Kyle Dykman's Open Salon Blog

Good News Sunday - After Lunch With Torman and Ranchwife

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:03:12 -0400

Just got home after a lovely visit with David and Mel, and Mel's nephew, Jeff. What wonderful people! They traveled to Michigan for a memorial service for their son, Richard, who they lost to cancer last month. I'm sure David will be posting about it. They said it was a wonderful tribute to this special young man. I think it helped Mel to be able to see all of Richard's friends from childhood. So many people loved him. I was able to see pictures of Richard, his lovely wife, and beautiful baby boy. What a tragedy that he was taken so young.

To the visit - we had a great time talking, eating, and talking. They are what I would call salt of the earth. Just genuine, obviously loving people. It was more than worth the hour drive to meet them. I feel blessed to have spent some time with them, and hope to see them again when they come back to Michigan in the summer.

I don't know if it was tacky, but I took David's book with me. This is the link to my post that I did when I reviewed it a while back - http://open.salon.com/blog/kldykmanaolcom/2010/01/28/keeper_of_the_word_by_david_mcclain_-_my_review

Anyway, tacky or not, I took the book so David could sign it for me. It meant so much to me to have him sign it so, right or wrong, I took it and he signed it for me.

Alas, no pictures. It was windy, cold, and rainy - not good for picture taking. So, I'll keep the pictures in my head with the memory of meeting some very special people.

They said to say hi to all. They will be back home at Almosta Ranch tomorrow.

PS One thing I forgot to mention in these two posts about Torman - he has the most delightful Texas southern accent!!!!

Good News Sunday - I'm Lunching With Torman and Ranchwife!

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 23:03:33 -0500

I am just so excited that I had to post this! I'm having lunch with David (Torman) and Mel (Ranchwife) tomorrow!

They are in Michigan for the memorial for their son, Richard, who passed away last month. If you haven't read Torman's account of Richard's last day, please read it - bring your kleenex. It is a beautiful, bittersweet tribute to a wonderful young man. http://open.salon.com/blog/torman/2010/02/10/a_fitting_end

Anyway, I was hoping to be able to meet them while they were in Michigan. David called me tonight. I talked to him and Mel and we made plans to meet for lunch tomorrow. I am so sad for the reason they are here, but I am so happy and honored to be able to meet these wonderful people. I'll let you know all about it!

A Mother's Fears Change Over The Years

Tue, 9 Mar 2010 10:03:57 -0500

It's been many years now, so I don't recall having any fears about being a mother. I was almost 31 when my husband and I married, so I suppose I had a fear of having waited too long to try to be a mom. That fear was soon dispelled when I got pregnant right away. I've written before that this was my one and only true "tears of joy" moment. Until I miscarried at 6 weeks.

So we tried again and four months later got pregnant again. No tears of joy this time. Just fear. Not unfounded, as it turned out. No miscarriage this time. This time it was an ectopic pregnancy and surgery.

Six months later another pregnancy, more fear, another miscarriage at 6 weeks.

Eight months later after a move to another state there was another pregnancy, more fear, a happy ending. Our son was born on June 20, 1990. We didn't escape fear completely. I had to have an emergency C-section. The cord was wrapped around his foot. An excellent, aware doctor got him out in time, and he was perfect.

I underestimated the insidiousness of fear. I thought once I actually became a mother the fear would abate. I was so naive.

I then had to fear crib death. A very real fear to me as a cousin had lost her precious baby this way.

Then began the years of fears of predators. I seemed to never take my eyes off of him in fear that someone would try to take him and hurt him. It is a hard balance for a mother to make - that balance between letting them grow up and be independent and keeping them safe. Somehow we/I got though these fears as well.

Then it was the fear of him driving. Any parent of a teenager feels this pain every single time their child goes out the door.

Of course, we can't forget the fear of teen pregnancy. Talk to him, talk to him, safe sex, don't ruin your life, STDs, blah, blah, blah.

