Omnipotent Poobah's Open Salon Blog

Hurricane Sandy: A Disaster Waiting to Happen

Sun, 4 Nov 2012 18:11:08 -0500

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! - You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but you can catch even more with shit.

For politicians, the only thing worse than a disaster is how to handle a disaster. Hurricane Sandy is a great example.

Candidates, who are just regular citizens with big egos and high Q-Scores can act like you and me. They aren’t under the gun. They don’t have to make decisions except how to spin the fallout. Conversely, sitting politicians have to do things and figure out how to spin leaving them to deal with disasters while simultaneously fending off specious political attacks from opponents. It’s an unenviable position, especially in the waning days of a hotly contested campaign.

Romney responded to Sandy like he responds to most issues. He pivoted 180° from declaring FEMA just another example of government waste to telling New Yorkers living in rowboats that was balderdash - ‘nope, never meant a word’. No, he’s championing the plight of the “little people” by declaring he’d fund FEMA so they can carry out their mission, which is probably just another way to say FEMA will get bupkus since he doesn’t think FEMA should be in the disaster game anyway.

Doubling Down on His Weaseliness

Then, he doubled down on his weaseliness. Reporters asked him to explain the turnabout, but were met with flinty silence as he pretended to be overwhelmed by the leadership he showed hefting a few supplies into a truck. Note to Mitt: If squandering a perfectly good photo op is too overwhelming, how are you going to cope with Russia, China, or whatever other country is the Evil Empire du Jour?

Mitt even double-doubled down. When faced with NJ Governor Chris Christie’s kudos to Obama, he went silent. However, he did send his surrogates out to birth every turd they could throw against the wall to distract everyone from a man who took a proper position for once (and still didn’t officially “endorse” Obama). Mitt’s Minions wanted a piece of Chris Christie’s well-upholstered ass as pay back while caterwauling about Obama taking “revenge” on the Great and Glorious Mitten of Oz.

On the other hand, Obama had his 9-11 Bushian Stand Atop a Pile of Rubble™ moment. He joined Christie in trying to keep politics out of things as best they could. He used the inevitable photo ops to lead the nation in a sense of the terrible tragedy. He even encouraged America to open its nearly empty pockets for a few bucks to help out, just like Mitt’s self-financing disaster policy says they should. Another word to Mitt: You could’ve done yourself and the sodden storm victims a lot of good by pulling some serious coin out of the Caymans and tossing it into the collection plate. You would’ve looked better than tossing some sandbags and given people a sense there is something inside that creepy exoskeleton of yours. You could have genuinely helped out people who need it. You could’ve even written it off on your taxes located in a secret, undisclosed location. But in your defense, many of the newly homeless are 47 percenters who will lounge around waiting for filet’s to be hand delivered by rich folk. Slaggards!

Soggy Beignets

Obama’s response has not been perfect by any means, despite the nonsense Haley Barbour is tossing around. No response to an event as big as Sandy ever will be. But overall the governors and local officials are happy, most of the victims are satisfied to the extent someone standing in a 6-mile long line for gas can be, and most Americans are happy with the response. Hell, even his own campaign is giving Obama kudos. Heck of a Job Brownie may think Obama’s disaster response is a disaster, but I’m not predisposed to listen to a guy whose disaster planning experience is limited to dancing horse association exec and being fired to open a disaster planning consulting firm offering ways to create the world’s largest load of soggy beignets.

No, Obama’s response has been pretty good. He’s helping those on the ground define what they need so he can facilitate them getting it. He’s getting the Global Warming story back on the national stage. He’s gaining some political points as a byproduct of those efforts via Michael Bloomberg’s endorsement. And, he’s able to do it while campaigning and chewing at the same time.

There are many things about Obama’s tenure you could criticize, but Sandy isn’t one of them.

Lincoln Mitchell: Hurricane Sandy and Republican Ideology (huffingtonpost.com)
Ed Gillespie, Romney Adviser, Admits Obama’s FEMA Doing A Good Job Responding To Sandy (huffingtonpost.com)
Disaster politics: Benghazi, Hurricane Sandy and the battle between Obama and Romney (miamiherald.com)
FEMA Stages Sandy PR Pony Show For NJ Governor (amresolution.com)
As Hurricane Sandy Strikes, Mitt Romney Wants to Drastically Cut Federal Disaster Relief (theageofblasphemy.wordpress.com)
Chris Christie Praises Obama’s Hurricane Sandy Response, Scoffs Idea Of Mitt Romney NJ Visit (mediaite.com)
Christie Praises Obama As Mitt Runs From FEMA, Sandy (lezgetreal.com)
Mitt Romney Refuses To Talk About FEMA After Hurricane Sandy Event (huffingtonpost.com)
Conservative columnist to CNN: Flip flop on killing FEMA is ‘the Etch-A-Sketch Romney’ (rawstory.com)

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Ann Coulter: You Know You’re a Douchebag When…

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 15:10:34 -0400

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! - Karma is as karma does.

