing nationally, or I think I would have gone crazy.

I'm not going to say that nothing has changed. True, I still rant against biphobia in all its forms--my readers get a full snoot some days.

But these are definitely not the bad old days. In the bad old days bisexuals were thrown out of lesbian and gay organizations, told not to come back until we were "all the way out," told that we were traitors to the cause, that we couldn't be trusted, either as allies in their political groups or as partners in intimate relationships . . . we were told that we didn't exist . . . told that we were just going through a phase . . . told that we had to relinquish our heteroprivilege by identifying as gay or lesbian . . . told that we had to crap or get off the pot . . . told that we were delusional or confused about our sexuality . . . told that our bisexual identity was politically irrelevant . . . told and told and told in so many ways that we just weren't good enough, stable enough, committed enough, or queer enough to belong.

We were told in so many ways that we were inferior to lesbians and gay men. We were made the butt of jokes that depicted us as retarded queer children who somehow just couldn't get it. We were told that our attempts to tell our truth about our sexuality--our freaky, weird, changeable, fluid sexuality--were a fake, a front, an act of cowardice. We were afraid of the G word, afraid of the L word; we were cowards hanging on to heteroprivilege. We were told in so many ways that we didn't deserve to belong in the lesbian and gay community.

Happily, the most virulent bits of biphobia have not continued, at least in major LGBTQ organizations. Years of dialogue and education with lesbian, gay and trans allies have made the difference. Significant gains have been achieved for bisexuals, especially with leading organizations like NGLTF, GLAAD, and NCLR. Even stodgy, overprivileged HRC now has an outspoken bisexual spokesperson in Mike Manning, who first came out on MTV's The Real World.

From this quote from the Gay & Lesbian Times, I think that Mike shows more confidence than I had at his age:

I receive a lot of emails saying that I’m just riding my gay training wheels and that I’ll be gay soon. And straight people just don’t understand it. It’s hard; I came out on national television so I’ve got nothing to hide. I’m not going to bend to social pressures, so if they don’t like me for identifying as bi, then they should move on. Sexual orientation is raw attraction and it just pisses me off when people challenge me on my own identity.

So, I found myself wondering in the middle of the study whether I had become overly sensitive to every bit of biphobia I have witnessed and continue to witness, both in the LGBTQ community and in America at large. It's possible that over the years I have acquired a kind of bisexual PTSD. I would never stop participating in the queer community but I also go into its organizations, finding myself waiting for the next land mine to blow. I don't ever dare think of it as a safe space for me. If nothing blows, then that's a good meeting or a good group for bisexuals.

For me personally, certain lesbian and gay male friends provide safe space, transpeople usually do, some straight friends also accept me and form part of an invisible network of support for my sexuality and identity. Then there is my tiny bi/pan/queer and poly communities, who are a fun, cool bunch. You can check out our showing in this June's Pride Parade here. We're planning a big celebration at the Center On Halsted for September 23, Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

So do I feel safer now than I did 27 years ago? I do. I'm an older, more confident, more self-accepting bi woman--and that really is the key. I also know I can't think about fighting for LGBTQ rights and equality in the same idealized way I conceived of it right out of college.

I have to pick my battles. I can dialogue with anyone, but after that, it's up to them. I can't waste my time proving to some queers that I am real, that my fluid sexuality is real, and that I am reliable, sane and trustworthy. If they choose not to listen to me, I'm not responsible for their choices. Others will listen and they are the queer peeps I can really build alliances with.

This principle goes double for dating lesbian-identified women. Really, if they don't believe that I am who I say I am or that I am faithful, then we really should part. I can't twist myself into a pretzel anymore, like I did in the old days, if they're dating me but don't believe me and consistently, passive-aggressively berate me for my bi identity. In the old days, I talked myself blue in the face to my lesbian partners that I was really, truly bi, monogamous and that they had nothing to worry about. But they never believed me, and since they didn't respect my sexuality or identity, ultimately all communication broke down. Maybe I ruined it by trying too hard.

Now that I may be exploring polyamory and other aspects of my sexuality, I wonder why I bothered to go on about it. I guess I just didn't want to be seen by them as that bisexual--the one that couldn't be faithful, the one that couldn't be true, the one that wasn't telling the truth, the bisexual who didn't deserve a chance at love or the safety of community.