mginmn's Open Salon Blog

Stars In Their Heavenly Crowns

Sun, 30 Jan 2011 01:01:43 -0500

Mom used to tell me and my siblings that the reward for doing good deeds would be "stars in our crowns" when we got to heaven. Let me tell you about some people I know who are collecting a lot of stars in their crowns.

Volunteer drivers have given elders hundreds or rides to medical appointments, the grocery store, and the beauty shop in the past year. They have delivered groceries from Second Harvest, so that people aren't having to choose between having enough to eat or paying for their prescriptions. Volunteers help with data entry for reporting, serve on the board, and conduct blood pressure clinics.

Some volunteers have professional knowledge and skills, like our nurse who visits elders to assess their health and set up their medications each week. When she noticed Sophie's blood pressure was elevated two weeks in a row, she notified Sophie's son and suggested he schedule a doctor's appointment. The son said she had one the next month, but Bonnie told him he needed to make it as soon. When he took her two days later, the doctor told him there was a good chance she might have had a stroke if she hadn't been seen right away.

Nikkita Ivanovich Panin said, "In youth the days are short and the years are long; in old age the years are short and days are long." Sometimes the gift of time is all it takes to brighten a long day for a senior who lives alone. Last week I accompanied two of our newest volunteers, a high school senior and a community college freshman, to visit Ed, an 87-year-old widower who doesn't get out much during the winter. We brought pie. Ed offered ice cream to go with it, and as we sat down at his table he said, "I don't usually see anybody on Thursdays, and now it's like a party."

The volunteers who offer something to the East Side elders we serve don't see themselves as performing heroic deeds, but a ride to the hairdresser, a visit, having groceries delivered, or a nurse monitoring your health can be huge for those on the receiving end. With the help of many dedicated volunteers, our little program with less than full-time staff and an annual budget that's less than the cost of a week in the hospital helps keep our East Side elders safe and healthy, and since we started in 1999, we've helped save millions in tax dollars by keeping seniors out of nursing homes.

There will be too many stars to count in the crowns they'll be wearing.

Fill-In-the-Blank Christmas

Sun, 26 Dec 2010 23:12:44 -0500

My first Christmas memory is: Mom or dad taking us kids (four or five of us at the time) on a drive to look at Christmas lights, while the other parent stayed home to "do the supper dishes" and when we got home, Santa had come to our house!

I think Santa Claus should be an inspiration for us to give to those who truly need things, and less a human ATM of gifts.

If I could play with one toy from my childhood it would be: Pepper, my Teddy Bear.

When I sat on Santa's lap I was really thinking: I don't remember sitting on Santa's lap.

I am (naughty or nice or both or whatever you like): usually nice.

If I could have on experience for the holidays versus getting a gift it would be going to hear live music.

What confuses me about the holidays is how the financial stress and too much to do means I'm sometimes more grinchy than merry.

Spending time with relatives is the best part of the season. At least it was this year.

The best present I got for Christmas is: my brother and his partner provided hotel rooms and lodging at their house -- and some great meals -- for all 23 people in my immediate family (minus my daughter who's in Korea) so we were all together for the first time in eight years.

If I could add one idea to the folklore of Christmas it would be have people read stories or essays that remind them of the spirit of what Christmas is all about.

My favorite part of the Christmas meal is: can't choose a favorite -- it's all good.

The "Peace on Earth" part of Christmas is too often lost in the frenzy.

I am reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" this holiday season. (I did some of my gift shopping at Half Price Books and got myself a couple presents.)

My wish for everyone this Christmas is: may you be with people you love, be in good health, and know that you have a place to stay and good food to eat.

I don't still play Santa Claus at my house. But it was fun to be with my nieces and nephews who still believe.

If I could see one movie this Christmas Day it would be: I'll see movies later. I'd rather play cards or spend time with my family.

If I won the Mega Millions today, I would: start a foundation and anonymously give $$ to struggling non-profits and deserving individuals and causes.

