1_Irritated_Mother's Open Salon Blog

My Humble Poet

Thu, 9 Sep 2010 10:09:07 -0400

Don’t let me fall away tonight
Until my mind is filled with light
That you, my humble poet, keep
Upon your lips to bring me sleep.
The words need not be fine nor rare
On death, of love, or maidens fair.
You knows which lines to whisper near
My throat and cheek, into my ear.

Beside my heart time beats too slow
Awaiting gifts that you bestow
To graciously and gently feed
The hunger of another’s need.
And still you toil more and again
With verse and song, paper and pen.
It is your nature, strong and kind
That comforts me and fills my mind.

So sing to me in hushed blue tones
And write your words upon my bones.
Oh poet, lovely, gentle soul
Rain down on me and make me whole.
Then let the strings and reeds of rhyme
Play in my head your song sublime.
Today, tonight, until I die
Til I am Earth and you are Sky.

A picture's worth a thousand words ...

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:04:28 -0400

To Catch A Predator ~ Interview With Jodi Kasten

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:03:27 -0400

So, Jodi ~ What’s your favorite scene from Dirty Dancing?

Oh, my FAVORITE scene is when they get done with the dance at the hotel and she’s changing clothes in the back seat of the moving car, but shift lever is in “Park”.
He also takes his jacket off twice in the scene where he gives his little speech at the end about how great Baby is.

I’m a real bitch to watch movies with, you know.

Jodi ~ Once you referred to yourself as Roget’s Trollop … please expand on that.

Very few people know that RogetCorp© is actually a powerful international etymological conglomerate. They are the Wal-Mart of words. I sold my soul to them in exchange for winning the American Legion’s “Why I’m Proud to Be an American” regional essay contest in 1992. I got a $50 savings bond and they got my eternal soul. Now I have to hand over the profits from every written word I produce. That’s why I don’t mind that OpenSalon gets my brilliance for free. I’m stickin’ it to BigWord.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

Baskin Robbins’ Winter White Chocolate. It’s chocolate AND vanilla, without the heartbreaking stigma of “Swirl” or “Ripple”.

One or Two?
Great question, Ann. I’ve been soul-searching for quite some time to make that decision. I mean, I HAVE one, but I’d LIKE two. I could LOSE one and gain two, but then I could wind up with NONE, which is not an acceptable choice. So, I have decided to keep one and just visit two once or twice a year. I have a lively correspondence with two, however. Two makes my life exciting, but one will always be the one for me.

This or This?

Definitely this. But, let me clarify. This is only an option because of the sacrifices of this. This should be happy that this will step aside and allow this to continue. This is quite acceptable. This should not be a party to the denigration of this. Those who wish to cast aspersions up on this should remember that they are only seeing their own prejudices against this. They are only angry that this is superior to them. This should be respected. Is this clear?

Please tell us about some bands you like, other than Bananarama.

Oh, Bananarama will always be first in my heart of hearts. But, I’m also a big fan of Queen, Nine Inch Nails, The Smiths and that kid that sings “Chocolate Rain”. I must mention that I was once kicked out of a club for “intimidating” Vanilla Ice. For the record, I was not the one who keyed his tour Yugo.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with one being “occasionally” and ten being “sometimes”, please answer the following questions:

How often to you shop at WalMart? 5 - Only on Saturdays
How often do you eat mac&cheese? 2
How often do you like your writing? 10 - I love my writing, but it gets in the way of both one AND two
How often do you dislike your writing? 10 - I’m not an egotistical bitch, Ann. I live in the real world. No one is perfect.
How often do you rent porn? 0 - RENT? You’re frequenting the wrong husbands, dear.

~~Jodi ~ Where do you stand on censorship?~~

How would you feel about having Foodie Tuesday on Thursday and Dirty Haiku on Tuesdays?

Porn of brevity
Any day is just perfect
For erotic art

What’s your favorite OS post EVER?
Gosh, Ann! I think it would just be too unfair of me to choose just one. You are unclear about whether you are talking about MY posts or the posts of others… but I will say my favorite post of all time written by someone that is not myself would be …No…I couldn’t…I could write a dirty haiku about it
But I won’t.

