odetteroulette's Open Salon Blog

(The First) 13 Reasons the United States Has Gone Insane

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 11:04:40 -0400

The United States has gone insane. Seriously. Healthcare sucks. We're at the bottom of the barrel statistically in so many ways. Conservatives have the dumbest talking points ever. No one can count. No one really knows the definition of socialism. So, I'm starting a list. I have no idea why I picked thirteen. It was a number. I could list more.

(The First) 13 Reasons the United States Has Gone Insane

1. Anyone listens to Ted Nugent at all, for any reason. This includes that stupid and derivative song "Catscratch Fever." Did you know that the disease is passed through kittens primarily and can cause sterility? Me neither until I got it once, and the doctor informed me with a glee that was kind of unseemly. So, that song is just stupid. And what Ted thinks otherwise? Who gives a fart?

2. Anyone on the right denies the legislation against women isn't problematic. Are you kidding me? Arizona made pregnancy a legal event that happens two weeks before conception. Seriously, that is the stupidest fucking thing ever. I'm embarrassed for Arizona and for us, for having to put up with Arizona. We've been compared to farm animals. Our ability to obtain birth control has been challenged. It's war, baby. And since women make up at least half the population, it's a profoundly stupid thing for them to do.

3. Anyone who believes education is a bad thing. You know, when I was a kid, education was something that made you a good citizen, something of which to be proud. An uneducated citizen is more easily controlled, not more snobbish. Why in the hell does anyone believe that?!?

4. The whole drone business. I'm curious. How will police be using drones, even in neighborhoods that they might deem 'at risk?' (I'm really just imagining the possibilities.) Even the small ones could pose problems near airports and the like. The large ones ... hell ... no way. Let's all imagine the plane crash caused by one. And the headline. And the really little ones that look like insects? I keep having this vision of smashing one accidentally on my car windshield. Look, we have satellites for this stuff already, unfortunately.

5. Mitt Romney and his wife's attempts to make themselves look like they suffered in years past in a financial way ... it's not going well. He sold stock to supplement their income. Yeah. That's something to which we all have access. Well, I do have access to stock, through my family. Livestock. I could have begged my father to sell a cow. Perhaps for some magic beans.

6. The state of healthcare in the United States compared to the rest of the developed world is bad. The United States came in dead last in care and almost two or three times as expensive as Canada, the Netherlands, Australia, the UK, Germany, and New Zealand. America spends an average of $7200 per capita, while the next costliest country is Canada at $38oo. So, the next time you complain about socialism (which you can't define without checking) and the cost of your taxes (lowest in years), think too how you can't count because, if you paid taxes for universal care, you'd pay less overall. MUCH less. So, either you're agreeing to pay more because you can't count or for some weird principle involving being a rube.

7. People support the travesty that is Toddlers and Tiaras by watching it.

8. People actually believe success is only about hard work. Hard work is not a bad thing, but it does not inevitably lead to success.

9. Studies show immigration is a zero (or even negative) in our country. Still, the xenophobes are passing really dumb laws, guaranteed to make us look like asshats who don't really believe in our own Constitution. Again, embarrassing.

10. Tennessee has passed a law allowing the teaching of creationism. Some people are saying it's okay to teach both to get 'a fair look at both sides.' Um, no. One side is science. The other side is church. If you really want to have religion in public schools, you better think about the consequences really carefully. Will you be okay with Satanism 101? Because you'll have to be!! Along with all the ooothhheeeers you people don't like. You know what I'm saying.

11. There are still no flying cars in my driveway. Yes, that's a personal note. On another personal note, my mother thinks that's okay.

12. Look up aspartame on the Internet. Just look up how it passed the FDA. Stop drinking it right now.

13. People buy water in bottles, water that comes from municiple sources, instead of turning on their faucet and putting it into a container they own. That's just all kinds of stupid. Not only is the water in your faucet regulated, when bottled water is not, they have bottles now with filters built into them. And they look cool.

That's my thirteen reasons. But, it's The Crazy Years over here. What is going on with some of you people out there? Please tell me some sanity is left somewhere and some respect and understanding for our Constitution. And if you spout a talking point at me, I'm going to delete it. I hate that crap. I want a reasoned argument, with fact and things. Not some pundits' drunken musings as they sit on the toilet before they go on camera.

Legislation Is Violence, Too

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 09:03:49 -0400

Let me be clear. I'm not a person who believes in violence. I believe in passive resistance, in writing, in voting, and in change. But, I'm starting to be afraid, and very angry, about the violence from ultra-conservative forces within the government, violence being expressed in their legislative documents. Make no mistake. The legislation being introduced is violence. It is violence against women. It is not American. It is not, indeed, Christian in any way whatsoever, no matter the claim. It is about power and subjugation. We must resist. We must resist with our words and our votes. I posted this post as a comment on Tom Cordle's very good post on freedom of religion. Take the time to read it, if you have time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Women have just been compared to cows and pigs. It doesn't get any clearer than that. Religion is being used as a cudgel to dominate and hurt women. It is not Constitutional. It is actually, I would argue, evil.

