crossculturalpro's Open Salon Blog

Daycation to Damascus

Sat, 8 Aug 2009 22:08:56 -0400

August 4, 2009

Older and less understood than other Arab cultures in South Paterson, the Syrians have an ancient story to tell. And much like the Road to Damascus there is an "ah hah" pay off at the end. It is Bible-speak for the mother of all epiphanies paved with the magnitude of St. Paul's transgressions, including his attempts to wipe out Christianity, in which all was forgiven. One just might need an epiphany to figure out who the Syrians are and why they're here in the midst of Whitman's "beaten up and tragic…industrial chaos".

It begins with their history, which is, by all accounts, among the oldest in the area, stretching back to the early 20th century, as the first Arabs to arrive and set down roots here. What made them immigrate. What they eat. How they differ from other Arab cultures, will be eye-opening for the "Suburbanites".

The real Damascus (Arabic: Ø¯Ù…Ø´Ù‚‎, Dimashq,commonly known as Ø§Ù„Ø´Ø§Ù… al-ShÄÂm also known as City of Jasmin Arabic: Ù…Ø¯ÙŠÙ†Ø© Ø§Ù„ÙŠØ§Ø³Ù…ÙŠÙ†‎) is the capital and largest city of Syria. It is perhaps the oldest, continuously inhabited city in the world. Since the copper age from about 8,000 BCE with a population of about 1.6 million people.

But a jaunt to the Damascus of South Paterson is easier and begins at Fattal's Syrian Market (975-977 Main Street (973) 742-7125 where the owner, Norman settled forty years ago. He is cautious and diplomatic. Formal, yet hospitable. And avoids the obvious Middle Eastern hot button topics. But I persuade him to talk about what's in his store that is particularly Syrian and he says, diplomatically: everything and nothing. We are Arab, but "from all over the world" as he puts it. According to www.cafe-syria.com "Syrians place a high degree on tradition and present themselves well both at home and abroad. It is normal to find Syrian families all over the world who still live their lives as if they were in the Old Country." So, in keeping with tradition, he does and he doesn't. His store is, and it isn't, Syrian. This trait of cultural ubiquity has its roots in ancient Greater Syria, when encompassed parts of Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, the Palestinian Territories and parts of southern of Turkey including Alexandretta and the ancient city of Antioch, the pre-Islamic capital of Syria. To understand Syria is to understand much of the Middle East.

And so, there is a little bit of the bazaar in his market. Things for getting and spending. A travel agency. Display cases unabashedly brimming with eye-popping trays of 18 and 24K gold bling. Overall, despite the powerful influence of Islam in people's lives, some elements of folk religion persist. Particularly in rural areas, there is a strong belief in the evil eye as well as in jinn (spirits). And Fattal's has an entire display case devoted to them. Though Syria is not tribal like Saudi Arabia, it is stratified and the caste system is alive and well. Norman being fair, male, and of the merchant class, chances are he would've fared well no matter which country he chose. There are also things for cooking. Like Halal meats and the indispensable Seven Spices. Rice. Middle Eastern canned vegetables. Pita. Racks of honeyed sweets. And more than a dozen kinds of olives. For a quick take out or lunch there's a sit down area to eat garden variety Arab dishes to savor. The food is good and honest. Try the hummus on Syrian bread (pita). Also try their lahim biajeen (pronounced LAH MAHZHEEN) which are meat pies on Syrian bread.

Though Syria is homogenous, Sunni, and over ninety percent Muslim, there are a few ancient tribes. And one in particular speaks the language of Christ: Aramaic. And here just might be the epiphany. A culture that contains a language from a religion found everywhere on earth, and yet is extinct. Spoken in Mesopotamia about 14 centuries ago, it is now modern day Hebrew. Syrian culture is omnipresent and yet hard to pin down. A little like Norman. In addition to Fattal's, the other game in town is Nouri Brothers Syrain Bakery a block away at 999 Main St Paterson, NJ 07503 Phone: (97... which has been around for about twenty five years. Though it is smaller and mostly bakes breads, it is equally authentic.

