Bob Eckstein's Open Salon Blog

What's So Funny About Peace, Love & Timeouts?

Fri, 6 Nov 2009 13:11:35 -0500

In light of my ill-timed cartoon yesterday on writers shooting themselves and some of the mud-slingin, name-calling posts (crap headlines like; "Why Do ---holes Join OS?" Gee, why don't you tell us, buddy? If I hear another dirtbag making fun of another OS writer I swear I'm going to punch them in the face.)...I present this cartoon.

My first ever, this is the first time anyone has ever seen it.

_{(For more cartoons, I have some coming out soon in}_{The Wall Street Journal}_,_{Chronicle of Higher Learning,}_Barron's_{and a couple in the December issue of}_{Reader's Digest}_{. I also have a couple of free cartoon apps to give to anyone with an iPhone. Write me in private and I'll send that out to you.)}

Have a good weekend and continue to wave your freak flag – Bob

Best Advice on Your First Novel, Part V; CORRECTION

Thu, 5 Nov 2009 13:11:06 -0500

CORRECTION; Just a quick comment. I was about to delete this post completely (and leaning that way–anyone out there like to advise me?) but it only seems insensitive to leave the cartoon up (which included a writer shooting himself)...I, of course, was not aware of today's tragic news until I finally logged onto a computer and saw a comment left on this post (I am in the woods writing this week without a TV or radio). So that's that...but here is a portion of the post;

Starting with this installment of the series, each part will feature experts in the field and provide semi-practical advice to publish your first book. This part, a brief interview with author John Irving called Advice to Aspiring Novelists: Don’t Shoot Yourself, is lifted from the wonderful site Big Think but only because the exclusive interview with internet expert Adam Penenberg, the notorious writer from Wired and Fast Company is not yet completed.

_{(Click image –sorry couldn't embed video successfully)}

Other parts to The Best Advice For Your First Novel;

Part 1; Don't
Part 2; Do
Part 3: DANCE!
Part 4; ADD VAMPIRES!

The Best Advice on Your First Novel, Part IV; ADD VAMPIRES!

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:10:19 -0400

Welcome to Part IV of my eighteen part series, Best Advice For Writing Your Novel, which I’ll admit may or may not have begun with John Blumenthal's post and Caroline Hagood's but the ideas were flying so fast and furious it was hard to keep track. That said, I’m sure they would be only happy for me that I was given a large advance to write The Best Advice on Writing a First Novel for Dummies.*

While John Blumenthal's post illustrated the ridiculous (and realistic) odds of writing a successful novel, my retort did not include success as a criteria for writing a novel. It doesn’t have to be. Walk into any Barnes & Noble and do the math. They are 3 million different titles on the shelf. Hard to get noticed. There is probably not one single tortured soul making a living writing poetry (teaching and bumper stickers doesn’t count). Yet it’s never been easier to write a novel.

_{I’m pretty sure Ernest Hemmingway never handled a hot-glue gun to make styrofoam mobiles or had to set up his own window displays. This is Barnes & Noble at Lincoln Center. A proud and yet humiliating moment.}

Books are not a great business model and most won't pay your electricity bill but it’s about getting your voice out, sharing your art. Guerilla advertising stuff. Beth Mann left a insightful comment that hit a nerve with me on Part III of this series. Here’s an excerpt;

“...Once upon a time, when I was a performance artist and did all this experimental theater, I wrote a piece called The Dog. I was getting ready for my first performance one evening. I was on the bill with a few other excellent artists, very excited, very proud. I called my mother and expressed to her my excitement. She said, "Well, I hope this turns into something for you eventually." I could have smacked her. Here I was, making something happen–I created my own show. The house was sold-out. I would receive good reviews and great feedback. But more than anything, I was an artist emerging. This IS that something, I wanted to tell my mom. THIS is it.

“But we're always thinking–especially for the creative arts–that there's some magical pot of gold and if you don't have that, you're just...in waiting...I'm not waiting.”

_{(Go here for the whole song and dance, literally, at The Best Advice on Writing a First Novel: DANCE!)}

An example I have personally is an app in the Apple Store. It’s one of the first of just an individual’s work, in my case, my cartoons. Apple sells it for 99¢ but there is no chance that the developer, distributor or I will make money from it. The cost goes to expenses and all of us just break even at best. It’s not even really viable as a branding campaign. It is what it is–sharing cartoons with others and enjoying the art. And that’s fine.