This year, Christmas is: loud, wonderful, and snowy!

****

Merry Christmas to All, and to all a blessed New Year.

Remembering Some Non-Traditional Thanksgivings

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 08:11:41 -0500

I grew up with traditional Thanksgivings (turkey, lots of family) and have been a guest or hosted a couple as a grownup, but the Thanksgivings that stand out in my memory are the not-so-traditional ones.

When I was 23 I opted to visit friends rather than go home for my family's celebration. I caught a ride from St Paul to Kansas City with other friends who were going in that direction to see parents, and stayed with my recently-married college friends who had an apartment on the Country Club Plaza. I remember the pleasure of re-connecting with them and being in the throng of people Thanksgiving night when the switch was flicked and the brilliant Plaza lights blazed. Later we went to a bar in Westport and I wore a short skirt. One of the bartenders offered me a deal -- I could have free drinks as long as I came up to the bar to get them. That wouldn't happen these days, and not just because I no longer wear short skirts.

The first Thanksgiving after separating from my ex-husband was our oldest daughter' freshman year in college. Thanksgiving break was the first time she came home and our first holiday with separate households. Her dad and I both wanted to spend time with her, but I couldn't will myself to be a big enough person to cook dinner for him and I didn't want him as a guest in my house. (He had only moved out in August after a court order forced him.) So I came up with Plan B, and got the four of us tickets to a dinner theater on Thanksgiving Day. We had our turkey dinner and saw a performance of "West Side Story" and it was civil and even enjoyable.

About three years ago the girls went with their dad to his parents and I was on my own and in a conversation with an 82-yr-old woman I was visiting as part of my job, she said she and her friend were going to a restaurant. She invited me to join them. I did, and later in the day had dessert with neighbors. Being on my own was okay.

Since moving to Minnesota 32 years ago, being with my family for the holiday often involves driving to rural Nebraska or Chicago, and Thanksgiving storms have made some of those trips harrowing. A couple times we've had to stop along the way and find somewhere to stay because the interstates were closing. In my college days my cousin and I had driven 400 miles or so in his Impala and were "only" 50 miles or so from our hometown when we ended up stuck in a snowdrift on Hwy 20, where we sat all night. We had enough gas to keep the engine running and stay warm, but I don't think I slept. When morning came the snow had stopped we shoveled the drifts that reached the car windows and with help from a local farmer and his tractor, got un-stuck and were on our way. The farmer's wife gave us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for our Thanksgiving day breakfast. That was before the days of cell phones, so our parents had some nervous moments waiting. Yesterday my youngest daughter left during a storm to go with her boyfriend to his hometown several hours away on the South Dakota border, and I was the parent wondering, "Will they make it okay?" Karma can be a bitch.

One year when the girls were small we were attempting to drive to Chicago to spend the holiday weekend with my sister's family but due to a blizzard the Interstate in Wisconsin was closed. We were lucky to get the last motel room in Black River Falls late on Wednesday. We arrived in Chicago mid-day Thursday, and instead of trying to put together a late dinner, my sister's family and mine took the El downtown where we were able to look in the Macy's windows without crowds, were entertained by buskers, and had lunch at a Greek restaurant. The next day we had our turkey dinner while the crowds were downtown. Playinhg cards is popular in my family, and after the grown-ups played pitch we started playing spoons so the kids could join in. According to our rules the person who was last to grab a spoon got a letter, and the first person to get T-U-R-K-E-Y had to go under the table and gobble. I got a turn at being the turkey, but was laughing too hard to be a good gobbler.

With my youngest at her boyfriend's family's house and my other daughter teaching in Korea, I'm solo again this year. My youngest sister has invited me over, and it doesn't involve a long trip because I manged to lure my two youngest siblings to Minnesota for college and they stayed. Now I get to spend time with them and their families without having to drive across a couple states. My youngest sister has two girls, and her nine year-old wants the traditional turkey but the six year-old requested fried chicken, so I'm told we're having both. Since my brother-in-law the respiratory therapist has to work, it will be just us girls. I'm anticipating a lovely day, and hope it is for everyone at OS.