Aleppo (named for Syria's second largest city) is THE Syrian watering hole. THE restaurant for local Syrians (and Egyptians, Palestianians, you get the idea) at 960 Main Street Paterson, NJ 07503-2307 (97...‎ or (97..., open from 9:00am-10:00pm. It is owned by the charming and jovial Mohamed who also immigrated about 40 years ago, with a not too different immigrant story to tell about the need to get out from beneath the shadow of his great father and strike out on his own. The sign on the outside reads Al Safa, but that was the old restaurant. They haven't gotten around to changing it, but it doesn't matter because anyone who comes here knows what they're looking for.

The quintessential Middle Eastern host he welcomes everyone from"the boys" to local families with babies in tow and serves up the home grown dishes. Halal, roasted or grilled chicken or lamb with side dishes of rice, chickpeas, yogurt, and vegetables. Mezzeh including hummus, a puree of chickpeas and tahini (ground sesame paste); baba ganouj, an eggplant puree; meat rissoles; stuffed grape leaves; tabouleh (a salad of cracked wheat and vegetables); falafel (deep-fried balls of mashed chickpeas); and pita bread. Olives, lemon, parsley, onion, and garlic are used for flavoring. Tea is as ubiquitous as the Hookah pipe flavors ranging from apple banana peach rose cherry and just about every other flavor in between. Weekend evenings you'll find him orchestrating several dining rooms, glad handling, and shaking it with the belly dancers while seating new customers.

The Road to Damascus may be an ancient one, but along the way, embracing the deep connective roots of the Syrians to much of the world, is an epiphany we can all share.

SIDEBAR

Seven Spices

2 tablespoons ground black pepper, 2 tablespoons paprika, 2 tablespoons of ground cumin, 1 tablespoon ground coriander, 1 tablespoon ground cloves, 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg, 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom

Next up: Little Lebanon -- South Paterson, NJ.

Lisa La Valle-Finan is an Intercultural trainer, writer, and the Creative Director of getGlobalized™. She's been traveling and writing for 25 years, speaks French, Italian and Greek, and welcomes all comments and can be reached at crossculturalpro@yahoo.com. More information can be found on the company's website at www.getGlobalized.org.

Pictures

1Palmyra Ancient City

2Syria Map Highlights

3Aleppo

4 Syrian Delicacy

5 Fattal's Halal Meat Market

6 Fattal's 18 & 24K Gold Jewelry

7 Fattal's Bakery

8 Fattal's Halal Meat Market

9 Fattal's Specialty

10 Fattal's Market

11Fattal's Syrian Specialties

12 Fattal's Jewelry

13 Fattal's Gold Coins

SOURCES

Books

Axtell, R. (1997). Do's and Taboos around the World for Women in Business. New York: John Wiley & Sons.

Dresser, N. (1996). Multicultural Manners. New York: John Wiley.

Foster, D. (2000). The Global Etiquette Guide to Asia. New York: John Wiley

Huntington, S. P. (1996). The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Morrison, C. B. (1994). Kiss Bow or Shake Hands. Holbrook, MA: Adams Media.

Ball, Warwick. Syria: A Historical and Archaeological Guide, 1998.

Beaton, Margaret. Syria, 1988.

Beattie, Andrew, and Timothy Pepper. Syria: The Rough Guide, 1998.

Galvin, James. Divided Loyalties: Nationalism and Mass Politics in Syria at the Close of Empire, 1998.

Hopwood, Derek. Syria, 1945–1986, 1988.

Lye, Keith. Take a Trip to Syria, 1988.

Mulloy, Martin. Syria, 1988.

Quilliam, Neil. Syria and the New World Order, 1999.

Sinai, Anne, and Allen Pollack, eds. The Syrian Arab Republic, 1976.

South, Coleman. Syria, 1995.

Tareq, Ismael Y., and Jacqueline S. Tareq. Communist Movement in Syria and Lebanon, 1998.

Wedeen, Lisa. Ambiguities of Domination: Politics, Rhetoric, and Symbols in Contemporary Syria, 1999.

Winkler, Onn. Demographic Developments and Population Policies in Ba'athist Syria, 1998.

