Drew-Silla's Open Salon Blog

Stripper Acquitted Of Sodomizing Drunk Fucktard

Wed, 5 Aug 2009 18:08:54 -0400

A jury has found Linda Marie Naggs, a professional dancer, not guilty of raping a man at a bachelor party.

Linda Naggs; Rapist? The jury says not

Ms. Naggs, who uses the stage name Tiffany, was hired by the plaintiff to perform an X-rated show called "Anal" at his friend's bachelor party. Naggs' lawyer, Paul Higham, says that after the groom opted out of taking part in the performance, the plaintiff of his own free will got naked on all fours. The plaintiff then allowed lubricant to be smeared on his rear while Tiffany stood behind him with a pink dildo strapped to her waist. Higham describes the man's actions as "a bit like playing chicken with moving cars,'' and has suggested that he placed himself in close proximity to the dildo for a reason.

What happened next is a matter of some debate. The alleged victim told the court that he urged Tiffany not to put the strap-on into his anus, and was shocked when she did anyway.

This is the part that puzzles me. Here he was, naked on all fours in front of a woman wearing a strap-on dildo, yet he was supposedly asking her at that moment not to penetrate him. I don't know if the guy was whole-heartedly into what he was doing or not, but at the very least he was conflicted, or he wouldn't have found himself in that position.

The prosecutor in the case, Kieran Gilligan, said that when the plaintiff raised concerns as to where she might put the sex toy, Ms. Naggs replied "Not a problem, relax, it's only fun, I won't go there," but did go there anyway. Gilligan said Naggs described the incident as a joke, but urged the jury to find her guilty. "He never consented to any penetration and she intentionally penetrated him and this is rape and you ought to find her guilty,'' said the prosecutor.

After less than a day of deliberation, the jury found Ms. Naggs, a working mother, and a dancer for the last thirteen years, not guilty. She wept as the verdict was read, and her lawyer thanked the jury on her behalf for the attention they gave to the case.

Strong Women Rock, Now Please Shut The Fuck Up

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 17:06:47 -0400

Pt.1: Dana

I'm not good at being nice, so I'll keep this short and to the point. I did a piece several days ago which was a parody of a post by fellow OSer Dana D. I wasn't parodying Dana, I was parodying one particular post, and my main motivation in doing so was to have a few laughs. As near as I can tell, Dana's a down to earth, really nice person, and she's deserving of nothing but respect. We live in a society where lip service is paid to the notion of gender equality, but the reality on the ground is that there is not a level playing field, not in the work place and not any place else that matters. In order to achieve equivalent pay and respect to a given man, a woman is required to work harder than that man, be smarter than him, and be prepared to take a lot of shit off cretins who think she's trying to rise above her station. This isn't a matter of opinion, this is reality, and anybody who thinks it's not so is a fool. Dana had the courage, strength, and ability to not only become as good as any man in her chosen field, but better than many, or for all I know, all of them, and for this she has my admiration.

Pt.2: Drew

In the last day or two, there has been speculation that I'm a bitter woman who wrote my parody post because of jealousy of Dana, or that I'm a man who felt threatened by her, or that I'm motivated by a need for attention. People are free to speculate all they like, and I hope they enjoy themselves doing it, but to reiterate, the post was done for humor's sake, and because I'm somewhat of a bitch. Anybody who reads more into it than that is bringing their own issues to the table, and that has nothing to do with me. If there's anybody reading this who still wants to discuss those issues, I'd like to refer them to my favorite therapist, Dr. Leary.

Pt.3: Dennis

I'm More Than Tits And Ass; I'm Also A Giant Ego

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 05:06:17 -0400

I have to say, I am definitely more than my tits and ass and cunt and penis. In fact, now and then I have to check to make sure they are still there. Because here’s the thing; as perfect as my tits and ass and cunt and penis are, my ego is what runs the show around here. I sometimes lament that my sense of self worth has become so overblown that I am no longer a sexual being. Being sexual or being a full partner in society appears to be an "either/or" proposition for women, and if I have a beef with anything, it is that. Fortunately, I am neither man nor woman, but a hermaphrodite, so I don’t need to bother having sex with lesser beings.

But I am seen as substantially more than my girl and guy parts.

I am educated, with multiple advanced degrees. Few men in America, let alone hermaphrodites, can match my level of education. I am no second class citizen in terms of knowledge or education, and let’s face it, anybody with less education than me is second class at best.

I am the head of my own law firm. Both men and women work for me, do as I require, and kiss my ass if they value their cushy jobs. I hire and fire, and everyone here answers to me, and me, alone. Some might say that being the head of a law firm doesn't necessarily make you a great person. None of my employees say that however, or at least, not in my divine presence.

