lpsrocks's Open Salon Blog

F**K - I Need to Outlive Dick Cheney

Thu, 18 Nov 2010 17:11:18 -0500

“Fuck, I need to outlive Dick Cheney,” flitted among the random thoughts streaming through my brain this past weekend. No, I don’t start all of my sentences with expletives and no, I don’t have a morbid fascination with death or with his evilness (ok, that’s debatable).

Here’s the thing: on Friday afternoon, I found out that I have colon cancer. A PET/CT scan would be required to determine what stage (or how far the cancer had spread), but that wouldn’t be until Tuesday. I was left to spend the weekend worrying, absorbing the news, reading what I could on the Internet about stages, symptoms, treatment, and prognosis. If it was early stage, it could most likely be cured through surgery with possible adjuvant chemotherapy. If it was late stage and had spread to the liver and/or lungs, the prognosis was much darker.

Although I tried to be hopeful and stay positive, my gallows humor somehow always manages to sneak its way in. As we were watching my son’s pee-wee football game Saturday morning, I shared my random Dick Cheney thought with my husband. His response, “Aren’t you setting the bar kinda low?” Me: “I’m just taking this ladder one rung at a time.”

You see, DH (dear husband) gets it. He knows that humor, even if it’s black humor, is gonna get me through. I told my BFF (who you’ve met in earlier posts) what DH said and she just told me, “Lis – just don’t tell anybody else that.”

She knows. Not everybody gets my sardonic side. People will think I really have jumped on the crazy train. My family, god love ‘em, will worry that I’m coming unglued. But S. – she gets it, too.

She’s always been the Shirley to my Laverne. She’s updated our friendship: she’s now Meredith to my Cristina. I’m her person. And, she’s my person. Apologies to those of you who aren’t Grey’s Anatomy fans; I’m sure (at least I hope) you have your person, too.

“How come you always get to be the cute, bright and cheery one and I have to be the odd duck?” I ask. In our conversations, I think this is a perfectly reasonable question.

“Meredith is NOT bright and cheery,” she replies. True, Meredith is rather dark and twisty. But, Cristina – she’s just out there, doing her own thing. Hard-core. With occasional cracks in her armor. Last week, Cristina’s roommate found her doing the Flashdance thing with her headphones cranked up really loud.

“Oh, alright, I can be Cristina. Just be my person.”

S. feels bad that she can’t go with me to the PET/CT Scan – 2 ½ hours of sheer boredom, according to Brian, the Radiologist. “It’s ok,” I tell her (and DH, and my minister, who also offered to come with me). “I don’t think they’ll let you in the back with me anyway and I’ll just bring along a good book.”

Turns out books are not allowed. Nope, just me, a hospital gown, my socks & shoes (yes, I was a lovely sight) and an hour to rest with the radioactive dye coursing through my veins. And, then 30 minutes to lie still in the PET Scan machine.

Again, my dear friends (both OS & IRL) and their acerbic wit come to the rescue. I recall Freaky’s comments about the weird spa they were in during Deven and Daniel’s hospice stay. I try to visualize, telling myself it’s just a really strange spa treatment. I try to imagine the creepy gown open in back is really a plush terry Red Door Spa robe. I take deep, calming breaths – focus on the breath (so, ok, maybe all that yoga wasn’t a total waste of time).

As I get ready to head into the PET Scan Tunnel (imagine an MRI tunnel, but open on both ends), I close my eyes and tell myself it’ll be just like Space Mountain. Dark, scary, but when you’re done, you stand up and say, “that wasn’t so bad.”

Actually, after Space Mountain, I said, “let’s do it again.” Not a chance, here. But, I was trying. I was also trying to put all thoughts of the actual cancer out of my mind, and just focus on the positive. Like a facial or massage, it may sting or be uncomfortable for the moment, but it was to help me heal and get well.

I tried not to think about Dick Cheney. I tried not to think about the other people in the waiting room, most of whom were older, but a few who were much younger than I. I could sense the anxiety, as people asked when they would get their results. I tried to stay in the moment and not worry about results – there would be time for that. Someone told me the results should be read later that afternoon and forwarded to my doctor either that day or the next morning.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to wait very long. My doctor called a few hours later. “We got your results,” he said. “Good news. The cancer is still inside your colon and hasn’t gone through the wall or spread.”

I let out a very deep breath and said a quiet, “Thank you.”

