Deborah Young's Open Salon Blog

Pierce Brosnan - profoundly lovable, totally sexy

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:11:22 -0500

Pierce Brosnan, besides having a terrible singing voice a la Mamma Mia! is the father of 5 kids, is a talented painter, is married to Keely Shaye Smith who is neither lipo'd nor anorexic as so many of her hollywood peers. And he is a generous philanthropist.

He came from simple beginnings: his father abandoned his mother when he was an infant in Ireland, so he was raised by relatives while his mother became a nurse and worked in London to be able to send money back home.

He was married to actress Cassandra Harris for 17 years until she succumbed to ovarian cancer and he stopped working and took care of her until she died. That's when he took up painting again. He holds both an Irish and American citizenship, proudly becoming an American citizen in 2004.

He is best known for his role in Remington Steele and as James Bond. Anybody who saw him in the Thomas Crown Affair with Rene Russo knows he is absolutely swoon-able. He's a wonderful father, husband, painter and caregiver. Pierce? Who loves you, baby?

One of the reasons we love Pierce!

Why Western Feminism is Incompatible with Islam

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:11:11 -0500

In 2004 Theo Van Gogh was murdered in the street of his beloved Amsterdam by an Islamic man furious at the movie "Submission" Van Gogh had produced with Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a former Muslim woman from Somalia. The movie was about defiance, about Muslim women and the oppression and abuse they suffer under the precepts of the Quran. Muhammad Bouyeri shot Theo and after Theo begged, "Can't we talk about this?" Bouyeri shot him 4 more times and sawed Theo's throat with a knife then stabbed a 5 page letter onto the dying man's chest. The letter threatened Western Governments, Jews and Ayaan who had to go into hiding. Van Gogh was the great grandson of Theo Van Gogh, Vincents brother.

The moment was a defining one for Holland. They finally realized that their western values were incompatible with the Islamic faith practiced by the many Muslims in Holland. It set the country on fire. As Hirsi Ali says, "Opinion makers were now saying that it was irresponsible and indeed morally wrong to pretend that appeasing Islamic leaders would magically lead to social harmony. Dutch society was churninng with discussion over how to best integrate Muslims, and Muslims in Holland also seemed largely aware now that they needed to choose between Western values and the old ways."

The freedom of expression that liberated Hirsi Ali once she moved to Holland is unknown in most if not all theocratic Islamic countries. Theo's murderer and others like him don't realize how deeply people in the West are committed to the idea of an open society, she points out. Even though open societies are vulnerable, they are stubborn. It is the place where she ran for safety and freedom and she wants to keep it that way: safe and free.

Hirsi Ali grew up in a culture of death in Somalia, Saudi Arabia and Kenya. She wrote in her book "Infidel" that "death lures many to take their own lives in order to escape the dismal reality. For many women, because of the perception of lost honor, death comes at the hands of a father, brother or husband. Wishful thinking about the peaceful tolerance of Islam, she points out, cannot interpret away this reality: hands are still cut off, women still stoned and enslaved.

Ayaan has made this her lifes purpose: to educate those of us who are free that we in the West would be wrong to prolong the pain of transition unnecessarily, by elevating cultures full of bigotry and hatred toward women to the stature of respectable alternative ways of life.

The fact is that hundreds of millions of women around the world live in forced marriages, and six thousand small girls are excised every day. As was Hirsi Ali. With a pair of scissors wielded by a local religious man while being held down by adults.

The apologists for militant Islam do the West no favors when they run in with their politically correct mega-phones directing us all on what to think when another Muslim commits terror and murder in the name of his religion. The apologists for militant Islam do the Muslim faith no favors when they tamp down much needed discussion on how we in the West are to cope with a population that has gone through no reformation and often does not seek to assimilate in the country that opened its doors to them, but instead to take it over. The next time you see a woman in a burqa shopping, ask her if she was excised as a girl. Ask her what level of education she was allowed to achieve. Ask her if she was forced into her marriage. The women of the West have fought too hard and too long to be "free" to throw it all away by calling the oppression and abuse of millions of women in the name of religion just another lifestyle choice.

It is oppression and abuse.

We in the West are a tolerant people. Freedom of speech is protected by our constitution. Religious freedom in protected by our constitution. And women have been liberated, to run their own lives. All three of these are in direct conflict with strict Islam. You are not allowed to criticize or even question Islamic precepts. They tolerate no religion but their own. And women are subjugated with no voice or power either within the religious arena or at home. Peaceful Muslims are just as victimized as the rest of us by strict Islamists. [Writer Heather Michon points out that Islamic feminism is on the rise in the Muslim world and Europe is going to play a huge part in that development.]

