gypsyboots's Open Salon Blog

Survivor: King Arthur's Journey Has Finally Ended

Mon, 17 May 2010 12:05:00 -0400

I'm still rather perturbed that I apparently have to pay to get network channels in the new apartment. Anyway.

After a recap of the season thus far and an interesting bit where they called Parvati a double threat because, as far as I can tell, she has two boobs, we see the final five at camp after tribal. Napoleon is pissed that he didn't know about Sandra's idol. Sandra points out that he never told her he had an idol, so why should she tell him? Sandra realizes Napoleon wants to control everyone, and she is having none of it. Napoleon then bitches at Parvati about Sandra's idol, because surely she had to have known about it. Napoleon tells Jerri and Colby that Parvati's next. Parvati is not having any of Napoleon's tantrum. Colby is enjoying the Villains drama because it takes the attention off him.

Treemail the next morning is a bag of what Colby calls puzzle pieces, but when Parvati reads the clue it sounds like it's probably dishes. Napoleon is now saying that Colby's the next to go. He says Sandra and Jerri didn't play the game at all so he'd win from the jury. Napoleon has obviously not been present for the entire game, and maybe he should've watched that recap at the beginning of this episode.

Immunity challenge: balancing dishes. Sandra's the first out at nine dishes stacked. Jerri's solution to wobbly dishes is to blow on them. Interesting. She's the next out, followed by Napoleon, which was that great cheer you may have heard at 9:47 AM this morning. Colby's out next, which was that, "NOOOOOOOO," you heard at 9:48. Parvati wins immunity, and Jerri comments that she avoided her own elimination again. I thought it was Colby's turn next? That's an ironclad strategy those Villains have.

Parvati seems set on voting out Colby. Colby is aware he's gone tonight, so he addresses the Villains, saying they shouldn't scramble today and he accepts it. Oh, Colby, the extent to which you delight me knows no ends. He interviews that he isn't quitting, though. He doesn't really have anything to say about how he's going to do that, though. There's like, 40 seconds of dead air, and then he says something about the time being right for...something...vague. And Colby commences scrambling anyway. So close, Colby. So close. Colby says they should get rid of Parvati tonight because she'll win the game if they keep her around. Napoleon thinks about it, and interviews that he should get rid of Sandra because it's strategically good to keep Colby. Napoleon says if Colby goes to the top three, his game is over. And yeah, basically.

Tribal. Dragon Slayer is dressing up as a prep today. Oh, I miss him. Jeff asks Colby how it feels to be the last Hero. He says it's difficult, and if he hadn't sucked so much at the challenges, he might have a shot at staying tonight. Colby says he's been scrambling, and Sandra looks concerned. Colby says no one wants to sit next to Parvati but everyone wants to sit next to Sandra. Really? Sandra's as shocked as I am. Am I the only one noticing how awesome Sandra's been this season? Okay then. Jeff notes that Colby's hope lies in the fact that the Villains can't trust each other. Votes: Colby, Sandra, Colby, Colby. Sad but not unexpected. Bye Colby I love youuu.

That night at camp, everyone's excited about being the final four. They note how angry Rupert looked on the jury. I'm not sure what else they were expecting. Parvati is surprised that Colby pointed her out as a threat at tribal. The next morning, Jerri and Napoleon are talking about how Parvati will win, but she shouldn't, because she hasn't been playing the game at all. My cat has this thing where he's in the middle of eating, but he literally forgets there's food right in front of him and starts begging for food again. I am beginning to think Napoleon also suffers from this kind of dementia.

Parvati arrives with treemail. I think it's the torch walk thing! They have a map to the ceremonial beach. I love the torch walk, you don't even know. Comments of note: Sugar thinks she was too nice to stay, Tyson thinks he won the game, Napoleon is so wrapped up in himself it's a wonder he doesn't trip on everything in his path, and Dragon Slayer used the word "myriad."

Final immunity challenge! It's a blindfolded maze. They have to pick up necklaces at four different posts. They all start off for the same post, running into each other and the walls and everything except the necklaces for a while. Sandra's the only one missing it, and she tries to take it off Parvati. Everyone except Sandra has two. Everyone keeps running into the stomach-height walls, which was a really poor move on the designers' part. It'd be like, neck height on me, so that'd be fun. Jerri and Parvati have three necklaces, closely followed by Napoleon. Sandra's still got two. Napoleon and Parvati both have four necklaces and are looking for the finish. Napoleon shoves Parvati quite a bit. Jerri gets her fourth necklace and joins the mad hunt for the finish. Everyone's neck and neck at the end (well, except Sandra) and Napoleon hits it first by a nose. I'm just going to sit here and not scream, "I TOLD YOU," to everyone who didn't vote him out.