Damn It - They Didn't Get the Memo

Fri, 12 Nov 2010 23:11:35 -0500

“Damn it – they didn’t get the memo!” my best friend says to me on the phone last night. Perhaps it’s the lingering effects of the anesthesia or that I really am on the brink, but I find this inexplicably hilarious.

As I laugh through my tears, I know exactly what she means by this cryptic phrase. And, it has nothing to do with business. THEY in this case is God, a Higher Power, the Fates and the Furies, whatever puppet-master is pulling the strings. The Memo to which she refers states something to the effect of –

“We’re not ready for more bad news..”

or longer version –

“Dear God, we know you only send a person as much as she can handle – at least that’s what the nuns and our Moms taught us – but our plates are kinda full here. We dealt with Katrina, we dealt with having uncles, a sister-in-law, a grandmother and precious baby nephews die in the years following that b-i-t-... We’re still coming to grips with being orphaned in our early 40s and raising teenagers. Can you give us a minute to catch our breath?”

But, of course, life doesn’t work that way. Now, I am not looking for a pity-party. And I’m not asking, “Why Me?”

As my ever-quotable BFF would say, “Why Not Me?”

I know bad things happen to good people and each of us carries our share of crappy things.

I can try to take the birds-eye view my sister offered a few months ago,

“So, what awful thing is going to happen in 2015?”

“2015?”

“Well, Daddy died in 2000. Katrina happened in 2005. And, Mom died in 2010.”

“Hot damn,” I say, “you mean I get 5 years (before the next big, bad thing..)”

Of course not.

So even though I’m still working through my grief of losing my Mom unexpectedly in June. And walking side by side with my very best friend in the world since the 3^rd grade, who lost her Mom three years ago and her Dad last December..

And even though another friend tells me, I’ve earned the FREE – GET TO BE CRAZY for a year – card, but I promise you grief is no fun-house (see Deven’s post – Writing the Impossible)..

I’ve still got to absorb this latest bit..

The polyp he found yesterday in my colon was too large to be removed during the colonoscopy and will require surgery. The nice, cute, earnest doctor called back today, and oh by the way, it’s Cancer.

I call her back today, “Get to work on that memo...”

Opening Day - Reprise

Mon, 5 Apr 2010 12:04:04 -0400

^{Note: In honor of Opening Day & my not-so-little-boy's birthday today, I am reprising this post. As much as I would love to be at Nationals Park watching President Obama throw out the first pitch, I am instead taking Gatorade to his 30 classmates. Woot!}

Baseball’s Opening Day holds a special sentimental place in my heart.

My son was born on Opening Day.

A year later, my daddy died on Opening Day.

I’m not sure why I mark these events by the opening of the baseball season, but for some reason I do.

I’m not exactly sure why or how my attachment to Opening Day started. It’s not that I have memories of growing up and going out to the ballpark. I grew up in a city without a MLB baseball team. We didn’t even have a decent minor league team. In New Orleans, we loosely followed the Astros, the Braves, or in my case, the St. Louis Cardinals.

No, I think it must have started once I was a grown-up (hah!) and moved to DC/MD. As an Orioles fan, I had Cal’s streak to root for and Johnny Miller’s most-awesomest voice on the radio. I spent many evenings driving home up Rock Creek Parkway with the top down (when I was cool, before kids, and had a convertible) listening to the O’s broadcast as a way to wind down and leave work behind.

Books have been written about the rituals and tradition of baseball. I won’t try to replicate them or make this Field of Dreams. But, opening day games used to be a big deal. They were played in the afternoon and were special. There is nothing quite comparable to playing hooky from the office to spend the afternoon at the ballpark sitting in the sunshine.

It makes me more than a little sad that Opening Day isn’t such a big deal anymore. Blame it on the media, blame it on moving Opening Day to Sunday night, blame it on President Obama. Who knows why? But it is.

Still, it’s a big deal to me. Ten years ago in April, which was also Easter Sunday, I went into labor with my son. My second child, I expected him to come quickly after my water broke, but he decided to take his time. I went to the hospital overnight; they said it was too soon for an epidural but they gave me drugs to “take the edge off” (please no chastising from the peanut gallery – it is what it is).

All I know is that one minute I was watching SportsCenter, the next minute I was hallucinating. I slept a little, watched more SportsCenter, slept a little more through contractions.

The day after he was born, I was still in the post-partum fog and remember watching a seemingly endless O’s game. Doze, nurse, watch baseball, change diaper. Repeat.