Even American muslims who have grown up in America enjoying the perks and benefits of an open society, such as Major Hasan and his Imam, dare to embrace the belief that Islamic law trumps the U.S. Constitution. This sets up a dangerous conflict because

We are not a theocracy. The goal of a global Islamic Government is incompatible with religious tolerance.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali made her mark in Holland. She pushed through legislation that caused the Dutch government to register murders in that country based on honor killings and to register the domestic violence, sexual abuse and incest and the number of excisions of little girls taking place every year on Dutch kitchen tables. The Dutch government registered the number of drug-related killings and traffic accidents every year but not the number of honor killings because no Dutch official wanted to recognize that this kind of murder happened on a regular basis. Once these figures were clear, the facts alone shocked the country and helped her reach the goal of eliminating the complacent attitude of moral relativists who claimed all cultures are equal. She took away the excuse that nobody knew.

The creeping in of Shari'a law is incompatible with Western values. It is mainly muslim men in England who stridently demand to follow only Shari'a law instead of the laws of England, much to the horror of Islamic women who have fled brutal theocracies to escape Shari'a so they might attend universities and not marry if they wish and not be killed for being raped. And part of that creeping Shari'a law that is marking itself in free countries is the criminalization of religious talk and discourse if it involves Islam. That is Shari'a law. In our country Christians and Jews, Catholics and Baptists [and Hare Krishna's] are routinely debated, ridiculed and admired at various times and by various factions. Islam does not get a pass in a free society, which becomes un-free once freedom of speech is suppressed.

As a free society it is our duty to engage in vigorous discourse on the violence in our country being perpetuated on the innocent in the name of Islam. We are not the ones who are bringing up religion. When you shout "Allahu Akbar" before engaging in murder, you bring religion to the table. Now is not the time to apologize or wish away the realities. Now is the time to confront and hold feet to the fire: we have shed literal blood, sweat and tears to form a more perfect union, an open society that relishes its freedoms. And we won't be held hostage to the notion we must tolerate the intolerable.

There are times when silence becomes an accomplice to injustice. Or as Winston Churchill put it: "The malice of the wicked is reinforced by the weakness of the virtuous." Unfortunately, Theo Van Gogh learned that the hard way.

An Uptight White Chick Goes To Church

Thu, 5 Nov 2009 11:11:28 -0500

I went to church this morning. A big, welcoming, friendly, music-playing, hip-swaying, hands-on laying church. You just don't realize how uptight you are until you're in a crowd of Christians feeling the spirit. And in Hawaii, the church is filled with Portuguese, Hawaiian, Vietnamese, Filipino, Chinese, Japanese, Black, White, Hapa parishioners and more.

The service starts out with a rock-star-like concert on the stage. I even work with one of the singers during our day jobs. The singers harmonize and clap and the words to the songs are on the screen, scrolling down. Hands are raised, eyes are closed, people are feeling it! And I'm like Elaine from Seinfeld, out of tune, can't follow the beat - white girls really can't dance! I wonder if this is how Anne Lamott ever felt? I'm not as bad as my husband who whispers to me: "I'm like Milli Vanilli - I lip sync only!" Great.

The church helps others in big and little ways. They are underwriting an "Operation Life Benefit Concert!" where all of the money raised goes to provide aid and support for those affected by the recent earthquakes and tsunamis and typhoons in the Pacific. And their Thanksgiving outreach brings Thanksgiving dinners to those experiencing financial difficulty, homelessness and those transitioning from prison, drugs and alcohol and also to the elderly.

The sermon today is given by the main pastor, the big Kahuna. He's authentic, quick, to the point, a real preacher. The theme today is on Satan and how it's his job to make our lives less than they could be, to convince us not to come to church and especially not to pray. To convince us of poverty rather than abundance. To focus on the world, not on God. It's a powerful message. The pastor is praying on our behalf, interceding on our behalf BUT we have to make effort on our own behalf, of course. I have no doubt Satan has had a field day with my life.

Toward the end of his sermon the pastor calls up everybody to the front of the church who are heavy-hearted, in pain, need prayer. Of course, that would be everybody. I want to go up but I don't know what I'd be getting myself into so I stay where I am even though a couple of times he looks pointedly at my husband and I and talks of "pride". Oh, I have no doubt pride is involved, but so is caution. I'm an uptight white chick. I need to see what I'm getting myself into first.

