DivaMomNYC's Open Salon Blog

Sad Inspiration!

Tue, 25 May 2010 21:05:32 -0400

So I have been agonizing over what to write for the last few weeks because I have felt uninspired. There have been so many things going in my life whether its been work related, or personal that have literally left me mentally drained. To be honest it has left me spent, to the point where I haven't been able to think about anything else.

Last Friday I was off from work because I needed to take care of something with my son. (Something I will get into in a later post). After our appointment we returned home to just relax and my son tells me that he read on Facebook on of his classmates died. I am dumbfounded because I had just seen the child the day before. So I call the school, and the information is confirmed. I am in shock, then I was told to turn on the news. Now I'm confused. What happened? I ask. I'm told again turn on the news. I put on the TV and there is the face I see everyday, speak to, hear her voice in the hallways, or her laugh. My next emotion was pain. She was murdered.. stabbed to be exact by her mother's boyfriend over 20 times. I can't even put into words what I feel. I still can't. What makes this situation unique is because I happen to work in my son's school so not only do I have a special relationship with him, I have relationships with a lot of his friends and other kids.

How do you explain something like this to a child? As an adult I don't even understand it. There are so many questions that are now left unanswered, so many things that could have been. Emonee was a bright girl, full of life and full of spunk. She was mature in a lot of ways, in some ways more than girls older than her. I am glad I never shut her out. I am happy that my door was always open for her and anyone else that wants to walk in. I will miss her laugh, I will miss the questions she would love to ask me about love and boys, I will miss seeing her argue with her friends and making up 5 minutes later.

I treasure these things with a heavy heart, but I am thankful.I wish I could write more but I physically can't put 2 sentences together at the moment. I promise to keep you informed about my efforts to continue helping children and keeping Emonee's spirit alive. If you have not read the tragic details of this story you can read the story here http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/22/nyregion/22stab.html

Love Your Children and Others

DivaMomNYC

The South Bronx Diet: Stacked Against You

Mon, 3 May 2010 09:05:20 -0400

he South Bronx has the worst obesity and asthma rates in New York. What is it like to raise a family there?

by Fitsmi Staff

How do you describe someone like Taneesha? Her Twitter handle gives a few clues: “Mother, Model, Entrepreneur, Blogger, and DIVA.” But there’s more to Taneesha than the many hats she wears.

Taneesha Crawford

Taneesha grew up in the projects of South Bronx, where she now works as parent coordinator at the local high school. She is a single mom to a teen son, and she hosts aninternet radio show. But perhaps most of all, Taneesha is a woman who cares—not just about herself and her family, but about her friends, her neighborhood, and the young people in the South Bronx, which has the highest asthma and obesity rates of New York’s five boroughs.

Taneesha sat down with Fitsmi for Moms and answered a few questions about how tolive healthy in a not-so-healthy neighborhood. She also did a walking "photo tour" of her neighborhood for readers who might not be familiar with the kind of poor urban environment she's talking about. Read on to find out what she had to say.

What are the main obstacles you see families facing when it comes to making healthy food choices for their kids in South Bronx?

The parents are not well educated and just don’t know that there are better options. Unfortunately, a lot of the healthier options are far outside the neighborhood or are ridiculously expensive. At the local supermarket, for example, you can get a giant sugary cake for $2, or you could spend $1 for…one apple. White bread is cheaper than whole wheat. Vegetable and fruit prices are through the roof. I can go on and on about this.

What are your school lunches like?

Surprise! Our school meals are very well balanced and healthy. For lunch, we could have roasted chicken, vegetables, potatoes, milk or juice and a piece of fruit. Breakfast could be a whole-wheat bagel, oatmeal, yogurt, and fruit. Unfortunately, there’s a stigma about eating “school lunch,” so most high school kids skip lunch or buy it outside. But the outside choices are all fast food. While out last weekend I took a walk that spanned about 22 blocks, and what I noticed was horrendous. Popeye’s, KFC, Burger King, McDonald’s, and Chinese takeouts were the only options.

If you’re coming home from work late and you don’t have time to cook or grocery shop, what are your options?

I usually cook Monday-Thursday and make enough food for leftovers. If for some reason I don’t get to cook, my son and I will dine out, and I usually try to make sure he is eating something healthy. He does have a weakness for mozzarella sticks and pizza, though!

What are your best tips for other moms who may live in similar neighborhoods and want to give their kids the best shot at lifelong good health?

