Ray StLouis's Open Salon Blog

The Lord on Healthcare

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:11:02 -0500

Now it happened on a certain day, as he was teaching, that there were Pharisees and teachers of the law sitting by, who had come out of every town of Galilee, Judea, and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with him for healing. Luke 5:17

The Pharisees and teachers of the law were scornful. “Who is this man who professes to heal all who come before him?” they asked. “Doesn’t he realize many are poor and cannot pay? Somebody’s got to pay for the healing, and it will fall upon us.”

Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. Matthew 9:35

Word of this healing got back to the temple. Then there was much hand wringing and gnashing of teeth among the Pharisees and the moneychangers. “He’s going to bankrupt us all!” they cried. “Everyone will have to pay higher premiums!"

Now he arose from the synagogue and entered Simon's house. But Simon's wife's mother was sick with a high fever, and they made request of him concerning her. Luke 4:38-39

“See now what you’ve started,” they said. “Now everyone expects free healthcare. You could have just sent her to an emergency room.”

Then as he entered a certain village, there met him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. And they lifted up their voices and said, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!" So when he saw them, he said to them, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed. Luke 17:12-14

“Priests? Priests? Sounds an awful lot like death panels!”

So he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when he had spit on his eyes and put his hands on him, he asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, "I see men like trees, walking." Then he put his hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly. Mark 8:23-25

“Now he’s even treating those with pre-existing conditions!” they said. “What’s he going to do next, raise the dead?”

And when he had said this, he cried out in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, tied hand and foot with burial bands, and his face was wrapped in a cloth. So Jesus said to them, “Untie him and let him go.” John 10:43-44

“That has got to be an experimental procedure. There’s no way we cover that.”

"Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give." Matthew 10:8

“Free? What makes these people think it’s free? What do they think, healthcare is a right? Well it’s not, it’s a privilege!”

Then the Pharisees went out and plotted against him, how they might destroy him. But when Jesus knew it, he withdrew from there. And great multitudes followed him, and he healed them all. Yet he warned them not to make him known, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Isaiah the prophet... Matthew 12:14-17

“You’re darn right we plotted against him. And we organized demonstrations. We said ‘YOU LIE!’ and called it fascism. We knew we had to discredit universal heathcare before it caught on.”

So they were offended at him. But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house." Matthew 13:57

“And we compared his universal healthcare to the holocaust. And made images of his face painted up like a joker or a hated dictator.”

When Jesus heard that, he said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, rather those who are sick." Matthew 9:12

“Besides, why all this talk about fixing our healthcare system? It’s not even broken. We’ve got the best healthcare system in the world.”

Then he called his twelve disciples together and gave them power and authority over all demons, and to cure diseases. He sent them to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. Luke 9:1-2

“We can’t compete with the Divine Option. This is socialism!”

Gov Crist writes to God

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 08:08:01 -0400

In 2007 Governor Charlie Crist wrote a letter to God. He scribbled it on a piece of paper and slid into a crack of Jerusalem’s Western Wall.

Crist was visiting Israel on his first official trade mission as governor. Intermediaries acting on Crist’s request have delivered copies of the prayer to the wall these past two years.

According to the governor, the text of the prayer was short and sweet: “Dear God, please protect our Florida from storms and other difficulties. Charlie.”

Crist believes the letter may be the reason our state of Florida hasn’t been hit by a devastating hurricane on his watch.

Nice thought, end of story, right? Well, not exactly.

As a sometimes-humorous newspaper columnist with a penchant for the type of hard-hitting investigative journalism best done on Wikipedia and other Internet sites without leaving home, it has come to my attention that there was a great deal more to Crist’s letter than we were initially led to believe.

Here, then, is the full text of the letter Governor Charlie Crist delivered to the Western Wall:

Dear God,

Please protect our Florida from storms and other difficulties. Charlie.

That would be Charlie Crist, dear God. Like your son but without the “h.” By the way, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.

Would it bother you a great deal if I was to start including the “h” just to end the confusion? People put it in there half the time anyway.

