hyblaean- Julie's Open Salon Blog

what can I tell without telling?

Tue, 29 May 2012 04:05:35 -0400

can i tell of the splash, the sheer sheet of water, the drenching wetness as it soaked through my scrubs?
of your face in that moment, the rage and helplessness?

how about your immediate friendship the next day?
the theories you shared that rocked me to the core with how deeply they did not hold with my version of reality

how sick you are. I got that. thought I had that, but i got that now
clenching my teeth to the point of pain. shaking my fists mentally at a god i don't believe in most days

why is medicine so backasswards? We can take out hearts- fucking hearts, and yet we can't control the simplest mental diseases with any great sucess. and cure them- ha. yeah, no cures here, you'll be lucky if you can find a bandaid that fits much less trying to fix anything

and so I am back to reading brain books. trying to understand. trying to grab a hold of this in any way. I am tired. I hate doubles. I hate stress, and I hate being mentally ill.

ARGGG- Greenheron's challenge

Thu, 24 May 2012 11:05:06 -0400

and yeah, I know I draw about as well as I sing. Let's see you do better! :D

plowed and planted, harvested and barren

Tue, 15 May 2012 05:05:20 -0400

What i shouldn't want
the heat, the energy of rage
but this is war
lust and annihilation
the utter consumption of me
to birth a child
the saddling of obligation
of your triumph inside my body
is it any wonder i wish to kill you
to be killed by you
plowed and planted
harvested and barren
the seasons march on
and we all die in turn

off to work

Mon, 14 May 2012 15:05:10 -0400

door still open from letting the dogs out
bags packed, pills popped
thoughts thought, should I answer that email?

no time
always no time
but this too shall pass

and I will be old and sleepy
sitting alone in a quiet room
books no longer of interest, just memories
and dreams of things done and not done

kind of like now, but at a slower pace and with less chaos

stfu

Tue, 1 May 2012 07:05:52 -0400

i couldn't hear you
you were talking too much

the in an out of your breath
a rush, a headlong flight into
trepidation, predation
nervously devouring us all as we listened

to you prattle on about the weather
the thes ands she hes
blah, blah, blah
where are you in all of this mess?

this is about me, not anyone else here :) though I'd love to pass on the blame/shame, if anyone else wants it