You know you’re a douchebag when Michelle Malkin thinks you’re a douchebag. Today’s douchebag is douche recidivist – apologies to douchebags for comparing her to a feminine hygiene appliance – Ann Coulter who described Barack Obama as a, “retard” in a mid-debate tweet Monday. “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard,” she said.

“What a stupid, shallow thing to say, Ann,” said Malkin, who is a bit of a douchebag herself sometimes.

There are two things unique about this picture. First, Coulter chose the words, “kind and gentle”, two words missing from her lexicon until now. She usually chooses something like, “communist imbecile”. Still, that’s better than Rush Limbaugh who would’ve used, “communist imbecile manslut”.

Second, Malkin – who sometimes uses similar words – seemed genuinely offended. She must be going all liberal and shit because her complaint put her in league with a gaggle of socialist Hollywood fellow travelers like, Michelle Branch, Marlee Matlin, and Christina Applegate.

The R-Word

All the tweets specifically addressing the offending word used, “the R word” in place of “retard”. It evokes the “N word” debate. Not saying the word is probably worse than saying it during a discussion about it. These words are offensive, but people with brains functioning better than a marshmallow wouldn’t use them. But once you cross the line, better the ignorance of the user is on display for everyone to ridicule…and ridiculing Coulter is like ridiculing belly up fish in a barrel.

Of course Deadfish McCoulter doubled down, “The only people who will be offended are too retarded to understand it,” was her first response. In true Conservo-Coultarian fashion, she ducked any responsibility later when that excuse didn’t fly. “Obama: Stage 3 Romneya – because cancer references are HILLARIOUS. If he’s the smartest guy in the room it must be one retarded room.” That response – if you’ll excuse me for using the R-word just this once – isn’t even “retarded” it’s incompetent.

Ann, Stage 3 Romnesia is an AMNESIA reference, not a cancer reference and I’m fairly sure there is no amnesia lobby complaining about offenses involving “the A-word”. Though I sometimes wonder if Romney doesn’t have some sort of huge goobulent tumor, Obama was implying he forgets things easily when it suits him.

And, “the smartest guy(s) in the room” were Enron execs, which makes Obama sound like a very smart man indeed when compared with that lot of thieves and scoundrels –at least a lot smarter than someone who accidentally turns a perceived minus into a positive.

However, it isn’t for me to decide whether “the R-word” is offensive. I have no skin in the game other than taking great delight in reminding the world what a turd Coulter is – apologies for offending all you turds out there. But, Special Olympian and Down syndrome sufferer John Franklin Stephens can make the interpretation.

Well Played Franklin, Well Played

In one of the most eloquent letters I’ve ever read – written by an intellectually disabled person or not – Stephens makes his own point from the moral high ground. Ground where he stands head and shoulders above Coulter…or me. The letter is well thought out, sincere – and perhaps surprisingly – very magnanimous.

After pointing out all the misconceptions in Coulter’s comments, Franklin’s letter offers a touching olive branch.

“After I saw your tweet, I realized you just wanted to belittle the President by linking him to people like me. You assumed that people would understand and accept that being linked to someone like me is an insult and you assumed you could get away with it and still appear on TV. Well, Ms. Coulter, you, and society, need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor.”

“Come join us someday at Special Olympics. See if you can walk away with your heart unchanged. [Signed] A friend you haven’t met yet.”

Well-played Franklin, well-played.

Elizabeth Higgins Clark: Ann Coulter Just Doesn’t Get It (huffingtonpost.com)
Special Olympian Calls Out Ann Coulter (newser.com)
Michelle Malkin Slams Coulter For Calling Obama ‘Retard’: ‘What A Stupid, Shallow Thing To Say’ (mediaite.com)
Ann Coulter Calls Obama A ‘Retard’ (thehandiestone.typepad.com)
Hatriot Civil War! Malkin Slams Coulter For ‘Retard’ Tweet (newshounds.us)
Special Olympian Writes Powerful Letter To Ann Coulter (buzzfeed.com)

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The Candidates Can Go Back to Falling from their Stumps Now

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 16:10:11 -0400

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! - Mitt's Bain performance appraisal: Mitt Romney's sole redeeming feature is that he dresses well.

