daughterofireland's Open Salon Blog

A Stroll Down Memory Lane...The Good Old Days

Sun, 1 Aug 2010 09:08:52 -0400

Looks like fun doesn't it? A woman in uniform inspecting a restroom. Oh, the good old days, the days of simpler times, decisions, and situations. The days when there were no shades of gray, when white was white and black was black. They days our friends over at the Tea Party reminice on. The post World War II days...up until it all went to hell in a handbasket...about 1963 or so.

I would have to say my life was simpler then. Without a doubt. Of course I was a kid at the time. Growing up in the segregated south. A time we could walk home from the pool or the movies without worry of being snatched off the street to who knows what horrible fate.

A time we could play sunscreenless in the Texas heat, the blacktop melting as we crossed the street barefoot, hotfooting it to the closest patch of carpet grass. (Prefering chiggers to melting tar.) Picking pecans up from the sidewalk, the perfect afternoon treat

Long summer days spent at the pool or river. We had no worries of "others", folks not like us, turning up to cool off on a blistering summer day. And if those "others" were sweltering in shacks on the other side of town, so what, we didn't have to see it.

We did see the "others" with scheduled regularity. We saw them when they cleaned our houses in starched crisp uniforms. They picked up the trash a couple of times a week, anything that required long exposure to the baking sun, the "others" did. Great days those, the Tea Party folks will tell us, great days because everyone knew their place.

Women knew their place too. All the moms stayed at home then, sending their kids to play without supervision. They visited with other neighborhood moms, sweating pitchers of cold drinks, the condensation pooling underneath, resting on formica kitchen tables. I always wondered why there were olives in those pitchers-not being a fan of the humble olive when I was eight or ten.

Sometimes women worked, but never when they had kids. The ones without kids were teachers, nurses, and secretaries. I had a teacher who became pregnant and had to quit. That kept things simple. You have children? You don't work.

McDonalds and Holiday Inn were new and exciting. Holiday Inn always had air conditioning and a pool-two requirements when we traveled. You could count on those two companies- no surprises. Nothing to differentiate one in the chain from the other, comforting in their sameness.

We "Yes Sirred and No Ma'amed" never questioning the wisdom of our parents. This was a time when the world was safe. (Well, there was that little thermo nuclear thing, but we had duck and cover to save us.) The lid was securely on the box.

Summer nights the DDT truck would drive down the street spraying for mosquitos. We kids knew the secret, we could run behing the truck, soak up the spray and repel mosquitos for days. No EPA to spoil that fun. Keep it easy. The good old days when you could radiate your own mosquito repellent.

But what about the Boo Radleys, the sexually abused kids, the battered wives? Did they exist in this simpler time? Of course they did, we just didn't see them. The lid was on the box, remember? No one aired their dirty linen. It just wasn't done, totally unacceptable. I had a friend once. It was rumored that her mother killed herself. Her family moved away. Dealing with disfunction is messy and time consuming.

Politically things were easy too. The others were kept out of the voting booth by means of poll taxes, intimidation or having to take a "democracy test". White people because they were white, it was assumed, knew the constitution, but the "others"? They had to prove they knew what democracy was about, right down to being able to list the names of the presidents in order.

The woman inspecting the restroom, poll taxes, "others" keeping to themselves, that is what the Tea Party and the Party of No wants for us. To go back to that time. It would be so much easier. We wouldn't have to think. There would be no conflict, we could all agree. White men kn0w what is best. But in 1963, it all began going down the toilet.

2010, The Never Ending Year???

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 11:07:30 -0400

I had thought to name this posting 2010 The Endless Summer or some other reference to this particularly opressive season. Maybe it is the midwestern heat and humidity that is making me cranky or maybe the planets just aren't lined up. For whatever reason the energy isn't good right now. And as I thought it through, it really isn't just this summer that I am wishing would end soon, (and I love summer so it is unusual for me to look forward to fall )but the whole year as I look back has been out of sync.

My children, normally a happy crew are dealing with adult issues, as adults, for the first time so their lives are unsettled. Their dad, from whom I have been divorced for ten years decided to get out of Dodge and move 2000 miles away this past spring. While parents sometimes do that when their children are in college; unresolved issues arise when the chicks return to the nest and find that the nest is no longer the same, a portion of what they had always counted on being gone-the new nest so far away, and not accomodating with a space for them.