Web Sites

Destination Syria, www.lonelyplanet.com/dest/mea/syr

Guide to Syria, www.middleeastnews.com/syria

Syria: A Country Study, www.lcweb2.loc/gov/frd/cs/sytoc

Syria—The Cradle of Civilizations, www.arabicnet.com

U.S. Government, Department of State, Central Intelligence Agency. World Factbook: Syria, www.odci.gov/cia/publications/factbook/geos/sy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paterson,_New_Jersey

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Road_to_Damascus_moment#Feast_Day

http://www.everyculture.com/Sa-Th/Syria.html

http://www.syrianhistory.com

http://www.cafe-syria.com/Culture.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aramaic

http://syrianamericanclub.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=49&Itemid=55

http://www.syriatourism.org/index.php?newlang=eng

Daycation To Oz

Sat, 8 Aug 2009 22:08:32 -0400

To a certain tribe of residents known as the "Suburbanites" who live in neighborhoods with "good schools", South Paterson is the "lower east side." The archetype for hardscrabble, east coast towns, typified by dicey neighborhoods, mom and pop bodegas, and abandoned brick factories. The East Side High of North Jersey in need of some serious discipline and cleaning up. Once an epicenter of industrial revolution producing cotton, silk, trains, and iron it's hard to imagine anything eloquent about Paterson, much less South Paterson, but there is.

The incongruities begin with its literary history. The subject of a modern epic poem William Carlos Williams called "Paterson". Described as "Whitman's America, grown pathetic and tragic, brutalized by inequality, disorganized by industrial chaos, and faced with annihilation. No poet has written of it with such a combination of brilliance, sympathy, and experience, with such alertness and energy." If Paterson's literary history was uncharacteristic, what other incongruities lurked on the South side?

South Paterson is made up of Turks, Palestinians, Syrians and Lebanese. Home to the largest Turkish-American immigrant community in the U.S. – at last count about 20,000, down from about 60,000, fifty years ago -- and the second largest Arab community after Dearborn, Michigan. Visit these streets on a Muslim holiday and you're likely to see the kids who attend Prospect Park public schools hanging out, observing the festivities with their families.

And not unlike the Middle East, South Paterson's Arab and Turkish neighborhood -- bordered by Madison Avenue to the north, Crooks Avenue to the south, Hazel Street to the west, and East Railway Avenue to the east – also has an identity crisis because it is alternately called Little Arabia or Little Istanbul by outsiders. But according to frustrated locals – though you won't know it, because that's not a Turk's style – one is either a Turk or an Arab, not both. Both can be of the Islamic World, religiously. Turkiye is secular, not Islamic. It is a buffer to fundamentalist Islam, but itself is neither East nor West, which defines both its problem and its blessing: its heart is in Asia (Ankara) but its face is Europe (Istanbul). As with South Paterson, it only looks Arab. Upon closer inspection of the business signs and you realize, they are not Arabic.

The contradictions keep coming, for we have crossed the great divide from West to East. Turks also read right to left. Like Greeks, they say "no" by nodding their head up and down, much like we gesture yes. And "yes" is a downward nod, which looks like the Western gesture for "no". Once past the cultural reversals, preconceived notions, and unfamiliar language and you realize you are in the land of Oz. Not the mythical place on the hill ruled by a little man behind the curtain, but the real thing. An authentic cultural experience subtitled by genuine, warm, and open people. In Turkish "oz" means "authentic".

The smell of something grilling lured me into a local eatery slash watering hole where a few of the neighborhood men check in to say hello, use the phone, catch a soccer game, or a smoke at "Oz Karadeniz" 1023 Main St. (973) 523-7779 where I had a succulent grilled Chicken Doner Kebab platter with bulgur wheat and pilaf, and a nice big plate of Cacik Yogurt sauce with garlic and dill. I swilled it down with pure peach soda. Best part of the meal was talking to Ahmet, the owner about the neighborhood. He explained the meaning of the handmade artifacts on his walls and introduced me to the "boss" (his wife) making delicious dips and salads along with his daughter-in-law. His grandson, Joseph doing handstands on the chair of my table was a charming little kid with big brown eyes. I thanked him profusely for his hospitality, and left feeling satisfied.

Drizzly and gray, I was about to head home when I wandered next door to the only Turkish book shop in the tri-state area called "Zinnur" at 1019 Main St. (973) 278-6662, run by Zinnur -- previously seen hanging around next door at Oz – who (before I knew it) poured me a glass of Turkish tea in a delicate little tulip glass an homage from the Lalezar era of the Ottomans. Quiet and ready to listen to my questions, he and a store colleague and another guy who was just passing through, reminded me that the rest of the world still takes to stop. And. Talk. To an ethnographer reporter, a citizen diplomat who would tell the real story of Oz to the Suburbanites.