Male attorneys against whom I litigate do not take me lightly; or if they do, it is only 'til they take in my steely, determined gaze and the majesty of my rack . Judges respect me, and juries do, too, and even if they don't they can be bought off. Clients respect and sometimes adore me, and they pay me a lot of money because I don't work for poor people. That's what losers who do pro bono work are for. I detect zero condescension, patronization or subjugation, unless it's condescension, patronization, or subjugation of others by me.

People listen to what I have to say. I do not have to ask permission to speak or be heard. This is because only weaklings, or people worried about societally imposed notions of politeness, ever ask for anything. I can hold my own on a variety of subjects -- from law and politics, to basketball, to social issues, to cooking and home life, to fashion and makeup tips. Most of all, as you can tell from reading this post, I can hold my own when it comes to discussing how fabulous I am. Anybody who doesn't like what I have to say keeps it to themselves if they know what's good for them.

I go where I want, when I want and how I want, and I do whatever I want, without the necessity of any man's approval or participation. This is of course something that anybody, man or woman, can do if they have enough money, but I prefer to believe it's due to my exceptionalism. No one tells me what I can or cannot do with my body. I determine who gets to touch me, and where and how, and to what extent, and when it stops. No one exercises dominion or control over my body or my actions. Again, these are all things which are true of any competent adult in America with large amounts of money, but it pleases me to portray it as an indicator of my superiority.

I am powerful, the hermaphroditic deity of all that I survey. I bend wills, or break them when they refuse to bend, for that's a hobby of mine, and it's necessary to break wills to get at the adrenal glands I need to sustain me. Rich and powerful people seek and rely on my counsel and advice, and entrust me with their deepest secrets and the most imporant, frightening and consequential matters in their lives. For this I h0ld them in contempt, even as I grow rich off their indiscretions. As for the weakest among us, who need a strong champion, well, fuck them; as I mentioned above, I don't do pro bono work.

But the price for my power is high. For it, I sacrifice nothing less than my sexuality. No mere mortal sees me as a sexual being when I am radiating raw power and rubbing their noses in how much better than them I am. Most people on the planet are, frankly, intimidated by me, and that's how I like it. I am usually taller, smarter, more educated than they are, and I am always more egotistical.

I scare the shit out of people, and that pleases me.

Thankfully for me, I am a hermaphrodite! While I had a normal marriage before achieving what I have today, I doubt I could now find a lesser human who is both worthy of me and not paralyzingly threatened by me.

Oh, I am more than my body, that's for sure. Way more. I'm an egomaniacal super-being with a taste for human adrenal glands. I'm blessed not only with god-like ability and beauty, but fully functioning female and male genitalia, and you aren't worthy to scrape the shit off my Manolo Blahnik heels. Bow down before me mortal, acknowledge my dominion, and love me.

Jane Smithie - Shill For The John Birch Society?

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:03:31 -0400

at the risk of appearing paranoid (which doesn't phase me. by all means, go ahead, i've got balls the size of Neptune), i posit that Jane Smithie is not just some blogger who blogs for the fun of it. i posit that she is paid to write the blogs she writes.

it is well known that corporations and political parties and long since discredited extreme Right organizations pay bloggers and "reviewers" to "sway public opinion through internet forums."

here are some links regarding this topic, for anyone who doesn't already know about it:

http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-33001911_ITM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspiracy_theory

http://www.alaska.net/~clund/e_djublonskopf/Flatearthsociety.htm

http://stuffucanuse.com/fake_moon_landings/moon_landings.htm

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/

http://www.rosicrucian.org/

http://www.jbs.org/

http://www.aspca.org/

"When I do a search on Google for company XYZ, and suddenly in the top ten results are opinions from user-generated content sites that can sway my opinion of the company."

...change "company" to laughably out of touch Right Wing lunatic fringe organization, and remember John Birch capitalized on xenophobia and fear-mongering to revolutionize Right Wing lunatic fringe politics in several counties in the Midwest several decades ago. then ask yourself - why would they give up that power once they'd gained it?

“Blogs started as simple online diaries and have come round to being mainstream ways to promote ideas and products.... "

i suggest that jane's play on this site - a rather important site, i think we can agree. were we not just nominated? that gets how many hits a day from intelligent Neo-Cons? - is bought and paid for. not by salon or open salon, but by people who - for instance - have a stake in convincing us that John Birch HAS NOT PROVEN INCOMPETENCE OR DISHONESTY YET. i find that position so impossibly, outrageously ludicrous that i am, literally, UNABLE to believe a bright person feels that way. and Jane is certainly bright.

going back to this John Birch, of course we have the fact that he was a certifiable xenophobic maniac. making him either WAY WAY too incompetent to be IN CHARGE OF THE lunatic fringe (even just technically, as some will argue), OR, a liar.

now the basic dementia of the JBS. again - either totally full of shit, OR a passle of liars.