MG's Answers to Pilgrim's Open Call Questions

Mon, 17 May 2010 23:05:35 -0400

My favorite word: hope

Least favorite word: despair

Turn-ons: humor, word play, a twinkle in the eyes, confidence, kindness, creativity, looking good in blue jeans

Turn-offs: lack of grooming/hygiene, arrogance, stridency, materialism

Sounds and noises I love hearing: my girls laughing, a friend saying, “Let’s get together,” my cat purring.

Sounds I hate: Sarah Palin’s voice, metal crashing into metal, the word “cancer,” and from past experience, usually whatever follows, “we need to talk.”

My favorite curse word: goddammit. (I am my father’s daughter.)

Profession I might want to pursue: producer or host of an NPR program – or panelist on “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.”

A profession I wouldn’t want to do: ER doctor or surgeon, school principal, president of the United States

What would I like God to say to me when I enter the pearly gates?

“Welcome. There are some people here you’ll be happy to see. “

To Mary at Seventeen

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 01:02:19 -0500

Finally you loosened up and you're mostly enjoying your senior year. Maybe a little too much -- after having no detentions for three and a half years, you'll get twelve during your last semester. When you cut class with Eileen on a spring afternoon? Check to make sure that Fr. Frank isn't in the gym when you sneak in the side door.

Congratulations on being the prom queen. In another ten years you'll be what some might call a welfare queen, because you'll get AFDC while you're on maternity leave with a daughter you'll have as a single parent. You'll be the first in your family to graduate from college, have the first grandchild, and be the first (and only) to get welfare (for less than three months). Your Catholic parents will adjust to the idea and they'll love their granddaughter. It will be okay. You will find a job to support the two of you, and when she's two you'll find someone who wants to marry you and adopt her and then you'll have another beautiful girl. You won't stay married to him, but by the time you split it will be a relief. And you'll be okay.

You're nervous about going to a college in another state where you don't know anyone, but it's the right thing to do. You're ready to leave the small town. Don't worry too much about choosing a major, because some of the jobs you will have later don't exist in 1975. You can major in English, History or Psychology -- it doesn't matter all that much. But try to get a couple internships so you make contacts and get some experience in field that interests you. You could skip transferring to another college and spending a miserable semester missing the friends you had and trying to make new friends, but if you did you would miss meeting Terri, who recruits you to be a camp counselor "up north" during what will be one of your favorite summers. And Minnesota is a good place to call home, so it ends up okay in the long run. Make an effort to find the people who are interested in activities other than drinking during college. Explore the city and find out what it has to offer.

Nurture your friendships, because you'll rely on them to get through trying times. Besides being a single mom, you'll have a difficult marriage, a drawn-out divorce, and a spell of unemployment later, but with the help of friends you survive these things and the accompanying financial strain. You'll be okay.

Friends will also sit with you and comfort you when your mom dies suddenly before she's 70 and before you're ready to not have a mom. She likes to hear about what's going on with you; maybe you should talk to her more now. By the way, Monica, the baby sister that was born this summer, while you were too busy with friends and college preparations to spend a lot of time with her? She'll become one of your best friends in another 20 years or so.

It's not a good sign that you don't want to be alone with your first boyfriend, Alan, and even give your next youngest sister (Bea, five) candy so she stays around when he visits. Don't worry so much about what men think of you and pay more attention to whether you can be appreciated for yourself and enjoy a guy's company, and then ask yourself if you like and respect this person. Fear of being alone or of hurting someone's feelings are not good reasons to be with someone.

Tough times don't last but tough people do. You're tougher than you think you are. You'll also have to learn to be resourceful. While you might struggle to pay the bills, you'll have beautiful children, meaningful work, and a wealth of friends, and these are things money can't buy. You'll be okay.