ASKaPUNK's Open Salon Blog

Rave New World

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:04:21 -0400

Dear AAP=
This is a question I thought I would know the answer to since I've been thinking about it for so long. I'm a mother of a 14 year old girl who is at the point of wanting to go out and "explore" the same sort of things I wanted to at her age. I spent those years exploring punk rock clubs - starting with all-ages shows and wearing the uniform and making all the usual iffy choices about booze, some drugs and unreliable boys. I had always planned on being honest about these things with her, assuming that I would spend years 1 through 12 building up a level of openness and trust that I never had with my mom. I have done a pretty good job of that by most standards but now that it is show time, I find I'm second guessing myself. She has seen the pictures from those days and know that I wasn't always a "mom," and she's pretty smart and together for a 14 year old, but I know KNOW that part of being that age IS making the wrong choices, on purpose, just to see what might happen, and that worries me. While me and my friends would sneak out of the house to go to some all-ages show at a local gym or a punk house party for a few hours, my daughter is talking about going to weekend-long raves in big stadiums and 'camping out' in cars with her friends and that sort of thing. It seems far more extreme and dangerous. I feel bad enough that I can't understand the appeal of the passion-less and mindless computer-generated music... and I know that really the popular drugs at these things are the only way to make the music tolerable, I don't want her doing them. I regret the underage drinking and drug-taking I did, but I know I don't want to be a total hypocrite about it. What are other ex-punk parents doing about this? - ex-Exene wannabe.

Dear EEW-
It is obvious that an intervention is needed... to get your daughter off of that dreadful music. OK, I'm (almost) kidding, but still, I can understand your pain. I'll take a second to remind everyone that I don't have kids and, yes, I'm well-aware that "everything is different when it is your kid." and all of that, but still, I think a person in my position can have some valid opinions. Here goes...

First of all, congrats on having a good & open relationship with your daughter. I hope you enjoyed it. Even "good" and "well-adjusted" kids hit a kind of wall at that age where, as you pointed out, sometimes the novelty and allure of making the occasional 'bad choice' far out-weighs the predictability of making the (usual) right choice. Kids that age crave the possibility of seeing and experiencing new things.. and they know that those new things are most likely to come when they step out of their parentally proscribed Zone of Safety. If you have (or had) a healthy relationship with your child then a lot of the 'acting out' that happens in this phase isn't calculated to "get back" at you... but is more likely just a way to start measuring where they are on that sliding scale between dependent child and independent (and cool) grown-up... and keep in mind that she'll want to slide back and forth on that scale for a while.

Kids have to separate from their parents. That is so obvious that I feel idiotic even typing it, but it is the truth... and they can only figure out what they ARE by figuring out what they no longer are (ie: little kids who do everything mommy tells them to do.) I read somewhere that parents start out as CEOs to their kids: Dictating rules and commanding actions, but as the kids hit your daughter's age, parents take on the role of a consultant... The kid is going to make their own decisions, and you can only hope that they come to you for some input - which may, or may not change their minds about whatever dumbass thing they're thinking of doing.

The big question is: Do you trust her friends? ...Those friends are going to have more influence over her than you are for a while... Is your daughter hanging out with a faster crowd? Is she trying to fit in with a group of kids? -- if so she's likely to act out even more in an effort to win their approval -- OR does she surround herself with basically stable kids who are more-or-less at her level (socially and life-experience wise) who probably also share her interest in skull-numbing techno music? A good circle of friends is more likely to keep her from taking that free hit of Ecstasy from the creepy guy wearing the upside-down visor or getting in the van with the DJ's roadie... one can hope.

The bottom line is - I think letting a 13 year old go, unsupervised, to a weekend-long rave might qualify as child endangerment... so you're probably well within your rights to say a big 'no' to that particular plan, but you might want to consider attending a less-ambitious show WITH her. I know she'll probably hate that... but not as much as you will.

Good luck.

To Be or Not to Beat.

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 21:04:04 -0400

dear aap-
I haven't been playing or writing songs for long. what if I want to write a song and use my own music but someone else's words, like old poems and stuff. Is that legal? - Cut and Paster

Dear CaP-
I find this to be an interesting question because it is the opposite of the usual situation. Most new musicians figure out how to play other people's songs first and then start laying their own lyrics over them.

Your question is almost quaint given that we live in a world of cut-and-paste music. With samples, loops and all the other tricks made possible by non-linear digital audio production software, it seems that everyone borrows (or "steals") bits and pieces of music, sound and voices etc, and then, without blowing, strumming or banging on a single instrument - pastes them all together, outputs the file and then calls themselves "musicians." ...and before any Girl Talk fans start a flame-war here: I'm not saying that this skill at audio engineering doesn't take a good ear and in many cases, some REAL talent... I'm not a Luddite, but come on people! Call it 'art', call it 'progress,' call it 'editing to a beat' ... but leave the term "musician" to the people who actually generate those moments of noise/sonics and not to the people who then manipulate and re-purpose the sounds. Even this isn't all that easy for me to say because "way back when" we punks were told WE weren't "musicians" because we didn't (really) know how to play our instruments... we were just bashing away, making noise and having our say... but at least we were interacting with actual musical instruments and generating, through muscle, sinew and mechanical means, the actual physical vibrations that created our music.

