mjwrites's Open Salon Blog

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Thu, 2 Sep 2010 23:09:46 -0400

With these words, I begin each new book. I press the little button on top of my brand new "nook," read the sentence, and wait. And wait a little more. It's the price to pay for an exciting "largest font that's in your face" kind of reading. I knocked these ereaders for about two years before I went to the dark side. That it has wifi is a plus, that I can read newspapers on it is another. And by doing so, I'm probably helping an industry become extinct -- like the dinosaur. But, it's bound to happen. What's another gadget that requires an USB cable. That requires charging. That needs you to touch a screen. I'd already had enough experience with my iPod, camera, cell phone, laptop, so another techy piece of equipment doesn't stress me out.

What this signifies is that I'm doing a lot of thinking about what I've done and what I want to do. As I hit my half way to a century mark, and gone two more years past that, (do the math), I want to do a lot of stuff before the muscles start to shrink, the mind starts to wander, and the feet start to fail. Therefore, I'm embarking on two new projects. And of course, you will be able to hear about all it through my new site, The Hudson Valley Beat.com. It's allowing me to be my own boss, and be the publisher of an online site for fun, for laughs, and because it's my passion. It's meant to "celebrate the goodness of the Hudson Valley," it's people, places and products (homegrown and homemade). Expect great pictures, and the goofy stories you expect from me.

The second is my quest to become a Yoga teacher. I was inspired by one of my first yoga classes about twenty years ago. Given by a senior citizen, a grandmother, who ran an adult ed class on Long Island; her "regularness and average flexibility" caused me to vow that I'd be like her when I get to that age. Now, in order for me to get to her level, I better start now. My first class was just tonight (9/2), and I'm ready.

Watch out for news about this site - its launch date is probably around September 15, but you'll hear all about it. You'll be able to facebook me about the site, and I'll actually twitter you all out there about where I'm headed, what stories are coming up, and any unusual positions I find myself in. So, I'll be signing off from my open.salon gig, with a great big thank you, and a tug on my ear. Namaste!

Reminders for Adults with Teens

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 10:07:42 -0400

I have had the privilege and luxury of being home this summer with my two teenage daughters. One is readying for college and time with her is precious and limited, but I did get to take her dorm shopping which filled me with great joy. (Though my heart is doing a few extra beats at the thoughts of her living and breathing elsewhere). My youngest is quieter, and I'm usually trying to drum up conversation in the car during rides to friends' houses or her summer volunteer job. She's usually "hooked up" with an iPod in one hand and the cell phone in the other. They are just the best kids, and I am so lucky to be able to be home, in the same room with them while they watch TV way too loud (or shows a bit inappropriate, which I have to keep one eye on), or giggle at a YouTube video which they refuse to let me watch -- which makes me wonder BIG TIME -- or text away to friends I don't even know anymore. There was a time I knew all their friends, AND their parents, AND where they lived, AND what their dad did for a living. No more. Names fly by in their conversations, and I'm feeling a bit clueless and lame these days. But time to just be with them is all I look for these days.

But the idea for this essay came to me while I was, once again, picking up my daughter at her summer job. We're at a traffic light and I find myself pulling at a hair that is way too long on my chin. Now, I know that's gross, and perhaps some of us can admit to this habit now and then, but I suddenly became very aware of my activity and immediately pulled my hand down, regretting the last few minutes. How can I expect my daughters to want to hang with Mom when she pulls at a hair in the car? So, I began to devise, in my head, of things that I do, that parents may do, that truly gross out their teenage kids. When they were five and saw me do that, they may have let out a big "ewwwww" and gone on with the day. Now, I can just imagine my daughter swearing, and totally embarrassed, and vowing not to drive with Mom anymore, and will move out.

So, with that said, here is my list of things that I, or other parents may do, that we must just stop while we're within a few feet of our teenage children...just so that they will, at least, tolerate being with us for as long as possible.

1. Watch what you wear. I know, at our age, we are just glad that what we're wearing doesn't have holes in it. But make sure it's clean, that the bottom and top match, that it isn't too "youthful" for your age; wearing "highwaters" is really not recommended.

2. When shopping with your teenagers, don't insist they say "hi" to someone. They are already "freaked out" by being with you shopping, asking them to hold a conversation with another adult is way "above and their beyond" their comfort zone. (If you happen to be with them when you run into someone, don't refer to them as your "baby.") While we are on the topic of "shopping," don't even, even think you can pick something out for your teen to wear, or even hold in their hand. That YOU picked it out is immediately grounds for instant hatred. Don't take it personally, though.

