luckie westlund's Open Salon Blog

Zen and the Art of Breaking Up with Your Cable Company

Thu, 2 Aug 2012 17:08:02 -0400

You never know how you will learn your spiritual lessons. For a time, my cable company became my Zen Master. By Zen Master I mean, of course, one who brings out the absolute worst in me and illuminates the ugly dark spots still lurking in the sunflower field of my highest and best self. Just when I think I have worked out my issues of anger, hatred, resentment, and victim mentality, along comes a situation that forces me to see within myself all of the unpleasant traits that I abhor in others. I choose to believe that all of my experiences work for my highest good so I realize that there is a lesson in every encounter. Then, I do my best to learn the lesson.

My relationship with my cable company started as most bad relationships do, with blind optimism sucker punched by extreme disappointment. An installation representative appeared in the final moments of the appointed 10 hour window, and while he wasn’t much to look at, I hoped he brought other characteristics to the table that would make up for his physical shortcomings. Alas, I found his attitude as disagreeable as his less than stellar hygiene. We didn’t agree on even the basic values. I valued a room without a cable cord stretched diagonally across the entire floor and he valued getting out of my home as quickly as possible. Hope ignited when, overflowing with what I presumed to be uncharacteristic generosity and pluck, he begrudgingly ran the cable cord quickly along the wall of my apartment all the while explaining how he was violating the company policy of allowing only 4 feet of cable cord per customer. I found this an interesting policy as I personally own 578 feet of unwanted cable cord that I store in a bin until I find a use for it. He assured me, this would not be the correct kind of cord needed for this particularly intricate job. As he shuffled out of my life how could I have known that this was only the first spark of friction in what would become the blazing inferno of hell on earth known as the cable company.

Then came the confusion about the bill. It started with a series of phone calls and letters addressed to a person I did not know but who had obviously lived in the apartment before me. Using what I now realize must be an astoundingly superior intellectual ability unheard of in the communications crowd; I ascertained that the company had confused our accounts. This would be easily solved by a short phone call to the billing department. Oh, how I chuckle now at my sweet, earnest, naïveté.

I have since either lost track of or blocked out of my consciousness the exact number of phone calls made back and forth to the billing department. Far be it from me to question the company’s wisdom in placing their call center in the heart of Sri Lanka, nor the business acumen in deciding that speaking intelligible English be a skill considered optional for call center personnel. Perhaps, the call center was actually in much closer proximity but the death threats from disgruntled customers prompted employees to feign bad foreign accents and incompetency in order to shirk their job responsibilities and feel a sense of safety while doing so. Oh but there I go, trying to make sense of it all again.

Suffice to say, I appreciated the opportunity to practice my peace mantra and deep, meditative breathing many times over my 9 months as a cable customer. Including the times that they shut off my service for non payment of another customers bill, the time I lost service for several days with no satisfactory explanation or refund (a word for which there is apparently no translation in Sri Lanka), or the times I repeatedly followed the automated “customer service” phone directions until I realized that every numerical option led to the same unfortunate end; the dial tone preceded by a tauntingly polite female voice jeering “Bye bye”.

When I finally ended our relationship, they didn’t take it well. They acted out as I expected attempting to goad me into another argument by insisting that I “return their equipment” to an inconvenient downtown location. Resigned, defeated, and just wanting it to end, I packed up my box, remote, and 7 feet of unauthorized cord and drove 20 minutes to what I realized would be the last interaction I would ever have to endure with this sick, sad, company.

Parking was a nightmare as was the line I endured for 90 minutes that snaked out the door and onto the 95 degree pavement. I found I was not alone in my crippling frustration and despairing dissatisfaction. There were others. So many others. We had time to share, bond and compare our war stories in that line, as well as to sing a few choruses of “We Shall Overcome.” We didn’t do any of those things, but we had the time. Instead, we stoically endured the wait gathering what was left of our dignity until we got our turn at the front of the line where we were each asked the same question. A question that had been asked thousands of times before. “What is the reason you are discontinuing your service?” And like Don Henley I thought of all the bad times and struggles we’d been through and I gazed meaningfully into the eyes of that cable company employee and I simply said “I forgive you.” Then I straightened my spine and walked toward the door and into my fresh, new, television- less future. Until she made me come back to the counter to give me back the cable cord. Company policy prohibits them from accepting used cable cord.