_{(If anyone here has an iPhone, I would like to give you this app free as a thank you for supporting my snowman book. Just write me a private email. I’ll stop at ten.)}

I was just at a book event at Barnes & Noble in Park Slope, New York for The Vampire’s Handbook and while there I asked the manager if they carried my book. It’s a huge brand new store and I figured it didn’t hurt to help myself while I made the hour trip there. He said it was a personal favorite and that he gave it to his dad last year for Christmas.

That’s why you want to write a book. When you get an email from poet P.K. Page or a handwritten note from Michael Palin saying he enjoyed the book. Because some woman wants you to sign and draw little snowmen on 50 copies she’s giving away for charity. For the free bottle of water you get at signings that says, yes you’re a writer. Because your mom told everyone on her job. You do it because there’s a 70 yr-old woman sitting in the front row wearing a snowman sweater and snowman earrings. Because of that scary goth girl in Border’s who asks you back to her car after your appearance. That’s why you become a writer.

In Part IV, I will interview journalist (Wired and Fast Company) and author Adam Penenberg. Adam, a J-school professor at NYU, just wrote the hot book Viral Loop; From Facebook to Twitter, How Today’s Smartest Businesses Grow Themselves and I’ll ask him questions about getting your book or idea out there and into people’s hands.

^{* I’m kidding. I kid.}

Out in the Great Open Salon

Fri, 2 Oct 2009 10:10:46 -0400

The Best Advice on Writing a First Novel: DANCE!

Thu, 8 Oct 2009 09:10:20 -0400

No doubt, even Jesus would have had a tough time publishing in this climate. Anyhoo, this is follow-up to my last post, Good For You! Excuse Me If I'm Not Happy For Dan Brown about being Catholic & the Da Vinci Code (and spoiler alert; this is very much a puff piece.) but it's kind of interesting.

I received two responses from insiders who wanted to correct me or at least present the other side of the story. They gave me permission to publish their comments as long as it was anonymous and I didn't name the publisher they represent–both are high-up executives and from one of the "big six." First off, in regards to Dan Brown;

"As I'm at my office on a Sunday afternoon, I am very, very thankful for Dan Brown. Our industry needs some big hits right now and if several million people want to spend money on that: awesome. A recession is no time for elitism and I know it sounds like I'm selling out, but our industry has been in the dumps for 14 months straight and thanks to Dan Brown, September may be the first positive month. When bookstores make money they take more risks on other publishers' books. It's really a win-win for the industry and a personal win-win-win for me since I don't have to read that crap."

The other person wanted to defend Oprah, who I made fun of in the Low Points in Literature cartoon. In brief; "Oprah has been a blessing to publishing and all writers should be grateful for her impact."

I see both points and it makes sense (I apolognized & thanked both of them for their insight). It proves there is an audience here beyond my Mom's refridgerator.

But no official word yet from the Herman Melville estate regarding my Moby Dick cartoon with robots on jet skis.

And while I'm at it, I'd like to comment myself to a couple of posts on OS. While I agree with some of the points I read recently here about getting published, I also thought there were some misleading generalizations ; 1) There have been literary agents (and recognizable ones) trolling these waters, 2) Not every former good writer who left OS left angry. A couple are quite happy as they are currently working on, lo & behold, books. A sincere congrats to them.

Finally, 3) which I think can be best said through cartoon and song & dance;

First Novel Dance

(sung to the tune of Safety Dance)

You can write if you want to, and leave all your fears behind
Cause fears are excuses, everyone abuses
Like darts inside your mind

I say, we can blog what we want to, the start of your new book
Who knows who will read it, someone may need it
a good rep could take a look

We can freelance!

I say, write a book you want to, anyone on Open Salon
Whether you’re Floyd Eliot, or the village idiot
How do I make a cute emoticon?

Say, we can write if you want to, if you don’t nobody will
If you can’t read, but have four months
Like Sarah Palin who is an imbecile

Reprinted twice, movie rights–somebody get me the Coast
First novel advice, dated insights–they’re dishing it from post to post

First Novel Dance, First Novel Dance, everyone take the chance,
First Novel Dance, First Novel Dance, ignore the OS rants

We can write if we want to, we've got all your life and mine
Brush off the stumbles, that’s the way the cookie crumbles
Everything'll work out fine

Even with no advance, we can dance, we can leave your friends behind
Cause if your friends don't dream and if they don't dream
Well, they're are no friends of mine

First Novel Dance, First Novel Dance, just ignore the OS rants
First Novel Dance, First Novel Dance, why not take the chance?

First Novel Dance