littleboxofspoons's Open Salon Blog

Fun with phobias

Sun, 20 Mar 2011 14:03:41 -0400

As you'll know if you've read a previous post of mine, (http://open.salon.com/blog/littleboxofspoons/2010/02/12/handsome_is_as_handsome_doesnt) I have a phobia. It isn't a terribly debilitating phobia, so I don't actually remember that I have it, most of the time. Anyway, just for kicks the other day, I looked up phobias on the internet to see if there was a name for mine, and either it is so rare no one has named it yet, or so common they don't think it's worth naming. I don't know.

In the process, though, I discovered that there are way more names for phobias than I had imagined there would be, and there are some very amusing phobias out there, which only makes me annoyed that there isn't a name for mine. So I copied some of them down for laughs. Just to be clear, I'm not making fun of people who have any of these phobias.

Well, ok, I am, but the people I'm making fun of are all imaginary, so if you are real and you have one of these phobias, I'm not making fun of you. Do not be offended. Plus, you know what my phobia is, so you can laugh at me if it makes you feel better. Deal? Ok.

In alphabetical order:

Allodoxaphobia- fear of opinions

Better avoid talk shows. And TVnews, especially Fox.

Ambulophobia- fear of walking.

Do these people ambulate some other manner? Perhaps they skip wherever they need to go?

Anglophobia- fear of England or English culture.

I can understand a fear of British food, but not the rest of it. Shakespeare? British accents? Tea? Rugby? Nah. Unless you're a nationality that was previously dominated by Britain...

Arithmophobia- fear of numbers

I can sort of relate to that, looking back to my last couple of math classes, but does true arithmophobia extend to numbers in other situations? What about phone numbers?

Aulophobia- fear of flutes

This was the only phobia related to a specific musical instrument that I came across, and I'm a bit baffled. I can think of scarier instruments than the flute.

Aurophobia- fear of gold

This would be the result of having been kidnapped by Goldfinger. Assuming he let you live, that is. Mwahahaha! "Gold-FIN-GAH! wah WAH waaaah..."

Ahem.

Bolshephobia- fear of Bolsheviks

This one's neat. I'm just curious to know if anyone still actually has this phobia.

Cacophobia- fear of ugliness

Yours? Other people's? Or does this extend to more abstract forms of ugliness. Would a cacophobe be afraid of hairless cats? Good luck trolls? A pile of dirty dishes?

Caligynephobia- fear of beautiful women

There are at least two other terms for this, so WHY is there no term for a fear of handsome men?

Cherophobia- fear of gaiety

Um. Ok.

Deipnophobia- fear of dining or dinner conversations.

Dextrophobia- fear of objects at the right side of the body.

Do these folks just walk sideways, left side first?

Epistemophobia- fear of knowledge

I think this one has reached epidemic proportions. That would explain a lot.

Geniophobia- fear of chins

Well, sometimes there are just too many of them. On one person.

Genuphobia- fear of knees

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliaphobia- fear of long words

Never diagnose this person's phobia.

Hylephobia- fear of materialism or the fear of epilepsy

Well, pick one!

Polyphobia- fear of many things

I'm not sure if this means a fear of masses of things all together, like a swarm of insects, or just that this person has a significant number of phobias.

Porphyrophobia- fear of the color purple

I kind of like that word. It's pretty.

Pteronophobia- fear of being tickled by feathers

But not by other things?

Tremophobia- fear of trembling

This could become a vicious cycle.

There were many more, but at this point I realized how much time I'd spent looking up phobias and it occurred to me that maybe I should go do something constructive instead. Like continue trying to battle my own phobia, which thus far has been an unsuccessful pursuit, but hey, life is long.

The Halloween Challenge

Thu, 14 Oct 2010 21:10:08 -0400

Halloween is my Christmas.

Every year of my life I have dressed up in some way for Halloween. Every year of my adult life, I have made at least one and often two or three new costumes to wear for the occasion.

