Elizabeth Ross-Harrison's Open Salon Blog

Conservatism and Sex - Part 1

Wed, 9 Jun 2010 18:06:31 -0400

The neo-conservative movement has long been fascinated with the concept of controlling people's sex lives, not unlike the religious leaders that have essentially taken the helm of the movement. Whether it's controlling who may or may not be considered married, what a woman may or may not do with her own body, or determining what is inappropriate for the masses to read or view, this fascination has been seeping into the fabric of society for years.

Hypocrisy is the "h" word for all of this posturing and bullying, and because the perpetrators of this nonsense never seem to get that message, it bears repeating, until they do. It is difficult to take protests against the repeal of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy on homosexuality in the military when religious leaders are being ousted from their churches for patronizing homosexual prostitutes, or playing dumb when caught in the act. Of course those ministers were already well-known for their anti-gay actions and sentiments.

Now, they may claim that the Bible backs them in their assertions, but there's at least a little disagreement (2) about that. But that doesn't matter. If the good book doesn't really say what you want it to about something like this, or if biblical scholars disagree with you, there's always the option of re-writing it. Don't worry. The job of "fixing" the liberal "errors" is in the competent hands of Andrew Schlafly, and yes, Phyllis is his mother.

Now, in all of this running about trying to protect the souls of the public from eternal damnation, there is no mention of silly little things like consequences. There is no mention of additional costs to the government and society in denying legal marital status to gays - if they don't get the financial perks involved, they're more likely to end up needing one form of assistance or another, or worse, end up uninsured (at least until health care reform fully takes effect, or something like that.) Maybe the increases in venereal diseases and HIV amongst teens due to lack of comprehensive sex education doesn't make it to their balance sheets. While they mourn the fact that millions of potential babies were never born, they never address precisely what society would be doing with those children were around today - I've said it before, women don't consider aborting children when they have stable financial and home lives. And above everything else, they have their heads in the sand just like the Catholic Church has for years, in denying the existence of human nature. Ironic, since according to their own belief system, god said to "go forth and multiply", and made the means to do so pleasurable for that reason. But there's nothing wrong with cherry-picking scripture to meet one's needs in their world.

The biggest irony is that all of this boils down to a misguided, long-standing interpretation of the first book of the Bible. Eve ate the apple, and started all of the trouble, right? If the Christian god is all-seeing, and all-powerful, granting the power to entice Eve to a separate entity, the devil as the serpent, is an insult to god. Assuming that Eve's action was utterly independent of god's will flies in the face of the most basic tenets of the Judeo-Christian faiths. If there is nothing without god, nothing is done without god's will, period. There is nothing for humanity to create or consider that was not left as a possibility in the universe by god. Good and evil are man's constructs, the means for societies - religious or otherwise - to place a framework for man to follow in life. Simple psychology explains Eve's actions if one considers the story of Eden in this manner - tell a child not to do something, and you're guaranteed that child will at least try to do it. That said, Sigmund Freud understands the nature of god better than most Christians. And before crying "heresy", consider carefully - is the Christian god powerless against the devil in your world? If that is the case, feel free to call me a heretic, and continue trying to control the lives of others to fit your personal set of moral laws. If not, consider these words from L. William Countryman, a New Testament biblical scholar: "The gospel allows no rule against the following, in and of themselves: masturbation, nonvaginal heterosexual intercourse, bestiality, polygamy, homosexual acts, or erotic art and literature. The Christian is free to be repelled by any or all of these and may continue to practice her or his own purity code in relation to them. What we are not free to do is impose our codes on others."

Note:

I would love to be able to say exactly how many parts this series will have, but I honestly don't know. Bluntly, the neo-conservative movement is regularly offering me so much fodder on this topic, it is not outside the realm of possibility that this could become a perpetual series.

Gulf Oil Spill as Cautionary Tale?

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 18:04:09 -0400

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

When I would be asked whether I was for or against off-shore drilling, my reply would invariably have something to do with this age-old adage. In the wake of the recent accident and resulting oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, it isn't hard to understand why future plans of off-shore drilling may be in jeopardy. In my book, that's just fine.