Day 115 ; Putting my money where my soul is

Sun, 23 Jan 2011 10:01:25 -0500

Get this. I was bummed to discover I had lost my 200 dollar air card for which I contract to pay an additional 50 dollars a month, somewhere between home, school (which is over 80 miles away), and the home of my tutoring student. I noticed it was gone right before Christmas break which was at least three snowstorms, a home improvement project and two holidays ago. I searched everywhere, expecting that it would eventually turn up. It was expensive, and as we all know I am doing the prosperity thing, so I was feeling a tad discouraged and a wee bit irritated at this financial set back.

It occurred to me that I hadn't specifically asked my angels for help. I admit I still feel the mildest sense of discomfort admitting that I talk to angels. My ego is still a little attached to being thought of as “not crazy." Still, I try not to let that conformity vibe keep me from doing my thing and having a good time. I pride myself in walking that fine line between being a woman of irrational faith while still being allowed to walk freely among the citizens and remain employable. I remember reading in a book that angels won't interfere with anyone's life unless invited (its called MANNERS people). I prayed and asked for the help of any detective angels who might be skilled at finding things or benevolent spirits who were maybe interested in technology. Renewed, I looked even harder all over my truck, yard, house and classroom. I even turned a few old purses inside out, just for good measure.

Nothing. I was confused because I was really starting to feel it. I was starting to know I would find it.

On Tuesday I prayed again and set a deadline for my angels saying that I needed it by 1:00 or else I was going to have to go to Verizon and see about replacing it. I wasn't sure if this was angel protocol but they didn't seem put off by it. More searching. No results. Still, I experienced a very solid peaceful feeling that I was close to finding it.

Wednesday I went to Verizon and was told that I would have to continue to pay the 50 bucks a month for the thingy even if I wasn't using it (of course) and that I didn't have my thingy insured (it cost extra) so it was going to cost another 200 bucks for a new one. Or, he could sell me a ratty old used thingy for just 100 dollars. Pause. Blink. Swallow. "No thanks, I think I will just pray a little harder" is what came out of my mouth. Verizon Man looked a little surprised but smiled at me as if he recognized a good idea when he heard it.

I went home, lit a candle, and prayed. Not in the desperate, needy, begging way I had been taught. I (mostly) grew out of that type of prayer. I prayed the prayer of a true believer. I thanked God, my angels, and all benevolent beings known and unknown for all my blessings and for the understanding that all would turn out for the best. I affirmed that I knew that all would be worked out for my highest and best good whether I found my thingy or not.

The next morning Edge texted me at work that he had found something in the yard. The same yard we had searched so many times. My two hundred dollar, contracted for 50 dollars -a -month, air-card doo-hickey!

According to author Sonia Choquette, "Angels are a major force in every faith tradition, and are probably one of the few things that all world religions agree on." This may just be the faith talking but I believe that the world of spirit exists all around us and is activated by our focus on it. I believe that all things are possible. I believe in an infinite field of potential possibilities activated by intention and manifested by faith. I choose to believe in miracles and in angels, and my life is richer for it.

This experience reminded me to ask for what I need from the Universe. Biblical scripture not only says to ask and it SHALL be given, seek and you SHALL find, (Matthew 7:7), but also that it shall be given to you according to your belief. Luckily, that belief is a choice we all get to make with our God given free will.

I recommend talking to angels and I plan to do it a lot more often from now on.

That "not crazy" thing is totally overrated.

Day 26; Putting my money where my soul is

Sun, 7 Nov 2010 21:11:57 -0500

Let me cut to the chase. I have been practicing The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity for 3 weeks and you may be wondering " Hey Luckie, how's it going? Are you any richer?" I would have to answer ; like everything else in life, it all depends on how you look at it.

According to spiritual teacher and author Edwene Gaines, prosperity is:

*A vitally alive physical body to provide a comfortable worldly home for the spiritual beings that we are

*Relationships that are satisfying, nurturing, honest, and work all the time

*Work that we love so much that it's not work, it's play

*And all the money we can spend

Right now I can gratefully report that I am healthy as a horse. That is fantastic because if I have to get a perfect score on one of the four, I choose this one. I also love, I mean LOVE my job and find it immensely satisfying and fun. So far so good.

Here is where things start to go, as we say in the south "all caddywumpus." I wish I could say that I have all the money I can spend but sometimes it is more accurate to say that I spend all the money I have. I also spend some that I don't have which is not as tricky as it may sound thanks to my dear friends at Discover Card (kisses all my homies at D.C).