And, as a qualified expert on the subject, people naturally tend to ask me for costume suggestions. Only once to date has my suggestion actually been taken up by the person who asked. (It was my friend Natalie who wanted to be a racecar driver but decided instead -at my suggestion- to be a mailman with a stuffed dog attached to her leg at the mouth.)

Usually I make suggestions to my friends without being asked, because one of the most important elements of a Halloween costume, to me, is recognizeability. If people don't know what you're supposed to be, they tend to be less impressed. Therefore, it helps sometimes to go with a friend whose costume goes with yours in some way.

But this year when other people have asked me for suggestions I find I don't have any.

This is no good. Much like Jack Skellington, I consider it my responsibility, to a degree, to make Halloween awesome for as many people as possible.

I keep meaning to compile a list of good and simple (and affordable) Halloween costumes that most people would be able to throw together at the last minute, but it never happens.

I've got only three workable "back-up" Halloween costumes in my arsenal and I need more!

The three I've got:

A hydrogen atom. All you need is a hula hoop and a ping pong ball. And a big letter H on your chest.

The invisible man. A bathrobe, some bandages (ok, a lot of bandages) and a pair of sunglasses. A fedora if you want to be really sexy, but that's optional.

Euro trash. A trashbag and a map of Europe.

Yeah, I know that last one sucks. I didn't invent it, I'm just throwing it in there. This is, after all, the emergency back-up list.

I doubt I myself will ever end up having to resort to this list because I usually start working on my own costume in July, plus even if I don't get it finished on time I have a plethora of other costumes from previous years to choose from.

But my little brother, who is usually more than proficient in this area, asked me for suggestions a while ago and I hadn't any ideas except to point out that he has the hair and approximate build to be the Joker (the Heath Ledger one) but that's so two years ago.

So please tell me, what have you or your friends done as a back-up or last minute Halloween costume that worked out well?

I want the stories as much as I want the suggestions!

Movies that make you crave...

Thu, 9 Sep 2010 00:09:01 -0400

There are certain movies that need to come with their own special warning label on the dvd: "Warning: viewing this movie may cause you to crave Italian food like nobody's business." Something like that.

There could be a scale, too, like movies that only feature yummy food in one or two scenes would get a yellow rating or green, whereas movies that featured delicious food throughout, or in a more appetizing way would get a red rating.

For instance, "Bladerunner" could have a yellow or maybe even a green rating for that early scene in which Harrison Ford is eating chow mein noodles in the rain.

Last time I watched that movie with a friend, he paused it at that point and said, "Okay, now I'm hungry. Are there any Chinese delivery places around here?"

And, frankly, I was relieved that he asked. (Also, are there any Chinese places at all anywhere in the U.S. that don't deliver?)

The most drool-inducing movies I've seen are a little more out-of-the-way.

One is "Big Night", starring Stanley Tucci and Tony Shaloub as two Italian brothers who are struggling to make their restaurant a success. It's a decent film, but for the love of God do NOT watch it unless you have access to some really good Italian food. And I don't mean pizza, I mean top notch stuff. Risotto perhaps, or some really high-end pasta. I would give it a red rating, for maximum danger in this area.

Another movie that I enjoyed tremendously, despite the almost crippling cravings it induced, was "Waitress" with Kerri Russell and Nathan Fillion. If you watch that one, you're going to need pie. Red rating.

I haven't seen it, but I have reason to believe the new movie "I am Love" starring Tilda Swinton, may also be in the red zone for a number of foods. Can anyone confirm this?

And by all means, if you can think of other films that need a warning label of this kind, please share!

I am off to try and find some risotto. :)

Friends don't let friends ride motorcycles

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 23:08:20 -0400

In my experience there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who give advice to just about everyone and those who never give advice unless it is asked for.

I myself have become the latter variety, mainly because I believe in the golden rule and I hate when other people give me unsolicited advice.

Therefore, I don't petition -for instance- my friends who smoke to quit. They know smoking is hazardous to their health, but they choose to do it anyway for some other reason. To say that I am concerned for their health because I love them is true, but generally not appreciated, so I leave it alone, along with most other unwanted advice except in certain mortal peril situations.