Please tell me it's not thirty minutes of scrambling, please tell me it's not thirty minutes of scrambling. Jerri is certain that Parvati's going home. Sandra and Napoleon take a walk. Napoleon tells her she's in an interesting spot. Sandra says Parvati's in the same spot as she is. Sandra says Napoleon figures he can win against her and that she'll take the $100,000 gladly. She interviews that she's not sure he can win so easily against her. And honestly, if she doesn't get a single vote, the jury must be blind. Napoleon and Parvati talk about keeping Sandra. Parvati doesn't want to keep Sandra, but Napoleon tells her they should keep Jerri. Napoleon says he deserves to win because of how much he's suffered in this game. Well, I should win because I suffered through Napoleon for two consecutive seasons. Where's my check, Burnett?

Tribal. Jeff asks Jerri how much time is spent on scrambling. I'm gonna go wash dishes from breakfast or something. Sandra says the first thing she does is go to Napoleon because he has immunity. Sandra says Napoleon keeps telling her she can't win. Napoleon kind of ignores that comment and says alliances will break tonight. Parvati looks concerned. Napoleon gives the jury one of those long-suffering looks he's been giving them so often. Sweet beard of Zeus, I am so sick of him. Jerri says Parvati's a big threat. In other news, the Pope is Catholic. Parvati plays her case as a chance for redemption for Napoleon, but Napoleon thinks she hasn't done a single thing for him. Way to win over the jury, cupcake! Ride that wave. Votes: Parvati, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri. Interesting. Jeff reminds them the jury gets all the power tomorrow night. Dragon Slayer is ecstatic.

After tribal, Sandra says she can't wait to go home. She interviews about her husband in Afghanistan and not knowing he's okay. She says she wants to win another million to make their lives easier.

The next morning, feast! Napoleon is still under the impression that he's the only person playing the game. He tries to talk hypothetical jury situations with Parvati, and her response is mostly, "That's nice." While he takes a walk, Sandra and Parvati laugh at him and Sandra burns his hat. Sandra discusses his bald spot. Napoleon comes back to camp looking for his hat. All I can think of right now is that machete hiding in the sand somewhere. They burn the shelter and head off for the final tribal council.

Tribal. Jeff helpfully recaps the entire season. Sandra starts the opening statements. She reminds them that she's been keeping herself alive since her alliance was wiped out by Napoleon. Napoleon says what you'd expect him to say, complete with eyerolls from the jury. Parvati says she used Napoleon as her pet, calling him a "dragon," causing Dragon Slayer to emphatically shake his head no. Dragon Slayer is the only dragon. The only dragon! Guess who's not getting his vote.

Colby gets to address the final three first. He asks Napoleon if he really believes luck isn't a factor in the game. Napoleon confirms. Colby tells Napoleon he's delusional if he thinks there's no luck involved in the game at all. He then asks Parvati why she's more deserving than the other two. Parvati says she had to play harder than the other two. He doesn't say anything to Sandra.

Dragon Slayer tells Napoleon he is a "little man" and quotes Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, officially making him the favourite person in this apartment. Dragon Slayer says he wishes he was in Sandra's place and points out that Parvati turned on him. He says he has no idea who he's voting for yet but he'll be listening.

Amanda asks how Sandra's strategy was better than Napoleon and Parvati. Sandra says she wishes her strategy was better so she could've voted Napoleon out. She couldn't believe the Heroes didn't want him out. You and me both, Sandra. Napoleon asks if that strategy worked for her, because he isn't sure he's sitting there.

Courtney congratulates all three but especially the girls. She gives Sandra a chance to defend her underrated loyalty, which she does.

JT tells Napoleon that a good strategy is getting to the end and winning. Yes, dear. Napoleon thinks everyone respects his game. Shot of Rupert looking like he's going to rip out Napoleon's throat, Candice looking confused, and Dragon Slayer looking skeptical. Parvati says Sandra wasn't giving her all. Sandra denies it. She says she gave her all but she's not as physically strong as the others. JT basically says he's voting for Napoleon.

