Fred The Cat's Open Salon Blog

Shortbread and Cats are not a Good Mix

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 22:12:00 -0500

Shortbread is the prima donna of Christmas baking. It is a rich sweet indulgence that makes its appearance only at Christmastime. Shortbread is more pleasing than its fruitier, darker cousin the fruitcake. Shortbread is the absolute opposite.

Fruitcakes are scorned for their denseness and cloying sweetness of fruits, nuts and bright green cherries. Often reviled, they are re-gifted, re-cycled and re-used. The original Green food. Shortbread is delicate and pure. Served with a cup of tea it is an indulgent treat in the midst of Christmas madness.

There are only three basic ingredients in classic shortbread: butter, sugar and flour. Purists would argue that nothing else should go into shortbread. This lemon poppyseed shortbread is a wonderful variation. It can be prepared in an hour. It is so simple that a beginner baker can present a delicious plate of melt in the mouth cookies.

Last year, I made these shortbread cookies. The shortbread was cooling on the counter and I left the kitchen. Almost immediately, there was a crash. The shortbread was scattered and smashed over the kitchen floor. Hoag The Bad Cat was gobbling down as many crumbs as he could. None of it could be salvaged. Who would eat shortbread that had been licked by a cat? Okay, a cat owner might, but no one else.

So I made another batch and this time stayed in the kitchen until the shortbread had cooled enough to be put away for human consumption. So enjoy, but do not leave the cooling cookies untended if you own cats.

Lemon Poppy Seed Shortbread

3/4 cup butter -- softened

1/2 cup powdered sugar

1 Tablespoon poppy seeds

1 Tablespoon lemon juice

1 1/2 cups flour

2 teaspoons sugar

Preheat oven to 325

In a mixing bowl, cream butter & powdered sugar.

Stir in poppy seeds & lemon juice.

Gradually add flour; mix well.

Divide dough into 4 portions.

On a lightly floured surface, roll out each portion into a 4" circle. Transfer to ungreased baking sheet.

Cut each circle into 6 wedges.

Bake at 325 degrees for 20-25 minutes or until golden. Cool before removing to wire rack.

Break into wedges when cool.

Serve with tea

Feed any left over crumbs to deserving cats.

Disaster Porn...It's The End of The World as we Know it...

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:11:09 -0500

Disaster Porn is my favourite movie genre. Disaster Porn is a movie that, well, features a disaster, man-made or natural as a major plot point. The special effects must look realistic and there should be as many as possible. Not necessarily to advance the plot but because it looks cool when things are destroyed in imaginative ways. Logic is not necessary in order to explain the impending disaster. These movies do not have to be grounded in reality, in fact, the entertainment value is increased when they are not. A lesson must be learned and someone has to come through all the perils unscathed but wiser for the experience.

In order to qualify as Disaster Porn, certain criteria must be met. There must be Lovers in Peril (LIP), Kids in Peril (KIP), Buildings in Peril (BIP), Earth in Peril (EIP), Dogs in Peril (DIP), or Cats in Peril (CIP). At least two of these elements are necessary for the movie to be included as Disaster Porn.

The Airport movies are a sub-genre of disaster movies unto themselves so they are not listed here.

Of course, there are many other Disaster Porn movies but these ones are my favourites. When they appear on TV, they are always worth watching again and again. In order to truly enjoy a Disaster Porn movie, you cannot rent it. It must be found late at night or on a weekend afternoon while channel surfing. Disaster Porn is a found gift and must be savoured when it is discovered. Thus, you may go for years without watching Earthquake and then stumble across it three times in two days. Watch every showing.

Towering Inferno qualifies with four of these; LIP, KIP, BIP and CIP, the rarest of peril. The cat is question is rescued by O.J. Simpson(!). Since cats are smart enough to get out of Dodge when peril approaches, this rates a special mention.

Deep Impact has LIP, KIP, EIP but no DIP. It’s special effects are too few and far between. It gets points though for taking an intelligent approach to its disaster; comets hitting Earth and destroying life as we know it.

Earthquake has LIP, KIP, BIP but no DIP unless you include the puppy that George Kennedy gives to Victoria Principal. He was probably trying to distract her from her unfortunate Afro.

Poseidon Adventure, (the original) features LIP, KIP, and is only one that has Ship in Peril (SIP). It only makes the list because of the SIP, a unique disaster setting. And for showing us that Shelley Winters can still swim after all these years.

Volcano has KIP, and BIP; it only makes the list because we learn subways are only good for directing lava flows and not moving people. Stick with your cars, folks.

Independence Day has LIP, KIP, DIP, BIP and EIP. The special effects are great but the story lacks logic. What are the odds that a crashed spaceship would still work years later? And that Will Smith would know how to fly it?

The Day After Tomorrow has LIP, KIP, EIP, and DIP. Unfortunately, the ending is a letdown, Earth begins to heal itself without the help of Will Smith and his alien aircraft.