I stopped off on the way home at Taskin, the Turkish bakery where again, I was shown the famous Turkish hospitality inquiring about the Turkish flat bread called "Pide", handmade and brick oven baked. They come topped with sesame seeds and black caraway seeds or plain for sandwiches or table bread. They took me behind the counter, showed me around while the smell of fresh baked bread intoxicated me. A poster for the Turkish-American Festival was thrust into my hands www.njturkishfestial.org . They wanted me to tell "everybody" to come. There's a flag raising ceremony on Thursday, May 14th in front of Paterson City Hall (155 Market Street) in front of Clifton City Hall (corner of Clifton & Van Houten Aves.) and lots of parading, eating, music entertainment, singers, musicians, folk dancers, food, vendors, games, prizes & surprises

children's activities. With all this culture right here in North Jersey, who needs Ninth Avenue?

Next up: The Syrians of South Paterson, NJ.

SOURCES

Books

Axtell, R. (1997). Do's and Taboos around the World for Women in Business. New York: John Wiley & Sons.

Dresser, N. (1996). Multicultural Manners. New York: John Wiley.

Foster, D. (2000). The Global Etiquette Guide to Asia. New York: John Wiley

Huntington, S. P. (1996). The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Morrison, C. B. (1994). Kiss Bow or Shake Hands. Holbrook, MA: Adams Media.

Web

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paterson,_New_Jersey

http://www.jstor.org/pss/1207405

http://www.answers.com/topic/paterson-new-jersey

http://www.answers.com/topic/patersonnewjersey

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9402E0D7143FF93AA15753C1A9609C8B63&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=print

http://local.yahoo.com/NJ/Paterson/Food+Dining/Restaurants/Middle+Eastern

http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&ie=UTF8&um=1&q=middle+eastern+restaurants+paterson+nj&fb=1&view=text&sa=X&oi=local_group&resnum=1&ct=moreresults&cd=1

PICTURES WITH CAPTIONS

Figure 1Turkish Flag

Figure 2: Traditional Turkish Shawl

Figure 3 Turkish Bakery

Figure 4 Yadigar "The Boss" Bayrau, Ahmet's Wife/Co-Owner "Oz"

Figure 5 Ahmet Bayrau, Owner of "Oz"

6 Turkish American Fest Poster

7 Turkish National Flag and Evil Eye

8 Cacik Yogurt, Freshly Baked Bread

9 Doner Kebab Platter with Bulgar Wheat, Pilaf

10 Traditional Decorative Plates

11 Traditional Seed Bag For Women Farmers

12 Traditional Decorative Plate With Tulip Design

Mind Your Multicultural Manners (It’s Good for Business)

Sat, 8 Aug 2009 22:08:47 -0400

Unless you’ve been living in a cave lately, you’re probably experiencing considerable anxiety about the economic condition of the United States. This emotion is immediately followed by further panic when recruiters or employers are asking you to “go global” to make yourself more marketable. That’s if you still have a job. How and when is all this supposed to happen? Is this a form of outsourcing? I mean, it’s not like you’re ever really going to live or work outside the United States, right? So, why should going global concern you?

It’s Official: Wake Up and Smell the Outsourcing

With the stunning realization that America's financial crisis is the world's crisis, the biggest misstep an American woman can make, is to think that fluttering of her entrepreneurial wings does not affect the rest of the world. Or the reverse, that what is happening around the world, doesn’t affect her business. Today, when one country sneezes, very often we all catch a cold.

The other mistake is to not have a passport, and think that it’s unlikely that you’ll ever have to work, travel, or live in another country. According to the State Department, although the number of passports issued to Americans has risen, because of post 9/11 homeland security measures, to the tune of about 74 million[i] in 2008, most Americans still view them as just another form of identification.

No Culture Is Foreign, It’s Just Different.