The candidates can go back to falling from their stumps. The moderators will start assertiveness training. And, regular programming can begin after these words from our sponsors. All the candidates are lawyering up for the inevitable challenges. Instant polls about truthiness and burning pants are winding down. That’s it. Comedy show’s over. It’s time to lay awake like a kid anticipating Christmas – except the stakes are higher and people will consider moving to Canada based on the outcome. It is not a season to look forward to. In two weeks, it will be Black Tuesday, with an emphasis on the black.

The scoring consensus seems to be Obama: 0-T-1, unless you are Fox News. They scored it Infinity – Infinity – Infinity for Romney, plus threw in 1,000 bonus points for wearing nice wingtips. Yet with all the money spent and all the lies told, that small sliver of undecided voters is still undecided. These people, as they always will, won’t decide how to vote until they enter the booth. The booth possibly owned by Romney’s son.

It’s unfathomable these people couldn’t decide how to vote long before the debates. These weren’t two knotheads so identical you couldn’t tell them apart. If you couldn’t see the Grand Canyon between their “views of the future for America” (cue the waving flag, balloons, and John Phillip Sousa) they are blind. And, quite obviously dumb as tree stump. What the hell are you waiting for?

We’ve cut much hay this year over voter disenfranchisement. State legislatures decided they must protect the electorate from non-existent voting fraud by committing legislative fraud. They required ironclad photo IDs like driver’s licenses – an item most long haul truckers have for each state to cover the dozens of points for speeding and falling asleep under the influence of uppers. That the legislation hit poor, non-white, and old democrats disproportionately was a mere coincidence according to the Republican-exclusive legislatures that voted them in.

But then, here are people who still have the franchise but fritter it away by refusing to make a patently obvious choice – disenfranchisement by weak will power if you will.

It is at times like these when means testing is not such a bad idea. If you can’t decide which shoes to wear in the morning, you are too stupid to vote – much like a Super Lotto winner planning to return to their job as a fry cook. They are a danger to themselves and others. This isn’t disenfranchisement it’s common sense. A “pin the chad on the stylus” vote is worse than no vote at all.

Using means testing as the last line of defense against the terminally indecisive is paramount. There is only one other way to protect the rest of us. Stack a parliament like Saddam Hussein so all the purple thumbs add up to 110% of the vote.

But then. That’s not so fair either. Mitt could just buy the parliament.

Dan Glickman: No Way to Elect a President (huffingtonpost.com)
Voting machines in Ohio with business ties to Romney raise alarm (thegrio.com)
None of the Above is My Choice for President. (thelonestarwatchdog.com)
Undecided Voters That Have No Business Being Undecided (theamericanconservative.com)
Rigged Elections for Romney? (thepeoplesvoice.org)
Obama wins again in final presidential debate, Xbox swing voters say (venturebeat.com)
You Really Wanna Know Who The Undecided Voter Is? (nyulocal.com)
Frank Luntz Gets Reaction From Undecided Voters Immediately After the Final Presidential Debate (foxnewsinsider.com)

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The Wit and Wisdom of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 17:10:26 -0400

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! - People with the least experience of war are invariably the ones who want to enter one.

Yes, they said it. No, it didn’t make any sense. They are the co-winners of the 2012 George W. Bush Communications Award:

”I’ll introduce to you the heavyweight champion of my life.” — Mitt Romney, introducing Ann (He quickly corrected himself, saying ”I didn’t mean weight”)
”We use Ann sparingly right now so that people don’t get tired of her.” — Mitt Romney
”I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.” — Mitt Romney, who earned $374,000 in speaking fees in one year
George Stephanopoulos: ”Is $100,000 middle income?” Mitt Romney: ”No, middle income is $200,000 to $250,000 and less.”

”I saw the young man over there with eggs Benedict, with hollandaise sauce. And I was going to suggest to you that you serve your eggs with hollandaise sauce in hubcaps. Because there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.” — Mitt Romney, after working the room at a restaurant and pausing for a photo with the owner
”I love this state. The trees are the right height.” – Mitt Romney, campaigning in Michigan
“None of us have to settle for the best this administration offers, a dull, adventureless journey from one entitlement to the next, a government-planned life, a country where everything is free but us.” – Paul Ryan
“I voted to send people to war.” – Paul Ryan, making the case for why his votes in favor of the Iraq War gives his foreign policy credentials

