MJwycha's Open Salon Blog

The Decade in Music: The 20 Biggest Moments of the 2000s

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:10:06 -0400

Music is like the shorthand of history. Listen to the opening chords of “Johnny B. Goode” and one is able to conjure images of fin-tails, greased hair, and sock-hops. Or take a song like “For What It's Worth” and it is hard not to imagine hippies, protests, and love-ins, even if you were not even there. Mention of Alan Freed and payola specifically recalls a time and place (the late ‘50s) as does the acid tests (middle 60s), or Studio 54 and 8-tracks (mid to late70s). The ‘80s had MTV, rap, and the obscenity wars (remember the PMRC? Remember the unlikely triumvirate of Dee Snider, Frank Zappa, and John Denver?). The ‘90s had grunge, raves, and Sinead O’Connor tearing up a picture of the Pope.

In short, the music and the developments in music of each decade, for good or ill, (probably very subjective, depending on your world-view) leave a mark on the culture.

So what were the biggest moments and trends in music over the past ten years? Honestly, I don’t have the definitive answer to any of this, but it might be fun to ponder a few of the developments and moments that have influenced popular music during the past decade. Some are good. Some are bad. And some are god-awful ugly.

So join us as we revisit the decade that was in music.

_{(And let me know what important musical moment or trend I forgot in the comment section!)}

20. The Return of the 80s (skinny jeans anyone?)

There seems to be a 20 year cycle for trends and sounds in rock and pop music. So it was no surprise that the 80s style and sound returned in a big way during the past decade. From The Strokes to the Fountains of Wayne to Maroon 5 the 80s sound was hard to miss. Even hipster indie bands like the Vampire Weekend, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and Phoenix owe a large part of their sound to the 80s. Entire genres like Emo borrowed heavily from 80s bands like The Smiths, The Cure and Souxie and the Banshees. Not only were newer bands recycling and reimagining the 80s, but living 80s bands returned from the dead. Hair bands and spandex rockers enjoyed resurgence in popularity as onetime fans remembered how much fun they had rocking out to “Talk Dirty to Me.” (Fortunately, due to the 20 year cycle, these guys will soon be going away again).

19. Phish Perform Biggest Concert of the Millennium at Big Cypress

Remember how people discussed where they would be at the dawn of the new millennium during the 1990s? Who would have thought that it would have been an under the radar jamband who threw the best party? Yes, Phish threw the biggest millennium concert in the world at Florida’s Big Cypress. At midnight on January 1, 2000, Phish commenced to play for an epic seven and a half straight hours—ending with the Beatles “Here Comes the Sun” as the sun rose over the new millennium.

18. Great White and The Station Nightclub Tragedy

Journeyman rock group Great White’s terrible pyrotechnic accident at a Rhode Island club killed 100 patrons. Even though Sealed Air Corporation, the company that made and sold the soundproofing foam (that caught on fire), admitted in a fax that they intentionally withheld the foams hazards, including its flammability, Great White road manager (the guy who set off the pyrotechnics) Dan Biechele, against his lawyer’s advice, plead guilty to 100 counts of involuntary manslaughter. He served 4 years in jail. The Station’s managers later plead No Contest and also served four years in jail. The Sealed Air Corporation, the company who admitted to withholding the foam’s hazards doled out $25 million in a settlement. No one from Sealed Air Corp. went to jail.

17. America Gets Its Festival On

Festivals sprang up like mushrooms throughout the decade. Festival promoters took their cues from the well run European festivals and put together dozens of insanely good festivals here in the States. Two in particular, Bonnaroo and Cochella, are among the best festivals in the world. The key for most of these festivals is how well run and diverse they are. Festivals like Cochella, Bonnaroo, Rothbury, Wakarusa, Echo Project, 10,00Lakes, etc, are amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experiences where you can catch the best live acts around and escape reality for three or four days. Woooo-hooooo!!

16. Kanye West Crowns Himself Music’s Biggest Douche Bag

*Douche Bag Exhibit A: In September of 2005 during a benefit for Hurricane Katrina Kanye West said on national TV that “President Bush doesn’t care about black people.” I don’t care what a person’s politics are, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if you are trying to raise money to help the folks in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast then it’s probably not a good idea to fucking alienate potential contributors with your idiotic and sophomoric political posturing. The statement only made West look like a self-aggrandizing douche.

*Douche-Bag Exhibit B: In 2006 when a song of his didn’t win a European music award, Kanye West jumped up on stage to whine and complain that he deserved the award. The crying only made West look like a pathetic self-aggrandizing douche.