But there is a great deal of fear that comes with going global and things “foreign”. How can you deal with it? One way is to reframe the issue of what is “foreign”. How you frame, or name, what you speak about, determines how to think about it. If you change the semantics, you change your perceptions. With a “clear lens” cultures become less foreign and more familiar. You can also readjust how you think about your place on the earth. You’re part of the global village. You breathe the same air as 4 billion fellow inhabitants. You are not separate from them. In any way. No matter who you are or where you live. Calcutta. Copenhagen. Cincinnati. All. The. Same. Therefore, you, as an American business professional, are a part of the global community. The term international is no longer about “those people over there”. Reframing the way you refer to your place in the world will help you get more comfortable in it. For many Americans, who are like coming of age adolescents[ii], it’s time to get down to business if we are to compete up in the 21^st century global economy.

Multicultural Manners: Handle With Care

As women business owners, the statistically fastest growing sector of the economy, [iii] it is incumbent upon us to look ahead to the all the trends that affect our businesses and embrace them with education and an awareness about multicultural manners, in order to do great global business. Because even if you don’t speak another language, as you will find many other people around the world do, it’s wise to know the soft skills that will make your professional, hard skills sing if you are involved in:

· Intercultural Business: In a position to manufacture your scarves in China? You’re going to need to pull guanxi (pronounced gwan-SHEE) or make the right connections before you begin the deal.

· Diverse Teams or Intra-Office: Is the new team member on your design project, from India, but you don’t know why he seems unenthused about your concept. Maybe it’s because he is waiting for his boss to tell you his disposition.

· ExPat Rentry: Have you been assigned to work for an upper management ExPat (Ex-Patriot) who’s just returned from a two-year stint in Prague, but can’t understand his moodiness? Perhaps he is experiencing culture shock.

· Relocation: Is your finance background suddenly an asset to a firm in Turkey? Do you find yourself upending your life to work there for a year, but unable to cope with the preparations?

These are just a few of the typical examples that require cross cultural professionals to help you do global business, better in addition to your new way of thinking.

What Makes Them Tick

Of course it’s important to know how to handle ourselves in another culture, but what’s more important, is how we’re being perceived by the other culture. And which behavior on our part will make a good impression. The following chart is actually applicable to many other cultures, with a few tweaks here and there. Understanding the cognitive behavior -- how people process information, or what makes them tick -- is the key to giving your business dealings traction, and therefore revenue. Here are some key personality traits that delineate between Western and Eastern national character.

Western Character Me centered Assertive Gregarious Gestural Enthusiastic Shake Hands

Eastern Character We-centered Respectful Solemn Non-gestural Diplomatic Rarely Shake Hands, Bow

A Little Local Knowledge Goes A Long Way

After re-setting your cross-cultural compass, one way to cement cultural gaps is to focus on making personal connections, when the time is right. It’s not only essential to know what the national values of your counterpart are, but also your shared personal interests. Ones that can create deeper, more harmonious and sustaining business relationships. After the foundational elements of values and etiquette are addressed – whether to kiss, bow or shake hands – you can progress to a more sophisticated level of communication with the help of topic starters. Positive "points of entry" that enable you to socialize, conduct business, and create personal relationships.

I find that point of entry through film. You may find it through food, music, or some other “arts and cultural” area other than the usual “off limits” topics like religion and politics. But it’s usually a popular cultural topic that will “speak” to you. In any case, before you travel for business or pleasure, do your homework. And consider talking with a cross-cultural professional about what your objectives and how you can most effectively obtain them to make the experience most profitable and productive. After all, traveling these days is time consuming and often expensive, so for the sake of your own business, or that of your employer, consulting a certified intercultural pro makes a lot of dollars (or Euros or Yen) and sense. Because no matter where in the world you come from, it’s good to know where you’re going, and how to act appropriately once you get there.

A little local knowledge goes a long way.

Next installment: Travel or Trample?

Lisa Finan is a writer and Creative Director of getGlobalized™. She has been traveling and writing for 25 years, speaks French, Italian and Greek, and welcomes all comments and can be reached at crossculturalpro@yahoo.com. More information can be found on the company’s website at www.getGlobalized.org.

[i] http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2007-04-02-passport-record_N.htm

[ii] http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/culturecode

[iii] http://womeninbusiness.about.com/od/wibtrendsandstatistics/a/wibtrendsnstats.htm Women’s businesses grew at nearly twice the rate of all U.S. firms. There were an estimated 10.4 million privately-held firms. This accounted for two in five (40.2%) of all businesses in the country; and these firms generated $1.9 trillion in annual sales and employed 12.8 million people nationwide.