I would say take a trip to a supermarket outside of your neighborhood. The quality of foods in the projects and some urban neighborhoods is extremely poor. Take a subway ride and visit Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods and see the difference. Also, look online for ideas about recipes and new foods you can introduce to your family. Buy fresh or frozen vegetables instead of cans, try new recipes, and invite friends over for a potluck (This is a great way to try new foods and have a party in the process!).

Know what your kids like, but expose them to new vegetables and foods. Children will be more likely to try something new if they help make it. For older kids, let them try making a dinner for the family once in a while. Once they see how much effort goes into preparing a meal, they may open up to new ideas and foods.

What are some obstacles to kids getting exercise and how can moms help?

There are a lot of NYC schools that don’t have a gym or access to a playground, which means kids are literally in school all day being told to sit down! Kids need to run and jump and play.

Walking is free! If the weather permits, take a family walk. Walk instead of driving or taking the subway.

How does being overweight or obese affect the lives of the families and kids you see in South Bronx?

I see a lot of kids and adults who are suffering from obesity and asthma. The rates are higher in the South Bronx than in any other New York borough. Kids suffer because children tease them in school, and they also are at risk for health problems. Adults suffer because they just don’t know how to help, or they know but are unable to because of cost or logistics.

For example, it is considered disrespectful in some families if you do not finish the food on your plate. Some parents even go so far as to tell children that there are kids starving and “Shame on you for wasting food!” So some children grow up accustomed to eating more food than necessary.

Time is also an issue. Moms are not home as much as they used to be, so you’re either cooking whatever is quickest, or you’re ordering take out. We need to teach our kids about growing their own fruits and vegetables, cooking more meals at home, reading labels, and curbing unhealthy eating habits, whether they’re overweight or not.

Who or what inspires you to keep trying to stay healthy when your environment seems stacked against you?

I just keep spreading the message to whoever will listen. No one is perfect, and the least we can do is share information and try to help each other.

Is it the parent’s fault if their child is obese?

If you are a parent who is constantly feeding your child junk food on a daily basis, I think you should take some responsibility. But if you are a family of four that has $150 to spend on groceries a month, you’re going to try and get what will last the longest. Unfortunately, those are usually the unhealthy choices.

How do you feel about Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move campaign? Do you think it will make a difference?

I think it’s a great start and a step in the right direction, but I think it will take a lot more education and a lot more money.

What can schools do to become a healthier environment for kids?

I think schools should have more play time. Kids need to move throughout the day!

What do you think of using tax policy to discourage unhealthy eating, like raising taxes on fast food?

I think it’s stupid. People are going to continue to purchase the unhealthy options—the money these companies generate proves that. I think increasing the tax on fast food is an easy way to make money off of a sad problem.

______________________

Note: There is hope in the South Bronx -- Taneesha recently sent us an article about teenagers turning asphalt into vegetable gardens. And Bronx officials recently held the first-ever food summit to teach residents about how to eat healthy, local, fresh food.

Is your Child’s V-Card still in Tact?

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 13:04:04 -0400

For ages their have been all types of slang and code words that children have used for generations. With the age and explosion of the internet, social networking, and Instant Messaging if you have a teenager you may barely be able to understand the words that come from their mouths. So I am going to inform you of a new term that is going around and I encourage you to talk to your teens about it. The term "VCard" is being used by boys and girls. No it's not something for their netbook or Xbox. What a VCard actually is, is your child's virginity. So if you hear kids/teens talking about collecting VCards, or possibly giving up their VCards this is what they are referring to. With the rates of Teenage Pregnancies and transmissions of STD', self-esteem issues etc. It is so important that we talk to our kids about sex. They are exposed to it everyday via TV, the Newspaper, in School and it's not something that is going to go away. I ask you to share this information with other parents so we can all start to be a little more informed about the life of our Teens.

Peace,

DivaMomNYC

Dept of Education and Wall Street. What they have in common!