*Douche Bag Exhibit C: In 2007 Kanye West performed at Bonnaroo. He complained about the time he was scheduled (Bonnaroo acquiesced and changed the time). He complained that he wasn’t on the main stage (Bonnaroo, again, acquiesced). He complained again about the time he was scheduled, and this time Bonnaroo not only acquiesced, they also cut in half a scheduled 3 hour late night show by Grateful Dead legend Phil Lesh and his band (that yours truly was dancing at FRONT FUCKING ROW) so that mister fucking superstar Kanye fucking West could take the stage without any conflicting acts playing! But the douchiness does not stop there. Oh no. Then. THEN, Kanye West doesn’t even take the stage until, are you ready?...........5:30 A.M. Yes you read that right. Mr. Kanye West and his Glow-In-The-Dark show took the stage 3 HOURS LATE! The incident only made West look like a self aggrandizing douche with really poor timing, and no respect for his fans or other artists.

*Douche Bag Exhibit D: In 2007 Kayne West accused MTV of racism because he wasn’t asked to open the VMAs. “Maybe my skin’s not right,” he said. No Kanye, you didn’t open the VMAs because you are a douche. It’s because you are the king of the douches.

*Douche Bag Exhibit E: In 2009 Kayne West shits all over Taylor Swift at the VMAs because Beyonce didn’t win. The incident confirmed West’s position as music’s biggest douche bag.

15. Phil Spector Murders Lana Clarkson

Phil Spector apparently went crazy sometime around 1974 when he was involved in a car accident. He suffered a head injury, and afterward took to brandishing crossbows and pistols at artists with whom he was working. Spector murdered B-movie actress Lana Clarkson in 2003 after picking her up at the House of Blues. One of the pioneering producers in rock and pop is currently doing time in the same prison as Charles Manson.

14. Clear Channel’s 2001 Memorandum

In the aftermath of 9/11 Clear Channel Communications released a memorandum to their 1500 radio stations with a list of 166 songs containing “questionable lyrics.” Ah! The sweet aroma of corporate censorship! Clear Channel Communications (CCC) claimed the list was only a “suggestion,” (riiiiiiiiight). You’ve got to chuckle while perusing the list to see “All songs by Rage Against the Machine” (good for them, perhaps Rage’s proudest moment). The weird thing about the list was some of the songs they labeled as “questionable.” The mental contortions you would have to do to connect The Bangle’s “Walk Like an Egyptian” or Rickey Nelson’s “Travelin’ Man” to the attacks on 9/11 could cause an aneurism. And what the hell did Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels do to the folks a Clear Channel? How is “Devil With a Blue Dress On” questionable? (or was that a request from former president Clinton?) And I would think that Simon and Garfunkel’s “Bridge over Troubled Water” and Lynerd Skynard’s “Tuesday’s Gone” would be cathartic and healing songs we could all embrace. In fact many of the songs listed on the memo would have been totally appropriate for catharsis and release. Others apparently agreed with me as at least 4 of the “questionable” songs were performed at the 9/11 tribute America: Tribute to Heroes concert. But apparently CCC doesn’t want its listeners to think or feel too much. Perhaps that’s why we were subjected ad nauseam to the awful soul-killing pop-puke of Five for Fighting’s “Superman” for months after the attack.

13. The Dixie Chicks Mildly Criticize the Prez—Discover a Large Portion of Fan Base are Drooling Idiots

So apparently if your pop stars have a different outlook than you, it makes perfect sense to call them traitors, destroy their albums, and send them death threats. I actually don’t really blame the radio stations for not playing their music, because some of those redneck douche bags were so crazed and angry they probably would have firebombed a radio station that dared play “Goodbye, Earl.” A few years later these “real American” uber-patriot music fans became equally outraged when Ted Nugent threatened President Obama with an automatic rifle, saying “suck on my gun.” Oh, wait. No they didn’t. They cheered instead. I wonder why.

12. The !@#$%&* Osbournes!

When I first caught wind of this show I thought it would consist of Ozzy Osbourne drinking Stoli out of a bottle and snorting coke off of random toilet seats. The genius of the show and the overwhelming appeal was in presenting Ozzy as a doddering and absent-minded heavy metal Ward Cleaver. Who’d a thought that the fucking prince of darkness was such a sweet ol’ bloke? For all the cursing and apparent dysfunction, it was always clear that the Osbournes loved each other.

11. Radiohead Releases In Rainbows

How does a single album rank as one of the most important musical events of the decade? Was it that good? Is it a 21^st century Sgt. Peppers? Well, no. It’s not. Don’t get me wrong, In Rainbows is a brilliant album—one of the best of the decade, as good as anything they've ever done—but that’s not why it made the list here. Released in October of 2007, In Rainbows was offered, for a limited time, as a digital download for whatever price the consumer saw fit. People could essentially download In Rainbows for free with the band’s permission (for the record I downloaded it from their website on October 10, 2007 for $5 dollars). This was simply groundbreaking. After leaving their longtime label EMI, Radiohead figured out that in a digital world bands don’t really need a record company. This was blasphemy. This, my dear readers, is the future. Not necessarily offering albums for free on the 'net, but the fact that Radiohead essentially made record companies irrelevant. Yes, people will still want meatspace artifacts like CDs or Vinyl, but the fact of the matter is the success of In Rainbows represents the eventual downfall of the big mondo corporate music industry. There will, of course, continue to be record companies, but I’d recon that there will be more small, independently run, and artist oriented (rather than sales oriented). The dominance of the RIAA is over.