Danielle has some weird accent that I think she wants to be...no, I don't even know. Anyway, she asks Napoleon if he'd change anything about his game. He says no, and that he's not going to tell her what she wants to hear. Danielle says that nobody respects his game. Napoleon freezes and repeats himself. Danielle nods and says, "Okay. That's too bad."

Jerri says she's undecided. She begins with Napoleon and asks why he changed his mind about taking her to the final three. He says it was a bad strategic move to take her. Parvati and Sandra protest. Parvati tells Jerri that Napoleon said he knew 100% that he had Jerri's vote and that's why he voted her out. Jerri asks Parvati what they say about assuming. "Makes an ass out of 'u' and 'me,'" chirps Parvati. Jerri says Sandra's not as loyal as she says she is because Jerri was blindsided. Except that Sandra said she's loyal to people she's allied with, and she was never really allied with Jerri. Unless I missed something. Moving on.

Candice tells Napoleon his lies went too far and Parvati that she was like a spouse stuck in a bad relationship. And that's about it.

Rupert is breathing heavy. I am concerned. He starts with Napoleon. He says honesty is hard and deceit is easy, and that Napoleon took the easy way out. Rupert says he wishes he and Sandra had talked more and regrets his association with the "disgusting" Napoleon. He thanks Sandra for opening the door for the Heroes, even though they didn't take it. Rupert says Parvati deserves the vote as well as Sandra because she fought to be there, even though she aligned herself with someone so terrible Rupert can't bring himself to say anything about him. Bam. Parvati says she had no choice, which was really a bad move, but Rupert says she deserves to be in the final three as well.

The jury votes. Before writing down her vote, Jerri says, "This is insane. I'm walking up here going, 'Parvati, Sandra, Parvati, Sandra.'" She ends up voting for Parvati. Candice votes for Sandra, saying she's a true hero. Danielle votes for Parvati. Skeletor votes for Sandra, saying, "Fist bump, girl." Dragon Slayer votes for Parvati, calling her a warrior, and saying King Arthur's journey has ended. Oh, Dragon Slayer. Then the feed cuts out and I'll be back after I throw something at the wall. Rupert votes for Sandra, unsurprisingly.

Jeff gets the votes and walks off into the magical jungle that ends in New York. Remember when he would take waterskis and helicopters? I miss that. Anyway, Jeff reads the votes: Parvati, Sandra, Parvati, Sandra, Parvati, Sandra, Sandra, Sandra! Sandra wins, and there was much rejoicing, from everyone except Napoleon, who spent the entire time looking like a petulant child. But yay! I was just saying I wanted Sandra to win but I didn't think she would. Good show.

Survivor: This Family Dysfunction Brought To You By Sprint

Fri, 14 May 2010 11:05:57 -0400

Not even saying the tribe name anymore, night 33. Parvati and Jerri talk about Napoleon's vote switch and are concerned about what that means for them. Napoleon comes over and something happens, I dunno. Basically Parvati is worried that she's next and this delights Napoleon because he thinks he's in control again. Normally I'd say something snarky but in order to get to this episode online I had to scroll by the new Ponderosa videos so now I'm just sad.

Day 34. Tree mail from Sprint. Everyone notes that it is from Sprint. Did you catch that it's from Sprint? Because it's from Sprint. Inside is a phone with the tree mail poem and instructions to look at basically everything on the phone. They finally get to videos from their family members saying they've landed on the island and will see them at the challenge. Rupert says he can't wait to touch his wife. Dude, there are hotels on Samoa.

Reward challenge. Jeff asks for the Palm Pre back (oh. I can't tell the difference with all these new phones, I just have my phone for CALLING PEOPLE.) and then all the family members come out. Turns out it's Rupert and his wife's 12-year anniversary. Aww. Sandra has a wee breakdown seeing her uncle, and explains when her mother died, this uncle stayed with her to the last.