It is evil to subjugate other people. Furthermore, be aware that it never works in the end. In the entire recorded history, very few dictatorships, especially religious ones, stand for a long time. In fact, in recent history, only a few dictators have made it to nearly the end of their lives without being drug through the streets, their heads on a stick.

It is evil to subjugate other people, to make them practice your religion and not freely practice their own. It is evil to force other people to live in manner not consistent with liberty. It is evil to force women to have a long, large electronic dildo forcibly shoved up their vaginas, to try to frighten and intimidate them into compliance with your religious beliefs. In fact, once upon a time, not so long ago, pushing an object into someone's vagina against her will, in this country, was considered rape, wasn't it?

It is both evil and completely unconstitutional to be fired for taking a legal drug like birth control, for one of its intended purposes. It is evil to force other people to agree about who is officially a person. (Apparently, according to "God," corporations are people--He did some more creating there! Who knew?!? But women are now farm animals, who will be forced to carry their dead babies until their bodies 'naturally' expel them. Whatever 'naturally' means here.)

It is evil to force one gender to stay at home, to have children without reasonable, available birth control. It is evil to compare them to farm animals, ones eaten in this country in large portions. It is not Christian to do or believe any of these things, but just as importantly, it is NOT AMERICAN. It is not part of the American or Constitutional experience.

If you believe that your religion comes before the rights of other human beings, then you are neither following your religion, if you are a Christian, nor the American experiment. You want totalitarian rule. You want a religious dictatorship. You want thousands dead in a religious war. Children lying in the streets, bloated and smelly, while a few rich, white men sit in smoky rooms, laughing around fat cigars. You want suffering in the millions, poverty-stricken people living in the streets. You want women covered in veils, the very thing you all pretended was so terrible only a few short years ago, and forced into marriage, prostitution, and slavery, to your religion.

And I'm here to tell you: We will fight you. I don't know who will win. But, we will fight you. We will fight you for our liberty. We will fight you for our freedom. We will fight you for our freedom of religion. We will gather the fortitude of our ancestors, who came here in search of religious freedom, and we will fight. And ironically, we'll be fighting for your freedom as well as our own. If only you understood that. If only. But, make no mistake, we will fight.

A Post for Squeeing. You will Squee.

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 01:03:51 -0500

One of my favorite terms from the Internet is the term 'squee.' Squeeing usually involves looking at some hot actor dude or dudette and imagining them making sweet, sweet love to you. Or you know, wiggling eyebrows at you from across a crowded room at the ComicCon. The Squee Effect (yeah. totally made that up) is somewhat gendered, as more females are thought to make it than males. However, it's the Internet, and no one is going to know if you are squeeing and male at the same time. Except your wife, who might wander in and want to know what the hell is going on.

I'm tired of talking about serious things. I want to quit for a minute.

But, instead of using a hot actor (Jean Dujardin), I will direct you to this lovely story of a tiny baby squirrel and a tiny purple cast. I will wait here, while you link to it:

Baby Squirrel

Admit it. You made the noise.

Next week's Internet terminology: Pressed. (What we usually are here at Open Salon)

PhD

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:02:39 -0500

Every week, I pull up the listings on the Chronicle. The people on the Chronicle forum, who are sometimes a bit cheeky, have a saying: Apply for the Damned Job. I do.

In 2010, a few years after the economy crashed, I graduated with my PhD in English. I know. I know. For those in the know, it's a tough field. It is. Last year, for every applicant, in my particular field, I joined 600-700 other applicants applying for the same job. I agree. Crazy, baby. Why do it? Why try?

I got my PhD on a bit of a lark, really. I knew I wanted to do it, but mainly, I wanted to start a new life, away from a bad relationship and somewhat contentious family issues. I moved to warm climate. Lots of sun. I had a lovely time the first few years, going to class, something I'm very good at doing. I'm good at writing papers, meeting deadlines, thinking. I'm very good at thinking. ha ha. Yeah. I know the kind of rejoinder that will get. But, at any rate, I was a champ at being a student. If it were a career, I'd be a CEO. I really like research, and libraries kick butt.

Then, I stepped into a classroom.

It was love at first sight.

I love teaching. I'm incredibly good at it. Seriously. I like creating syllabi. I love the subject matter. Mainly though, I like working with the students. I like helping the students. I like hearing what the students have to say. Nothing is better than helping someone realize his or her dreams, and teaching does that. Nothing is more wonderful for me than the moment that a student turns to me, thrilled to have discovered something in the literature that is new for them and if I'm lucky, new for me, too. I love hearing students argue with each other (in a good, critical way, of course) over a point in an essay. I like that moment of discovery. Even more amazing, if I'm really doing my job well, it isn't even about me doing my job. It's about the student discovering his or her own strengths and weaknesses. I become almost invisible, while the student excels. It's really a terrific job.