For one daughter the feeling is of yet another abandonment; her summer has been one of anxiety and uncertainty. This has generated the necessity of confronting her father with these feelings so she can resolve them within herself one way or another. Her boyfriend is bewildered and feeling powerless to help, but thankfully supportive. He will be a beneficiary of the "daddy issues" work. I know she will come out on the other side a stronger and healthier person, but it is painful to watch her struggle.

She had hoped to use the summer to create music and prepare for the upcoming semester and that has been a bust; though one would expect that since creativity is often an outlet for strong emotion she will be able to use this summer productively in the end.

My older daughter realized that she had outgrown her high school boyfriend of four years and wants to experience her senior year in college as a free agent, perhaps traveling to Europe and making friends that the confines of the relationship inhibited. It is hard leaving someone who you love, but know you have outgrown, whose life vision you don't share. So she mourns the relationship while at the same time anticipates the future with excitement. I feel sad for the boyfriend as I am very fond of him and know that his world is a small one. He likes it that way and is afraid of change. He's not bad or abusive or even more thoughtless than any average twenty two year old young man. There is nothing wrong with what he wants; it just doesn't suit my daughter. That makes me sad. His fear of change and growth was responsible for the loss of what he loves. What he doesn't realize is that she probably would leave him anyway...better now than married with children. That is what these years are about.

This year has been an economic struggle for me as it has been for so many people. I work in mortgage lending. The big banks have taken responsible lending to the other extreme. They took us all on a ride over a cliff and now the survivors of the cataclysm don't want to lend money to anyone-no matter how well heeled or endowed with high credit scores and assets a person may be. Where three years ago a lender would look for any reason to say "yes", now they look for any reason to say "no'.

These same banks now will not lend on the homes they foreclosed upon if the homes need repair. They won't repair them, so the homes sit vacant as few have the cash to buy them outright.

My 86 year old aunt has driven without a license, been sentenced to 90 days in jail, suspended, unless she drives again, and set fire to her kitchen in the old people's home-all which require my father, her closest living relative also in his 80's to have to deal with her from 2200 miles away. She has always been iracible and pig headed; age not mellowing her one whit. This isn't going to turn out well, I can tell.

2010 has even taken a toll on my pets. The subject of my avatar died in 2009 actually, to be replaced by a spastic red doberman that we love. And recently we lost the dog of my children's childhood, a lab/great dane mix- a goofy willful escape artist whose solid presence comforted me through my divorce and reinvention as a single mom, protected us and became my children's playmate. That was hard even though I knew that giant dogs don't live forever. Last weekend I sent my daughters to the Humane Society to review the occupants and the result was another red doberman, battered and beaten up, but calm and ready to be loved on. She fits in perfectly. So that at least, is a postive note.

My auxillary child still bounces from pillar to post, no closer to his goal of going to acting school, but he seems content at present. I have offered my assistance to him in attaining his goal, but that is an alien concept, he being so used to finding his own solutions on his own in his own way. And I suspect that even though he can't find artisitic fulfillment here, he also is fearful of abandoning his current life to jump into the unknown. I have to have faith that when he decides that he needs a hand he will find his way to my door.

Death on the other hand seems to be doing quite well this year. Several of my friends have lost parents and parents of my children's friends are now being taken by disease. People younger than myself. I read somewhere once that one third of American children lose a parent by the time they are 19. Rather a high percentage for a country that is supposed to have the best medical care in the world.

And then of course there is the evil of BP loose in the world-even more so than I had thought with the news of their connection to the release of the Libyian bomber. Then of course there is Fox News, The Party of No, The Fools that adhere to the Tea Party line, all flooding the airwaves with their negative drivel. It is amazing to me that the Obama administration has been able to get anything done over the noise. While the healthcare bill, financial reform etc. aren't perfect by any means, they are accomplishments in a system that seems to be ruled by crackpots on the internet and cable news. I keep wondering when the average American will stop waiting on the instant fix, decide that he/she is too poor to vote Republican and begin being part of the solution instead of enabling the problem.

To close on a somewhat postive note, this summer will end and in the not too distanct future, as will 2010. I can only hope that 2010 shuts the door when it leaves taking all the bad karma with it. There are years like this I suppose, but I don't have to like them.

I TRIED TO HIDE BUT FACEBOOK FOUND ME

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 16:06:45 -0400

facebook logo by sylvia

I have been dragged kicking and screaming into having a FaceBook page. You see spilling my guts to anyone who wants to see what is on my mind at any given moment of the day or night has never been something that I thought would be in the least way amusing, interesting or remotely informative. I don’t really think that there are too many of my peers that give a rat’s ass if I am having a senior moment or a bad hair day.