3. Yes, do pay attention to your gross personal habits. You're only with them for a short time, make it pleasant for them. After all, they're people, too. Passing gas, picking at things, or biting your nails are all pretty much controllable. At least try. Now, if THEY do it, ignore it and go about your day. They are already under a lot of stress.

4. While driving don't sing to a song, play drums on the steering wheel, or bop your head to the car radio's music. Drive like you were catatonic, but pay attention to speed limits, and especially when the TRAFFIC LIGHT TURNS GREEN. If you are a nanosecond behind, you will hear a grumpy, "GO MOM!"

5. Speaking of the car radio. Immediately upon getting into the car with your teen, adjust the speakers so that the sound ONLY comes out of the speaker on your side of the car. If you have a teen in the back, make sure the sound is turned off in the rear.

6. Refrain from asking, "how was school?" That is probably the most lame question to ask. Of course, it "sucked." Ask them things like, "I'm going food shopping later, what do you need?" I think kids like to be asked that....it makes them know their opinion matters. While we are on things "not to say," don't nag kids about cleaning their room, rather, say "can you at least a path from your bed to the window and door in case of a fire?" Keep in mind the saying, "what happens in their room, stays in their room." I have not harped on my kids' cleaning their rooms because I am not the ideal cleaner either. As long as the room is free of bugs, I'm okay with their messy habits. Their room is their sanctuary. As long as they can exit safely in a fire, that the window is reachable, I'm good.

7. Give them time when they get up in the morning..no scratch that..in the afternoon, to start a conversation. Even if their college letters came, don't throw them in their face the minute they come out of their room. Kids need to adjust to many things...that they are still at home, in their tiny room, wearing the pajamas they hate. Maybe they didn't brush the night before and their breath feels gross, they hate their hair most times, but upon waking, it's tripled. Don't jump into the face or else you've really created a monster. Show restraint, and after they speak, you may speak.

8. Don't flinch when there's something of real importance they have to attend to. This may conflict with #7 at times. But here is the reason. Say they have a toothache. Right to the dentist..don't even give them time to argue. If they twisted their ankle and they say, "it's fine, Mom, leave me alone," you start the car, and show them the "scary mom, take no sh*t" face. But don't overdue that face, you want to just pull it out ONLY for certain instances.

9. Visiting relatives. Let's remember what it was like when we were 15 and had to go visit relatives. That's pretty much number 1 or 2 on their list of "most hated things they have to do." If they don't want to kiss grandma, don't make them. If people are visiting, it's okay to force them to come out and say hello, sit for a bite or a glass of iced tea, but give them a way out. "Oh, dear," you might say to your teen, "don't forget you have to....get milk." That will bring such delight to your teen..that you thought more of them at that moment. That above all things is what they will remember.

10. The most important thing of all..despite their protestations, and rolling of the eyes, is telling them "I love you." They will never, ever, admit they like hearing it. Because if we fail at items #1 to #9, I think we'll still be okay.

