Kristen Houghton's Open Salon Blog

Interview for And Then I'll Be Happy!

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:01:31 -0500

I am going to be on the radio tonight. The show is called "The Good Life" hosted by Jesse Dylan. Please tune in at 9:00 PM est to hear the interview about my new book and about living a personally successful life. Lots of tips for happiness and putting your own life at the top of your priority list. Tune in and enjoy!

http://player.play.it/player/player.html?v=4.10.27&id=16695&onestat=chataboutit

No Sex? Take Charge of Your Life

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 08:01:06 -0500

And THEN I'll Be Happy! " Look Inside the Book" is now active on Amazon. Come read and be happy!

We expect it, it is good for our health, we need it, we want it; so it comes as a surprise when, for one reason or another, we stop having sex. Pinpointing the reason for lack of sex is the major key to getting back a healthy sex life. Unfortunately too many people put the subject of sex aside hoping “things will straighten out on their own eventually.” They won’t. What are some of the things that cause no sex marriages?

Our frenetic lifestyles for one; we tend to put sex last on our daily “to do” list. Work, kids, activities, long hours of “day-into-night,” all lead to exhaustion and exhaustion leads to lack of sex drive. How romantic can you be when you can barely keep your eyes open?

Researchers have found that when couples in a so-called sexless marriage are able to get away from family and work, and vacation on their own, their sexual activity is comparable to honeymoon sex. It becomes a priority when they are relaxed and stress is a distant memory.

The solution to a lifestyle that physically drains you is to take stock immediately of what you and your spouse need to be sexually active with each other. Is getting away for a weekend out of the question or is it a possibility? Can you prioritize a time to “get together” at least once a week, at an hour early enough so that you’re both still relatively fresh?

Take charge of your life. Be your own manager. If you were being paid to arrange a schedule for a client or businessperson, you would do it. Why not treat yourself the same as you would another person? A second reason for no sex is the “anger syndrome.”

Do you hold on to anger and let it smolder, keeping your spouse away? Anger is one of the least productive emotions. It drains you and keeps you from living. Get rid of it! Remember: Anger isn’t kissable, touchable, or sexy! If stress, overwork, exhaustion, or fighting is not the reason for lack of sex it may be time to see a doctor.

Health problems, both physical and mental, can cause a drop in sex drive. Get a complete physical check-up. Physical problems from diabetes, thyroid, menstrual cycles, menopause, prostate, arthritis, etc. can be affecting your libido. Taking everything into account, remember that you are in charge of your life and your sex life. Make it a priority.

***

Kristen Houghton is the author of, "AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" published by GPP Life an imprint of Globe Pequot Press. copyright ©2009 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved

Never Let Any One Person Be in Charge of Your Happiness*

Wed, 6 Jan 2010 19:01:26 -0500

Happiness Key: Never let any one person be in charge of your happiness*
Do you believe that someone else can provide happiness for you? If you do, you’re not alone. Too many women go into relationships believing that the men they love will automatically be able to make them happy. As 21st century modern as we are, we still tend to believe in "happily-ever-after" with Prince Charming.

Believing this fairy tale is one of the most emotionally costly mistakes you can make. No one can make you happy and you should not assign that job to anyone but you. The ability to be happy falls squarely on your shoulders. Depending on someone else for your own joy will leave you constantly disappointed and frustrated.

Chapter 1 of my book "And Then I'll Be Happy!" tells the stories of two women, Debora and Sara, who spent a great deal of time and effort waiting and hoping for the men in their lives to 'make' them happy. They sacrifice too many years waiting for this miracle to happen and of course it never does. Their stories are for every woman who has ever believed that someone else could provide her happiness and failed to see that only she had the power to make herself happy.

Debora was an economics analyst and an accomplished amateur painter. She was well liked by her colleagues, had a nice townhouse, a circle of friends, and was financially, in a good place. As for her artwork, some of her watercolors which had won awards in small art exhibits, hung on the wall of her office. Life could have been very sweet. But Debora was not happy. Her unhappiness sprang from an unsatisfying, unhappy relationship with Rob. She constantly said that, "when Rob makes a commitment, then I'll be happy."
He didn't, she wasn't.

Sara, a respected educator, made a mistake by marrying Brian, a person who she already knew was selfish and moody. She chose to close her eyes to what was right there in front of her! Unfortunately Sara bought into the belief of “wedded bliss” and the myth that marriage will change an unpleasant, selfish person into a sweet-natured, loving spouse that will bring happiness into the marriage. She could only be happy when he changed.But a snarling pit bull will never become Lassie.

Debora and Sara both were on a fool’s errand. The only people who changed, and not in a positive way, were they themselves. They became sad, depressed, angry women trying over and over again to fix a bad situation only to get the same failing results.

Your happiness should never be in the hands of anyone but you. Put yourself in charge of your own happiness and you will never be disappointed.