My college age kids of course were four square against it. The last thing they needed was having their mom hanging all the dirty family laundry out to dry for anyone in cyber space to see. Ick! Whose mom is on FaceBook that has anything of value to add? How un-cool. And I take their point.

And since I guard my privacy like the crown jewels I was perfectly fine going along with them. I have been so under the radar that it took my high school reunion committee almost twenty five years to find me and I have never left town. (They finally published my name in the newspaper asking if anyone knew where I could be located and my college roommate’s mother outed me. Drat! I have yet to attend a reunion.)

My cell phone number is a closely guarded secret –very few people have access to me by cell which is thought of as quite peculiar in my business, mortgage lending. Somewhere there is apparently an unwritten law that mortgage loan consultants need to be on call 24/7 just in case there is a mortgage emergency at midnight on a random Saturday. PFFFT on that! If I am not in the office with my data base on my secure server at my fingertips I am worthless. Whatever that midnight Saturday question is can wait until 8:30 Monday morning or go directly to my office voice mail.

So I have not been paying attention to FaceBook ….at all. That’s when my auxiliary kid got into the equation. If you have read one of my previous posts you might remember him…the one who has many of the benefits of a biological child but none of the responsibilities, other than to fill in if one of the primary children fail-the spare, if you will. So my auxiliary kid decided that it would be a good idea if I was on Facebook.

“Why?” I asked him, truly perplexed.

“So I can talk to you if I want to.”

That sounded reasonable, who wouldn't want to talk to me? Even though he is one of the few honored individuals who actually has access to my cell phone number. It is even possible that I would answer his phone call late on a Saturday night-maybe- but okay, I am a sucker for teenagers, what could I say?

So one night not too long ago I allowed him to set up my Facebook account. (Now I want you all to know that I am not so mired in geezerdom that I couldn’t do that myself…while I would never say that I am a techno whiz, I do have a competence to a certain level.) So I did the kid a favor, he wanted to get the old girl up and running on FaceBook, and I Iet him. I always think it is nice when young people think they are doing something good for the geriatric set.

So immediately after my page is created came instantaneous outrage from my kids heaped upon the auxiliary kid. “WHAT? MOM IS ON FACEBOOK, AUXILLIARY KID, WHAT DID YOU DO???? HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN???” (As if I have the time to spy on them or something. Just because I am old (er) doesn’t mean I don’t have things to do.)

What happened next was most enlightening. The first person who friend requested me was my daughter eldest’s boyfriend. Okay, he must not think I am so bad, that, or he wants to keep track of me.

He was followed by a whole cavalcade of friends of my kids wanting to be my FaceBook pal. Some of them I have never met. I am not at all sure what this means.

What I am sure of is that I decided to use the forum to amuse and entertain-mostly myself, but it seems others are amused and entertained as well. I get messages from friends of my Facebook friends saying they love reading my statuses. No one knows for sure if what I am saying is the truth or not and that is okay-I plan to continue to be outrageous so I can keep ‘em all guessing. In my daily work life I am required to adhere to some semblance of the social norm; I find that on FaceBook I don’t. (Don’t get too excited, I keep it clean and genuinely do try not to embarrass the kiddies, but it is kind of fun saying whatever crazy non sequiter comes into my head whenever I want. )

As for my “friends” I am fairly selective. A friend of one of my kids can get in, others I am a little fussier about. Just because I might be able to be “found” on line doesn’t mean I want to be found or talk to any old someone who might happen across me.

There have been a lot of issues with FaceBook and privacy lately and I decided the best way to deal with that is to not tell them anything but my name, rank and serial number. For one thing I don’t care to be sold whatever they are selling and I don’t really care that much if anyone finds me. I have never been one to take that stroll down memory lane and talk about old times. Old times are gone, sitting around a bar yapping about them doesn’t make them any less gone or any more relevant. Anyone who really wants to find me probably could. I haven’t been under a rock all these years-actually I have a fairly public occupation.

I keep hearing that privacy as we boomers know it is heading the way of the dodo bird. Kind of a shame actually; though I guess I don’t see that being constantly in touch has really done my kids any damage.

Seems the American celebrity culture has done a job on a lot of us and we are all desperately seeking our own fifteen minutes of fame. Not I, anonymity is okay.

Oh, but wait, there is my daughter’s reality show….I do want to be in that.