...ok, I'm drifting off-topic here. Sorry about that. The answer to your question is, unfortunately "yes and no." ... Since I'm guessing you're pretty young, I'm not sure what constitutes, in your mind, an "old" poem... That could mean something from the 1990's for all I know. In that case you would be in danger of infringing on someone's copyright, but if you're talking about real "old poems" such as Shakespeare's sonnets, then you're in the clear... assuming you're making a NEW recording of you (or your bandmates) DOing the reading...

...and I can't give you a set-in-stone cutoff date for when it would be 'safe' to use a piece of writing, because there are a number of variables... Something along the lines of: The estate of the writer still retains copyright 70 years after the death of the author... or something like that. But if you're digging up writings and poetry that are at least, say, 100 or 140 years old, you should be in the clear.

Good luck.

The Wide Man's Burden.

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 15:04:59 -0400

Dear AAP-
You've answered a couple questions now about how important it is or isn't for a band to worry about its "look" and all of that and you've talked about how you go about throwing a member out of a band AND you have even talked about how to figure out who gets stuck playing bass - I am all these issues rolled up into one person. When my friends and I were putting together a band, I agreed to play bass even though I was the better guitar player - their shady logic was "oh, since you're so good at guitar it'll be easier for YOU to learn bass." - so I did it, and after a while I did get good at it, and I figured out how and why to actually LIKE playing bass. The real reason they didn't want me playing guitar is because I'm not exactly frontman material. I'm a big guy, fat even. Not "cut a hole in the side of the house and get the fire department to help winch him onto a flatbed truck"-fat, but If I run my height and weight through the BMI calculator, I am officially "obese." Until we started the band, I didn't think my friends really cared, but once the band started and it WAS an issue, I realized it was something that could potentially get me thrown out of the band, friendship aside. Knowing this too is probably also why I agreed to play bass, because I still wanted to be not just in 'a' band, but in this particular band. With my friends. So now that we're playing out a lot and actually making a few things happen for ourselves (Next year or definitely by the year after that, we'll be ready to try to get into SXSW and stuff.) my bandmates are again making noises about my being too big... they never say THAT of course, they complain about everything else like "don't wear that shirt tonight, it looks like it fits wrong" How can a shirt fit wrong? I know what they're really saying. It is hard to pin down, but I just get the vibe that the squeezeout is coming and that they're going to find some excuse to replace me. Which really sucks because we've known each other since high school basically and we're all in our mid-twenties now. I mean these are really the closest friends I have in or outside of the band. What are my options in a situation like this? - Fat Strings.

Dear FS-
Your instincts are probably right. You know your friends well-enough to know when something is up. There are lots of ways you could go with this including (and I'm not saying this to be a douchebag) losing some weight. You're in your mid-twenties and you've "always" been big? Like I said, I'm not trying to be a douche - I know I need to lose weight too, but I'm a lot older than you and I haven't "always" had a weight issue, so the stuff I need to address is a bit different, for you though, it sounds like you just figure this is the natural state of things for you, or perhaps a fate you've just resigned yourself to... and I can promise you, THAT just isn't the case. I'm NOT saying they're right. I'm saying you probably know, silently, that you would be healthier and better off (mentally/emotionally etc) if you found a way to get healthier - for YOURSELF.

For most people, even youngsters of your generation who were (unfortunately) raised on a diet of frozen pizza, McDonalds and high-fructose corn syrup, excess weight is an external sign of internal trouble, trauma and/or pain... and it affects not just where we shop for shirts, but it affects our mood, our personality and our capacity to hope. Think I'm wrong about that? Ask yourself why you so passively just 'accepted' their decision that you would have to play bass inspite of your six-string skills... What is the source of the lack or confidence (or perhaps self-esteem) that would let you just roll over on the issue and let your "best friends" BS you into switching to bass...? Know what I'm saying? ... You're so young, you have the time, stamina and energy to change your whole freakin' life (internally and externally, mentally and physically) in ways you can't even begin to imagine... and all it takes is a little solid nutritional information, some achievable goals and a bone-deep understanding that your life and your good health is something worth fighting for.

I wonder if you're still reading this. I have no idea how truly open you are/were to really hearing all your "options" and I probably shouldn't have led with the "lose some weight" option, but THAT had less to do with staying in the band and more to do with staying off of diabetes medicine.

HERE is your main/best option:
Face the issue head on. It sounds like everyone is pussyfooting around the real issue. If these are really your closest friends, what CAN you all actually discuss openly with each other? I'm not talking about staging a big screaming confrontation, but rather having an "all cards on the table" summit. Find out what they're really thinking. Push for honesty, no matter how unwelcome it might be. Truth is, your "best friends" might just be a bunch of douchebags themselves. Finding something like THAT out reeeeeally sucks, but it is way better than not finding out until too late.