The challenge is filling a bucket. The Survivors get water from the ocean and throw it to their loved one, who pours it in a thingy that puts it in a bucket. The reward is going to the Blowholes, which is, surprisingly, not a gay bar on Samoa, but some sort of natural phenomenon. And they're taking the Sprint Sprint Sprinty Sprint Palm Pre. Colby gets very upset with his big brother and Jeff assures him it's been that way since he started the game. Ha! Jerri and her...person Jennifer (are they cousins? I completely missed the introduction) win. They choose Parvati and her father to join them. Jerri asks to take one more person and she brings Sandra and her uncle Fernando. Napoleon is pissed. I was hoping Rupert would get an anniversary trip with his wife but that's just me. I just noticed Rupert looks like he's lost a lot of weight. The guys head back to camp and Napoleon is glad he's started breaking down the girls' alliance already with Danielle. Hmm.

Blowholes! I think they're pretty much geysers. They're pretty cool. Parvati's dad throws a coconut in and it flies about 80 feet in the air. All the while, someone's taking Sprint pictures with the Sprint Sprint Palm Pre Sprint. Parvati interviews about the awesomeness of the Sprint Palm Pre Sprint Is Awesome Sprint. Sandra talks more about her mother, pointing out her shirt that says, "Mom send help from above" [sic]. Jerri is concerned that Napoleon will be upset that he didn't get to come on the reward. Parvati doesn't really care.

Back at camp, there's a Texas flag on the shelter. Is that Colby's? Hi Colby I love you! Napoleon is bitching to Rupert back at camp that he didn't get to go to the reward. Napoleon makes a final three deal with Rupert and Colby. Rupert says he wants to believe him, but it's Napoleon. I think that right there is the best reason not to make a deal with him. Crap, he's going to win this season. Is it too early to put Jack Daniels in this Diet Coke?

Night 35. Did we miss a day? When the girls come back from the reward, Napoleon and Colby are asleep. Rupert starts sawing a log and keeping everyone up at night. Jerri wants to kill him. Ummm. Since they can't sleep, Jerri and Napoleon talk. Jerri asks Napoleon if he was mad. Napoleon said he wasn't mad, he just wanted to see his wife. Everyone wanted to see their loved ones, cupcake. Napoleon decides not to tell Jerri about the new final three and voting Parvati out until after the immunity challenge.

Immunity challenge. It's a balance type thing where you hold poles up against a plank with the backs of your hands. Jeff talks about how their concentration must not waver. And keeps talking. And keeps talking. And Colby drops one. I wonder how many people lose challenges because Jeff is busy telling them how much they need to not lose the challenge. Sandra falls out next. Napoleon is out after a little while longer. After Jeff comments on how well Jerri's doing, Jerri falls out. My theory in practice! Rupert drops and Parvati wins immunity.

Back at camp, Napoleon says Parvati winning immunity made his decision very easy. He tells Parvati that the vote will be for Rupert. Sandra tells Rupert she wants Napoleon out. Rupert tells Napoleon that Sandra is gunning for him and he brushes him off. Sigh. More scrambling. Sandra and Napoleon do not get along. Jerri is shocked - just shocked! - that Parvati and Sandra would displease Napoleon. Completely unlike Jerri did wih the reward fiasco. Totally different.

Tribal. Sandra and Napoleon still do not get along. Parvati has the worst Sandra impression. Parvati says the final three should be all Villains. Rupert says something about Villains turning on their own, which is almost laughably obviously about Napoleon. Napoleon says he has no idea what Rupert is talking about. Jeff asks Rupert what he's talking about. Rupert says he's talking about all the Villains. Okay then. Sandra writes down Rupert's name, saying he'll still give her the million dollar vote. Rupert writes Sandra's name, saying, "Now I wrote your name down, too." Ha. Sandra plays the hidden immunity idol, saying she'd hate to go home with the idol in her bra. Napoleon says, "She's bad." GOD FORBID ANYONE DO ANYTHING IN THIS GAME WITHOUT YOU, NAPOLEON. Votes: Rupert, Sandra, Rupert, Sandra, Rupert. Rupert's gone. Sadface. He glares at Napoleon as he leaves all manly-like.

Season finale! Is it next Thursday or Sunday? Usually they tell you these things.

Survivor: Might As Well Eat Fried Worms

Thu, 6 May 2010 21:05:05 -0400

Note: I may be extra grumpy because I have not yet had dinner because my DORM WAS ON FIRE. You know, God forbid they replace the 40 year-old air conditioners.

Stupidest Tribe Name Ever, night 30. The Heroes are most displeased with Candice's flip. No one has anything nice to say about her. It's all very amusing. Rupert says, "Colby and I are standing on a sinking ship. There are no other Heroes." Dun dun dun!