Tea Baggers Rule, You Gotta Be Kidding

Sat, 22 May 2010 10:05:53 -0400

photo courtesy www.myauburnjournal.com

What a crazed week. Oil, that precious stuff of life continues to hemorrhage into the Gulf of Mexico and We The People in all our hubris are powerless to stop this new Frankenstein of our own creation.

In other news the tin foil hat people have won a victory if indeed that is what it is, in Kentucky and claimed control of one of the two dominant political parties. The victor of that election contest seems unable to shut his mouth and with every utterance more dangerous foolishness spews forth in an avalanche of self important claptrap. “Look at me! My nonsensical world view is center stage!”

These two events are interlinked for me. The continued appeasement of big business since the Reagan years in general and the BP oil spill. (Spill sounds a bit disingenuous doesn’t it? To refer to it as a “spill” takes the horror out of what is really happening as if the problem could be cured with a roll of Bounty and a mop. ) In the Tea Bagger/Libertarian view point individual selfishness is much more important than the rights of the group.

So, Mr. and Mrs. Teabag, do you have any opinion about the rights of the fishermen, those who work in the tourist industry, and all whose livelihood depend on the health of the Gulf of Mexico? Is it okay with you that BP Oil can continue to make billions of dollars at the expense of your neighbors and fellow citizens? Is it BP’s right to destroy the animal and plant life, an entire ecosystem so that YOU can drive your Hummer, or suburban assault vehicle down to the corner store? Maybe you ought to try walking…you might be healthier. Oh but wait, it is your right to kill yourself slowly, so that I get to pay for it in my health insurance premiums because you want the right not to carry health insurance.

Have you given any thought to the fact that you have anointed as your hero a man who thinks that it is okay to send people to the back of the bus because a private business owner may not like a particular genetic characteristic? A man who believes that good business sense will prevail to keep that from happening? The same good business sense that obviously didn’t prevail out on the deep water Horizon to repair critical elements of a drilling rig that could have prevented an environmental catastrophe? (And let us not forget the callous neglect and disregard to the lives of eleven BP employees.) But your man refers to it as an accident? Sure, no one wanted it to happen, but the speed of getting to the oil was more important. The safety precautions that were known and ignored in the race to get to the oil would have cost one day’s profit for BP, the biggest oil company in the world. But they have the right to the money-is that what you are telling me Mr. Teabag? At the expense of lives and the destruction of the coastline and seabed of an ocean? It’s okay because the government regulation that would have prevented this is bad. And what has ensued isn’t?

And then we have a stalwart of the Republican Party cynically making money on a book by comparing the Obama administration to the horrific regimes of Stalin and Hitler. And I say cynical because Mr.Gingrich is not ignorant or stupid. He understands exactly what he is doing and doesn’t even have enough shame to blush when he is called on it but sticks to his point. Really Sir, you have cheapened and demeaned the lives of so many millions that were lost by watering down what is true evil to make it comparable to a politician who is trying to work within the system to make the hard decisions and face the unpleasant truth of what we have inflicted on ourselves. And why? To sell books of course, and feather your own nest. Newt, you give salamanders a bad name.

And you, the Republican Party. Yes you are accountable too. You have encouraged the dumbing down of your own organization and cheered it on in its excesses. Not one of your leaders has the political courage to stand up and say, “Enough! Let’s restore some responsibility and work on the issues.” You would rather cowtow to radio talk show hosts and a vapid Governor Half Term from Alaska whose opinions, while legal are totally irresponsible and complete fiction.

And Americans who call yourselves Patriots-how’s about actually taking a gander at this Constitution that you are so concerned about protecting? If you did you might notices that the preamble begins with “We the people…”not “ I the person.” Yes, we are guaranteed some personal rights but they end where the other guy’s rights begin. Nowhere does the Constitution say I have the right to do what I damn well please and to hell with everyone else.

We the citizen patriots of this country have been behaving like a bunch of sailors coming off an epic drunk. It is time to sober up and pay up. And speaking of paying up, Mr. and Mrs. TeaBag, are you aware that taxes are lower than they have been since the Truman administration? So, we have a choice. We can pay more taxes and fund roads, schools, decent medical care for all or we can begin cutting things like defense, social security, and medicare. If you folks don’t care if we leave the elderly in the street to die, well, I guess that is a point of view. Not one I agree with, but at least be bold enough to stand behind it.

Are any of you “we pay too much in taxes” people aware that if each of us paid just 1% more in taxes (for me that would be about $300- $400 per year) and if businesses put in 1% more we could make social security solvent. Now I would be willing to spend $400 so that someone could retire with dignity and not have to eat cat food. That’s money well spent. I can easily fritter away $400 a year on soda pop and chips that I don’t need in a year’s time.