”I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.” — Mitt Romney
”I’m not familiar precisely with what I said, but I’ll stand by what I said, whatever it was.” — Mitt Romney
“Were a full generation apart, Governor Romney and I. And, in some ways, were a little different. There are the songs on his iPod, which Ive heard on the campaign bus and on many hotel elevators. He actually urged me to play some of these songs at campaign rallies. I said, I hope its not a deal-breaker Mitt, but my playlist starts with AC/DC, and ends with Zeppelin.” – Paul Ryan
”I’m Wolf Blitzer and yes, that’s my real name.” — Wolf Blitzer at the November 2011 Republican presidential debate. ”I’m Mitt Romney — and yes Wolf, that’s also my first name.” — Mitt Romney, getting his own name wrong (his first name is ”Willard,” and his middle name is ”Mitt”)
“It all started off with stirring speeches, Greek columns, the thrill of something new. Now all that’s left is a presidency adrift, surviving on slogans that already seem tired, grasping at a moment that has already passed, like a ship trying to sail on yesterdays wind. – Paul Ryan
”Who let the dogs out? Who, who.” — Mitt Romney, during a photo op with a group of African Americans kids at a Martin Luther King Day parade

Mitt Romney: ”My plan will create 23 million new jobs.” Mitt Romney, 45 minutes later: ”Government does not create jobs.”
We are looking for bipartisan solutions not partisan rhetoric. – Paul Ryan
“Exploiting people’s emotions of fear, envy and anxiety is not hope, it’s not change, it’s partisanship. We don’t need partisanship. We don’t need demagoguery, we need solutions.” – Paul Ryan
“Our founders got it right when they wrote in the Declaration of Independence that our rights come from nature and nature’s God, not from government.” Paul Ryan
“That is something that we think we should do in the light of day, through Congress.” – Paul Ryan, offering to provide specific information about the Romney campaign’s tax proposals, but just not until after the election
“College graduates should not have to live out their 20s in their childhood bedrooms, staring up at fading Obama posters and wondering when they can move out and get going with life.” – Paul Ryan
“What we heard today was not fiscal leadership from our Commander-in-Chief, what we heard today was a political broadside from our Campaigner-in-Chief.” – Paul Ryan
”I like those fancy raincoats you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks.” —Mitt Romney, making fun of fans wearing plastic ponchos at the Daytona 500
“When I was waiting tables, washing dishes, or mowing lawns for money, I never thought of myself as stuck in some station in life. I was on my own path, my own journey, an American journey where I could think for myself, decide for myself, define happiness for myself.” - Paul Ryan
“While President Obama shirks his responsibility to advance solutions to our fiscal challenges, he can no longer hide from the merciless math of the balance sheet. Conservatives have made certain of that.” – Paul Ryan
Romney, speaking in May 2012 about the auto industry’s comeback: ”I pushed the idea of a managed bankruptcy. And finally, when that was done, and help was given, the companies got back on their feet. So I’ll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry’s come back.” In 2008: ”If General Motors, Ford and Chrysler get the bailout that their chief executives asked for yesterday, you can kiss the American automotive industry goodbye.”
Mitt Romney in 2012: ”I don’t manage the money that I have. In order to make sure that I didn’t have a conflict of interest while I was governor or while I was considering a run for national office, I had a blind trust established.” Mitt Romney in 1994: ”The blind trust is an age-old ruse, if you will, which is to say, you can always tell the blind trust what it can and cannot do. You give a blind trust rules.”
Hey, I’m a Catholic deer hunter, I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan
”My sons are all adults and they’ve made decisions about their careers and they’ve chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I’d be a great president.” — Mitt Romney in 2007
“I call crony capitalism, where you take money from successful small businesses, spend it in Washington on favored industries, on favored individuals, picking winners and losers in the economy, that’s not pro-growth economics. That’s not entrepreneurial economics. That’s not helping small businesses. That’s cronyism, that’s corporate welfare.” – Paul Ryan
”We have a president, who I think is a nice guy, but he spent too much time at Harvard, perhaps.” — Mitt Romney, who has two Harvard degrees
“Rand makes the best case for the morality of democratic capitalism.” – Paul Ryan, praising the anti-democratic Ayn Rand, who once said, “Democracy is a totalitarian manifestation; it is not a form of freedom.”
“All we have heard from this president and his team are attacks on anyone who dares to point out the obvious. They have no answer to this simple reality: We need to stop spending money we don’t have.” – Paul Ryan

Electing Mitt Would Reward Bad Behavior (newser.com)
“His Position Is Our Position”: Why Is Mitt Romney Outraged At Todd Akin And Not At Paul Ryan? (mykeystrokes.com)
Video: A Side of Mitt Romney You’ve Never Seen Before (conservativeread.com)
“Medicaid Is the Real Target”: Mitt Romney’s Priorities, Aid For The Rich, Paid For By The Poor (mykeystrokes.com)
Listen Up, Men: How Romney’s Views on Women Will Make Your Life More Difficult (jezebel.com)

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George Bush as an Objet d’Art

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:10:17 -0400

The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! - Remember band geeks...geeks who play together stay together.