Baristanet.com Archives

Sat, 8 Aug 2009 22:08:11 -0400

Cherry Blossoms and Memories

Kathleen Galop grew up in the Forest Hill section of Newark. She’s a third-generation Newarker. Her father was a fire captain and two of her uncles were fireman in Newark. She remembers her father being called to duty during the Newark riots vividly. Wondering, after three days, when he was coming home. Or worse yet, if.

But she also remembers another Newark. A http://www.oldnewark.org/%22%3Ememory%3C/a%3E%3C/u> that’s shared by thousands of people who lived there during the 1920s, 30s, 40s and 50s, memories of fabulous shopping and entertainment, swanky mansions and lush neighborhoods.

In 1975, while working as a corporate attorney at The Prudential in Newark, Golub, along with Gary Brian Liss, an environmental engineer for the City of Newark, decided to create an eternal flame for their beloved city, the http://www.branchbrookpark.org/%22%3EAnnual Cherry Blossom Festival.

http://www.baristanet.com/photos/uncategorized/cherry2.gif%22%3E%3C/a%3E%3C/center%3E%3Cp%3ESince then, some 2,700 Japanese cherry trees take center stage, in a burst of pink, from April 10-23.

As vice chair & secretary of the Branch Brook Park Alliance, Galop likes to think those trees helped pave the way for the “Newark Renaissance”. Now a http://bonafinafilms.com/%22%3E%3Cu%3Edocumentary%3C/u%3E%3C/a> on Old Newark is in the works.

For Cherry Blossom Festival events starting this weekend, see http://www.baristanet.com/thrills%22%3EThrills%3C/a%3E%3C/u>. mailto:mail@branchbrookpark.org%22%3E%3C/to%3E%3C/p>

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January 22
...serving up your daily dish.

Not the Biggest Losers

This story gives new meaning to the phrase cookie-cutter wedding. John Townsend and Michele Sarao ofWest Milford (only 30 miles away) have won an all expense paid http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/050120/nyth042_1.html%22%3Ewedding at a Dunkin' Donuts shop and a honeymoon trip to the Bahamas for submitting the most outrageous wedding proposal story.

The couple was among six finalist couples from the New Jersey corridor (New York to Philadelphia) chosen in the “Dunkin' Donuts Hole-y Matrimony Contest”.

Hard to believe no one could outdo this bit when John gave her three identical boxes marked "yesterday" with a picture inside from when they began dating; "today" with a recent picture; and, "tomorrow," with a picture of John holding a banner that said "Will you Marry Me." When Michele turned to look at John he was holding an engagement ring.

Awwwww.

We can understand why Dunkin' Donuts threw the contest. PR is PR, after all. What we can't fathom is a bride who would willingly accept cardboard-box catering or a pink-and-orange color scheme. Except, perhaps, for Malibu Barbie.

January 22, 2005 in http://www.baristanet.com/barista/suburban_archeologist/index.html%22%3ESuburban Archeologist | http://www.baristanet.com/barista/2005/01/not_the_biggest.html%22%3EPermalink%3C/a> | Comments">http://www.baristanet.com/barista/2005/01/not_the_biggest.html#comments">Comments (0)

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January 13
...serving up your daily dish.

Poof! Insta-Grocery Shopping

Our Suburban Archeologist lets us in on an amazing secret.

We are all desperate housewives, especially at 2:59 when it's time to pick up the kids. Just when we're a third of the way down our to-do list -- ding! -- mother's little hindrances arrive home. Who can blame us if we're always looking for the next labor-saving device -- whether it's a cleaning squadron or a Blackberry?

For most people, the Internet's a help. From banking to ordering pet meds. Even paying those endless Montclair conveyor belt parking tickets (I’m in the acceptance phase and I refer to them as my way of giving to the “Montclair community fund”) on http://www.njcourtsonline.com/%22%3Enjcourtsonline.com.%3C/a> And, as someone who does not “do” math, nothing compares to http://www.paycycle.com/%22%3EPayCycle.com%3C/a> for our company’s accounting needs. But as resident Suburban Archaeologist, I’m always digging for new time saving-treasures. Have I got a gem for you.