When there were several teen suicides in my town, two of them classmates of his, another fear. Talk to him. Make sure his head is on straight. Make sure he knows nothing is that bad. Make sure he knows that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Sprinkled through all these other fears is the fear that you will raise a person that you will not like. As a mother I knew there was nothing that would ever make me not love my son, but there was always that fear nipping at my heels that I might not like the person he would be. Happily for me I really do like him. I like his sense of humor. I like his common sense. I like his sensitivity. I like him.

Now that my son will be 20 this year, my terrifying fears have lessened. Now I have those benign fears of will he graduate from college, will he find a job after he graduates, will he marry someone I like, will he give me grandchildren some day.

Considering the fears used to be life and death fears, I think I can live comfortably with the new set. Piece of cake!

My Spiral Into Addiction

Tue, 9 Mar 2010 08:03:28 -0500

Merriam-Webster defines addiction as a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

I used to worry that alcohol would be a problem for me, as there is a fair amount of alcoholism in my family. It never became a problem for me, as I seldom drink at all.

Sadly, I have recently succumbed to an addiction to little happy pills. I take at least a handful every single day. No one knows about this addiction of mine. Oh, they sometimes see me take them, but they have no idea that I actually NEED them.

There are many different types that I take. Some I like more than others, but any kind will do in a pinch. I recently got my 65 pound poodle, Gracie, addicted as well. It works out great for both of us as she doesn't care what kind I give her, so she takes the ones I don't like.

I go in the bedroom at night to "read". She is usually already in there as she likes to save her spot on the bed before her father and I and the cats come in to claim our spots. I sit in the bed with my book as my cover for the handful of happy pills I am about to take. She puts her head in my lap waiting for me to hand over her next fix.

I am so ashamed that I not only have succumbed to this addiction, but that I am taking my "daughter" down with me.

I don't know how this will end. I know I need help. I can't stop myself. I don't think anyone can help me!

I'm off to Amazon.com to buy some more Gourmet Jelly Beans. I like them much better than the Jelly Belly kind from Costco! Oh, the humanity!!!!!!

NOTE: I understand that there are people out there with true addictions. I'm not trying to minimize the suffering of those people, just having a little fun!

Lost and Found - 30 Years Later

Thu, 4 Mar 2010 07:03:10 -0500

I graduated from high school in 1975. I will be having a 35 year high school reunion this summer.

When I was in high school it seemed that most of my classmates ordered a class ring. I don't know if that was a bigger deal then than it is now. I know my son, class of 2008, wasn't interested in purchasing a class ring. Maybe because going to college is more expected now, a high school class ring isn't as big of a deal as it was then.

I know I was very excited to order my class ring. It was white gold, with my beautiful purple birthstone. It had the year I graduated, the name of my high school and the school mascot name, and it had my initials inside.

I wouldn't have remembered all of the details of that ring last week. Why? Well, because I hadn't seen the ring in about 30 years. I thought it was lost forever.

Several weeks ago I was contacted on Facebook by a woman who was two years behind me in high school. She asked me if I had ever dated a certain guy, and if I had lost my class ring.

I contacted her immediately and answered yes and yes.

Her father is a cousin to the mother of that guy I dated so many years ago. The guy's mother had found my class ring and figured out it belonged to me. She told her cousin, who in turn asked his daughter to try to find me. Another reason for me to love Facebook. She found me.

Last weekend I was back in my hometown to celebrate my birthday with my family. I made arrangements with this woman to bring my ring to me at the restaurant where I was having dinner, which was just down the street from where she lives.

So, after not seeing it for 30 years, my high school class ring is back in my possession. So many people in this story could have just thought it was no big deal and tossed the ring in the trash, or sold it for the gold. I am very thankful that wasn't the case.

I don't know why it means so much to me to have this ring back. Maybe it's because I haven't seen it in such a long time. Maybe because it's a symbol of my youth, and I don't have too many of those symbols left.

In any case, I have my high school class ring. It sits on my vanity table where I can see it every time I walk in the room. I'm sure it will eventually be put in my jewelry box where I'll forget it exists.

But for now, I keep it out so I can see it. It means much more to me than it did 35 years ago.

It makes me smile.