10. Internet Killed the Video Star (music promotion moves to primetime and youtube)

Not really a “moment” but more of a trend, the movement of music promotion from videos to primetime TV and the internet is certainly an important development in music. Sometime in the late 90s/early 00s MTV became just TV, the music falling away infavor of strange, disturbing, and crass reality programming. They essentially killed a viable promotional market for artists. Artists didn’t need to become corporate shills 20 years ago because they had their latest video running on MTV. Without much actual music on MTV bands looked to other avenues for music promotion. The internet is a vibrant place where a viral video could mean a hit song. And using music in commercials, once looked down upon, was now a viable way for an artist to promote their music. The most prestigious commercial would have to be the Apple iPod commercial, which is akin to a spot on Leno or Saturday Night Live. Artists also began taking their music to primetime TV, which proved a boon to indie and emo acts (Seth Cohen: TV’s first unwitting DJ).

9. Musical Diversity (living in an iTunes world)

Twenty-five years ago your average music fan fell into fairly rigid musical categories. People who liked rock primarily listened to rock, people who liked country primarily liked country, and so on. Sure there had been crossovers and fusions, but for your casual music fan the question “what type of music do you like?” was a concrete and easily answerable query. And then a strange thing happened. People began listening to different types of music. I think the variety seen on MTV was a factor. I remember being able to watch a Nirvana video followed by a Dr. Dre video which was in turn followed by a Juliana Hatfield video. Now couple this with the fact that many kids since the mid 80s/early 90s had parents with bitchin’ record collections and you have the groundwork for a more widely influenced (and I’ll wager) smarter music listener. Bands who developed in the 2000s were the kids of this era, and their disparate influences have kept popular music interesting and vibrant. Ask a young person today “what type of music do you like” and they probably won’t know how to answer you. They will merely spout off a mélange of genres and subgenres. I can’t even begin to explore the sub and sub-sub and sub-sub-sub genres of music being made today (although, as Billy Joel once astutely put it: “it’s still rock n roll to me”). And this is great. Pop music has a wonderful way of reinventing itself. Now throw in the immediacy of iTunes to the mix and you have quite a heady brew of disparate musical tastes.

iTunes engenders a certain musical schizophrenia. With thousands of songs just a click away there is a tendency to click between various songs and artists quickly and frantically. When I first put iTunes on my computer I’m not sure I listened to a complete song for that first week. It was not as easy in the old days. It took time to take out the album, place it on the record player, and move the arm to the vinyl. With songs only 99 cents on iTunes (or, ahem, free through P2P sites) people could cherry pick songs they liked or thought their friends might like. For the most part, folks aren’t listening to albums like they did in years past. LPs are still the dominant vehicle for artists to present their work, but EPs have become more commonplace. The age of musical diversity has come into full flower, and the age of the singles has returned.

8. Michael Jackson

It is sad that Michael Jackson didn’t make this list for his music. The cringe inducing Martin Basher interviews, the fiasco in Berlin (when he hung his child out the window), and the strange circus atmosphere of the child molestation trial dominated news for some time. And of course his untimely and mysterious death as well as the events surrounding it were all sadly consistent with his freak-show life. When thinking about Jackson during this, his last, decade it seems appropriate to consider what the fans, media, and the public do to its young stars especially in light of the troubles of other very young stars during this decade.

7. Live Earth … - - - …

So, Al Gore and concert promoter Ken Wall decided that the best way to address climate change would be to put on a mondo ginormous energy burning rock concert to take place in 11 cities throughout the world (12 if you count the rocking out they did at the Rothera Research Station in Antarctica). Sure we can be cynical about this, and sure, it might not have been the most efficient way to get the word out about climate change, but it certainly was a statement. A grand statement. Look, people go to concerts all the time, this one just so happened to raise awareness of the greatest challenge humanity faces. Literally billions of people tuned in at some point either on line or on the web. That’s billions of people who were exposed to the important message about the threat to our planet. This is why music is important. Someone, somewhere tuned in to see Madonna or Dave Matthews or Wolfmother and came away with a greater understanding of what humanity faces if we cannot curb greenhouse emissions. Sure, this concert didn’t solve climate change, but it was an effective and rocking call to arms. And Live Earth will be back in 2010 with the Live Earth Run for Water—a series of concerts and 6km run/walks to raise awareness of the global water crisis (the average person walks 6km for fresh water).