Summertime, Summertime, sum, sum, Summertime

Fri, 9 Jul 2010 22:07:05 -0400

I can’t remember the last time I was unemployed for the summer. For the last seven or eight years I had some sort of regular employment, part time, or at the local summer camp. But not this year. Just how it worked out, I guess. I’m trying to adjust to it, making lists of things to do AROUND THE HOUSE. All those things that you say all year you want to do. CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE. The stuff I hate to do, and all year I had reasons why I couldn’t do it. Work, getting ready for work, going to work, shopping for clothes for work, visiting relatives on weekends because all week I have work, too tired from working. Not too many reasons why I can’t vacuum, or clean the refrigerator, clean out the collection of VCR movies now. VCR movies? Ha! That should tell you how long I’ve neglected a true house cleaning. I think our VCR went on the blink in 2003. Financially, it’s not fun. I miss how easily I’d whip out my debit card to get a large beverage of something cool and refreshing, a venti/grande iced thing, or a super duper big gulp of a carbonated thing, knowing that in two weeks, more cash would magically appear in the debit account. Well I can kiss that deposit goodbye until school resumes in September. So, I’m not getting my daily dose of caffeine, AND my only activity is doing house chores. Now, I’m now depressed. And cranky. Knowing that my fast-food, hamburger-flipping daughter is earning MORE money than I is making me downright ornery. It’s going to be a l-o-o-n-g-g-g hot summer. But, there is a silver lining. I’m becoming creative in saving money wherever I can, so I can continue buying that tall, cool summer beverage. Like the other day, I grabbed my recycle-bags; you know the ones you bring into the supermarket to carry your items home in. A way to save plastic? So, I brought in my collection of about 8 bags. But as it turns out, I only picked up a few items, maybe only using three of the bags. But, the clerk still deducted a nickel per bag. Hmmmm. With that trip to the story, I was refunded .40 cents. About one-eighth the price of a small latte. After eight trips to the supermarket, with my eight bags, even if I only spend, say, $5.00, I still get a nickel per bag. If I take this a little further and bring in 25 bags, my refund would be .75 cents. What if I bring in 50 bags? $1.50! It’s better and easier than clipping coupons. That brings me to the topic of clipping coupons. I hate clipping coupons. For the hour I spend clipping them, I end up with about 10 tiny pieces of paper that total up to about $4.50 of savings. A good thing if (1) I actually have the coupons with me when I shop, (2) if I actually used the products that the coupons are for – do I need 5 boxes of cereal to save .25? and (3) if they haven’t expired. It’s the worse time spent; the least fun ever. It’s more fun carrying around oodles of shopping bags. Here’s another way to save money food shopping. Stop food shopping altogether. I could spend $150 on groceries only to have my two daughters exclaim “MOM! There’s no food in the housel” So, I say: let me NOT shop for a few weeks and let them see what having NO FOOD really means. Same thing with their clothes-shopping. “MOM! I don’t have any clothes!” I look in their cramped closet and find tank tops for Abercombie, hoodies from Hollister, jeans from American Eagle, sox from Converse, and on and on. “But, dear, what are these?” “MOM! They’re so old…..I can’t wear them anymore.” Old..what’s wrong with old? But don’t get me started on that. But before I complete this little summer tirade, let me discuss a few things that just amused me so much so far this summer. I read a bit in the local paper about the voice from Star Wars, that little wise-guy…literally wise…named Yoda. You can download his voice for your GPS!! Isn’t that the best? Other voices in this company’s collection include other characters from the movie series, like Darth Vadar (now THERE’S a voice!), and Han Solo who will be added next month. He’s not so fun. But, they surely beat the voices that we have on our family’s GPS these days, the original voices, that sound like a diction coach from London. “In three quarter miles, make a U-turn.” The way she says, “quarter,” is so rich and clear. I try to say it like her, but I fail. The way she says, “make a U-turn” eeks with condescension, though, and I tend to glance at the GPS like a kid who is being corrected by a teacher. The way my husband listens to the GPS rather than my directions is maddening. “What makes HER so special,” I say, in disgust. I throw my Mapquest directions on the floor, and stare at the window, feeling like a third wheel in this travelling relationship. So, now you are getting an idea of what my summer is like..too much time on my hands to read all the papers (where if you read my earlier blog from a few weeks ago, you would’ve heard a different story), or come up with fraudulent schemes to cheat my local supermarket out of some loose change, and my dislike of clipping coupons. All this, however, is keeping my too busy to clean and vacuum, so there’s something!Enjoy these great weather days while they last, stay cool, drink plenty of water, and watch the stars at night. August 12 – watch the Perseid Meteor Shower.

The Colonoscopy -- Not for the squeamish

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 22:06:33 -0400

If you look long enough at the picture, it almost looks like your colon is smiling, see the dimples on either side of the smile. That's what mine may have looked like today. But I don't want to get ahead of myself.

I was on my side I remember, the "colonoscopy" position, and I said, "no, I'm not under yet." I'd had the oxygen tubes in my nose and the IV/anesthetic going into my veins. I was trying to get their attention, but the room looked different, and Sammi, one of the nurses, laughed and said, "Mrs. Goff, you're all done." All done! But I hadn't even gone under, I hadn't had the "best sleep of all," as they called it. The sleep that Michael Jackson craved. Or had I?

Yes, I was actually done. It was that quick, that painless, and actually very pleasant. I'd entered St. Anthony's Hospital in Warwick about 8:30 that morning, feeling a little woozy from the "prep." (But more on that later...lots more!) I walked up to the desk, and was immediately brought to the out patient lab for a quick blood removal, and to answer a few questions, I was then led to another desk for some more questions and paperwork, and finally brought to a room where I could get comfortable. A tv hung from the ceiling and played relaxing nature music, the bed was comfy, I got into the goofy gown, and laid back. Nurse Dee came in to take some information about my diet that morning, then Nurse Joanne came in to set up the IV. Nurse Pat then came in to explain the procedure. Then the anesthesiologist came in to tell me about what to expect. I felt like the queen of the ball. Lastly, just as I was dozing, Nurse Pat returned to wheel me into the procedure room. Like Cleopatra, I didn't even have to walk.