I plan to be governor for a while, God. Then maybe someday running for the U.S. Senate. Perhaps even bigger things after that.

I figure, a little additional publicity for you, a little extra credibility with the religious right for me, it’s win/win! Well, think about it.

But getting back to avoiding natural disasters. I suppose you’re in a bit of a tight spot. Maintaining the order of the universe, no doubt, requires issuing a certain number of killer storms. You probably have some sort of quota.

And I realize you have to send these storms somewhere, but we in Florida were really hard hit the last couple of years before I took office – eight hurricanes in two years!

We’ve paid our dues and then some.

Far be it from me to wish disaster on anyone else, but it’s got to be someone else’s turn.

Or better yet, couldn’t you just send most of these storms out to sea where they really don’t hurt anybody? If you do have to make landfall now and then, might I suggest Greenland? I think it has one town on an island the size of a continent. What are the odds?

Here in Florida, you can’t sneeze without blowing over a mobile home! Well, I could; you couldn’t.

I’m just trying to suggest some alternatives, dear God. It’s not like you have to automatically stamp every disastrous storm “Florida” before sending it down the chute.

I’ll be honest with you, God, I’m writing this letter in hopes of creating a little good luck. I’m trying to balance a state budget during difficult economic times; the last thing I need is a rash of hurricane hits.

You are no doubt aware (since you know everything) that I’m not just relying on this letter to create good luck. I’m also knocking on wood every chance I get, throwing salt over my shoulder, and carrying a rabbit’s foot. Also, I’m avoiding stepping on cracks.

And I bought a bag of gris-gris at a voodoo tourist shop the last time I was in New Orleans. I hope you don’t mind. Just trying to cover all my bases.

Oh, one other thing, God. If word gets out that I wrote you this letter and had some success with it, you can probably expect letters from half the governors in the country.

Perry in Texas will want relief from the heat. Pawlenty in Minnesota from the cold. Schwarzenegger will want not only relief from the fires, but also help balancing California’s budget.

Just remember I was here first, dear God. That ought to count for something.

Respectfully yours,

Governor Charlie Christ.

(Oops! Now I did it. See how natural that is?)

P.S. Is the Western Wall in Jerusalem the best way to reach you? Because it’s a little inconvenient for me. If there’s a suitable method closer to Florida, please advise.

Dear God, Charlie here...

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:08:18 -0400

Cross-posted at highspringsherald.com and kuulrayspage.blogspot.com...

In 2007 Governor Charlie Crist wrote a letter to God. He scribbled it on a piece of paper and slid into a crack of Jerusalem’s Western Wall.

Crist was visiting Israel on his first official trade mission as governor. Intermediaries acting on Crist’s request have delivered copies of the prayer to the wall these past two years.

According to the governor, the text of the prayer was short and sweet: “Dear God, please protect our Florida from storms and other difficulties. Charlie.”

Crist believes the letter may be the reason our state of Florida hasn’t been hit by a devastating hurricane on his watch.

Nice thought, end of story, right?

You should know me better than that.

Here, then, is the full text of the letter Governor Charlie Crist delivered to the Western Wall:

Dear God,

Please protect our Florida from storms and other difficulties. Charlie.

That would be Charlie Crist, dear God. Like your son but without the “h.” By the way, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.

Would it bother you a great deal if I was to start including the “h” just to end the confusion? People put it in there half the time anyway.

I plan to be governor for a while, God. Then maybe someday running for the U.S. Senate. Perhaps even bigger things after that.

I figure, a little additional publicity for you, a little extra credibility with the religious right for me, it’s win/win! Well, think about it.

And I realize you have to send these storms somewhere, but we in Florida were really hard hit the last couple of years before I took office – eight hurricanes in two years!

We’ve paid our dues and then some.

Far be it from me to wish disaster on anyone else, but it’s got to be someone else’s turn.

Here in Florida, you can’t sneeze without blowing over a mobile home! Well, I could; you couldn’t.