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 08:04:25 -0400

Today I have been captivated by the Goldman Sachs hearings. As I type this the echo of the hearings are streaming via CNN and echo in the background. As a parent of a child in Public School, an employee in Education and a Taxpayer I must admit I am mortified and disgusted. Not for the reasons you may think. The fact that some of these stockbrokers and CEO's can admit they have no regret about their actions, the fact they collected $9 million dollar bonuses as people lost their homes and jobs are a given. These are not the things that trouble me, what troubles me are the similarities between the structure, bureaucracy, and downfall of the financial system and the Education System. Replace CEO's with Principals, Replace Brokers with Teachers/Parents, Replace Profits and Losses with Students. See why I'm worried? The thing that worries me the most is the lack of accountability. I have always likened raising a child to having stock depending on how much you invest in it and nurture it the better the return will be. Who is to blame when our kids don't learn? How is it acceptable that Principals profit and earn big bonuses when their schools are failing? You have schools that are boasting about sending kids to community college.. Really? Is that all we can offer our kids? What does that say about why they are not competitive, why they have no interest in school.? Why their SAT scores are in the toilet? How can we expect our kids to succeed when we put people in charge of their education to ensure they fail? Where is the moral and ethical responsibility? Where and how do we begin to bring reform to our children's schools and take responsibility for their Education? Do you really know your child's teacher or principal? As the chairman repeatedly accused the Goldman Sachs CEO's of doing was selling "junk". To a certain degree that's how I feel about the quality of education in some schools. You have teachers that are just working to earn Tenure and they know they are doing a crappy job. You have principals that allow this, they need to protect themselves so they can also get tenure and bonuses. It's not fair. If you are a taxpayer in NYC you have a right to know what teachers, principals and administrators earn at your child's expense. Here is a site where you can check http://www.seethroughny.net/Payrolls/EmployeeSearch/tabid/69/Default.aspx

Here is another site to get an inside look in NYC schools http://gothamschools.org/ and speak with other parents a great source of information ishttp://www.edwize.org/

Also remember you have a right to know who is teaching your child, stop by their schools unannounced, check on them in classes, observe what goes on in the halls, talk to your children. Don't always take the teachers word. We are all accountable and we all have a responsibility to the future of America. There will be more to come on this topic. I encourage people to comment especially from other states, I can only attest to some of the goings on in NYC.

DivaMomNYC

Just flowing with a memory about my Dad

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 15:04:33 -0400

Yesterday made 14 years since my Dad died Over the past few months it seems like death and sickness has been all around me. Sometimes I get caught up in living I forget that one day it can come to an end without any warning. I admit I have a fear of death which is why I try to cram so much in every minute of my life. I am not the type of person to sit and cry when I lose someone close to me, it has become a part of life that I have to accept. When my dad died I was 18 years old 1 week away from my 19th birthday and mother to an almost 2 month old son who my father had yet to see because he was in the hospital fighting the last stages of AIDS. I am not sure why I am choosing this moment to share this but I am going to flow with it. My dad had his issues, he was an only child and his mom was far from a nice person which didn't help the situation. She was very resentful when my dad hooked up with my mom. To her he was leaving her for someone else.. In essence CRAZY! My mom and dad got together and my mom got pregnant with me. My dad was thrilled but my mother never wanted kids so she was less than thrilled. It wasn't until later on that I found out my mother wanted to have an abortion and made it as far as the doctor but her sister told my grandmother and my grandmother got there and prevented it. I always think about if that hadn't happened I wouldn't be here. To this day I wish I knew the date that took place because to me that's my official birthday. I used to always wonder why I could never figure out my purpose, and it dawned on me its hard to know your purpose when you weren't supposed to be here in the first place. I look at things differently now. I know I am here and what I am supposed to do and that my life does have value and meaning. Growing up my family life was anything but normal. My dad ended up going into jail and becoming addicted to drugs which eventually led to him beating my mother. So not only was I not wanted, but I was a reminder of abuse,hurt and pain. So I endured alot growing up. Although I remember the pain he caused I also remember the good things he tried to do like painting, singing, playing guitar, writing music,letting me know he loved me no matter what. I can remember being like 11 years old and him saying I am going to see you graduate HS and be a big girl. Fast forward 7 years he did just that and died 7 months later of AIDS. When I had Jalan I remember still being in the hospital and calling the hospice and letting him know, but he was to weak to come to the phone so they just put it to his ear. I cried like a baby.. Who would walk me down the aisle? Who would be there to tell my children the stories about me as a little girl? All of these things and more still stay with me to this day. I wish my relationship with my mother was better I have been trying to figure out the way to best fix it, but there would be so much to get through and admit and deal with and frankly I am not sure either one of us is ready for that. I don't hate her but there is a part of me that wishes for the mom that loves her little girl, that goes shopping, and talks with about her boyfriends and life. I don't have that at all. I have never been on a vacation with just me and my mom, not even a dinner or coffee. Sometimes I feel like an orphan.. Sometimes I think I have so many friends and want to meet and treasure people so much because I always feel insecure about not being wanted. Funny how life works..I have a running joke that I tell myself every year without therapy is a good one. Im 32 and haven't been yet.. All I can do is live my life and be a good person and hope that's enough.

DivaMomNYC