Sammi, one of the procedure nurses, strapped a "belt" around my waist, just so, she said, I wouldn't roll off. That was nice of her. Then another nurse/doctor whose name escapes me now, chatted a bit about her sunburn. I felt the oxygen tubes get inserted, and the anesthesiologist told me that I'd feel sleepy soon. And then, I remember seeing lots of dots, and I thought, no way, I'm not sleepy. And when I went to tell them, they told me the procedure was done. "No way," I remember saying. "All done," they replied.

This colonoscopy was recommended by my "primary physician," the new term for "regular doctor." It's good for ten years, she said. A phrase which turned into my mantra during the "Prep." This, my friends, is not for the squeamish.

The prep is a god-awful mix of innocent-sounding chemicals like sodium sulfate, potassium something and ascorbic acid, things we probably eat every day. But somehow this company put them together in such a form as to create what should be a new weapon for suspected terrorists. ("You better tell me where the bomb is, or you'll have to drink this!") Who tests this stuff -- boy do I feel bad for that person.

But anyway, the "prep" is almost a religious experience. Think of your worst stomach flu, times it by maybe a gazillion, and you have a good idea of what to expect. But if you tell yourself you won't have to do this again for another TEN years, that this will find out if you have anything nasty growing in your colon, that could even be deadly, then it really makes it ok to get down. There is even a hint of a lemon ice flavor that makes the first two sips manageable. For the other 470 sips, you have to say the "mantra." Here are two tips they don't tell you when you are scheduling a colonoscopy. Invest in some really, really soft toilet paper. That's all I'm saying, and oh yeah, you may want to make sure young children are at grandmas. For the night, and for breakfast the next day. This "prep" is a two-parter. It's bad enough that you have this going on before bed, but it continues the next morning, at dawn! And then you have to get into a car and go far from a bathroom. But remember the mantra: it's good for TEN years, and it may save your life.

In conclusion: if you are 50 and over, get one. It's really important, and if you happen to have it at St. Anthony's Hospital in Warwick, let the nurses know that MJ says hello.

The USMA Graduation Exercises - May 22, 2010

Sun, 23 May 2010 09:05:15 -0400

My Morning at the West Point Graduation Exercises -

May 22, 2010

I have been in some wondrous places…like the Eiffel Tower, on the beach at the Hotel Atlantis in the Bahamas….but it doesn’t compare to my morning at West Point. The excitement was just all over the place as anxious families came to see a friend, relative, or one of their own kids get their ranking as 2^nd “lou’s” in the U.S. Army. I’d occasionally watch the women in the crowd, see who might be here for her son or daughter. As a mom, it'd be a bittersweet occasion.

As I entered Michie Field, I was told I’d need an escort to the Press Pen --the two level structure for the cameras and media reps -- and it was just one of those moments I’ll never forget. Cadet Sergeants Moyen and Weeks were my two escorts for the morning, and they were courteous, friendly, and very cute. While they were also chatty about the website I wrote for, I believe they were making sure I wasn’t putting a bomb under a seat.

I was less than 100 feet from the podium, and in awe at being so close to the President. It was a kind of “Forest Gump” moment..like that part in the movie where he’s shaking hands with LBJ and then Nixon. I’m thinking, “How the heck did I get here?” Behind me were correspondents from NBC, CNN, ESPN, New York Post, Getty Images, and lots more, and with my “white house press pool” badge, I was their equal.

As cadet after cadet received their diplomas, they’d returned to their seat with the most elated grin on their face. Some looked astounded when they saw a buddy, and whispered, “They actually gave me one.” As they walked passed me, in their impeccably tailored uniform, spit shined shoes, and sparkling saber tied at the waste, I thought, “This is just an amazing place to be…here with our country’s heroes, guys and gals who signed up knowing they’d be sent into battle. Where would we be without them?”

While I debated about staying for the entire ceremony -- over 1,000 names -- I knew I may not get back here again, and how could I leave without witnessing that time-honored tradition of the hat toss, especially when I had such a great view of it. (Right now, my editor is reviewing the photos, so I can only put one on my site right now. But as soon as they either get passed over, or put on the www.WomanAroundTown.com website, I will link them here.) The hats flying in the air was a sight to behold.

I yelled to one cadet after she got her diploma, “How does it feel?” and she replied, “Amazing.” That said it for both of us.