Seriously Rename This Tribe, day 31. Napoleon is incredibly pleased with himself, completely ignoring the fact that absolutely nothing he did has anything to do with why Candice and Sandra voted with him last night. I mean, of course, the world revolves around you, you special snowflake! Rupert notes that Napoleon is slime. They both have a second grade fight over the fire. Delightful.

Immunity challenge. It's that one balance challenge where you're chained to a bucket. After one minute, Jeff decides to offer them something to tempt them down. Before even seeing it, Napoleon and Sandra step out. It turns out to be cookies and milk. Next up are donuts and iced coffee. Colby steps out. 35 minutes later, Candice asks Danielle if Parvati can hold out because someone needs to beat Rupert. Whatever, Candice, I am so done. Jerri, Danielle, and Candice drop out for PB&J sandwiches. Rupert slips and Parvati wins. Jeff reads the clue to the hidden immunity idol out loud to everyone. Something about a burning bush. They don't pay the clue-writers enough.

Back at camp, everyone looks for the burning bush. Short of a sign from God, nobody knows exactly what they're looking for. It's hilarious. "Isn't a burning bush red?" "I dunno." Sandra finds another clue but she hides it somewhere else, planning to read it later. Rupert sticks a rock in his pocket hoping it looks like he has the idol. Napoleon plans to get rid of Rupert anyway. Oh, Sandra says she has the idol. Did she get it? Okay then. Scrambling commences. The Villain girls talk about getting rid of Candice. Colby and Rupert discuss saving themselves and getting rid of Candice. Ooh, this would delight me.

Tribal. Wow, we're twenty minutes in. This is going to be fun. Amanda joins the jury, still looking like the biggest whiner ever. There's some bitching about Candice and strategy. Napoleon basically flat-out says Rupert's going home tonight. Colby says, "I can say I'm proud of the way I played this game," flips over his vote for Candice and says, "Can you?" BAMF! I forgot how much I like Colby. Rupert makes it look like he's going to play an idol but he doesn't. Napoleon looks kind of upset. Votes: oh, we're going to commercial. Fine. I'll go reheat some chow mein.

Om nom nom. Okay. Votes: Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, Candice, Candice, Candice, Candice, Candice. Bye, Candice. Colby grins, Amanda grins, Danielle pouts, but I think her mouth might be stuck that way. Jeff sends them back to camp, but we're only halfway through the hour.

Also, I wasn't paying attention to the first part of her sentence, but Candice said something upon being voted out about karma being a bitch. Isn't it just, sweetie? Isn't it just?

Napoleon is once again shocked, just shocked that things didn't go his way. Sooner or later he's going to need to stop being shocked. The girls tell Napoleon that Rupert must not have the idol. Napoleon is worried that he has to share control of the game with Parvati. It's so precious how he thinks he's still in charge at all. Live the dream, cupcake!

Next immunity challenge. Race to get a peg to maneuver through a maze, then use more pegs to climb a wall, then solve a puzzle. Rupert, Sandra, Napoleon, Parvati, and Danielle get through the maze. Napoleon, Rupert, and Parvati make it up the wall. Sandra puzzles as to how to get down. Napoleon wins immunity.

Symbolic rain back at camp. Parvati giggles that there will be "noooooooooo Heroes left" after tonight. I...sweetie, you only get to vote out one of them. I'm not that good at math, but I can count to two. Napoleon says he wants to get rid of Parvati. Danielle doesn't want to do that. Also, her silicone is rippling and it's really weirding me out. Napoleon tells Parvati to get rid of Danielle. I'm beginning to wonder if Napoleon remembers there are other people in the game. Parvati...no way. Parvati believes Napoleon when he says that Danielle's saying she wants to vote her out. She says she's going to talk to Danielle. Napoleon flips and tells her not to. The girls talk to each other about what Napoleon said to each of them. WOW, WHO COULD HAVE FORSEEN THIS HAPPENSTANCE? I will never understand the people that think Napoleon always plays a perfect game, because this? This is ENTIRELY PREDICTABLE. They are BESTEST BEST FRIENDS. OF COURSE THEY'RE GOING TO TALK. THERE WAS NO WAY TO PULL THAT OFF AT ALL EVER. You muttonhead. Anyway. Napoleon tells Colby to vote Sandra. Rupert axes a tree and sadly not Napoleon's head. Jerri says she's voting for Rupert no matter what anyone else says. Napoleon tells Jerri to vote for Danielle. Jerri says she won't, and Napoleon tells Jerri she's next. Rupert overhears.

