asianshoebox's Open Salon Blog

To burqa or not to burqa

Tue, 13 Apr 2010 19:04:28 -0400

There has been a lot of discussion lately over France’s plans to ban the burqa. What bothers me most is that many of the mouths yammering about the burqa ban don’t seem to have the women’s best interests at heart.

I would love to hear the opinions of women who have firsthand experience. Have you ever worn a burqa/veil/abaya? Are you wearing one right now? Why do you wear it? Have you been to a foreign country where wearing a burqa or something similar was in your best interest? How did it make you feel? What do you think about the ban? That’s what I feel is missing from the whole narrative. No one is asking these women how it will affect them, it’s just assumed that it will make life better, but will it?

What about women forced to wear the veils by family members? Banning the burqa is not going to enlighten these people overnight. For a woman whose family forces her to wear a burqa in public this seems unfair. Her choice is now that she wear a burqa in public to appease her family and risk being punished by her country, or she not wear the burqa and is not allowed to go out or is punished by her family. What about older women who have been under the burqa for their entire lives? It seems culturally insensitive to just rip it away from them and say “Ladies! You’re free! Come get your tube tops!”

I don’t think women should be forced to wear one and I don’t think they should be forcibly liberated. Instead of worrying about WHAT women are wearing we focus on WHY they‘re wearing burqas. Maybe we can do more to educate people about women’s rights. Maybe we work harder to educate women so that they have the autonomy to decide what’s right for them. Why not make it illegal to force a woman to wear a burqa? That way she can decide for herself. If women are being made to wear/do or not wear/do something through the decisions of men, then maybe we need to get some checks on the men who are doing the forcing (whether through religion or legislation) and not the women who will be deprived of their control either way.

A Rant for Straight Gals and Gay Guys

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:10:03 -0400

Straight men have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to women and sex and why we like what we like. But straight men ESPECIALLY have no idea when it comes to straight women and gay men. Stephen Marche of Esquire wrote an article about how women like vampires because we want to have sex with gay men. ????? REALLY?! (I'll admit, I didn't even read the article as I forsee that it's full of generalizations and short cuts to thinking.) But it set me off on this here rant.

This isn't about vampires. It's about straight men who think that women are only friends with gay men because we want to turn them straight. (HA! I dare anyone to try it.) It is infuriating and insulting to women and gay men alike. For women it sounds like we're delusional and can't see what's in front of us. For gay men it sounds like they can just up and make a decision to change their sexual orientation. We all know that a gay man doesn't wake up and is straight anymore than he wakes up and is gay.

I've been best friends with a gay guy for over 10 years, and I'm so sick of straight men who think they're enlightened when they tell me "you're never going to change him." I should hope not. We're best friends because of who he is, not who I want him to be.

We met when I was 17 through a mutual friend. He'd never been with a girl because he wasn't sure about his sexuality, and I was still a virgin, so our friend thought we'd make the perfect couple. Which we kind of do. It obviously did not work out romantically, but we did become friends. We lost touch for a year or so, and then he called and needed someone to talk to. I went to his house that night and every night after that for many years. We've been best friends ever since. He's hilarious and awesome and very cute. (But no matter what he tells you, I'm the Mary.) We've lived together several times and still haven't driven each other crazy. He can make me laugh till I cry. The only other person who can make me laugh like that is my sister. We can tell each other things that we wouldn't dare tell anyone else, and we know there'll be no judging. Teasing, yes. We can make fun of each other and not get (too) mad. We're each other's confidants, wedding dates when needed, shoulders to cry on, and we can watch horrible TV together that no one else will watch with us. In short, we're what best friends are supposed to be.

But the idea of us sleeping together fills me with icky. He's the brother I never had. He's part of my family. At my sister's engagement party she introduced him as our brother. My family knows him better than my boyfriend. I would never want him to be something he couldn't. Even if it were something really cool, like a fire eater. Same with him. Even though he really wanted me to be a lesbian, I'm just not, and he's okay with that.