But, getting a job teaching at college level is a tough experience. Or, rather, getting a job that isn't an adjunct job, where you may or may not get an offer in the next semester, based on the money the department has or on the whimsy of the person in charge, that's the tough part. Last semester, to make ends meet, I worked nine adjunct jobs. Nine. To make everyone understand what this means, I worked about 70 hours a week, making about 5 dollars per hour and some cents. Right now, I have four adjunct jobs. I work about 40 hours a week, making 6 dollars an hour or so. I don't have any benefits. Medical bills for regular things completely crucify my life.

This year, the job situation is mildly better. I'm only competing against 400 to 500 people this year. It isn't possible to send out more than three to four applications per week, because most application processes for these jobs are very, very complicated. They want a CV, a cover letter, transcripts, a teaching statement, syllabi based on their criteria, statements about diversity, examples of classes, papers, and so on. They want the letter and all materials tailored to their school. The community colleges require at least two hours more, to transcribe your entire CV, which you will then send to them separately, into their online human resources system.

I've gotten nibbles both years, for full time positions, but nothing is set yet. And in this position, I have only one more year before I should probably give up, according to many at the Chronicle, where my peers discuss these matters. After three years, with graduation a memory, I'll probably have to start looking in other directions. I guess it's a little silly. It could be a lot, lot worse, but it breaks my heart all the same.

I have an impressive CV, if I do say so myself. I've got great editing experience, good research experience, and nine years of adjunct experience, teaching at some very good schools. I'm prepared to work for the student, the school, and the community. I want to do it. I'm good at it.

Recently, Dominos sent out hiring applications with a pizza I ordered. I kept the application. I started looking at administrative jobs more closely. I do have a plan. I plan to keep working.

In class, my students say things like, "Oh, the unemployed are lazy. They don't want to work. They aren't smart enough to make enough money. I know someone who lives off of the system." So, I teach them ethos, logos, and pathos. I present them with statistics that directly contradict their assumptions. I challenge them to write papers based on fact and not talking points. I never, ever talk about my own political beliefs. It's their show. They have to decide these things for themselves. They have to make their own discoveries. As I said, it's best when I can get them to talk to each other, as well as with me. It's a weird feeling that I have, to have found a calling and a career, and not be able to follow it fully. I guess it's life. It may be that I'll have to go make a difference somewhere else, in some other way. In the meantime, I have papers to grade tonight and discussions on Blackboard to follow. And a class on Monday. That's something. I'm luckier than many.

New Year Resolute

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:12:28 -0500

I'm skipping right on to the New Year. I'm going to write out some things I'd like to see, and then check back next year, well, you know, maybe, and see what's going on with that.

1. Let's see. I'd like a full time job with benefits. But, what I'd really like is the ability to take care of the Kid and myself until that happens. Nine adjunct jobs is a few jobs too many. Although I can sure as hell answer that interview question about time management without blinking ... I want to be able to teach. I love it, and I'm very, very good at it.

2. Also. I'd like to move to place where I am happier to live. Right now, I'm thinking Portland. But, what I'd really like is the ability to move bravely forward, at peace with my physical location, knowing that my physical location is directly influenced by my own outlook. Well, there are a lot of asshats here, and the racism, gah! but still ...

3. Then. I'd like to find someone to share things with. Pardon the crappy grammar. Well, what I'd really like is the ability to be at peace with myself and find acceptance with myself, so that people like hanging out with me, and so that I like hanging out with them more often, without getting annoyed with us both. You know what I'm saying?

4. And! I'd like to be healthier, but what I'd really like is to find the patience to slog it through, even when it's boring. Also, some creativity to overcome the boredom of attempting to be healthier would be good.

5. Plus--I'd like the Kid to be happy as much as possible. Well. There's no need to supplement that. I want that to happen. Often. I wish for the massive patience it takes to not be snippy with her when she asks me, for the fifteenth time, if we can do something when we get home, something about which I've already said yes several times.

6. Of course. It would be nice to have politicians who weren't jerks. Or you know, anyone remotely okay for whom I could vote. Whatever. I guess I need to ask for the fortitude and patience required to wait the yucky political situation out. Again, pardon the grammar. OR, I'd like to have a nice black pen so that I can draw little horns and mustaches on all their photos. And my TESOL and ESL certificates. Because teaching overseas probably would be pretty safe, depending on where.

7. Finally. I would joy for all good people and for the bad people, I would wish that they felt some guilt and regret and repented. Also, maybe if someone could get that kid next door to tune his snare drum, if he's going to play it all day. That too.