Tribal again. Dragon Slayer is wearing a shirt that says "Dragonz." Candice is wearing her best bitch face. Rupert says Parvati and Napoleon are running the show. Napoleon gives the jury a look like he expects them to worship at his feet. They are having none of it. Parvati and Danielle tell Jeff what Napoleon tried to pull with them today. Jeff says, "So, Russell, you got caught." He denies it. Danielle calls bullshit. Napoleon says he was just trying to see where she stands. It's so cute how he thinks he's smart at all. Danielle is crying. Someone on the jury says, "Boo-hoo." Napoleon thinks he could've gotten away with this Danielle/Parvati thing. Danielle goes, "Uh, no." Seriously. He's rivaling JT for Stupidest Move Ever. Remember that time I told you to get rid of Napoleon early? I.E. Every week? But what do I know. Votes: Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle, Danielle. Bye, Danielle. Parvati is displeased. JT winks at Rupert.

Next week: Sandra is a badass and I sincerely hope Rupert is playing Napoleon.

Also, regarding next week, as we'll have just moved, I don't know what the internet situation will be, but my campus is wireless so I might just run up to campus the next morning. All that means is I'll be a wee bit late on posting, but there will be a post!

Survivor: Fifteen Men on the Dead Man's Chest

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 21:04:39 -0400

Yin Yang, night 27. That's really the tribe name they're going with. Rupert says he's done. I hope not; he hasn't even started. Napoleon asks Sandra if she knew Parvati had two idols. She says she did not, much less that she had two of them. Napoleon says he didn't either. Sandra is shocked because, as we all know, Napoleon knows everything. Napoleon, Parvati, and Danielle talk on the beach. Napoleon is angry that Parvati didn't tell him about the idols. Parvati finds this hilarious. Napoleon continues to be a whiny bitch and the girls tell him to chill. Oh, and Jerri's there, too. How does she keep popping up with them? Parvati interviews that Napoleon is scared that he's not in control. Rupert is concerned about getting Sandra on their side. I thought she pretty much already was. I mean, she's not on the Villains side. Who even knows.

Whales, day 28. Napoleon is trying to convince Candice that she's better off on the Villains alliance. Seriously? Seriously? She can't possibly think he will take her to the final three. I sincerely hope she isn't that stupid.

Reward challenge. They are playing shuffleboard. The reward is a sleepover at Robert Louis Stevenson's Samoan home with a screening of Treasure Island. Coolest reward ever. They're randomly divided into groups of three: Candice, Parvati, and Jerri are the black team, Rupert, Napoleon, and Sandra are red, and Colby, Amanda, and Danielle are blue. Colby wins for the Blue team on the last shot of the challenge.

Robert Louis Stevenson's house. So beautiful. I have a reason to visit Samoa now. All three of them lie in bed watching Treasure Island with Lionel Barrymore. However, Amanda is too busy looking for the hidden immunity idol to enjoy the movie. Heathen! Danielle finds the clue in the bowl of popcorn. Amanda "sneaks" over and takes it. The girls fight over it. Colby continues to watch the movie. Danielle whines at Colby, asking if he "even saw what she did." "I'm watching Treasure Island." Damn skippy. Danielle tells Colby to tell Amanda to give it back to her. Danielle bitches about it until Amanda hands it back. She blames Colby for not backing her up. YOU'RE IN ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON'S HOUSE AND NOT WATCHING TREASURE ISLAND. WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS.

Back at Stupidly Named Tribe, it's raining and everybody's staring at each other. When the Brady Bunch returns from the best reward ever, Danielle tells Parvati, Jerri and Napoleon that she got the clue. She exaggerates the fight a wee bit, saying she knocked Amanda to the ground and ripped it out of her hand. And then Amanda turned into a Jabberwock and Danielle used the vorpal sword to slice her in half. Dragon Slayer would be proud. Anyway, Danielle shows Napoleon the clue and Napoleon immediately finds the idol, hides it, and runs off. He says he isn't going to let the girls know about it because they didn't tell him about the other one. "I am the king of hidden immunity idols." Well, unless they're hidden from you, I suppose.