The most sublime time saver of all? Online grocery shopping at Nutley Shoprite. I practically skipped with joy down Lorraine Street when I realized my days of lumbering through the grocery store were O-V-E-R. I’d rather chew glass than crisscross through the supermarket ever again, pushing a 500 hundred pound cart, escorting two kids to the bathroom (at different times, no less), buying snacks to the tune of "Mommy, Mommy you forgot my balloon!" and getting half-way through check-out before realizing I'd forgotten my deli order.

So I’m feeling rather smug about my discovery. Ok, it’s not available at Brookdale Shoprite (my supermarket with a heart), but who cares? And even if the service is $10 extra, you save money. In fact, my first grocery bill was half as much as the usual one because I didn’t impulse buy.

Click on http://www.shoprite.com/%22%3Eshoprite.com%3C/a%3E%C3%82%C2%A0; to create a master list (which takes little time). Don’t worry, it’s got the all pictures, specials, brand names and aisles to guide you. Plus, you can modify that list anytime to make it smaller or larger. Choose the pick-up time in the drop-down box. (You need to plan pick-up about four hours ahead). Go to the Nutley Shoprite on Franklin Street, pull into the far end of the store parking lot, back in, and a sensor alerts an employee you are in the pick-up area. So far, I’ve never seen a waiting line. An employee greets you at your car window (the first time with flowers for using their service) and poof! insta-shopping in less than five, count ‘em guys, five minutes. They take my debit card to pay and load up my trunk with my order. Yes, full serve. As if I were buying gas.

Drawbacks? Sure, there's the occasional snafu. Once, for instance, I got a single apple instead of a whole bag. I learned my lesson and ordered more carefully the next time. A small price, I think, for squeezing an extra 90 minutes into a 24-hour-day. Isaac Newton would be proud.

Lisa Finan

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December 30
...serving up your daily dish.

The Deep Fried Twinkie Defense

Our suburban archeologist, Lisa Finan, starts us off with her New Year pledge. Feel free to append your self-improvement ideas in a comment.

Every New Year’s Eve I think back to when I was fourteen, when my best friend and I watched New Year’s Rockin' Eve on TV, hosted by Dick-the-worlds-oldest-teenager-Clark. Unfortunately, we were young enough to party (as it was called in the dark ages in Southern California) but not old enough to do it. So while our parents went out dancing the Fox Trot and drank Cable Cars, we waited for the ball to drop on TV. A lot has changed over the last 30 years. Like the personal and national security of my country. Not to mention our morals and ethics. Back then, a kid didn’t need playdates because we were safe enough to run outside and play all day until mom called us home for dinner. And our leaders didn’t antagonize other countries to the point that they wanted to bomb the hell out of us, on our soil. We were all pretty much in the clear. It was America the beautiful. And I am waxing nostalgic.

But as some things never change, I still stay up to watch the ball drop. Now it’s with my husband and kids. This year though, I’ll be glad to ring out 2004. I think we’ve besmirched our national character quite enough for one year. I for one am ashamed. In fact, when we were in vacationing in Southern Italy this summer, I tried to play Canadian, but my size gave me away. My husband got away with it because he’s still trim. But I found myself apologizing on behalf of my President for being such a jerk, and that truly, Americans were still ok. We liberated you, remember?

Never mind the President’s behavior, there’s an entire laundry list of people and personalities who have behaved badly. And I seriously think we can blame it on the twinkie defense. The deep fried Twinkie that is http://www.supersizeme.com/%22%3Ewww.supersizeme.com.%3C/a> With a steady diet of sugar-fried-salt coursing through our veins, it’s no wonder we’re acting crazy. And yes, TV is also a culprit. I used to think that was out the the question. But viewers insist on watching people like themselves eat maggots and relish in the fact that participants get fired, well, need I say more? I’ve taken matters into my own hands and locked my kids out of channels that contain maniacal, sugar frenzied, toy-ridden commercials blasting at ear piercingly high decibels.

That done, there’s still the matter of the criminals and bullies. Take Martha Stewart for example. She was a naughty one this year. Always pretending to be the picture of perfection while going postal on her staff everyday. There’s a work ethic worth emulating. I’m sure she’s happy to get “this ridiculousness” over with. Ah, then there’s Abu Ghraib. Yeah, thumbs up Lindy. That’ll be a nice one for the family photo album someday. The Pistons/Pacers basketbrawl was a keeper. Nice sportsmanship guys. The kiddies are really looking up to you and your multi-gazillion dollar contracts. And last , but certainly not least, those permissive parents who were too busy pull out a bag of vegetables and a chicken breast out of the freezer for their kids which nicely contributed to a national epidemic of obesity and Type 2 Diabetes in children.