I’m just trying to suggest some alternatives, dear God. It’s not like you have to automatically stamp every disastrous storm “Florida” before sending it down the chute.

And I bought a bag of gris-gris at a voodoo tourist shop the last time I was in New Orleans. I hope you don’t mind. Just trying to cover all my bases.

Oh, one other thing, God. If word gets out that I wrote you this letter and had some success with it, you can probably expect letters from half the governors in the country.

Perry in Texas will want relief from the heat. Pawlenty in Minnesota from the cold. Schwarzenegger will want not only relief from the fires, but also help balancing California’s budget.

Just remember I was here first, dear God. That ought to count for something.

Respectfully yours,

Governor Charlie Christ.

(Oops! Now I did it. See how natural that is?)

P.S. Is the Western Wall in Jerusalem the best way to reach you? Because it’s a little inconvenient for me. If there’s a suitable method closer to Florida, please advise.

*****

Ray St. Louis’ column, “Between The Lines,” is published in The North Florida Herald the second and fourth Thursdays of each month.

Green Eggs and Gun Bans

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:06:29 -0400

Americans are buying up guns and ammunition like there’s no tomorrow. Since last November, there has been nearly a 50 percent increase nationally in gun sales.

The number of FBI instant background checks, required for gun purchases at stores and for gun redemptions at pawnshops, increased by 450,000 in November over the previous year.

In December, they went up 300,000. In January, 270,000. February, 238,000. In March, back up to 300,000.

There is a nationwide shortage of ammunition. In many parts of the country, 9 mm and .380 caliber bullets are virtually unavailable. Gun shop owners say customers hoarding ammo have caused the shortage. People who normally would buy one or two boxes of ammo are now buying ten.

Why the mass hysteria?

Ever since the fall when it became apparent Barack Obama was likely to win the presidential election, conservative pundits, along with the National Rifle Association, have stoked the fear that President Obama was going to take away people’s guns.

“OBAMA WOULD BE THE MOST ANTI-GUN PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY” the headline screams on the NRA’s anti-Obama website gunbanobama.com.

Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs, all harp on the same theme: Barack Obama plans to ban guns of all shapes and sizes.

Type “Obama gun ban” into an Internet search engine and you get 683,000 hits. Some websites display an extensive list of all the types of guns the Obama administration intends to ban.

This is nuts! With all that Obama has to deal with, it is clear that he has no interest in taking up that divisive fight. He has stated as much on numerous occasions.

But for some reason, the idea persists that President Obama plans to send out the storm troopers across the country any minute now to take away all the guns.

Perhaps the president has not been clear in his denials. Perhaps his language has not been sufficiently unambiguous. The following, therefore, is an attempt, with apologies to Dr, Seuss, to state the president’s policy in the simplest language possible:

Barack-I-Am! Barack-I-Am! I will not eat green eggs and ham. That is nice, Barack-I-Am, but will you make a firearms ban? I will not make a firearms ban. I do not like it, Barack-I-Am. I do not like it here or there. I do not like it anywhere. I do not like a firearms ban. I do not like it, Barack-I-Am. Would you like it on the Hill? Would you like it in a bill? I would not like it on the Hill. I would not like it in a bill. I would not like it here or there. I would not like it anywhere. I do not like a firearms ban. I do not like it, Barack-I-Am. Would you ban them in a park? Would you ban them on a lark? I would not ban them in a park. I would not ban them on a lark. Not on the hill. Not in a bill. Not here or there. Not anywhere. I do not like a firearms ban. I do not like it, Barack-I-Am. Would you ban a .357? Would you ban a Smith & Wesson? I would not ban a .357. I would not ban a Smith & Wesson. Not in a park, not on a lark. Would you could you ban a Colt? I would not could not ban a Colt. I would not ban a lightning bolt. Would you could you ban a Glock? I would not could not ban a Glock. I would not change my name, Barack. Would you ban a Gatlin gun? Would you ban it from a nun? I would not ban a Gatlin gun. I would not ban it from a nun. Not ban a Glock, not change Barack. I do not like a firearms ban. I do not like it, Barack-I-Am. Would you ban them in a car? I would not ban them in a car. I would not ban them from afar. I would not ban them from a nun. I would not ban a BB gun. Not in a park, not on a lark. Not on the hill, not in a bill. Not here or there. Not anywhere. I do not like a firearms ban. I do not like it, Barack-I-Am.