*The above is an abridged excerpt of "AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY!" by Kristen Houghton published by GPP Life an imprint of Globe Pequot Press © 2009 copyright all rights reserved. It may not be rewritten, copied, published, broadcast, or redistributed, wholly or in any part, without the express written permission of Kristen Houghton and GPP Life.

A Healthy Love Relationship and We Do Mean Healthy!

Tue, 5 Jan 2010 21:01:05 -0500

What exactly is a healthy love relationship?No worthwhile relationship grows without some practical commitment and work. There are solid ways to building the male/female love relationship.All through our lives we create emotional bonds. Whether it is family or friends we try to build relationships that are solid and hopefully long-lasting. The relationships grow and change over time getting better as we mature. Sometimes we discard those relationships which no longer suit our needs or which stifle our personal self. That's fine. It carries through to healthy adult couple relationships; ones which we want to keep and those not good for us. How can we create a framework for a healthy successful relationship?

· Friendship First and foremost, you need to be friends with the person you love. Friendship simply means that you share activities, care about the other person's feelings, will be there for him/her in good times or bad, and don't ever take your partner for granted.

· Commitment You need to be committed to making the relationship work. Nothing grows without care and nourishment. Commitment also means working together to solve problems and making some adjustments in your relationship when necessary. A good example of adjustment is if one of you has to relocate to another state because of professional commitments

· Sex isn't love Don't confuse the euphoric high of sex for the deep emotion of love.

· Be equal partners. No one should be the "silent partner." View yourselves as a team. You are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths to this relationship. Each of you is important to the relationship. Run this partnership like a business that will reap great rewards. Be in this together.

· Listen well, speak well Be heard but also be a listener. Seriously consider what the other has to say about issues.

· Resolve conflicts immediatelyLearn the art of reasoning and negotiation in any argument. Solve problems as they arise and you will stop a full-blown fight in its tracks.

· R-E-S-P-E-C-T Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

· Work at intimacy. Sex is easy; being truly intimate is hard. Sharing your concerns and fears, as well as hopes and dreams takes a lot of courage.· Enjoy each other. Make time for play and fun.

· Believe in each otherLet each one of you be individual and pursue personal dreams. There is a "me" in the "we."

Making Life Changes - Are you Ever Too 'Old?' No Way!

Sat, 2 Jan 2010 19:01:30 -0500

As 2010 begins many of us think of making some life changes. I'm not talking about resolutions, the kind that don't generally last the month of January. I'm speaking about fairly major decisions that will have positive effects on our lives. I am of the belief that, no matter what your age, if you have the drive and the determination to make a change, you should definitely go for it.

But not everyone feels this way. Five years ago I worked with a woman I'll call Donna,* who oozed negativity. Being in her presence for more than a few minutes had an effect that was unpleasant. If you lost weight, Donna would point out that most people gain it back in a year, if you bought a house, she would tell you about the dire financial problems of being a homeowner. She had a discouraging comment about everything. A chance comment from a co-worker about her pretty much summed up Donna's attitude towards life in general,

"She can take a beautiful sunny day and fill it with angry rainclouds. "

It was true. Her negative attitude could put a damper on even the best day.

This was brought home to me one beautiful Spring morning during the last year I worked with Donna.

During a coffee break, three colleagues and I were talking about various future plans we were making. We all had ideas and goals that required major changes in our lives. One woman was going to start her own business in a year or two and was making financial plans towards her goal, another colleague was mulling over a decision to take a year's sabbatical and go to art school to launch a new career in graphic design. I was leaving in a few months time for a position at a new magazine. Our attitudes were positive and happy.

Donna had been sitting there taking in all our chatter when she suddenly said,

"Listen ladies, at our age we shouldn't even think about making changes. What is, is. If we were younger, then maybe, but it's too late for us now."

We were thrown off guard. Too old? Us? We certainly didn't thinks so. The women in the group were ages 41 to 56. Donna herself was 45.

Her comment poses several important questions about making changes and age. When is it ever too old to make positive life changes or to pursue a goal? Is it ever too late to change direction in life or to change careers? What age determines when we should stop living? Ceasing to make changes makes your life stagnate and you aren't really living, you simply exist.

Donna's attitude towards life is unhealthy. For whatever reason, she sees only the negative aspects of life and feels that there is no alternative to 'what is.' But she is wrong; there are always alternatives and you should seek them out. 'What is' can become 'what if' which in turn becomes 'what a great chance I've given myself by making a change!' Call it reinvention or changing course, positive change will enhance your life. By doing nothing you allow your life to stand still. Change, whether career or personal, offers a fresh outlook on life and a new way of living. You're doing yourself a great service by making healthy changes as you go along.As January 2010 begins, allow yourself the luxury of deciding where you want to go this year and what positive changes will best suit your life. Age has less than nothing to do with living the life you want.***Kristen Houghton is the author of, "AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" published by GPP Life an imprint of Globe Pequot Press. copyright ©2009 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved