Beth Ingalls's Open Salon Blog

Slut Spill on I-5 Has Residents & EPA Concerned

Mon, 4 Jan 2010 19:01:04 -0500

This is x-rated and an outrageous item to post after being away from OS for so long, but I'm not apologizing. Happy New Year everyone. Hope yours has started off with a bang! If not, based on the number of sluts on the loose, it shouldn't be hard to figure something out.

VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

A Jon Gosselin & Nadya Suleman "I Told You So"

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:10:54 -0400

Remember that Open Salon Open Call about Jon & Kate from a few months back where we were asked to opine about what their big announcement would be?

Well, I predicted it would be pretty close to what apparently is actually going to happen. Now I'm thinking some studio exec saw my post and ran with it...I have been wondering ever since why this post, one of the weakest I've ever written for OS, entitled Jon & Kate + 16 and One Crazy Bitch, gets thousands of views each month.

My scenario played out like so: Jon & Kate sell their Pennsylvania house and buy the Playboy Mansion from Heff. Jon & Kate decide on an open marriage, Nadya Suleman moves in with all her kids and Jon & Nadya start dating because Jon thinks she's hot.

This is what is really happening: "According to former Cheaters producer Bobby Goldstein, Jon has agreed to star in a cheesy new reality show in which he'll date Octomom Nadya Suleman, who called Jon "hot" recently."

I may have gotten a few of the details wrong, but the overall premise is right on. It's my birthday, so forgive me saying I told you so and also, how do I get my commission for the blog related pitch? It's nice to know I think like a cheesy reality tv producer! Maybe there's hope for me after all!

Jon Gosselin And Octomom Set To Date On Reality Show

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Posted: 10-28-09 03:31 PM

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Kate Gosselin may go back to being a nurse, but her estranged husband's next career move is reportedly to date Octomom Nadya Suleman on television.

In Touch Weekly released the following statement:

According to former Cheaters producer Bobby Goldstein, Jon has agreed to star in a cheesy new reality show in which he'll date Octomom Nadya Suleman, who called Jon "hot" recently. "I heard that Nadya has an insatiable desire to spend time with Jon and to put their families together," Goldstein tells In Touch. "And I had the idea that this could be a very entertaining fiasco." The pilot, to be called Jon - Kate = Jon + Octomom and produced by Goldstein and a former producer of The Jerry Springer Show, will follow Jon "as he contemplates what hooking up with Octomom could really be like," a press release obtained by In Touch states. "He's totally creeped out by the idea that if they got married, they'd have 22 kids." Also creepy is the plotline for Nadya, 33. She will have such an obsession with Jon, 32, that "she's already talking openly about the two of them getting married," the press release explains. "It's so bad that when they finally meet, Octomom's brood may start calling Jon 'Daddy.' If this doesn't make Jon lose it, then Octomom modeling her bikini body for him will."

With Jon's life in a downward spiral, it's shocking that he would sign on for such a sensational project -- especially when he's locked in a nasty divorce with estranged wife Kate, 34, plus involved in a relationship with Hailey Glassman, 23. But Goldstein believes that Jon's quest for fame trumps all. "I think that he wants to remain in the limelight," he tells In Touch. "Notoriety is a component that some humans place a lot of value on." But reps for both Jon and Nadya deny that any show is in the works. Jon may also need money. A divorce court judge ordered him to return $155,000 he drained from a joint bank account he shares with Kate on October 14. With less cash in his pocket, and his bread and butter, Jon & Kate Plus 8, over, Jon is looking desperate and is willing to stoop to just about anything to feed his family. Even Goldstein knows the show is ridiculous -- but hopes it'll get great ratings. "It will be like watching a train wreck," Goldstein adds. "You know you shouldn't look, but you can't turn your head away."

Hell yeah!

How to Mask Your Son's Orientation On Halloween

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:10:19 -0400

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

Mylar Balloon Without Missing Boy Causes Worldwide Stir

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:10:30 -0400

The National Guard has been called out. The NTSB is on the case. Full coverage on CNN and MSNBC with helicopters and follow vehicles and countless other stations and news bureaus too. All about a mylar balloon and a missing boy.

I'm very sorry for the missing boy and his family. I hope he's ok. But all I can say at this point is, if the mainstream media would spend half as much time covering the pertinent details of the health care bill, the war in Afghanistan, or anything else that has real national significance for us as americans, we'd be much better informed.

Watching the law enforcement agents circle the balloon as it landed and begin poking at it with pitchforks was unbelievable. Thank god there wasn't a little boy in there!

With the millions of dollars taxpayers spend on police equipment each year and they end up popping a balloon with a pitchforks and shovels? And it takes like 40 people 10 minutes to figure out there's actually nobody inside the balloon?

I'm in a state of shock. That's all.

What's In A Name? Not Much, Just My Whole Identity

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:10:43 -0400

I had my birth name/maiden name for roughly 24 years. Then I took my first husband’s name. When we divorced and I took my old name back as fast as I could.

Then I got married again and took my new husband’s name. Then we got separated. But the timing was odd. I was running for a seat on the local town council and had built up lots of name recognition with my married name. I’d been using it for six years at that point. By the time the divorce was final, I was elected and I decided to keep my married name.

But there was another reason. My two sons from my first marriage have their father’s last name. A name I never really shared with them. And their father was a deadbeat dad, never around. They are stuck with a name they must feel very ambivalent about. I decided I didn’t want to create that same separation with my youngest son.

But now I’m in a dilemna. It doesn’t feel right to continue using the name and I don’t want to go back to my maiden name either. I feel very disconnected from it after all this time. I feel like a person without a country.

Should I just keep my name as is and avoid alot of hassle? It is my legal name, my professional name and the root of my online identity.

Sometimes I wonder how a modern woman like myself even ended up in this situation in the first place? I should have just kept my birth name and avoided all this hassle. But women must always make a difficult choice: retaining their maiden name identity means a lifelong moniker disconnect with the most beloved people in their lives, their children.

One alternative some women choose, taking a hyphenated name for themselves and then adopting it for the children as well, always seemed like a silly choice. Think of all that extra writing! The kids would have hated me for it.

For now, simply for the reason of avoiding all the work and headache a name change would entail, I’m going with the status quo. But I'm feeling increasingly uneasy about it. Something's gonna give eventually.

A poem I came across as I sat thinking...

Maiden Name

Marrying left your maiden name disused. Its five light sounds no longer mean your face, Your voice, and all your variants of grace;

For since you were so thankfully confused By law with someone else, you cannot be Semantically the same as that young beauty: It was of her that these two words were used.

Now it's a phrase applicable to no one, Lying just where you left it, scattered through Old lists, old programmes, a school prize or two Packets of letters tied with tartan ribbon - Then is it scentless, weightless, strengthless, wholly Untruthful?

Try whispering it slowly. No, it means you. Or, since you're past and gone, It means what we feel now about you then: How beautiful you were, and near, and young, So vivid, you might still be there among Those first few days, unfingermarked again.

So your old name shelters our faithfulness, Instead of losing shape and meaning less With your depreciating luggage laden. -- Philip Larkin