The kid, who was named after my Dad, and I watched a lot of baseball those first few weeks. Oh, and the coverage of Columbine (but that’s a different story).

the kid - about 18 months old

A year later, on a Thursday evening, I got a call from my Mom that my Dad had had a heart attack. The doctors were still running tests and she said I didn’t need to fly in until they knew more. The next morning, my sisters called and said, basically, “…get your ass down here.”

Daddy had had a quadruple by-pass ten years earlier and a stent and angioplasty in the meantime. It didn’t look good.

We spent the weekend with him in the ICU. We listened to LSU basketball on the radio and watched the NCAA tournament on TV. He was alert, but in pain and seemed to enjoy having us with him. The doctors were still running tests and were noncommittal about his status. A nurse warned my sister and me that the prognosis might not be good.

On Sunday evening, my sister and I said good-bye and planned to fly home to our respective cities Monday morning. We would be back in a couple of weeks for Easter. Daddy passed away overnight; my Mom was with him.

Daddy on his boat - as a much younger man

I don’t remember much, but I remember that it was Opening Day that day.

I remember, too, holding it together to go to the Funeral Home with my Mom and sisters to make arrangements. I remember losing it shortly thereafter and being pissed at God, at myself, saying through my tears, this is why Jews don’t name their babies after people who are alive. My mom, bless her heart, responded that Daddy was honored that my son had been named after him.

I found out later that that doesn’t hold true in all Jewish traditions, but still there is that little bit of doubt that somehow I put the gris-gris on him.

Two days later, we buried my dad on my son’s first birthday. It was necessary at the time, but it still stings.

I try to remember the good things and be thankful that at least he got to meet him. I try to look at the big picture and consider the circle of life and all that. I’m grateful that Daddy didn’t have to live through Katrina and see his house destroyed.

My family and friends have suffered a lot of loss these last ten years. But, we’ve also had a lot of joy – new babies, weddings & new family members to welcome in, birthday parties, Mardi Gras, JazzFest, and the rebuilding of the city.

Perhaps Opening Day serves as my reminder that for everything, there is a season.

Come on, we can be corny now, you know the words…

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

- The Byrds

How Do Mermaids Pee?

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 00:03:09 -0400

... & other dinner table conversation

Art Nouveau Mermaid by themadwashu at deviantart.com

Family dinners are important. Numerous studies, magazine articles, and WebMD tell me so:

Web MD: Family Dinners are Important

You Are Not Alone: Article Summary

Eating dinner regularly as a family helps keep kids and teens healthy, prevents alcohol and drug abuse, and leads to better grades and more open communications.

In our family, dinner time is when we share what's on our minds, how our days went, what happened at school/work, etc. We try to keep it loose and since we're dealing with a Teen and a Tween, we to encourage open communication. Lately, however, I've begun to wonder whether there is such a thing as TOO open communications.

Since the Teen is taking a comprehensive sexual education course through our church (yes, your read that right: Our Whole Lives OWL - one of the best things UU congregations do) along with "Health" classes at school and the Tween has started taking Life Skills in his Quaker school, sex and drugs sometimes (often!) come up in the conversation.

I'm no prude, but I'm still sometimes shocked and often surprised at the things they learn (and know!)

Among the things I've learned from my kids during supper-time:

there are more than 10 ways to use marijuana and equally as many different ways to "use" tobacco
when a boy goes through puberty, his nipples may tingle as his breasts grow
testicles hang one lower than the other
[skipping whole bunch more of things not taught to me as a girl-child in Catholic school]
and yes, apparently, mermaids - although they lack genitalia - do, indeed pee. It is believed they excrete through their gills or skin, the same way that fish do.

This last piece of information was NOT, in fact, learned in health or sex ed class, or from the materials sent home along with a sample of Old Spice deodorant. This question came from Yahoo Answers.

People who say, "there are no stupid questions" have obviously never visited Yahoo Answers. My kids find it highly entertaining and like to share some of the idiocy with their Dad and me. I'd keep them off of it (& the Internet in general) but that would be nigh near impossible.

So, instead, we're working on establishing "boundaries" and practicing that gentle balancing act of keeping the communications lines open while searching for "teachable moments." Plus, a fairly constant set of reminders that "what is right and normal for our family is not necessarily acceptable" for other families and in polite company.

And so may it be.

Health Care Reform Heroes

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 11:03:14 -0400

Sunday night, the House of Representatives passed landmark legislation that moves us closer to reforming our health care system. Is it flawed? Yes. Does it go far enough? No. But if it passes, it will be a major accomplishment.