So yeah, Teabaggers, let’s dismantle the government. Let’s do state’s rights so we live in a nation with 50 different sets of standards. Because, you know what? You people keep this up and that is where it’s headed. Try that on under the Renyolds Wrap and think about that for a minute. National defense? Well, Texas isn’t up for it this week even though Rhode Island thinks it’s a good idea.

It’s all yours lunatic fringe. Have at it.

Maybe This Boomer is Still Hip

Sat, 24 Apr 2010 13:04:59 -0400

Recently I was invited to the local high school talent show by one of my daughter’s best friends. The invitation was flattering as the year my daughter appeared in the same show I was told “this isn’t for parents, MOM!” Oh, okay.

So when aforementioned friend asked me to come, I responded, “Are you sure? I was told that this show was not a parental thing.” He snorted, “What does she know? I want you to be there. I’m going to be in it and you’ll like my song.”

Since I shipped my daughter off to school this past fall I have missed attending her concerts, musicals etc. And because I am exceedingly fond of the young man in question (I have given him auxiliary child status-sort of like the First Runner Up at Miss America-he is expected to perform in the event that one of the children of my body is unable or unwilling to fulfill their duties. It’s a win/win as it is good for me because I have a spare and good for him because he has most of the rights of my children without the burden of expectation or responsibility) who was part of her artistic circle last year I have been very willing to take him up on his “come see me” invitations.

Last night the event rolled around. It has been a stressful week what with one thing and another, so what better way to kill a couple of hours than to watch a bunch of kids having fun. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect this being a high school talent show –jugglers? Unicyclists? Poor attempts at stand up comedy? It really doesn’t matter, they are 16-18 year old kids after all and cost of admission was for the local food bank, so once again, win/win.

I was unprepared for how much fun this concert would be. The acts were musical in nature-no lame jokes (but quite a few very good ones), some so-so music but mostly great music and some surprisingly talented performances from kids I had never dreamed had it in them.

The crowd was amazing. The auditorium was packed to the gunnels-if they had crammed one more student in I think it would have burst. Before the recent school budget cuts the school corporation had been able to provide this school with a state of the art surround sound system plus some great rotating spotlights. So the ambiance was one of a professional concert hall. No way one could sit among those kids and not want to jump up, dance, clap and move. I did pass on the mosh pit. While I am game for almost anything, that, I decided belonged to the under fifty set.

My young friend was correct, I loved his song. I have watched him over the course of two years play his parts in musicals, sing in choirs alongside my daughter and knew he had musical ability. The charisma, energy, electricity, and raw talent that he displayed was astonishing. My auxiliary kid has got “it” whatever “it” is. Over the course of the past year he has made some progress in defining what he wants and how he might get there, but he is one who needs to get there as he has so much to offer. I will do what I can to help him, just as I have tried to do what I can to find a path for my children to succeed and grow their talents. Trying to succeed as an artist is a difficult road. I figure any little bit of assistance I can render can't be bad.

As I was waiting in the throng of mostly young people (my daughter was right-it isn’t an event heavily attended by parents- I was approached by a woman with graying hair. She was obviously moved to speak with me as my own head is thoroughly silver these days.

“Boy, aren’t you glad you don’t have to take one of these home with you tonight?” she asked referring to the young hyper and enthusiastic crowd. “I don’t understand this music,” she added waiting for my agreement.

“I love the music, I love these kids.” I countered.

She looked perplexed. “Yes, but it’s all so loud and I don’t understand any of it.”

“Then why are you here?” I inquired politely.

Her jaw dropped open. She walked away.

Yeah, nice chatting with you too. Number one I was somewhat offended that my gray hair singles me out as “old”. But I suppose I am-maybe-a little. Well, sort of. But what really amped up my rudeness was the back handed referral to the kids. My experience is that this generation of kids is the bomb. They are politically active (my daughter got the Obama Christmas card-I didn’t and I was the one who gave the money!) Are ecologically, socially aware and genuinely want to do the right thing. And the best thing yet is that they know music.

“Was I good?” My young friend had found me in the throng at last.

“Oh my God, you were amazing.”

“Really?”

Really,

As the last band finished up with “Don’t Stop Believing” I couldn’t help but take out my own cell phone and wave it with the light on. As one of the MC’s pointed out, cell phones are so much safer than Bic lighters. Leave it to this generation to figure that out.