Napoleon tells Candice about the idol in order to prove that she can trust him. I hope she isn't as stupid as I think she's about to be. She says she trusts him and he says he'll take her to the final three. She interviews that she isn't sure if she can trust him, but I think we all know what that means. Sandra tells Colby how the other Villains are taking out her alliance. They conclude that Danielle has the idol. Colby asks whether they should take out Parvati or Napoleon, Sandra looks around nervously, and then, of course, it cuts away. Sandra then talks to Napoleon, who informs her that they have a Hero on their side. Sandra tells Rupert that they can get rid of Napoleon as long as whichever Hero who flipped (Candice) is lying. Rupert says Napoleon is scum. I know they can't hear me through the TV because I've only been yelling that at them for EVER. I'm not bitter. Colby doesn't think Sandra would have a reason to be lying to him. It's all very vague at this point.

Immunity challenge: build a 10-foot house of cards. It's exactly as thrilling as it sounds. Jerri wins by a few seconds over Napoleon.

Pre-tribal scrambling. Candice looks like she might be flipping because she's scared to not vote with the Villains, just in case Napoleon hands someone the idol. Sigh. Rupert says he's packing tonight because he doesn't want it to happen like the Pearl Islands again. I don't want the Pearl Islands to happen again, either. Though I did enjoy the whole pirate thing. Candice tells Napoleon that the Heroes are voting for him. She actually thinks she's final three with him. If it wasn't so frustrating it'd be hilarious. Napoleon tells Sandra that Candice said that Sandra said she's going to write Napoleon's name down. Sandra tells him Amanda's going home. Candice shows up, too. Do people just show up around Napoleon? Sandra tells Rupert that Candice told Napoleon everything. This is getting so junior high, I can't even follow it anymore. Rupert says, "Oh my God." This is basically how I feel about pre-tribal scrambling on the best of days. Colby says they're voting Parvati now. So close and yet so far. Now Sandra and Candice are fighting. It's finals season, I am far too tired for this crap.

Tribal. Dragon Slayer has a new hat. Jeff asks Rupert about the Villains' number advantage and who might flip. Rupert says the Villains wouldn't have a reason to flip because they have the numbers. Sandra acknowledges that she's not in with the Villains. The Villains immediately say that she's got a better deal with them. Because they're totally taking her to the final three! They totally are! Live the dream, kiddos. Napoleon says Sandra is "just there," as opposed to the superlative adjectives he has for the rest of the Villains. Napoleon says that when Danielle gets further in the game, he gets further in the game. Sandra and Candice share A Look. Yeah, so sure about your final three, huh. Skeletor mimes vomiting. I'm beginning to think my dislike of Amanda is partly due to the fact that she always looks like she's going to whine about something. Napoleon plays the immunity idol. Votes: Amanda, Amanda, Parvati (Skeletor dies laughing), Parvati, Amanda, Amanda, Parvati, Amanda. Amanda's gone. Well, I hope Candice enjoys her final three. Oh, wait.

Next week: trouble in the Royal Villains Court? Who'd a-thunk it.

Survivor: Off With Their Heads

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 21:04:47 -0400

Heroes, day 25. Rupert roars. Amanda and JT hope for the merge. Rupert hopes he's not pissing everyone off too much. Amanda is sure she is also annoying. Today's tree mail is a box with a note reading, "Do not open this box until you have the key." That seems like a good time to open it. Rupert says the Villains must have the key.

And as the Villains read their tree mail, we see they do indeed have a key, and a map to the Heroes camp. Parvati, Napoleon, and Danielle strategize about what to tell JT when he sees Parvati isn't gone. Sandra may have been eavesdropping. Danielle shushes them.

The Villains arrive at the Heroes camp. Parvati interviews that Napoleon still does not need to know about her immunity idol, furthering her royalty metaphor with Danielle joining the cast as Parvati's lady-in-waiting. JT assumes Napoleon and Parvati each played an idol, and says Parvati must go next.