For the record, I favor single-payer health care (yes, a government-run or managed system like in EVERY OTHER industrialized nation in the world) and this bill comes nowhere close to it. No, wingnuts, it is NOT socialism. It does not even include a robust public option, which I believe is a necessary component for controlling costs of premiums and a requisite if we are going to impose a mandate. But the Health Care Bill does some very good things that meet progressive goals:

Eliminates pre-existing conditions
Prevents insurance companies from canceling policies if/when people get sick
Eliminates lifetime and annual caps on coverage
Provides small business tax credits
Establishes minimum insurance standards and creates health insurance exchanges – competitive marketplaces where individuals and small business can buy insurance
Provides tax credits and costâ€ï¿½sharing assistance to low and middle income Americans
Invests substantially in Community Health Centers to expand access to health care in communities where it is needed most.

Here are two good, fairly brief summaries of what’s in the Bill. http://voices.washingtonpost.com/ezra-klein/2010/03/health-care_reform_is_progress.html

http://ushealthcrisis.com/2010/03/if-the-senate-bill-passes-heres-what-happens-immediately/

And the official summary from the House Ways and Means Committee (.PDF doc)
http://docs.house.gov/energycommerce/SUMMARY.pdf

There are several heroes who have emerged from this battle and deserve our credit, our respect, and our thanks for making this happen. Here is my list of heroes.

Nancy Pelosi

First and foremost, the Speaker of the House, who is not incidentally the first female Speaker in history, has shown amazing leadership skills and political courage in steering this bill through the legislative process. Aside from President Obama, no one person had more to do with pushing for significant, comprehensive health care reform and getting it passed into law.

Politico’s Carrie Buddoff Brown & Glenn Thrush recently published an inside-Washington type story that outlines how Speaker Pelosi stood with the President and butted heads with Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel on approach to passing the bill. Pelosi refused to take an incremental approach in the wake of the loss of Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate seat to Scott Brown.

photo: MIKE THEILER / EPA / CORBIS

“I think [Pelosi] is the one who has kept the steel in the president’s back — and I think she represents that to Harry Reid, too,” Rep. Anna Eshoo (D-Calif.), Pelosi’s closest friend in Congress, told POLITICO.

Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0310/34753.html#ixzz0ir6emaSj

The Wall Street Journal fleshes out Speaker Pelosi’s spine and strategic recommendations for the White House.

After the Massachusetts defeat, Ms. Pelosi, according to aides and other lawmakers, pushed back strongly against talk in the White House about moving to trim the bill or delay its passage. At one pivotal meeting on Feb. 5, both President Obama and Senate Majority Leader Sen. Harry Reid of Nevada suggested a go-slow approach that Ms. Pelosi aggressively resisted, according to senior Democrats.

Ms. Pelosi also advocated to the White House that Democrats should rally support within their own party and drop all pretense of trying to woo centrist Republicans.

And this

"Without her, we wouldn't be here," said White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, who quickly added, "But that is also true of the president."
-from WSJ Vote Puts Pelosi's Political Skills to the Test

See also this NY Times article
Health Vote Caps a Journey Back From the Brink

Senator Harry Reid

Let’s face it: Senate Majority Leader Reid is not the most charismatic leader. His mild-mannered, soft-spoken approach makes him an odd choice for majority leader, much less Hero in this fight. However, Senator Reid has been a silent, but stalwart supporter of health care and refused to give up on the legislation. Even though he is facing an uncertain, difficult reelection battle in his home state of Nevada, Reid has been able to hold together a majority of Senators to support health care. Perhaps the most (or only) courageous thing Reid has done in this battle is to agree to pass the bill through Reconciliation (requiring only 51 votes, v 60) but he has kept the process marching forward.

Congressmen Anthony Weiner and Alan Grayson

Democratic Congressmen Weiner and Grayson have become darlings of the Left for their outspoken ballsy-ness and calling out Republicans for supporting/enabling the abuses and excesses of the insurance industry as well as straight-up challenging their colleagues on their lies and distortions.

For a sampling, see

or watch Weiner go up against Peggy Noonan on Morning Joe

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Also, can be found here at TPM with commentary

Apologies to readers for forcing you to watch Morning Joe and his blonde-nodding-head sidekick/set ornament.