Back to that adage, drilling for oil under the sea near shorelines never made much sense to me, precisely because of the danger of spills. I'm not a tree-hugger - I'm a pragmatist. Right now they are tracking the movement of that spill as it moves closer to the shoreline. It is endangering industries of all kinds in that region. We can expect to see higher prices for not only oil, but also seafood like shrimp. The shipping industry of the region will suffer as well, since it's doubtful that mariners consider it a "good" thing to sail through the spill.

Then there's a potential for damage to the shorelines, and tourism to the region. Sorry, but oil-laden beaches aren't going to be a draw for travelers. That certainly isn't what the region needs, particularly since it hasn't completely come back from the damage done by Katrina and other storms. Take into account the current nationwide economic problems, and this spells disaster for many sectors of the gulf shore economy.

Sure, the argument could be made that there will be at least temporary jobs there to aid in the clean-up, but that's not even certain. For now, there is talk of contracting fishermen to aid in containment of the spill, and training volunteers and prison inmates to clean the shores and help wildlife. Once the fishermen take what they can from their usual routes, of course they'll take the government up on the contract offers. It's not like they'll be able to do anything else to earn a dollar.

We had fishing, shrimping, shipping, and tourism industries in the gulf region. They were our bird in the hand. Getting the oil from under the sea was the two birds in the bush. Time will tell whether or not trying to get the oil was worth sacrificing all of the other industries in the region. Guess I'd better get out to get a nice shrimp dinner while I can still afford it.

Tell me Doc-tor, what is suicide?

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:04:48 -0400

"So, Doc-tor," I intentionally exaggerated the syllables, letting them float up in the air between us. "What is suicide?"

He looked at me for a moment, then back at the notebook in his lap. "You know what it is," he said dismissively. "It's what you tried to do when you swallowed a bottle of pills."

It was a sunny day, and I was generally annoyed with being cooped up in the hospital - a situation that was exacerbated by the fact that I had to spend an entire hour talking with a man about my problems. Maybe I thought he shouldn't be an asshole, and act as though I should already know all the answers to my own questions. Could have been that he was assuming I was just being a smart alec teen. Didn't matter at that point. I just wanted away from him.

I put my head down, and let my hair fall down so it covered my eyes - all the better to spy on him. Then I let a long, exasperated sigh escape my lips, watching for the inevitable glance over his spectacles. Right when he looked my way, I casually lifted my legs from the floor, twisted in my chair, and let my legs drop over the arm of the chair. I smiled for a moment, knowing he couldn't see through my hair. Bingo! So Sulking Sara was right. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull as they slowly scanned my bare legs from ankles to thighs - even better when I realized he had to be fighting himself a little to keep from letting his eyes wander higher. She'd told me he was a Freudian, and he lusted after all the teen girls he treated. Honestly didn't believe her - what person in their right mind would believe a girl that insisted she was about to have a baby any day while she was still a virgin and thin as a rail? Oh yeah, none of us were in our right minds, or we wouldn't have been there.

He looked down quickly, and cleared his throat. "Why are you here?"

Not ready to give it up, "What is suicide?" My reply was sullen, and I knew immediately that I'd gotten him.

"It's giving up on life." His voice was soft, and almost sounded like he was capable of feeling - something I'd never seen before from him.

I flung my head back, getting my hair away from my face, and stared silently at my knees for a few moments. He gave me a legitimate answer, but it still didn't seem right to me.

"No," I said quietly.

I knew he looked up at me, but I didn't make a move to acknowledge it. The room was getting smaller, and I could sense how close he was - I'd always be able to sense precisely how close any man that had even the slightest prurient interest in me was for the rest of my life. Some scars are useful.

"It's not giving up on life," I whispered. "It's trying to kill the pain."

His notebook fell to the floor, and we both stared at each other like deer caught in headlights. He cleared his throat again, adjusted his shirt and pants, and bent over to retrieve the notebook. I'd only talk to him one more time, and then it would be to make all the important promises - "No, I won't do anything to harm myself again, Doctor." He never did find out why I downed 75 aspirin, at least not until I ran into him years later.

Fifteen years later, I was sitting in my living room, trying to sleep for at least a little while. We were keeping vigil, as my father lay dying on a hospital bed in our house. Hospice left us with an ample supply of Morphine, and business cards to call them if we needed a break. Just as I started to drift off, he started moving in his bed. As I stood up to go to his bedside, the moaning started - that's all there was. Not a word had passed from his lips in days.