then there is the fact she completely takes positions with which i vehemently disagree. this if nothing else clinches it for me; jane smithie is obviously working for the John Birch Society

so, if she is a paid shill - she clearly deserves a decent paycheck.

i am embarrassed at this point. i am embarrassed that in my personal life and all over this country - Right Wing lunatics care more about the title "Right Wing lunatic" than they do the actions of those who brand themselves "Right Wing lunatic" just as, if you weren't for the anti-Communist witch-hunt, you were against Joe McCarthy (so the arguments went), then if you are against the JBS - you are against John Birch.

it is not John Birch right or wrong, nor the JBS right or wrong. we have WIDESPREAD homelessness coming up soon. people are spawning their jewelry. people are losing their jobs in droves, and that doesnt include all those who lost their jobs in the past couple years, as this was building to the implosion it has become.

it is the defense of John Birch even now that made me say, "hmm, something is off here." it is not sensible, yet hers is a very sensible persona.

of course, she cant admit it if she is. so i guess we will never know.

Tinkertink69 Bangs Drew-Silla: An Interview

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 23:03:37 -0400

Being new here in Open Salon and never having done a post, I considered it a great honor when Tinkertink69 agreed to answer some questions I stole off Nanatehay's interview post from last night. I flew into Fargo this morning and met the man himself, and he answered the questions over coffee and aperitifs, after which we retired to his faux Turkish bath house and Jacuzzi. He's the most godlike and magnetic man I've ever met, and I soon had him squeezing his testicles and clucking like a chicken, but I won't go into more detail than that because a lady never kisses and tells.

Tink and I right before we commenced with the wallering around.

And now, Tinkertink69 in his own words, the art film.

Why do you write?

For the fame, the fortune, the hot ladies who stand outside my home weeping because I just flashed them from my huge bedroom windows.

Seriously, I write for me and the joy it gives me. I write for a form of therapy.

I also write as part of my early release from prison deal. Moving on.

What authors have influenced your writing?

God, I don't know, this is a good question but its hard to answer without sounding all 'tape recorded' answer.

I read everything from the cyberpunk fiction of William Gibson to the humorist such as Dave Barry to 'Public feasted on' of Tom Clancy.

Pretty much any writer can and does influence me. So I guess, the world citizen(Or Larry Flynt if I have to pick one!)

What people or circumstances or events in your life have influenced your writing?

My parents and family, both biological and by marriage. I know that sounds corny but its the truth.

For god sake, my pop owns a historic brothel in Butte, Montana which is haunted by a lot of spirits, including at least two madams.

Also, my life in general. I work for a casino in the middle of a corn field which provides me lots of characters to write about.

Also the baseball to the head in 3rd grade. Yeah.

What were we talking about?

Why did you first join Open Salon?

I heard there were lots of hot babes on here.

Okay, the real story, one night, I was watching The IT Crowd on IFC(Independent Film Channel --- good movies and shows on there. Highly recommened!) and afterwards, this ad came up for Open Salon. It was like, "If you write a blog and nobody reads it, does it matter..." or something like that. I jotted down the address and that same night I signed up and had my 1st post added.

It was just going to start out as a joke, some post about my life as a geeky ass computer operator living in my parents' basement drinking grape Shasta soda. You know, something to get the babes interested.

But instead, I started writing as a vampire, between 2 and 3 am after I got off work and was done cruising my por..I mean...bibilical websites.

And here I am, now King of the Gutter, and damn proud of it. And even have an EP to show for my 1000s of articles all written badly under the influence of sleepy time meds.

What do you like best about being a member of the community here?

The people, most of them are beyond wonderful. Some are even sexy in that naughty kind of way(they know who they are!! And they can start blushing when they realize who they are!).

I love how everyone comes to together and befriends one another, not based on race, sex, or ability to hack government computers, but just based on words, and how sexy their one eye is.

What do you like least about it?

Not enough Dr. Amy on the cover with her great stories about masturbation and how it effects the North American fruit bat. She writes from the heart.

Or Yahoo!Medical. Moving on.

That and not enough stories about North Dakota and tripping tales of dreams, wet or otherwise, on the cover.

I think everyday there should be at least one cover story about pirates and their love interests as well.

Name some of your favorite writers in OS and say something about why they’re your favs.

Tough one. So many good and/or favorite writers. I'll try to name a few but this definitely is not a complete list. For that, just go to my Friend List, start at the top and work your way to the bottom.

--- fireeyes --- She writes from the heart and can keep up with us assholes that make up the Gutter Krew Male Club. She also has the best Louisville Slugger and well, if I had to be stuck in a closet with someone, I'd want that person to be my wife. But if she wasn't available, then I'd want fireeyes.