War of the Worlds had KIP, EIP, but unfortunately no DIP. That would have been a welcome distraction from the irritating kids. I was rooting for the aliens to get the KIP. Anyone who shrieked and whined as much as these kids, did not deserve to escape the alien clutches. Eat them and put me out of their misery.

Armaggedon has EIP, LIP, DIP and Bruce Willis in Peril. Fortunately, he redeems the movie by sacrificing himself to save Earth. Thank you very much. The opening special effects are spectacular but the rest are few and far in between.

So, find your own personal Disaster Porn, mine will always be Towering Inferno. I saw it in a theatre when it was first released and the lesson that I took away from it was to never party in tall office buildings. But if you did, Steve McQueen would show up and rescue you.

Mexican Apple Burritos and Baby Burritos

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:11:56 -0500

My granddaughter is 5 weeks old and loves to be wrapped like a burrito. The correct term is swaddling but she resembles a burrito when she is fully wrapped. Her father can wrap her quickly and expertly. However, her mother has a little bit of difficulty and often the baby manages to get her arms free.

This recipe is in honour of her and all babies who spend the first part of their lives looking like a Mexican dessert. This is sweet, looks great and smells wonderful, just like babies do.

Mexican Apple Burritos

2 cups diced apples (2-3 apples)

1 Tbsp flour

1 Tbsp sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

2 Tbsp butter or margerine

1/4 cup maple syrup

3 Tbsp water

melted butter and cinnamon

2 large or 4 small plain tortilla shells

Add all the ingredients except the shells in a saucepan and mix.

Cook over medium heat until the apples are soft, stirring often.

Heat oven to 375

Place tinfoil over a cookie sheet and lightly butter

Divide the apple mixture between the tortillas. Fold down the bottom and top and then fold the sides over.

Place folded side down on the cookie sheet. Brush with melted butter and sprinkle with cinnamon.

Bake for 15 minutes or until shells are golden.

Let rest for 10 minutes and serve warm with ice cream or whipped cream

Babies and Blueberry Muffins

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:10:22 -0400

My daughter is nursing my newborn granddaughter. It is tiring and she does not have much time for making meals. Since it is important that she continue to eat well and eat healthy, I made her these muffins. They are simple and there is nothing in them to cause a reaction in the baby. When I was nursing, I ate strawberries and my daughter broke out in a rash. Hopefully, this little one will just develop a taste for fresh berries because what Mommy eats, Baby eats too.

Blueberry Muffins

2 cups flour

4 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. Salt

1/2 cup sugar

1 cup frozen or fresh blueberries

2 eggs

1/2 cup melted butter

1 cup milk

I Tbsp lemon juice

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Sift dry ingredients together.

Add blueberries to dry and mix until well coated.

(Fresh blueberries may turn the batter blue.)

In small bowl, beat eggs,add melted butter, milk and lemon juice.

Add liquid mixture into dry mix. Mix until moistened.

Fill muffins cups 3/4 full.

Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes until lightly brown.

I like my muffins large so I usually get 8-10 from this recipe.

My Cats Now Have Real Competition For My Affection...

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:10:41 -0400

On October 8, more than two weeks behind schedule my first granddaughter was born. I waited at the hospital watching Phantom of the Opera on my laptop. My child had decided early on that only her husband could be present for the actual birth. I was fine with that, I really did not want to see anyone, least of all a family member coming into this world.

Unfortunately, my granddaughter took a wrong turn down the birth canal and a C-section was necessary. So it was a day later before I could see my genetic material. I walked into the hospital room and saw her. She was small, soft and fragile. She looks like a beautiful jewel. She has lots of dark hair with a little bit of a curl. She has no eyebrows to speak of but she has eyelashes. Her skin is soft, her cheeks are plump. She looks directly at her mother when she talks to her and she loves to be held close. She has a wonderful cry which she used when her father tried to put a little pink hat on her. Already she is voicing her opinions.

I studied her carefully. Did my heart overflow at the sight of my granddaughter? It did, but not in the way that I expected. I felt content when I held her and I felt optimism. I am a true pessimist, glass half-full, we are all going to Hell in a handbasket person. I am not saying that I had an epiphany and turned into Susy Sunshine. What I felt was a connection to the human race; that, if this little scrap of humanity could make it into this world, then maybe this world was not such a bad place after all.

Could I lay aside my cynicism and see the world through the eyes of someone who is fresh and unspoiled? Can I teach her anything of value? Would she even want to listen to a Grandma who can rant for 30 minutes about her over-salted MacDonald fries? And then write a letter of complaint about them? Will she want to spend weekends with Grandma learning to bake and read books? Will she love Dickens but not the Austens and the Brontes? I don't know. I know that the possibilities are endless and that is breathtaking.

So I kiss her downy cheek and I smell her sweet baby scent and know that whatever else happens, something wonderful this way came.