Grayson became something of a cult hero with his remarks on the floor of the House, regarding the Republicans plan for health care. “Don’t get sick..if you do get sick..die quickly”

The New York Times called him “the Liberals’ Problem Child” and some suggest he’s a bit of a wingnut. Like Weiner, though, his straight-forward, combative style was a welcome sign to progressives that Democratic politicians would and could fight for their principles.

“A lot of people think a Democrat with guts is some kind of mythical creature like a unicorn, but it doesn’t need to be that way,” Mr. Grayson said in an interview to explain his approach.

Grayson has also been a strong and unyielding proponent of the public option. He introduced legislation, separate from the comprehensive health care bill, to introduce a Public Option into Medicare, that allows anyone to buy into the Medicare network. See Huffington Post: Grayson Pushes Public Option

While there has been a lot of noise around the health care debate and its politics, several members of the media have been beacons shedding light and providing thoughtful analysis to help clarify what’s at stake.

Rachel Maddow

Long-time and loyal readers will know that Rachel is one of my personal heroines and favorites. Her show, The Rachel Maddow Show, on MSNBC provides smart and in-depth analysis of issues, not just the sexy or hot-button ones.

On health care, she has interviewed both Democratic and Republican politicians and politicos. She shows an amazing command of her facts, explains things clearly and tackles hard questions. Here is Rachel explaining the Timeline of how we might expect Health Reform to roll out.

Ezra Klein

One of the rising stars in the journalism sphere is Washington Post blogger Ezra Klein. He has been a great resource, with appearances on MSNBC and other cable news, and providing historical perspective and cogent real-time updates on what’s happening with Health Care.

See his Newsweek web article How Health Care Reform Reduces the Deficit in 5 Not-So-Easy Steps
and Blog posts Who Does Health Care Reform Help and Health Care and Freedom

Twitter & Twitter stars @Karoli and @Shoq

Twitter has become my go-to app for real-time updates and commentary on news, politics, and issues. Being on Twitter during the health care debate reminds me of the superbly fun Live Blogs we had here on OS way back when with Liz Emrich during the Debates and Election Season. It’s snarky but smart – mixing comments about hair and clothes with breaking news and reaction – at least the folks in my feed are.

One of the most outstanding voices in the health care debate and a real role model for Bloggers and Twitter users has been @Karoli. She has stayed on top of the Health Care Debate and provided useful explanations and breakdowns. I don’t care what anyone else claims, she’s the only one who I believe has actually read the bill and understood what’s in it.

You can find her blogging here http://www.drumsnwhistles.com/
And http://ushealthcrisis.com/author/admin/

@Shoq and his blog Shoq Value represent my thoughts and feelings on a great many things. While he sometimes comes across as a foaming, raging, angry liberal, his commentary is usually spot on. And at least, he is trying to do something about it.

Sample - @Shoq quoting Brandeis

“We can have a democratic society or we can have the concentration of great wealth in the hands of the few. We cannot have both.” ~ Justice Louis Brandeis (1939)

Honorable Mentions

There are many others who contributed to the crafting and successful passage of this historic legislation. I am sure I am leaving plenty of folks out, but there are a few more who deserve honorable mention status:

Congressman Chris Van Hollen – well, for one, he is MY Congressman, representing Maryland's district eight. But he’s also a smart, respectable pol and a good guy. Soft-spoken and a bit of a policy wonk, he stays mostly out of the limelight, but serves as Assistant to Speaker Pelosi and chair of the DCCC. Van Hollen worked behind the scenes with members to whip votes, alongside Representatives Hoyer and Clyburn.

House GOP Leader John Boehner – Anti-hero, perhaps? But Boehner, with his overblown theatrics, spreading lies, and calls of Armageddon (not to mention his spray tan), made it clear to the Democrats that the Republicans weren’t going to engage in meaningful debate. I am convinced that that along with the hate-filled rantings of the Tea Partiers steeled the spine of Pelosi and the House Democrats to actually push this thing through.

Another own-goal assist goes to Blue Cross/Anthem Health Care and the Insurance Industry. Probably convinced health care reform was nowhere in sight, they took the opportunity to announce premium increases in the neighborhood of 35-40% on policy holders. This provided further evidence and support to the claims that the status quo was unacceptable and bolstered the President/CBO numbers for deficit reduction projections.

And finally, President Obama. He staked his Presidency on this one and while the White House made strategic and tactical errors along the way, he did not back down. Articles are starting to come out about the palace intrigue among President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. I’ll leave it to other pundits to dissect how much credit goes to whom, but will say one thing: I would not want to play poker with this man.