6. Metallica vs. Napster (the rise of peer to peer file sharing)

Napster emerged in the late 90s as the preeminent peer to peer (P2P) platform. Heavy metal superstars discovered in 2000 that an unreleased song of theirs was receiving radio airplay. They discovered that not only had the song been traded freely on Napster, but that all their songs were available for free on the P2P network. Metallica, one of the wealthiest and most successful rock bands of all time, decided that college kids sharing music was going to put them in the poorhouse. They sued Napster and three major universities. Metallica v Napster brought to public attention P2P file sharing. Instead of recognizing that the genie had been let out of the bottle and working with the changing musical technology in a rational way, Metallica, Dr. Dre, and their corporate friends in the music industry decided to punish Napster and their fans. Napster went bankrupt a few years later, Metallica has musically sucked the entire decade, the RIAA declared war on their customers, and you can still listen to anything you want for free on the internet—including Metallica. I think Napster founder Shawn Fanning said it best at the 2000 MTV VMAs: (wearing a Metallica t-shirt) “I borrowed this shirt from a friend. Maybe, if I like it, I’ll buy one of my own.”

5. The RIAA Sues Music Fans

Kind of backlash from the Metallica v. Napster issue here. I’m sure that the recording industry would kill the internet if it could (they’d probably be aided by oldster newpaper guys too). In the face of diminished profits the RIAA first tried to pressure ISPs to provide the identities of file sharing customers. When this didn’t work they resorted to individually targeting people. This was certainly not cost effective, but their gamble was that they could intimidate and bully music fans by getting them to settle before any lawsuit was leveled. Needless to say they primarily went after college kids, but they have gone after 13 and 14 year olds and, in one case, an 83 year old grandmother as well as a woman who doesn’t even own a computer. The RIAA’s stupid plan was to destroy P2P file sharing over the internet altogether which would be akin to draining the Atlantic with a tablespoon. In recent months they have decided that suing their market was probably not the smartest (or cost effective) move, and are attempting to pressure ISPs to cut off people’s internet for file sharing. The issues surrounding P2Ps and the RIAA do get at very serious and difficult ethical questions that have implications for all sorts of internet activity, but it is clear that the RIAA addressed this issue poorly. It’s also clear that the big billion dollar record industry is obsolete—I predict a rise of small and savvy artist oriented labels that use the internet and free exposure as a marketing strategy

4. American Idol (the music empire strikes back)

I didn’t think this would fly. I honestly didn’t think American Idol would become such a juggernaut. Who knew there would be an audience for an elaborately staged talent show? Part of the genius of American Idol is in the clockwork process. Early season episodes focus on the awful and comedic losers who embarrass themselves for a few minutes of TV fame. Middle season episodes focus on the winnowing of contestants—the focus on marginally talented popular personalities. By the time the field has been reduced to the final six, it’s all gravy; most, if not all, of the final six will receive record deals. Some will even realize bigger success than the eventual winner. If the corporate music industry is threatened by the internet and, you know, artists who are actually original and talented, than American Idol represents the revenge and continued clout of the soulless corporate model as well as the dullard taste of Middle America. It seems there is still an audience for boring soulless MOR. Good news for the big record companies. Bad news for people who actually like music. To be fair, there have been a couple of authentic performances throughout the years. Fantasia Barrino’s passionate cover of George Gershwin’s “Summertime” wasn’t Billie Holiday, but it was still very good. So give the devil his due, I say. The best thing about the program is that young people watching will be turned onto classic artists like Marvin Gaye and the aforementioned Billie Holiday (or at least Janis Joplin). It would be impossible to talk about music during the 2000s and not talk about the stupendous success of American Idol.

3. America: A Tribute to Heroes and The Concert for New York City

2. Nipplegate (The great wardrobe malfunction of Super Bowl XXXVIII )

So, here’s the thing. I didn’t actually see the offending nipple. I was chugging an “Irish car bomb” in the kitchen with my buddies when my wife started laughing from the living room, “Janet Jackson’s boob just came out.” My buddies and I simply stared at each other. Still laughing, my wife yelled, “Timberlake ripped off her top. It’s over now.” My buddy looked at me sadly, “Free boob,” he said, “and we fucking missed it because we were getting our drink on. Damn.” The incident, known as “nipplegate,” traumatized the nation. Parents groups, columnists, and U.S. senators expressed their outrage. A half million viewers actually took time out of their day to call in complaints to the FCC. Children who unfortunately saw the nipple suffered PTSD and depression. The sky turned black, it began to rain blood, and fish began walking out of rivers and lakes to feed on human flesh. A woman from Tennessee started a class action lawsuit against Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson on “behalf of all Americans who witnessed this outrageous conduct.” There would be more lawsuits and more outrages. The fallout from “nipplegate” was actually far reaching. The House passed a bill raising the max FCC fine from 27k to 500k. TV stations were put under extreme political pressure to censor themselves, and Clear Channel pushed Howard Stern out of the door. Even cable channels, not bound by the same FCC rules as network TV, were pressured to clean up. There was even some controversy regarding an airing of “Saving Private Ryan.” One day Janet Jackson will be going into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. I submit that her nipple be separately voted in. Unless it offends someone. A kid might see it, you know. And it goes without saying that kids will be emotionally destroyed if they see a bare boob.