Quite a few members make it down front, some already crying. The pastor calls out his lay pastors to pray and lay hands on these parishoners. People around us start speaking in tongues, the Pastor is praying and praying with passion and the lay pastors start laying on hands and praying on each person. And people start to drop. A pastor behind them eases them to the ground; some look unconscious, others are crying. A third member comes by and gently lays a blue sheet on them and steps over them and moves to the next fainting member. The energy in that church is so thick I feel it vibrating in my chest and in the tears running down my face. The woman next to my husband is speaking in tongues and he elbows me but I hear her, I hear her.

I was raised a Roman Catholic. I then joined a zen cult and left it after a few years. Then I attended a Lutheran church when my son was young. Next I converted to Judaism and then left Judaism. Back to the Lutheran church and then nothing. All of those experiences were quieter, uptighter, private. Nothing like this big, bouncy, loud, swaying congregation. If you're gonna do it at all, why not do it big?

This will take some getting used to.

A Baby-Boomer Goes Under the [Gamma] Knife

Tue, 3 Nov 2009 10:11:35 -0500

"Okay Mr. Young. Today we'll be preparing you for your Gamma Knife. We'll be doing a CT scan and an MRI. There will be injections, very similar to the ones you receive at the dentist, to the 4 spots on your head where we will screw on the head cage. I have some questions to ask first. Oh. Yes?"

"Didn't we date each other about 15 years ago?"

"Um. Ken, right?"

"Right."

"Why yes! How are you? [awkward silence, they both glance at me, the wife]

"Well considering I'm about to have a cage attached to my head before getting radiated...Good! Real good!"

"Good. Nice to see you again. I just have a few questions."

"Shoot!"

"Oh and we'll be giving you a sedative before the procedure."

The nurse looks at her clipboard: "Any allergies? no? Any metal plates? no? Pace-maker or other implants?"

"Just the ones the Aliens inserted in him," I offered. They glance at me.

"And what medications are you taking right now?"

"Trileptal, Cymbalta, Lyrica, Xanax, Klonopin. Oh! And oxycodone on really bad pain days...we call that the rush limbaugh pill as in honey? I really need a rush limbaugh pill."

I snort.

"Any G/U complaints?" [my husband looks at me to translate]

"Yes," I say. "He can't pee very well. Decreased amount of urine produced is a side effect of 2 of his drugs. [my husband scowls at me. What? I mouth & shrug.]

"Any skin issues?"

Mr. Young puts out his left arm, covered in new and unusual skin sores, reddened, blistered skin. She examines it. He flexes his bicep for her, sneaking a side-ways glance.

"What is this from?"

"2 of his drugs list this as a side effect - I know it looks gross, doesn't it?"

"Hmmm, any other side effects from medication?"

"Did he mention changes in sexual function?" I ask sweetly. [ a new glare]

"And also, blurred vision, dry mouth, constipation, [scowls at me again], headaches, dizziness, drowsiness, trouble concentrating...."

"Alrighty!"

"....loss of coordination, muscle weakness, swelling of ankles, the unusual bruising [she glances at his arm briefly] did we mention the peeing thing? [she nods] Oh good. Oh and memory loss!"

"Alrighty then!"

"Here's the Doctor. He'll be giving you those tiny, non-painful injections right now... here we go!"

"SONOFABITCH!"

"Okay. Just a couple more!"

"MOTHEROFGODYOU'VEGOTTOBEKIDDING!"

"I think I'll take that valium now."

"But we don't usually give it until right before he goes into the Gamma Knife...and we usually just give it to the patient."

"No, I'd like the valium right now," I state firmly.

"Alrighty!"

"Hmmmm. Your pulse ox is low, you're only breathing 93% in room air - do you have any underlying lung issues?"

"Well I did smoke cigarettes for 30 years."

"Do you still smoke, Mr. Young?"

"Oh no."

He adds slyly, "And, I might have smoked pot for 30 years also..."

She wheels him to the elevator to take him to his MRI.

"Last time I saw you," he says conversationally, "you were so drunk I had to practically carry you back to your apt. How is your family?" Thwack! " Ouch!" I hear the wheelchair slam into the wall.

I wait for the valium to kick in.

on David Letterman

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:10:40 -0400

Almost 30 years ago I worked full-time at an alternative newspaper in Santa Barbara. I wrote articles and helped keep the community events section organized as well. Men and women worked there, there was smoking inside while working, pot smoking in the back, beer drinking at night while working late. A liberal bastion while Ronald Reagan was in office and his western white house shimmered in the hills close by.