As far as relationships go, I have lots that are meeting the criterion of working all the time. It is just in the area of romance that I seem to be in some way, disabled. I have learned that the law of attraction seems to work with instantaneous perfection in this area alone. It astounds me to see that if I express any dissatisfation with my romantic relationship, it returns to me, multiplied. ABUNDANTLY!

I am obviously not the only one feeling dissatisfaction.

I want to be nurtured and satisfied and when I am not, I want to be honest. If that isn't possible, then what?

Then, I guess it is time to solve my own problem and sometimes that means (gulp) letting go.

Edwene says "When you are working toward your goals, not only do you need to know what you want, but you also have to be willing to give up that which you don't." I like the way Susan Sarandon says it in the movie Thelma and Louise "You get what you settle for."

One thing I am learning from this program is there are similarities between the way I handle my money and the way I handle romantic relationships. If I look at them both as the same energy in different forms I can see that I tend to override my own intellect and make decisions on pure emotion. I spend on things that, while cute and fun, may also be impractical and not designed for longevity. I give what I can't afford to lose. I impulse buy and spend the next 6 months wearing shoes that rub my heel raw. Many Bandaids later I am still living in denial trying to grin and bear it because there are so many GREAT things about those shoes. They look good and I get lots of compliments and 5 inch zebra pumps are SO hard to find, and on sale too! They are so darned close to being almost perfect for me. Maybe if I just contort my arches and hold my pinky toe just so...

Then, one day, I have to admit to myself that my shoes are deforming my toes and making me walk funny. My cute, darling, fun, sexy shoes don't....fit....right. Sigh. Time to be a grown up. Bleck.

I am willing to learn a new way of relating to romantic partners AND to money. I am a responsible, non-complaining, grown-up and I will either fix those shoes (but come on, we all know how that usually turns out. Dr. Scholls can only do so much, and I don't even think he's a real doctor) or let them go to someone who can appreciate them more fully. I feel no rush to replace them or force anything to happen. I know everything is occuring in the perfect timing and I live in an abundant universe. There are enough cute shoes for us all and enough money to buy them with. Especially if you pay cash, and use a coupon.

Meanwhile I slip my feet into my comfy pink slippers and refocus on the one love affair that is ongoing. The one I have with Infinite Source, Divine Intelligence, Universal Flow, The One, God, or whatever you choose to call Her. She is here expressing through me, as me, here and now- just as she is in all of us, every moment. I am peacefully alone and all of my bills are paid for now. Some people might say, "Luckie, you are all alone in ratty pink slippers and your situation is kind of unstable." To which I retort "Yes, but I am full of love, appreciation, homemade potato soup and my feet feel fabulous."

For the past three weeks I have focused on how to pay attention to the authentic whisperings of my soul. I have the responded to what works in my life and found the courage to change what doesn't. I am building a nest egg for myself emotionally AND financially while identifying the places where I can get the greatest return on my investment. I employ, with regularity, the assistance of multitudes of friends and angels (sometimes I can't even tell them apart) who re-energize my heart with happiness and hope and illuminate my gifts with their appreciation and support. I still love those shoes, but I accept their loss with grace and not the grief of a child.

Am I any richer? It all depends on how you look at it.

Day 14; Putting my money where my soul is

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 19:10:26 -0400

In case you are wondering where I've been lately, I'll tell you. I have been very busy not complaining. I am practicing another strategy from my guidebook and it is just a tad bit challenging. It is called The 21 Day Complaint Free Diet.

No complaining, no whining, no kvetching, no (insert synonym here) for 21 solid days and nights. The key is to be very cautious with your words because one slip up and its back to day one and starting all over. That, my friends is a drag. The practice is tough, isolating, and I am not enjoying it. It was one thing to give up gossip ( I admit it, I may need a sponser) but this is quite possibly impossible. It is also annoying. Did I mention it is hard?

Oops.

The funny thing is, I never really considered myself a big complainer. I reasoned that, with my life, I didn't really have to be. I always prefered to let my suffering speak for itself. To my mind, I used prudent moderation when describing any one of the utterly unwarranted and inexplicably numerous indignities I felt I had endured over the years. I thought I underplayed these events in the casual yet spunky manner befitting the heroine of an award winning children's book. "There she goes" I imagined friends and aquaintences whispering about me "cheerful and chipper as always, and after what she's been through...". Luckie of Sunnybrook Farms, that's me. Complaining, what complaining?

I do alright when I am awake. What I am learning is that I am asleep at the wheel more often than I like to admit. It is humbling to realize how often my mouth is engaged while my mind is out getting a sandwich. ("Her mind is getting a sandwich?"I hear you ask. Yes. It is getting a sandwich for my mouth. Its very complicated. Please stop interrupting.) In order to make sure I don't complain, I have to actually pay attention and carefully choose my words 100% of the time.