1. The iPod

The iPod changed everything. Yes there were MP3 players that predated the iPod, just as there were phonographs that predated Edison’s record player. In fact, if it weren’t for one of these precursors to the iPod we may not have DAPs (digital audio players) at all. In 1998, Diamond Multimedia, maker of the Rio PMP 300, was sued by the RIAA as being a vehicle for illegal file sharing. The RIAA lost, but so did Rio. Before the iPod, MP3 players were known for having severe design flaws as well as not being particularly user friendly. In late 2001, Apple released the iPod. Being an Apple product, the device was simple, elegant, and stylish. It was a hit. Within a year the iPod was virtually synonymous with MP3 DAPs. iPods, and Apple iTunes made us rethink the way we consume music. We can't overestimate how influential the iPod and iTunes have been. We can literally carry our entire musical collection around in our pockets. Of course, there’s improvement to be made. In the frantic transition to digital there has been the neglect of music quality as lossy MP3s and ACCs compress and squeeze much of the essence and soul out of the music. But the iPod changed the way people consumed music. It popularized the MP3 player (which was not a given), and became the symbol for "music" during the decade. The iPod. The biggest moment in music of the last ten years.

^{See my previous post in this series: The 50 Best Songs of the 2000s}

MJ's Weekend Music Pick: The Fleet Foxes

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:10:12 -0400

I’ve been spending the past few hours working on the second post for my “Decade in Music” series: The Decade’s Biggest Moments in Music—the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (hint: “nipplegate” is there).

See the first post in the series, The 50 Best Songs of the 2000s here.

Anyway, needing a break I thought I’d post a little weekend music pick for everyone out there: The Fleet Foxes.

The Fleet Foxes, from Seattle WA, are one of the best bands to emerge over the past three years. Clearly influenced by CSNY, Pet Sounds era Beach Boys, as well as contemporary artists like My Morning Jacket, the Fleet Foxes don’t simply wear their inspirations on their sleeve, but use their influences as a starting point where they explore intriguing back alley melodies and out-of the-main harmonies. It’s as if they’ve discovered some strange and wonderful new city that seems familiar, but is entirely new and rich-- and unspoiled.

The Fleet Foxes sound is akin to the hipster indie guy in a pork-pie hat getting sick of the soulless city and pretending to like Pabst Blue Ribbon, who moves in with his hippie cousin in the country to soak up the crisp fall air, the warm sunshine, and kick back with a spliff. A wonderful breath of fresh air, and a surprisingly agreeable and warm juxtaposition of styles and influences.

I cannot recommend this band enough. Their EP The Sun Giant and their eponymous debut were hands down the best albums of 2008, and will be going on my list of the best albums of the decade.

^{(Remember to tune in Monday afternoon for part 2 in the Decade in Music when we'll revisit the The Decade’s Biggest Moments in Music—the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)}

Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes

Dylan Does Christmas: "Christmas in the Heart"(album review)

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:10:15 -0400

I have a vivid memory of listening to Christmas songs while my Ma would make Christmas cookies. Her two favorite were Elvis Presley’s Elvis’ Christmas Album and Johnny Mathis’ Merry Christmas produced by the great Mitch Miller. Christmas albums are always popular, and it should come as no surprise that the two aforementioned albums were among the most popular albums those artists released. In fact, many artists' most successful albums are Christmas LPs. Why? Well, most folks like holiday music and most folks will pay money to hear their favorite artists sing these beloved Christmas songs.

This all brings us to Christmas in the Heart, a startlingly traditional Christmas album from none other than Bob Dylan. I suppose it should not be a surprise Dylan would try his hand at a Christmas album; he’s been exploring disparate strains of traditional music for almost fifty years now. The truly weird thing about Dylan’s Christmas album is how dang charming the whole affair comes off.

The arrangements are pure 50’s era Nashville sound, complete with the perfect harmony background singers. Minus Dylan’s vocals, the album sounds as if it could have been arranged for Faron Young or Don Gibson circa 1958.

But Dylan does sing, and therein lays some of the problem, as well as some of the joy. On Christmas in the Heart Dylan’s gravel road voice sounds right at home with the country swing of “Here Comes Santa Claus,” “Winter Wonderland” or “The Christmas Song.” These are fun—as if Dylan had a bit too much to drink at a little country Christmas party. The real fun, however, is Dylan’s spot-on take on the Dean Martin classic “The Christmas Blues” and the multi-colored Hawaiian swing of “Christmas Island.”