One of the male writers who worked there started hassling me. He wanted to date me, I didn't want to date him. He lived with his girlfriend who also worked at the newspaper. But she was sufficiently oppressed by his ego that she said nothing while he openly courted me. I didn't want to date him. I didn't really even like him. When he finally realized I was serious he started to make my life a living hell. At first I ignored him. But then I realized something curious. I was a liberal woman working at a liberal newspaper getting sexually harrassed by a liberal man and nobody was batting an eye. I mean nobody.

I went to the Editor of the newspaper, a woman who was friends with this male writer. I told her the problem. She told me that that was just the way D. was and he didn't mean any harm, just put up with it, no big deal. I explained to her it was a big deal to me and it was seriously affecting my work and my being able to even come to work. She shrugged and poured herself another cup of coffee.

Here's what I did: I walked away from my dream job.

So it was with great dismay to see that almost 30 years later, nothing has changed for women in the workplace.

Nell Scovell, a former writer for David Letterman, with an impressive 20 year resume, weighed in this week on her experience as one of the very few female writers on his staff. She has also been writing for Vanity Fair since 1988.

When the news first broke that Letterman was being black-mailed by a staff member for his blatent affairs with women who work under him I listened bleakly to the rush, the whoosh! of defense to poor married Mr. Letterman. The men were all: "those women want to be with rich, successful men!" "The woman blackmailing him must have planned this from the start!" Well, it was a man who was blackmailing Letterman. CBS news producer Robert J. Halderman tried to extort $2 million dollars from Letterman to keep some of the comedians' sexual affairs quiet. Oopsy to all you men who screamed "Ho!" at the top of your lungs.

Totally missing the point that this is about workplace policies, not about a single man dating someone at work. And deftly tucked away was the fact he is married with a kid at home. Apparently if you are rich, and a "star" you have permission to prowl the halls for your next one night stand. Really. Who's going to say no to the boss?

I watched with disheartenment as my fellow feminist bloggers defended him to the hilt. "It's not about sex!" "How else do you meet people?" "Those ladies love it!" "His wife probably doesn't even mind!" and Barbara Walters weighed in on the View: "It isn't sexual harrassment."

Oh but Barbara, it is.

As Nell points out, there's a subset of sexual harrassment called sexual favoritism that, according to the Equal Opportunity Commision can lead to a "hostile work environment," often "creating an atmosphere that is demeaning to women." And that was her experience as a writer on the David Letterman show.

At this moment there are zero women working as comedy writers for various late shows, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien included. Nell describes her experience:

"Was I aware of rumors that Dave was having sexual relationships with female staffers? Yes. Was I aware that other high-level male employees were having sexual relationships with female staffers? Yes. Did these female staffers have access to information and wield power disproportionate to their job titles? Yes. Did that create a hostile work environment? Yes. Did I believe these female staffers were benefiting professionally from their personal relationships? Yes. Did that make me feel demeaned? Completely. Did I say anything at the time? Sadly, no."

But I did say something at the time and it got me exactly nowhere. And I know thousands of women have said something at the time at their jobs and it got them exactly nowhere. So you can stop screaming in my ear that she should have "said" something. Oooh. That would make it stop.

Here's what she did: she walked away from her dream job.

She's coming forward now because she wants to pivot the discussion away from the bedroom and toward the writers' room, because "it pains me that almost 20 years later, the situation for female writers in late-night TV hasn't improved." She points out that shows "often rely on current (white, male) writers to recommend their funny (white, male) friends to be future (white, male) writers." Anybody who saw the movie "Funny People" starring Adam Sandler can't argue that fact. The whole movie showed how older men mentor younger men and younger men bring on board their male friends and so it goes. I believe my mothers generation called this "The Old Boys Network."

Perhaps male writers don't want women in the room. But Scovell points out "we're your co-workers, not your wives."

Sexual harrassment of women in the workplace is wrong. It robs a women of her right to employment, to be safe, to benefit from her years of education or experience. And it is wrong whether it is a liberal man like Letterman [or Clinton] or a conservative. To argue otherwise is intellectually dishonest and is the definition of double-standard.

The man who harrassed me almost 30 years ago went on to have a very successful writing career. He didn't have to worry about hostile work environments and also could rely on his network of male writers to recommend him to his next job. This creates economic disparity between the sexes on a huge scale.

To be able to work at a job you love without having to worry about the David Lettermans in the office trolling for sex. Must be nice.