Clear enough?

Dear Class of '09, You're Screwed

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 06:06:36 -0400

The following is my current column for the High Springs Herald, posted here with minor changes, crossposted at highspringsherald.com and at my blog kuulrayspage.blogspot.com

BETWEEN THE LINES

Another spring graduation season has come and gone. Another opportunity for our institutions of higher learning to take me up on my standing offer to deliver the commencement address free of charge has been squandered.

I can only think the oversight is due to my current lack of a landline phone. No doubt there were plenty of colleges trying to reach me but none had my cell number.

Whatever the reason, I am forced once again to deliver my commencement address in print. To that end, class of ’09, this is for you:

My dear graduates.

As you leave these hallowed halls, degrees and in hand, and venture out into the real world of employment, career advancement, and dog-eat-dog corporate ladder-climbing, I would like to leave you with this one thought…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Let me clarify that statement. What I meant to say was…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Don’t get me wrong. I do not laugh at you, dear graduates. I laugh at the ridiculous situation you find yourselves in.

I’m sure you are all eminently qualified as well as thoroughly willing to be thrust this very minute into the vast meat grinder that is American corporate capitalism.

Problem is, the meat grinder is a little clogged up at the moment. Not only is it not churning out any sausages, it’s not even accepting the lips, brains, eyeballs, intestines, and other disgusting animal parts that make the sausage.

Am I being too graphic? Do I need to tone it down? Is this why I get no offers to deliver commencement addresses?

Seriously, graduates, you are entering a very difficult economy as well as a difficult world. For example, last month our national economy lost another 350,000 jobs.

And that’s the good news! Just a couple of months ago jobs were disappearing at twice the rate. Unemployment is currently at 9.4 percent, the highest since 1983.

What it all means is that many of you may have to postpone your plans to be sucked body and soul into the corporate juggernaut.

You may have to lower your expectations for immediate gainful employment in your field of expertise. This is especially true for those of you who majored in financial planning.

Who needs a financial planner these days? Nobody’s got any money!

Other occupations that are currently experiencing some tough sledding would include investment banker (currently falling between used car salesman and raw sewage on the respectability scale) and auto executive. Well, anything in the auto industry.

Also retail sales, and manufacturing. And real estate – nothing’s selling, the whole market sucks.

Also, any form of business that would ever require taking out a loan. Or making loans. Or approving, screening, buying, or reselling loans.

You see, banks don’t make loans anymore because they blew obscene amounts of money speculating on derivatives based on sub-prime mortgages, which is why they were given additional obscene amounts of money in the form of government bailout funds, which they immediately squandered on bonuses for the executives who lost the obscene amounts of money.

So the meat grinder is clogged, and you, my dear graduate, are basically screwed, at least for a while.

My advice to you, given these circumstances, is stay on good terms with your parents. Not only are you going to have pawn off on them your humungous student loans, but you might have to move back in for a while.

And if putting up with your dad’s snoring, your mom’s harping, your teenage sister’s whining, and your preteen brother’s tattling seem like just too much to bear, than you might want to consider the one thing that can solve all your problems, and can be summed up in two words…

Graduate school.

Go back to school for a couple of years. By the time you come out, hopefully our new president and his team of hotshot financial gurus will have turned it all around. Of course, it might take more than a couple years; in which case there’s always post-graduate study.

Go for your doctorate. With any luck you can put off entering this job market for another five or six years. As long as whoever’s coughing up your tuition money doesn’t go broke or cut you off, you should be okay.

So good luck, my dear graduates. Go forth into the world and…well…stall for a while.