::cough!::

Do you agree with me that cats are evil? Yes or Yes

Absolutely. I believe that cats should be judged on a case by case basis, however. I would not want to alienate my pro-cat fans. I must say that I enjoy a good, top-quality cat. (With a nice beurre blanc)

Which interviewer would you rather make out with: Matt Lauer or Geraldo Rivera
Oh, Matt Lauer wins that hands down. I understand that there is still a supermodel trapped in Rivera’s dirty, dirty moustache who was sucked in during a studio brawl in the 1980’s. She survives on the crumbs left behind during his daily cracker and marmite binges. Besides, have you seen Lauer’s CALVES?

Which Disney princess most illustrates the style of your writing?
Cruella DeVille. I admire her egregious use of dangling participles. She’s a rebel.
What do you mean she’s not a princess?

Have you seen that COAT?!?

Does OS ever interfere with you watching Howie Do It?
Never.I can honestly say that I have never “missed” “Howie Do It”.

How do you feel about the soul patch?
I prefer a goatee. The soul patch, especially on a white man, says, “Table for one please. I have a reservation… it’s under ‘Douchebag’. “

When you look at my blog, do you think I have a flat ass or a fat back?

I am unsure. I think it’s a distinct possibility that you have overlooked your sides. It’s a common mistake. I think there’s a Sir MixALot song in that for you.
“Baby Got SIDES!”

If the local Barnes & Noble asked you to read a poem for their closing, what would you read?

I would definitely give them an original poem.

Here’s a sampling:

It’s called “Dirge”

Oh great and noble booking spot
Where goods are gained and “services” sought
I spent much more than I might ought
I regret only the coffee I’ve bought‘

Don’t know how much, but it’s a lot
Your store is kaput, now gone to pot.
When you’re gone and there’s a book drought,
I’ll light a candle in the parking lot.

Do you love me or what?

I did until you made me fill out this questionnaire. You’re still my favorite, but you owe me a case of Pocky. Wait… Don’t you owe me money?

Yeah!

That Knicks game last year!

I’ll break your legs, bitch!

Finally, in the spirit of the famous Proust questionnaire… How do you feel about Wookies?

Meh.
I’m more of a Jawa girl.

"We Need To Talk"

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 23:02:59 -0500

My dissatisfaction with you has begun to take on proportions I could have never imagined.

You roll out of bed like the world owes you something for simply … waking. Please, put on your satin robe and realize that it does not. In fact, it’s you that owes the world something, you owe me something, and perhaps it’s time you figured out a productive form of recompense that doesn’t include disappearing into the damask with your face and your mind lost in someone else’s pages. Perhaps you could put a little heart into it … give it the old college try, click your heels together, flap your wings, I-think-I-can, I-think-I-can … or just pretend, I’ll settle for that, for now.

In spite of you, everyone gets out of here, morning after morning, on time, feeling loved, adored. You realize that that is what they deserve, but it’s no thanks to you. Too much, you take their love for granted, thinking it will always be there like the deepness of the Grand Canyon or the colors of the sunrise. Trust me when I say that it will not. They are growing and changing as fast as shadows and clouds and soon they’ll too big and too far away to touch, like kites on a strong wind, and that will be a very sad day for you … and for them. Sunrise will fade to sunset and you’ll have only whispers and regrets.

Regret is funny that way, you know, its long-term and short-term realities. I wonder how many regrets you accumulate on any one, given day. Is it possible to regret the mundane … heaps of laundry, the remnants of a good meal, the pillows askew? Do you even notice and if you do, do you even care? Oscar Wilde may have said, “Man is made for something better than disturbing dirt”, but I like to believe he wouldn’t have disapproved of pooling the taffeta just-so from time to time.

Is this ego perhaps, teetering at the pinnacle of something far worse? This is your home and the life you created and nurtured and every day we swim together in the inspired, blue-green waters of the gulf, sunbeams pouring in on us from every direction. We do this together, or we don’t do it at all and I need you.

The time for childish things has passed, you must clean up your toys and tidy your ruffles, make yourself back into yourself without anger or frustration or tears. Just fix it. Fix it now. Find your gratitude and your sensibility. Unfold your arms, positioned for burial, and let them fall freely and fully alive by your sides. Place your hands, so sweetly, over your heart and find yourself in your own rhythm. Remember who you are. Remember who you are.

And so, without further row, this little tête-à-tête must be put to bed. I’m setting this mirror down and I’m walking back out into the sunlight. Don’t follow me or do, but if you choose to, do it with all your heart. Nothing less is acceptable.