I’m ashamed that Americans are in such a carbohydrate induced stupor that they’re not bothered that 35.9 million Americans live below the poverty line – 12.9 million of them children. I think these were the numbers that inspired Roosevelt to institute the welfare system after the Depression. I’m positively rigid when I think that 42 percent of Americans still think Saddam Hussein was "directly involved in planning, financing, or carrying out" the 9/11 attacks. That Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld couldn't find time to personally sign letters of condolence to the families of troops killed in Iraq. And that Deputy Defense Secretary Wolfowitz couldn't remember the number of soldiers who'd lost their lives in Iraq. There never was a kinder, gentler nation.

So, in order to make a more perfect union, in my house at least, I have decided, character building, versus nation-building, begins at home. As one of the few parents I know who give my children age appropriate chores, they’ve got more coming in 2005. We’re going to give to the food pantry and help out once a week at Tony’s Kitchen. http://www.stlukesmontclair.org./%22%3Estlukesmontclair.org.%3C/a> And there will be more vegetables, less TV and more chores. Sounds simplistic. But at least it’s a lifestyle I can defend.

December 30, 2004 in http://www.baristanet.com/barista/suburban_archeologist/index.html%22%3ESuburban Archeologist | http://www.baristanet.com/barista/2004/12/the_deep_fried_.html%22%3EPermalink%3C/a> | Comments">http://www.baristanet.com/barista/2004/12/the_deep_fried_.html#comments">Comments (17)

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December 14
...serving up your daily dish.

How About A Bathroom Tour?

Introducing Lisa Finan, our Suburban Archeologist, whose humor writing will be a regular feature of Baristanet.

Whenever the two year old is suspiciously quiet, I know she's trying to get a drink of water from the toilet bowl. Should there be a sudden surge of stamping upstairs from the four year old, he's racing to relieve himself. And, if I can't find my husband, I know he's in the "library".

For some, the ultimate home improvement bliss is a new kitchen (designed by an expensive architect and including artfully hidden storage). For me, it's all about the the bathroom. This is the hearth of our home.

Feng Shuists claim it's such a sensitive area of the home that they warn against leaving the lid up, lest the good "chi" or energy escape down the drain. I guess that's what the whole flushing your money down the toilet thing is all about. Maybe that's why money is always tight when you're a parent. All this time I thought it was property taxes.

In our old digs, the bathroom was not only the smallest room in the house, but also the most inconvenient. It was the size of the ones on airplanes and its location on the second floor made it frustrating. With two kids not entirely housebroken, the Stair Master couldn't have done better a better job on my thighs. Although somehow I never really saw the results."Upstairs Downstairs" took on a whole new meaning.

Eventually, we moved out of the house because of the bathroom. We simply couldn't wedge a family of four in it simultaneously. Inevitably, while Daddy was shaving, Mommy was inserting her contacts. And the kids were visiting. Either we needed more bathrooms, or a larger one, or both.

In our new home, there are so many bathrooms that my hairdresser (read single) asked if any are off limits. Obviously, he doesn't have children. What mother in her right mind would keep that room off limits to her kids in potty training? Go already. And don't forget to flush. Forget them wiping themselves. It's not going to happen for a long time.

Unless you've actually got a tub or shower, by the way, it's not really a bathroom. For example, our yellow bathroom downstairs is a powder room because that's what you call tiny bathrooms with an even tinier corner sink. Upstairs is the pink bathroom also known as the ensuite or a Jack 'n Jill for the kids. And in our bedroom is the green bathroo --the master bath, adjoined to our room. This is also known as daddy's bathroom.

If you ask me, instead of putting on a kitchen tour next year, Glen Ridge should put on a bathroom tour. You gotta go!

Readers can write to Lisa at mailto:llfinan@aol.com%22%3Ellfinan@aol.com%3C/a%3E.%3C/p>

December 14, 2004 in http://www.baristanet.com/barista/suburban_archeologist/index.html%22%3ESuburban Archeologist