It’s hard to believe, but George W. Bush was once the second coming of the Stupid Messiah^©. Legions of dumb-struck followers predicted a legacy of greatness second only to the Gipper. Today, people run from him like the sight of a boil being lanced on Mitt Romney’s wrinkly, pasty ass. But George still appeals to some. They hold him in such great esteem they’ve cannonized Bush as an objet d’art.

Artist Paul McCarthy has immortalized the Dubster in flagrante with a pig and what appears to be a deformed pig, heretofore unknown sea creature, or chupacabra. The piece is done in either mud or shite, which I favor for its texture. McCarthy calls it Static (Brown) and the French just loved it at International Fair of Contemporary Art (FIAC) opening at the Grand Palais. This is a legacy of greatness to be proud of and I’m sure George the Elder and Queen Bar agree.

This isn’t the first time George’s Bush family jewels have been on display. In fact, McCarthy has portrayed the former Shitkicker-in-Chief before. In Train, Mechanical Bush is a horny dwarf in flagrante with the same pig and chupacabra. However, he wears a jet pack and is mechanical in a wan terra-cotta color. McCarthy has also entertained his disturbing Bushian fetish with the same pig-fu*king pose in both pink, and ironically, blue.

Washington artiste Kayti Didrikson showed a nude Man of Leisure, King George being served an oil well crown by The Big Dick. Didriksen based the painting on a famous work by impressionist Man of Leisure, King George that hangs in the Musee d’Orsay in Paris. Pretty high-falutin’ stuff for a good ol’ Texas cowboy who was all hat and no cattle. But then, George always loved high art – like those Presidential Seal boots of his. However, Didriksen does make an historical error since George should be presenting the crown to Dick, symbolizing the true king in the relationship.

George isn’t always nude though. Artist Dan Lacel, Painter of Pancakes, shows Bush cozied up with an Easter Bunny under a gay rights rainbow, symbolizing George’s belief that homosexuals are a mere secular humanist myth. It’s not clear why Lacel didn’t place a pancake on Bush like he does with so many other famous subjects from Barack Obama to Dan Lacel, Painter of Pancakes. The butter sensuously dripping from her crêpe nipples is tres magnifique! So is one of the Pancake Master’s new works featuring Mitt Romney, “with his head held in a scissor lock by a pair of female legs, while he keeps his eye on a pancake which is threatening him with maple syrup.” BTW, don’t miss, Barack Obama Nude On A Unicorn & Lindsay Lohan / Volcano Extinguisher either. It portrays, “Barack Obama administering some tough love to actress Lindsay Lohan, whose tears serve to extinguish the recently problematic Icelandic volcano”. It’s truly magical!

Politics and art have so many parallels. The both have more than their fair share of surrealism and Dadaism. They both elevate the mundane – like George – to a more etherial plane. And, they have lots of pretty colors and squiggly, smudged lines. And they cater to audiences with more cash than they know what to do with – just like George.

America! I love this country!

Romney Currently Out-Polling Carter, Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton, Bush 2 and Obama (thegatewaypundit.com)
Mitt Romney’s George W. Bush problem (washingtonpost.com)
Obama Paints Romney as ‘Me-Too Mitt’, More Extreme Than Bush (crooksandliars.com)
George W. Bush Haunts Mitt Romney (lookingbeyondborders.com)
Lindsay Lohan Is Not Better Off Than She Was Four Years Ago, Endorses Romney – Yahoo! News (karensunhumbleopinion.com)
18 Ways Mitt Romney Is Just Like George W. Bush | Politics News | Rolling Stone (spiceofyourlife.wordpress.com)
George W. Bush Whiles Away the Time Painting Pictures of Dogs (theatlanticwire.com)
The Remarkable Reappearance of George W. Bush (news.firedoglake.com)
George W. Bush to visit Mitt Romney’s money (dailykos.com)

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Omnipotent Poobah's Open Salon Blog

Hurricane Sandy: A Disaster Waiting to Happen

Doubling Down on His Weaseliness

Soggy Beignets

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