--- Cap'n Parrotdead --- Argh, he's a good cap'n, son of a bitch won't rate a post no matter what, but he'll comment with the best of them. He's also a good read. Even his serious posts will get a Tink approval rating of 9.9 but Tink reads the Cap'n for his quiche recipes and tales of woos and lust.

--- Trig Palin --- What can be said about Trig that hasn't been said by twenty thousand screaming cheerleaders and strippers. I cannot add much more except Trig is one of those guys I think of as a brother and sometimes, I get aroused by pictures of his grandmother Sarah.

--- LuisG --- His tales make me cry, real tears, another of the serious writers Tink reads and rates and comments on a regular basis. I mention him also as being not only a fan of my humorous pieces, but one of the regular pushers to keep me writing and posting. Part of the late night writers' club that has grown up here on Open.

---AnniThyme --- Best Dr. Pepper sponsor EVER! Her writing ain't half bad either.

--- Natalie B --- One of my first readers and commenters. She's another one of the serious piece writers I read on here when she posts. If it hadn't been for her commenting on my earlier pieces, I probably would have gathered my stuff and left. So yeah, you can blame her.

--- nanatehay --- God, who could forget nana, his words of encouragement still ringing in my ear when he said, "Kid, you need to add more pussy (cats) in your posts!" and those words still hold true now as they did when I first started here way back when, something like 12 pages of articles later. He's part of that Gutter Krew and one of only three folks(including myself) who can change their sex on command. I love you nanatehay, along with the rest of the Gutter Krew. You are the glue that is toxic to the environment.

--- Dorinda Fox --- First commenter on my first post ever. And well, I think even though she told me she probably wouldn't read my erotic pieces, may have commented on some of my more 'erotic neurotic' pieces. Yes, you can blame her too for me staying. :)

God, I have too many to list, Bob Conner, Larry Lawson, JavaJane, like I said, hit my friend list and go to each of them on there, read, comment and rate, you won't be dissatisified!

Describe what you do when you’re getting ready to write, any little rituals and preparation you go through.

I first go to my place, my land of imagination, also known as Fargo, North Dakota. There I meet all of my friends, the good, the bad, the indifferent.

I then masturbate for 3 hours. Get all the blood flowing to the right head. Then at 3am, I begin to write.

For like ten minutes. Then I hit the submit button.

Then I go to bed and repeat the process the next day.

What besides writing do you feel passionately about?

I feel passionately about saving the world from self destruction. The environment. The human tendency towards war and hurting each other, killing if the hurting doesn't get a good response.

I feel passionately about preserving our history, to remember our past so we don't end up and repeat the stupid stuff.

I also like to view porn. Moving on.

Name something that you haven’t yet done which you’d like to do before you die.

Have sex. No wait, to see my name on a cover of a published book right next to Jack Ginger in the book store shelf. Been published, just not on the cover or on the bookshelf. Want both.

What would you like others to know about you as a writer or person that you feel has not been adequately presented through your previous posts?

I would like for them to know I can write seriously if I really have to, but I don't like to do that. Either that or I'm in love with that fellow on the local evening news. He's got nice hair.

Do you think the Obama administration will succeed in averting complete financial ruin?

My stance is it took a lot of years to fuck up this country and the world. Obama hasn't even been in office for a 100 days.

I knew the man wouldn't piss out rubies and diamonds during his administration nor will he be the savior to end all saviors. It's going to take time, its going to take team work, not just between the White House and the Congress, but with everyone, giving a little faith that maybe soon, the economy will spring back, in time, that maybe, just maybe there will be a rainbow in the sky after the massive storm we're facing. We'll make it through my friends, through the storm, over the mountains, and down into the valleys, we will make it I can say.

And to end on a less serious note, we'll have pop corn and drink Dr. Pepper. And if you don't like either, GET OUT OF MY DREAM SPEECH YOU GOD DAMN COMMUNIST!!!

Do you think the war in Afghanistan is winnable or not? Please explain the reasons for your answer.

The war is winnable, enough weapons and troops and I could win any war. Is the peace winnable and/or achievable? I don't know. Maybe.

War and Peace are two very different subjects. I'd rather win at peace then win at war.

Moving on.

Describe what you would consider to be a perfect day.

The perfect day starts as I wake up from a good night's sleep. I get out of bed after making love to my wife and mistress and their sisters to have a grand breakfast of scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, some sausage and a glass of orange juice.

I think take myself on a long walk through the meadows and forest, doing some nature spotting and maybe stopping by the creek and just watch the stream bubble by.

I get home for another round of hot, wild passionate sex with the above mentioned folks and then take a nice hot bath, with smellem good bubbles.

I then have a nice lunch. Something light. Then watch a little television, something on the history channel, maybe Discovery.

I then jump online for some game time. Or porn. I'm still a sex addict in the perfect day.

I then fall asleep after another round of whoopie, to wake up again to repeat the process.