Now, I'll admit there are some seriously delusional ladies who really do think they can change a gay man. And there may even be gay men who are letting the women think that way because the attention is nice and they do love those women, just not in that way. There could be any number of scenarios. But the majority of women who are friends with gay men are just that - friends. He's not my accessory; he's not my little pet. He's not some bauble that I flaunt because it's hip. Friends treat each other with respect and love each other unconditionally, like friends are supposed to, whether they're gay, straight, black, white, spooky, kooky or Chinese.

My thought is that the men who think this way are the type of men who can't be friends with women because of the sex issue. If you think you can't be friends with someone because there's a chance of sex, or lack thereof, then I don't want to be your friend.

As for vampires, I do find them sexy (but in homoerotic way), but I would not want to have sex with one. Why? Because vampires are dead. They are the walking dead. Just because their skin isn't falling off and they can fight the urge to bite, unlike their zombie brethren, doesn't mean they're not just as dead. Maybe I'm weird, but necrophilia is not sexy.

Steven Spielberg, rabbit killer

Mon, 3 Aug 2009 14:08:41 -0400

So Steven "Can't Leave Well Enough Alone" Spielberg has acquired the rights and is going to remake the 1950 classic Harvey starring Jimmy Stewart. This post is not going to be a deconstruction of how Hollywood is raping the classics. This is just an expression of sadness that one of my all time favorite movies is getting the Hollywhore treatment. This was a favorite movie of mine in childhood and it has stood the test of time into my adult years. The part that always touched me was when Elwood tells of what his mother used to say to him, "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant", to which he says, "Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." I try to live my life that way. Having just turned 30, I realize that unfortunately I'm still young enough to be oh so smart (assed, mostly), though I'm working toward being oh so pleasant. It's really, REALLY hard (the humans of today do not make pleasantry so easy). I hope I can work hard enough in the next decade, so that when they make Harvey 4: Raising Hare, I can smile calmly and shrug my shoulders and have a cocktail with my good friend Harvey, who Steven Spielberg will never be able to see, for he is oh so smart.

I laughed till I gayed myself

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:04:10 -0400

Are you straight? Does the idea of homosexuals falling from the sky and turning all they touch into gay like so much gay King Midas give you nightmares? Well Jesus has finally answered your hate-filled prayers! It's the Giant Gay Repellent Umbrella! Now you and your family can protect themselves from falling homos while letting everyone know that you preach AND endorse a message of intolerance and hate! Simply open and watch those moes bounce off like pipe bombs into a Planned Parenthood Clinic!

http://www.giantgayrepellentumbrella.com/2009/04/early-prototype/#comments

Natalee Holloway Lifetime movie

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 13:04:41 -0400

I watched the Natalee Holloway Lifetime movie last night and it just broke my heart. I think (I hope) it would do the same for any young woman who has been dumb enough (read: drunk enough) to go off with a strange guy, or to watch one of your friends do it. It seems so harmless at the time until one of your friends doesn’t come home.

Thinking back on my late teens and early 20’s, when the goal of the evening was to get as silly wasted as possible, I realize how very lucky we girls were. I’m still friends with most of those girls and I’m happy to report that none of us have ever gone missing after going off with a guy. We were a group that didn’t really let that happen, but no matter how much you plan or how many times you affirm that you wouldn’t let your friend go off with some strange guy, things happen. You drink and start having fun and then say, “Hey, where’s Jen?” And someone thinks she went with so and so, or saw her walking home, or God knows what.

I cried for awhile after the movie because I couldn’t stop thinking about my own mother and how devastated she would be if something like that were to happen to me or my sister. Luckily both us girls are way past the age of going out drinking till we drop. But that poor mother finally found out what happened to her daughter, and she was still never going to find her body.

It just made me realize how very lucky we all were growing up. Ours was a partying group, and while there were a few tragedies, they were confined to people we didn’t know that well, maybe had partied with once or twice, but our group was fortunate enough to avoid such a tragedy. (Our group eventually disbanded when one committed suicide, but that’s a whole other story.)

It was a pretty cheesy movie (What? A cheesy Lifetime movie? No!), but it really touched me. I hope it did the same for others. I hope mothers watched it and will start a discussion with their own daughters. Or some teenager will see it and it will open a dialogue between her and her friends about what they should do in a similar situation. I hope it does something for at least one person, because no mother should have to go through that.