I picked up the little brown bottle off a table on my way to his bed. As I opened the bottle, I looked at him - really looked at him. Fifteen years earlier, what he'd done to me pushed me to the point of not wanting to face another day on earth. For fifteen years I'd run in circles trying to escape what he'd made me. I looked as I knew the pain he was in was increasing by the second. It was 9 o'clock in the morning, and I knew that no one would be around for at least an hour. I stood there, silently watching him as the time ticked along - five minutes, ten, fifteen. The idea had settled itself in my mind, and the only thing that bothered me was that I knew he couldn't say anything in reply. I went up to his bed, and leaned over so I could whisper in his ear.

"Fifteen minutes. I stood here watching you in pain, holding your medication," I whispered as I put the Morphine dropper to his mouth. "One minute for each of the years since I tried to kill myself. We are even now. I told you before that I'd forgiven you. Now, maybe after enough time, I'll be able to get close to forgetting."

He lived for only a couple days more. The death certificate claimed one medical problem or another as the cause, but I know it was the liquid from the little brown bottles that I kept dropping in his mouth each time he seemed to be stirring in pain. I wasn't in the room when he took his last breath, but I closed his eyes for the last time. It's been close to ten years since then, and blessedly, I've begun to forget the minute details of what he'd done to me. I don't expect my memory of that time will ever be wiped clean. I also don't expect anyone to understand how I could go from giving fifteen minutes of pain, to hanging at his bedside until just a couple hours before he died to keep him from suffering. I just know in spite of everything, I still loved him.

Islam versus Boobquake

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 15:04:36 -0400

Claiming the earth moved while lying in post-coital bliss is probably considered a bad line in formulaic erotica, but according to an Iranian cleric, it may be the root of real earthquakes. Of course making such a bizarre suggestion caught the attention of an American woman with a scientific mind.

Boobquake is one woman's response to one cleric that found it necessary to suggest that the failure of women in his society to meet with his insane expectations is the root of natural disasters. Unfortunately for him, the American woman's science won out on that portion of the debate. Scantily dressed women are not the cause of earthquakes. As for the contention that extra-marital sex is a cause... well, it probably isn't a good idea to encourage testing of that principle. Wouldn't want to be accused of inciting an orgy.

This penchant for blaming the ills of the world on irreligious behavior sadly isn't limited to theocratic societies. It is just at its worst in them. However, while it may be tempting to simply marginalize statements like what the Iranian cleric said, his words should be taken as a cautionary tale. The only thing separating him from some of the people in our own country is the name of the deity he chooses to follow. Desire to control the actions of the masses in the name of religion is extremism, regardless which religion is being followed.

You Ate My Wings! I Want a Divorce!

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:03:29 -0400

Dear Darling Hubby:

I know we've only been married for a few months now, but honestly, you have absolutely no excuse for eating the last of the crispy wings from Pizza Hut! While we're "newlyweds", it's not like you don't know what's up in this house - you've been living with me for years! You should have known that I was saving the wings for my "brunch" today! I'm still wondering why in the world you would "want" to eat them, since they weren't swimming in hot sauce - they were just plain. I'll assume that you ate them for breakfast, since you had your Apple Jacks last night (btw, I finished the box - fair is fair!)

Now, the wings are on special tonight, so maybe I'll have to go and order more. Please don't expect that I will order Hot Buffalo wings for you. I despise saucy wings, and am in no mood to be nice to you right now by ordering them! I'll be ordering the plain ones again, if I order any at all! Since there's no hot sauce in the house (remember, I despise it), you'll have to make due with dry spices. Following is the recipe for the hot spice that my dad came up with for wings - you should know it, since I've used it on wings, baked chicken, pork, and roasted chicken.

The Dr.'s Hot Wing Spice

4 Tablespoons Old Bay Seasoning

1/2 Teaspoon Garlic Salt

1/4 Teaspoon Ground Red Pepper

1/2 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper

1 Teaspoon Caraway Seeds (optional)

I think we have enough Old Bay Seasoning for you to double the recipe. Please don't use all of it, or else! For future reference, stealing my leftovers is grounds for spending the night in sofa city. Repeated offenses will only encourage me to let my fingers do the walking in the Divorce Attorney section of the yellow pages!

Not much love,

Your wife

P.S. I was surfing around Amazon and added couple things to my wishlist. Haven't seen the UPS truck stop in front of our house lately - I miss seeing our delivery man!