I do not smoke, but I have been known to ride motorcycles and some would argue that that is just as unhealthy if not more so.

My younger brother, who has spent a considerable amount of time in rehab facilities for drug addiction, had no sense of irony when he solemnly lectured me on the dangers of motorcycle riding. I declined to point out said irony to him, and I know he was genuinely concerned for my safety, so I didn't give him a hard time.

However, each time I mention my intention of getting another motorcycle, the person to whom I'm speaking relates to me a tale of some tragic and/or gruesome accident that happened to someone they know (or knew) on a motorcycle.

I find this annoying. I am aware that motorcycling is dangerous. I spent five years relying solely on motorcycles for transportation and I did have a few collisions during that time -with the ground, thankfully, as opposed to other vehicles. I realize if you know someone who has been maimed or killed in a cycle accident you may feel compelled to share the story with others because you believe that it will -it must!- affect them the same way it did you. It will save them, they will never want to engage in such a dangerous activity once they have heard your story. Right?

But it doesn't generally work that way. Not if they are a biker.

I do realize that to ride is to risk injury or even death, but this is where it differs from smoking and other addictions: smoking is harming your body even if you don't get cancer and even if it doesn't eventually kill you. Riding a motorcycle is not.

It could be called an addiction, sure. Most bikers that I know will go through a period at some time where they say they're done with bikes, but I find that period will eventually end. Does this mean we're addicts? Maybe. I rode for about five years and have been without a bike for almost as long now. I didn't stop riding because of the danger; I stopped because I needed a four-wheeled vehicle for my job and couldn't afford to have more than one vehicle. But I feel the pull to ride again. Sometimes on my bicycle I'll catch myself trying to find the gearshift with my foot. I've also had many dreams of riding and they're so wonderful.

I will get another motorcycle one day. It will happen and I will ride again.

Yes, it's dangerous, but you know what? Life is dangerous.

Inception: Where's the man with squares of cheese?

Sat, 14 Aug 2010 17:08:04 -0400

Ever since Inception hit theaters I've been thinking about dreams, and how the dreams in that movie don't look anything like any dreams I've ever had.

I know, I KNOW! The dreams in the movie are supposed to be manufactured dreams in which the dreamer doesn't necessarily know he or she is dreaming. Please do not explain to me why Inception is awesome and I am stupid because I didn't "get" it. I got it. I don't hate it, I just hate how straightforward and ...picturesque all the dreams are in it.

I had a conversation about this with my best friend. She and I have some of the oddest dreams of anyone I've ever met. She, for instance, is the only person I know who has dreams in which she isn't herself.

And I have dreams about really bizarre stuff, like airplanes shaped like toothbrushes, peach-flavored Triscuits and snakes doing comedy. I do not take drugs, either.

"Most people do have mundane dreams," she pointed out to me when I complained about the dreams in Inception.

Is this true? I decided to ask my mom.

"Well, I have boring dreams compared to yours." she told me. "In my dreams I only know I'm dreaming because it's Wednesday in the dream when I know in reality it's Friday."

I asked my dad and he says in his dreams he's usually running around in his underwear back in high school.

I would NOT have complained if Inception had at some point featured Joseph Gordon-Levitt running around in his underwear. Although he looked plenty good in the dashing clothes they had him in throughout the movie.

I digress.

One thing they did get right in the movie is the falling backwards stuff. That always wakes me up. In fact, my dad says he trained himself to fall backwards whenever he has a dream he doesn't like and that wakes him up right away. My best friend says this doesn't work for her, though.

The part about dying in a dream waking you up makes sense to me, but I actually had a dream in which I died and it didn't wake me up. I was beheaded at the guillotine because it was the return of the French revolution. Then I was dead and it really wasn't so bad. Then I was alive again being carted off to the guillotine along with a bunch of other people. Everyone was all freaking out about it but I said to them, "Don't worry, I've had this done to me before, it's really not so bad." I think that was when I woke up.

So what about you? Did Inception's representation of dreams/dreaming work for you based on your experience?