Next task: pick a new merged tribe name. "Hillains!" "Yin Yang?" "Uh...no." "All Villains!" Hm, Jerri? "We're all villains." Rupert takes offense and asks why we can't keep a positive aspect for the name instead of a negative one. Precious. Parvati thinks she's out next and wonders if people think she's stupid. She's offended by the way the Heroes are treating her and says she's about to kick them out one by one.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch, JT is entirely stupid. Napoleon feeds him the story of how Parvati stuck around, and he buys it completely. Rupert seems to be buying into Napoleon's story, too. Grahhh. I will never understand how people don't notice the troll vibes emanating from Napoleon. Napoleon swears on his kids that he's on board with the Heroes. I hate when people do that. I only feel sorry for the poor kids having their names tarnished. Anyway, the short story is the Heroes are being stupid and they will deserve to lose.

Sandra approaches Rupert to tell him everything about the true Villains alliance. Rupert isn't entirely sure what to believe but it looks like he's leaning on Sandra. Maybe. It's difficult to tell. "This is where the game gets crazy." And how, Rupert. This is either going to be great or terrible.

Merged Nameless Tribe, day 26. Parvati and Danielle eat some bananas after breakfast. The Heroes are displeased. Apparently coconuts are for everyone, but bananas are regulated. Rupert tells the Heroes what Sandra told him; JT immediately shoots him down because Russell is his BFF ~*foreverz*~. I just remembered we decided we were going to call JT BFFerz from now on. Anyway, BFFerz interviews that Rupert is stupid and that he is the brains of the operation. Of course you are, sweetie. Rupert tells Candice that you can't trust someone on Survivor who swears on their kids. True story. Watch out for those dead grandmothers, too.

They Really Should Get On Naming This Tribe Now, day 27. Amanda and Parvati take a walk. Amanda says she has no power with the Heroes and that everyone is freaked out about Parvati and that she wants to get rid of Sandra. Hmm. Parvati is skeptical. As am I. What is up with me and Parvati sharing thoughts? That's twice now. I don't think I like this. Parvati tells her she has the idol, Amanda says, "Another one?" Look, I reached my weekly tolerance level of stupid on Monday this week, let us not push it.

Immunity challenge. Oh, apparently they're Yin Yang now. That's...kinda lame. I mean, I get it, but even Napoleon seemed unsure about it when he was telling Jeff the name. And when Napoleon's unsure, you know something's wrong. The first individual challenge: hold on to a pole as long as you can. They look like poles from which it would be uncomfortable to fall. Sandra loses it pretty quickly. Colby steps down with Sandra, surprisingly. Napoleon's out next, followed by a growling Rupert. Amanda steps down. BFFerz almost falls. Danielle makes out with the pole. Jeff notes that BFFerz is adjusting all kinds of things. Thanks, Jeff. That's definitely something of which I needed to be made aware. BFFerz falls next. Parvati is now standing on one foot, wiggling the other in the air. Jerri asks how she's doing that, and Parvati shrugs. Jerri steps down, complaining of dehydration. Sandra jokes that she drank all her water. Dehydration is funny! Candice is about to step down, but Jeff stops her to ask why she, the favourite to win, would step out. She's the favourite to win? I missed that memo. Candice says Danielle and Parvati look like they could last a while. They agree that they could. Candice steps down, leaving Parvati and Danielle to strategize. Parvati ends up stepping down because she has the other idol, and Danielle flashes a boob victoriously. Rupert thinks Parvati has an idol because otherwise she wouldn't have stepped down. He hopes to oust Napoleon as a weasel at tribal that night.

BFFerz wonders why Parvati would step down if she's next to go. Use your noodle, BFFerz! Use that strong, manly noodle! Anyway, while BFFerz practices exercises in stupidity, Parvati gets another idol from Napoleon. Lots of noodle exercising around this camp.

At tribal, we have yet another discussion of banana etiquette. It's serious business! Skeletor is amused by the banana wars. Boring strategical talk, yes, we all know, blah blah, maaaaybe Parvati's going, maaaaybe Sandra's going, who has idols, nobody knooooows. Skeletor keeps whispering to Dragon Slayer on the jury bench. If she is keeping him from his tai chi, I will be sad. Before votes are read, Parvati gives an idol to Sandra and one to Jerri. Everyone's jaws hit the floor. This is delightful. Votes: Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, BFFerz, BFFerz, BFFerz. Jerri's votes didn't count, so BFFerz is gone. Napoleon tells Parvati she has some explaining to do. She smiles and says, "Secret." That kind of made my week. Long live the queen!

Next week: Waterloooo, doo doo doo doo doo Waaaaaaterloooooo.