How to cheat on your husband

Fri, 5 Feb 2010 13:02:07 -0500

Buy a pre-paid cell phone with cash and no contract. If you must sign anything, sign it with a fake name.
Write a random woman's name on a little piece of paper tape it to the back of the phone so that it obviously belongs to someone else and you can claim that you found it on the side of your street and do not know what to do with it.
Make a fake contact list full of entries that obviously have nothing to do with your lifestyle. If he should scan the call list, it will be full of female names because even your "male friends" should be entered as female contacts.
Cut a slit in the lower leather portion of your drivers seat. Make sure the phone is on silent and slip it into this secret compartment.
Sign up for night classes to "enrich your life." Twice a week is perfect and you will need your "husband's support" in watching the children so that you can attend. Many cities offer painting classes or wine tastings etc...
Keep a pair of high heels and panties in your trunk. Keep them under the spare tire and cover them with a dryer sheet to keep them fresh and ready.
Leave the house in blue jeans, a baggy sweater and flat shoes. Pull your hair back into an innocent bun or ponytail and do not wear make-up. Under the sweater you should be wearing a sexy tank. When you are at a safe distance from your home, pull over into a gas station parking lot and take off your sweater. Put on the sexier underwear and heels and you will be amazed at the sudden transformation.
Open your glove box and retrieve your make-up bag and perfume.
Don't forget to bring your "real" cell-phone so that you can take a break from wherever or whoever you are with and make a call to your husband.
When you make this call to your husband, first take a moment to calm your breathing so not to make him aware of your heightened arousal and wanton activity. Tell him that you wished he were with you and that everyone is tired of hearing you constantly rave about your husband. Ask him if he will have the bath ready and running when you get home.
On your way home, stop again at the gas station. Take off the sexy tank top, panties and heels and place them all back into the secret trunk spot. Retrieve your older panties, flat shoes and grungy sweatshirt and put them on. Do not forget to pull your hair back into the disorderly bun you left wearing.
Keep wet wipes in your purse and remove your make-up and as much perfume as possible. Pop a breath mint and call your husband again to remind him to run the bath. Ask him if he needs anything from the grocery store on the way home.
Be mindful that your husband may want to make love when you return, but stay calm. Slipping into the tub will erase all smells associated with your previous activity and the sight of you stripping into the tub will erase all doubt he may have had and replace it with his appreciation for your sexual appetite.

Cate Longshore's Open Salon Blog

How to cheat on your husband