You sound like a good musician and a good guy. Ask yourself what sort of treatment you deserve from people... no wait, scratch that, because if your self-esteem has been kicked to sh#t, you probably don't think you deserve good treatment... Ask yourself how YOU would handle the situation if you were them... If you're not being treated as well as you would treat some other rotund bandmate, then you deserve to speak up, speak out and have your say.

Does this guitar make my ass look big?

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 16:04:15 -0400

Dear aap-
What's your take on bands wearing any kind of uniforms matching clothes and stuff? The band I want to join says that when we start playing out we'll all have to dress a certain way. I think that is automatically lame. What do you think? - No modeling.

Dear NM:
Well, it isn't automatically lame, but there is always that potential. As with all things fashion-related, if you're not committed and 100% confident in whatever you might be wearing, you run the risk of looking foolish.

It really varies from band to band. In some ways it is good that people in your band are thinking about the 'bigger picture' ...as much as we want to think it is "all about the music" ...it really isn't. Some effort and thought should go in to what message the band wants to send not just sonically but visually as well. Every band has to answer the "what are we going to wear?" question sooner or later - whether the guidelines stay kind of general or you all decide on a specific uniform. ...and deciding to NOT dress alike is a statement too.

Rock bands, punk or otherwise, have defined themselves by how they do (or don't) dress themselves since well before the dawn of feedback, and it hasn't changed much since. The Hives? The White Stripes? DEVO? Gwar? The Ramones? ... I could go on because the list is endless. All of them give you some idea of where they're coming from before you've heard even one note of their music. That isn't necessarily a bad thing especially when you're just starting out and trying to develop your audience and establish your sound/look/vibe.

You just have to be careful. You have to make sure that you're not spending more time and energy discussing the band's "look" than you're spending on getting tighter and better as a band. So many new bands, when they're trying to just get off the ground, have that one member who has .... a "vision" ...and that person gets tooooo wrapped up in what to wear and what the website should look like and "are we really sure we like this name for our band." ...etc etc and a million other things when everyone's top priorities should be: to make great songs and to get good at playing together... Nail that stuff down and then you can start worrying about how everyone should look on-stage etc. Nothing is worse than being in a band that looks great but sounds like crap... don't be those guys.

So basically I'm saying that you shouldn't base your "join or don't join" decision solely on the possibility that you might have to wear matching shirts... Base your decision on the music they're playing and on the dynamic of the personalities involved... because if either of those things don't work for you from the start, then you'll never get to the costuming part anyway.

The Low-down on the Low End.

Wed, 20 Apr 2011 16:04:31 -0400

Dear AAP=
We've got a band together but no one wants to play bass. How do you decide or pick or tell someone that they have to play bass if they want to stay in the band? - six strings.

Dear SS-
A common problem. Anecdotes abound about people who considered themselves guitarists first and foremost, but switched to bass to either stay in, or get into a band they thought would take them places... so it has been done but, really, the choice HAS to be the person's... If you give someone the ultimatum "switch or you're out of the band." ...that person might switch, but KNOW that he/she will always be looking for (or starting) another band that'll let them play guitar instead.

...and think about it... If you're friends anyway (and it sounds like you are) do you really want to lay down some 'my way or the highway' choice for a friend? Sure the LOGICAL thing to do would be to figure out who the best guitarist is in some sort of controlled way - like having a play-off to see who is better... and then maybe the loser will relent, in the name of band unity and pick up the bass... but maybe not.

Keep something else in mind: Who says ANYone HAS to play the bass? Why not have all guitars? It has been done... and I mean, come on - the "rules" went out the window years ago... and since the White Stripes there has been a wave of 2 person bands anyway (and if you've read earlier posts you'll know I've mentioned that this started WAY before the White Stripes... just google "House of Freaks" for example.) ...so why not have a multi-guitar assault but trade-off the 'parts' on a song by song basis... Take turns playing leads or keeping a rhythm on the low-end of the strings etc. All it takes is some decent chops and a little cooperation.

The bottom line is, if you all can't amicably figure out who should play what in a fair, or at least fairly straight-forward, fashion that is fair to all, well, then you're going to have ENDLESS troubles in coming to agreement on the much bigger decisions you'll all have to make (together) IF the band does make decent progress in the music biz. Know what I'm saying? ...so ask yourself what is really happening in this "Who should play bass?" situation... Is it really a question, or are you all looking for a way to get rid of one member or another.

The truth is: There are millions of half-assed guitarists out there in the world (I should know, I'm one of them) but true bass-to-the-bone bassplayers are born not made - that is why they're so rare and why, when you've got a GOOD one... it makes all the difference in the world. As much as I like a good 'bass player' joke, the position is too important to be filled by someone who isn't going to put their best effort into it because they don't have the innate soul for it. Yes, I said "soul."

Good luck