ClosureIsaMyth's Open Salon Blog

Open Call - How Much Can You Stuff Up Your Ass?

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:10:45 -0400

Since most people are already "full of shit," there really isn't a lot of room up there for anything else.

Disclaimer: Don't try this at home - try it at someone else's home or a public restroom like George Michael did.

Ciao

Supreme Court Screws Chrysler Bondholders

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:06:46 -0400

The pension fund of the state of Indiana, the Indiana State Teacher's Retirement Fund, and a few other brave souls decided to defy the United States government and challenge the White House's remarkable intervention and engineering of the Chrysler bankruptcy filing.

Chrysler went bankrupt for several reasons, but the bottom line is that they had accumulated massive amounts of debt which they could not possibly repay. The process of going through bankruptcy can be complicated for a large company, but there is a method to the madness. In general, the assets are sold off to the highest bidders and the money recovered is then distributed to the creditors.

A company raises capital by selling debt. A common way to sell debt is by issuing bonds. The purchasers of the debt are the bondholders. A bondholder is considered a creditor.

Not all creditors are created equal. There are a long line of people trying to get their money back, and the bankruptcy law specifically stipulates who has the highest priority. At the front of the line are the "secured" bondholders. At the back of the line are the holders of common shares. Somewhere in the middle are preferred share holders.

The White House intefered in Chrysler's bankruptcy. Legally binding contracts were ignored. The secured creditors were given the message,

"Sorry but this is how it is and we really don't care what the law is. We are the law and we can do whatever we want."

Most of the secured creditors caved in to the pressure from the White House, but a few, such as the Indiana State Pension Fund and the Indiana State Teacher's Retirement Fund decided to assert their legal rights and took it all the way to the Supreme Court.

At first it seemed the Supreme Court would do the right thing when Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg issued a "stay" or delay to Chrysler's bankruptcy filing. Then she ruled that the bankruptcy filing could go forward.

Did the Supreme Court cave in from White pressure? Whatever happened to our system of "checks and balances"? Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg ruled that the Supreme Court would not hear the case. It is my opinion that White House and Justice Ginsburg did not want the case to proceed because the plaintiffs had a strong enough case to block the inapropriate abuse of power by the executive branch.

Why is this story of executive branch power run amuck, a precedent started by Bush and continued by Obama, not blaring from the front covers of the New York Times and Wall St. Journal?

Why is this story not on the cover of Open Salon (Hint, Hint).

Channeling Your Inner Cheney

Tue, 19 May 2009 23:05:43 -0400

Are you tired of being taken advantage of? Does your boss take you for granted or treat you like last year's mulch? Do you grit your teeth and sit silently while someone with bad breath tells you their boring life story? Does your neighbor have an oil well in his backyard and he won't sell you the property?

If you answered "yes", to any of these questions, then it is time to "Channel your Inner Cheney." No matter how nice or liberal or enlightened or evolved you think you are, your "Inner Cheney" is still inside you, lying dormant like a lethal virus, ready to change your life.

The first step is to throw away whatever value system you live by, and replace it with this essential, all-purpose mantra, "The ends justifies the means".

Memorize this mantra for you will be reciting it thousands of times a day. Every morning, if you wake up, go to the mirror to recite the following Daily Negative Affirmations:

1) The ends justifies the means.

2) Go fuck yourself.

3) No. You go fuck yourself!

4) The statute of limitations has expired.

5) Do you feel lucky? Well do you, punk?

6) Screw the Freedom of Information Act.

7) I can ruin your life with one phone call.

8) I have some photos of you that your wife might like to see.

9) Let's you and I go hunting this weekend.

10) If I keep praying my son/daughter will stop being gay.

Once you start adopting the philosophy of "Channeling Your Inner Cheney" you will immediately start seeing major changes in your life. At first, you will lose many friends. This is an important milestone. Anyone who can not accept the "new and improved you" must be swept aside. Soon you will be making connections with the "right" kind of people. Join the NRA - there you will meet many kindred spirits who are also in touch with their "Inner Cheney".

Well, what are you waiting for, wussy? Pick up the damn phone. Our illegal alien phone operators, making 58 cents an hour, are waiting for your call. If they don't meet their quota, they will be fired and deported.