A Do Nothing Congress Shouldn't Try to Multi-Task

Tue, 3 Feb 2009 09:02:59 -0500

In today's fast-paced world I understand the desire to accomplish several things at once. But only under one condition is this necessary: When you are accomplishing so much that you don't have time to do it all separately. This obviously does not apply to our Congress.

Our esteemed representatives in Washington are known for getting little done, and doing so very slowly. So how do they justify the practice of putting totally unrelated items all in one bill? How could a person accurately vote on completely disparate concepts with one single vote? This only gives them an excuse to vote against it! And to proudly exclaim this exact reason to every cable news host who will listen (and that would be all of them.) And to continue their breakneck pace of achieving nothing. See if you can follow the logic here:

"You wanna create jobs?"

"Of course I do!"

"Great! We both agree then that we have to urgently create jobs and give surfboards to illegal immigrants, so just vote yes, and this thing passes!"

"Wait, did you just whisper under your breath that it would also give surfboards to illegal immigrants? I don't want to do that at all! Where's Bill O'Reilly?"

Yet this is how Congress conducts its business everyday. Why would they do this? To be funny? The surfboard example isn't even that far off. Republicans in the House who voted against Obama's economic stimulus plan (and that would be all of them) said that the bill had a lot of elements in it that had nothing to do with creating jobs, like a program to giveaway millions of dollars of free condoms. Well they've got a point there! Can't we try to pass that pressing issue at another time? Like when our economy isn't crumbling all around us? Pass the condom thing immediately after the stimulus if you like. But can we just stay focused on the one issue for right now? Can we not add anything unnecessary to this bill? Please? Before more banks fail and their CEO's throw billion dollar private jet parties to make sure they go out in style? As more innocent Americans lose their jobs? I know you all have very important special interest pork projects that you really wanna squeeze in there. But can you just do it next time?

If you were an EMT on the way to an emergency, you wouldn't try to get the ambulance driver to pull over just because you wanted Pinkberry, would you? Oh you would? Yeah, I know Pinkberry is delicious, but what do you say we just get it later? After we save the dying person, is that cool? I promise you'll still get your yogurt.

Congress, just as a favor to me, and about 300 million of my closest friends, can we please just deal with one thing at a time? You know, just for now? Just until we get the ball rolling a little? Then we can bring it all to a grinding halt again so you can go complain about it on cable news shows. Deal?

If it sweetens the offer, I'll throw in a condom, a surfboard, and some Pinkberry.

I Have a Vision

Tue, 3 Feb 2009 07:02:40 -0500

In the spirit of positive thinking and visualizing your goals, and the effect that I believe (read "I hope") they have on the outcomes I desire, I created a vision board. One week ago today. Using pictures, cutouts from magazines, and a good old fashioned glue stick.

So far, nothing.

But if things on that board start coming true, well that would be very lovely.

I will of course then quickly make another board with very outlandish goals. Because when you find something that works you've gotta overdo it.

If this occurs, and you happen to pass me on the street while you are carrying nice things, don't stick around long enough for me to take your photo.

Because my glue stick is always ready.

Ben Gleib's Open Salon Blog

A Do Nothing Congress Shouldn't Try to Multi-Task

I Have a Vision