Why should this be difficult? We know how important words are. The Bible opens with "In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word WAS God." Words are so powerful they created the universe. They create reality. They are GOD. If I truly understand how powerful words are then I need to recommit to choosing them with, at the very least, the same consideration I give to picking out a polish for my pedicure.

It is astounding how popular it has become to complain. Some media people are actually making entire careers out of criticizing, carping and fault-finding. Edwene's book suggests that by stopping ourselves from complaining, we start looking for solutions. We become proactive, empowered participants in our own lives instead of viewing ourselves as the hapless victims of circumstance. It doesn't mean we have to ignore our own discomfort. It means we have to be responsible for finding a solution to our perceived problem. Thus, instead of saying "It's cold in here" you might say, "Can I borrow your fuzzy pink toe socks?" And then instead of saying "Why don't you just have normal socks like everyone else?" you just say "Thank you" (Edge, are you listening).

It is fun to imagine what would happen if this practice caught on. Imagine if we all had to figure out how to fix what we think is broken. What if you heard your child say something like "I earned a D on my report card so I think next semester I will watch less T.V". Or to read about some Senator saying "I am dissatisfied with the discord here in Washington, so I decided to throw a party and see if we can't start to get along a little better." I know this is very Pollyanna of Green Gables but if we wish to be the change we wish to see in this world then we better get crack a lacking and do something.

I better shut up now. I have said enough. For a short while, when it comes to talking, I'm going to start choosing quality over quantity. Don't you kind of wish everyone would?

Day 6 Putting my money where my soul is

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 17:10:58 -0400

I don't want to brag but I got free money from the universe yesterday. My wallet is now rocking sixty dollars and 10 cents and I am sincerely thrilled. I don't care about the amount. The point is, this program is working. The money, as Wayne Dyer says, was nowhere and it is now here." Cha Ching!

This windfall blew into my life through following Edwene's advice to clean your house. (That is not a metaphor. You really have to clean your actual house.) In her book "The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity; A simple guide to abundant living" she says, "When you are working toward your goals, not only do you need to know what you want, but you also have to be willing to give up that which you don't." She recommends clearing out the clutter in all areas of your life as a powerful means to "jump start" the flow of prosperity into your life.

I LOVE this idea. It makes perfect sense to me that I can't be the happy, peaceful, conduit for compassion that I was born to be if I am running around a filthy home late for work because I can't locate my cell phone under the piles of accumulated crapola and crabby because I have on my "undesirable" underclothing due to a clean laundry shortage. Can I get a witness? Being committed as I am to life-improvement, I got busy organizing.

I looked around my place with the new eyes of a person serious about seeing. What I saw for the first time was the amount of unused stuff I have accumulated. Stuff with the tags still on it, craft supplies for projects that have never been started, three full sets of china, and an embarrassement of riches in the hair care and beauty department. I found that I own 19 different containers of eyeshadow. Nineteen! For those of you who haven't seen me in a while, I assure you I still only have two eyes.

How does 19 eyeshadows happen to a person? At first, I must have believed it would make me look better. Maybe "more energized" (which is the advertising industry's polite new euphamism for "not as old as you actually are, which is old and also gross). Deciding to slap some glitter on my eyelids as a diversionary tactic does make some sense so I can excuse the first purchase. What I can't understand is going back the other 18 times. Sadly, I realize I was just shopping to shop. I was just as greedy and grasping as those people on that show about hoarders that equal parts fascinate and repulse me. I could potentially wind up tearfully sitting in a nasty, soiled chair, debris piled to the ceiling as a therapist encourages me to "just throw away one sponge applicator. Thats all we need to do for today".

Catapulted into action, I sorted, arranged, and ordered for the rest of the day. I also returned some of those unused items to the tune of 60 dollars and 10 cents. What I learned was worth so much more. I figured out that enough is enough and they don't sell happy at Target. I learned that I can't judge hoarders because I wouldn't recognize it in them if I didn't have it in myself. I learned that with or without glittery eyelids, I choose to like the way I look and accept who I am.

The lessons are coming so fast I have to sit down and light a candle in gratitude. I have so much already and I know that God promises to give me even more. Jesus says" I have come so that ye may have life, and have it more abundantly". My home and my soul feel as sparkly as my eylids and I give thanks that for this moment, I feel very rich.