There are missteps along the way. Most of the slower tempo religious songs that demand a vocal virtuosity Dylan never had are sloppy train wrecks. If Dylan sounded charmingly tipsy on the previously mentioned songs, then on songs like “Hark the Herald Angels Sing!” and “O, Come All Ye Faithful (Adeste Fideles)” he sounds like your drunk uncle Bob who got hammered before dinner and spent the afternoon embarrassing himself and everyone by singing loudly at the piano before ceremoniously blowing chunks on little Freddy’s new X-Box. Shame that.

But there are a few vocal moments on here that really thrill. “The Little Drummer Boy” is perfect for Dylan, and his sandpaper voice meshes nicely with the professional background singers who accompany him. This is one of my favorite Christmas songs, so there’s a chance I’m being bias here.

The best moment on the album is Dylan singing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” Dylan lends an authority here that tells you all you need to know about how many Christmases and Hanukkahs he’s spent away from loved ones. This version is aching.

So, is Christmas in the Heart worth it? Well, probably not. The only classic is Dylan’s wonderful interpretation of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” which I will most definitely put on my Christmas music playlist. Sure, I’ll be buying the album, but I’m a weirdo—I also own nearly everything Dylan’s ever done, I’ve sat through the four and a half hour cut of Renaldo and Clara (twice), and once spent two hours arguing with friends about why I thought Saved was a forgotten masterpiece (yes, I’m one of those Dylan fans, so shoot me).

Anyway, like I stated before, the album is charming and there is more fun than not on the album, but it is almost certainly destined to be nothing more than a half-remembered Dylan curio—not an album I’ll be listening to while I make Christmas cookies with my child.

The best reason to buy Christmas in the Heart is that all royalties are going to Feeding America. That’s something I think we can all dig.

Christmas In The Heart - Bob D...

Rocky vs. The Karate Kid

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:10:01 -0400

Here’s the plot: a lower working-class Italian-American goes the distance and takes a shot at the championship. Along the way he learns about life and love, and what he is really made of.

In 1976 Sylvester Stallone and John Avildsen brought to film the great American underdog story with Rocky. Eight years later Avildsen wrote and directed The Karate Kid, a “Rocky goes to high school” film that tapped into the same themes and ideas. Hell, Karate Kid tapped into many of the same plot points as Rocky.

With this in mind, we ask the burning question of our age: which movie wins in a head to head match-up? Rocky or The Karate Kid?

Employing traditional critical analysis doesn’t work. Sure, you might find the answer to which film is better, but traditional analysis won’t answer which film wins.

Using a complicated and esoteric algorithm (okay, not so much an algorithm as it was the subject of a rambling conversation I had with my wife last weekend over a few beers) we were able to break down each movie’s essential components and rank them accordingly. So who’s the winner?

Let’s get to it, shall we?

The Antagonists:

The Karate Kid—Johnny and the Cobra Kai

Poor Daniel-son. Not only does he have to fight Johnny, but he also has to stand up to the vicious Cobra-Kai thugs. Throughout the film Daniel is bullied and beaten repeatedly by Johnny and his cruel sycophants. You have to wonder about the parents of these Cobra-Kai kids. “Hey hon, Johnny wants to learn Karate! I know this dangerous and unstable army vet who would be a perfect teacher!” Classic flat character bad guys. Best line from the Cobra Kai: “Sweep the leg, Johnny!”

Rocky—Apollo Creed

Obviously based on Muhammad Ali the character of Apollo Creed is the heavyweight champ who gives Rocky the shot at the title. Although he’s portrayed as arrogant, he’s not an unsympathetic character. In Fact, he’s perhaps the most interesting character in the movie. Sure, you rooted for Rock. But ask yourself this: who would you rather hang out with, Creed or Rocky? And then ask yourself this: who do you remember more, Chuck Wepner or Muhammad Ali? Yeah, I thought so.

The Winner: Apollo Creed. Because Carl Weathers is super-fucking cool. And so is Ali.

The Mentors

The Karate Kid—Mr. Miyagi

A cross between Yoda and Toshiro Mifune, Mr. Miyagi is not only Daniel’s mentor and best friend, he’s also the heart and soul of the movie. He teaches Daniel karate, in addition to providing instruction on life, love, and philosophy. Plus, he drives a rad car, and is able to fix potentially serious knee injuries by rubbing his hands together. (Side note: apparently Toshiro Mifune was originally considered for the role of Miyagi, but some idiot producer said, “I think getting Japan’s greatest actor would be a mistake, let’s get Arnold from Happy Days instead!”)

Rocky—Mickey Goldmill

Mickey is the cantankerous old pug who serves as Rocky’s trainer. He considered Rocky “a bum” until Rock gets the title fight—then he’s suddenly Rocky's best friend. His training regimen includes witty and acerbic quips in addition to chasing chickens in an alley.

The Winner: Mr. Miyagi. Look, Mickey is a cool old bird, but don’t you think Rocky would have been better served by a trainer who actually, you know, trained him how to box rather than calling him names and having hime chase chickens around? Mr. Miyagi, on the other hand, used defense as the foundation of his training regimen, dispensed great advice, gave Daniel his first drink, and even gave him a car. Oh, I forgot to mention, Miyagi also won the Medal of Honor. Plus did you see that bitchin’ pad Miyagi lived in? Couple this with his mysterious hand-rubbing thingie, and I’d say Miyagi does better with the ladies than Mickey. Party at Miyagi’s hizouse!

^{Little party at Miyagi's pad this past weekend. It was off the hook!}

The Love Interest

The Karate Kid—Ali Mills

The hot, rich girl who used to date Johnny.

Rocky—Adrian Pennino

The ugly, poor girl who is the sister of Rocky’s alcoholic and racist friend Paulie.

The Winner: Ali Mills. Well, besides being hot, and Elizabeth Shue, Ali is actually supportive of Daniel, and provides emotional support. She also socks Johnny in the jaw when he gets fresh, and even commits minor theft for her Daniel (she lifts the black belt that will allow Daniel to compete in the All Valley Karate Championship). Adrian, on the other hand, is a drag, a dullard, totally dismissive of Rocky’s chosen profession. Jeez, she doesn’t even watch him fight (way to support your fella). Subsequent films further this conflict to the point that Rocky had to basically kill her so he can fight in the last Rocky movie. (And we forgive Ali for dumping Daniel at the beginning of Karate Kid 2, because this allows Daniel to hook up with the hot chick in Okinawa.) Ali was the perfect girl friend—Adrian was the perfect wet blanket.

The Soundtrack

The Karate Kid—Bill Conti and forgettable 80s synth hits

Super gooey disposable pop hits populate The Karate Kid. Commuter’s “Young Hearts,” the water-park-falling in love ballad of Baxter Robinson’s “Feel the Night,” and of course the classic Joe Espisito anthem “You’re the Best.” Bill Conti composed the instrumental scores—apparently he was not smoking the same primo stuff he was when he composed Rocky's “Gonna Fly Now.”

^{Bill "the man" Conti}

Rocky—Bill Conti

“Gonna Fly Now.” Dude. Maynard Ferguson totally rocks this bitch in concert.

The Winner: Bill Conti for “Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky)” C’mon, did you really think Rocky wouldn’t win best soundtrack? And seriously, broham, Ferguson rocks the Rocky...in a Member’s Only jacket. Word. Did you see the size of that key-tar? And there was even a flute solo in there! Maynard Ferguson: He made sucking sound so much fun!

^{Maynard Ferguson rockin' the theme from Rocky}

The Fighting Style

The Karate Kid—Solid defense and “The Crane”

Rocky—punishing body attack, street fighter, uses face as a shield.

The Winner: “The Crane.” I know, I know, Rocky’s fighting style is supposed to be this grand metaphor for hanging in there when you get hit—to keep fighting, even when life is beating you down, and blah, blah, blah. But I think I'd just as soon learn how to actually defend myself. And anyway, “The Crane” is super-cool—certainly better than getting hit in the face repeatedly.

The Protagonists

The Karate Kid—Daniel LaRusso

Working-class Italian-American kid from Jersey fighting to fit in out in Cali. Learns Karate. De-flowers rich WASP chick. Discovers the true meaning of friendship and love.

Rocky—Rocco “The Italian Stallion” Balboa

Working-class Italian-American boxer and organized crime enforcer from Philly fighting to stay off of welfare. Learns that he can take a beating. De-flowers racist friend’s sister. Discovers that he may actually be mentally retarded.

The Winner: Daniel LaRusso. This wasn’t even close. Sure, Daniel is kind of whiney and annoying through most of The Karate Kid while Rocky is the picture of stoic resolve. But the thing is, Daniel is like 17 years old and 17 year olds whine, a lot. It’s what they do. Hell, I think I’d whine too if I had been uprooted from my home during my senior year of high school. And furthermore, let’s look at what each protagonist faced. Rocky only had to face Apollo Creed, the greatest fighter in the world. Big fuckin’ deal. Daniel had to confront a new school, class discrimination, the awkwardness of first love, learning a completely new discipline (Rocky already knew how to fight, Daniel did not), a working mother who was not at home much, bullies, and trigonometry class. Let’s just agree that Daniel had a bit more on his plate, and unlike Rocky, he actually wins in the end…

The Fight

The Karate Kid—A Musical Montage of the All Valley Karate Championship highlights.

Rocky—A brutal and visceral montage of a war in the ring.

The Winner: The Karate Kid. I know what you’re thinking: “What? The Karate Kid? Dude, the fight scenes in Rocky are brilliant, wonderfully shot (not as great as “Raging Bull” but pretty frickin’ great)! How can you justify awarding the Karate Kid as the better fight sequence?” Well, here’s the thing reader-son: unlike Rocky, Daniel ACTUALLY WINS THE FIGHT! He wins the championship! Yay, Daniel!

*************************************************************

So who's the winner? Which movie wins the championship?

Ladies and gentlemen! With a score of 5 to 2, the winner of The Karate Kid vs. Rocky Showdown is…

THE KARATE KID!

In a shocking upset the heart-warming story of the young man who learns about love and friendship beats the story about the mentally retarded man who learns that Apollo Creed hits harder than Spider Rico.

So here’s to you Karate Kid. You are the winner. You are THE BEST AROUND!

Bleshing with the Grateful Dead: "Winterland 1977" Review

Sat, 3 Oct 2009 00:10:04 -0400

In Theodore Sturgeon’s classic science fiction novel “More Than Human,” the misfit heroes, shunned and scorned by society, “blesh” (a portmanteau of blend and mesh) into what is described as the “homo-gestalt”: the next stage of human evolution and consciousness.

It’s no surprise that Sturgeon’s novel was influential for members of the Grateful Dead (Jerry Garcia and bassist Phil Lesh in particular). The concept of “bleshing” was integral to the development of the Grateful Dead sound. If ever there was a rock band whose whole was greater than the sum of its parts—pure musical emergence—it is the Dead. The Dead not only swung and rocked, they bleshed. Oh, did they ever blesh…

“(A Grateful Dead concert) is a real Dionysian festival…25,000 people tied at the heart…it’s the antidote for the atom bomb.” –Joseph Campbell

The Dead certainly brought “bleshing” to a new level during the spring of 1977. After spending most of 1976 getting their sea legs back after the ’75 hiatus and reincorporating percussionist Mickey Hart back into the fold, the Dead found themselves firing on all cylinders in 1977. Shows during this era are the stuff of legend—mention the date 5/8/77 to a Deadhead and a big goofy grin will spread across their face.

With all this in mind, the official release of the Grateful Dead’s epic Winterland stand on June 7, 8, and 9 of 1977—Winterland, June 1977: The Complete Recordings—is cause for Deadhead celebration. If you’ve ever wondered why seemingly normal people dedicate so much energy and time to the Grateful Dead, well, Winterland, June 1977 is your answer: three consecutive nights and over nine hours of face-melting and transcendent Grateful Dead music.

“(The Grateful Dead) is a camel becoming a racehorse created by committee”—Bob Weir

The music on Winterland 1977 is mossy and verdant as if it were extracted from an old growth forest. There are moments on these discs that are achingly beautiful. There are also moments that are terrifying. And there are, finally, moments of music that are simply divine.

The “Terrapin>Morning Dew” from 6/7/77 is elegant and dynamic. The musical climax of “Morning Dew,” in particular is among the most viscerally emotional pieces of music I’ve ever heard.

“We still have the fundamental formlessness of the music, (but) what makes it interesting is its ability to come to form at any minute.” –Jerry Garcia, 1977

The off-center jazz-fusion of 6/8’s “Lazy Lightnin’>Supplication” is ferocious. The twin percussion attack of Hart and Kreutzman drive the piece into a crazy wooly frenzy.

“Eyes of the World” from 6/8 is staggering—Garcia improvising the most imaginative solos this side of Coltrane.

And then there's 6/9/77 . Simply one of the greatest concerts of the Dead’s career. From the shaggy-dog boogie of “ Half-Step Mississippi UptownToodeloo” through the classic ode to Neil Cassidy and the desperate cowboy tales of woe and defiance in “Deal” and “Loser” the Dead promise us ultimately that the “Music Never Stopped.” The “Help on the Way>Slipknot>Franklin’s Tower” here is, as Rolling Stone senior music editor David Fricke nicely puts it in the liner notes, “psychedelic jihad,” and the final hour is… well… wow… dude… yeah… oh boy… sunshine daydream…heaven …

“Every night when we walk on stage, out first solemn duty is to abandon reason. We do that with remarkable aplomb and from there the unexpected is easier to discover.” –Bob Weir

The re-mastering of the original Betty Cantor-Jackson recordings (Bettyboards) by studio wiz Jeffery Norman is lush, rich, and sparkling. Donna-Jean (who has not historically recorded well) even sounds wonderful here.

The only complaint would be the cheapo cardboard sleeves the CDs come in, a poor packaging choice that has been common since the Dead signed with Rhino a few years back.

Ultimately Winterland 1977: The Complete Recordings is a no-brainer for heads, but is also highly recommended for casual fans and Dead neophytes looking for a prime example of why the Grateful Dead were and still remain one of the greatest live acts in the history of rock n roll.

“There is nothing like a Grateful Dead concert”—fan maxim

Stream a couple of tracks from the nine disc set at the dead.net listening party!