onecorgilover's Open Salon Blog

A psalm for my soldier

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 10:09:34 -0400

Photo courtesy of US Army

My smile flew away the moment you kissed me goodbye and walked through the gate.

It waited patiently for you to come sit beside and hold it within the warmth of the hollow of your hands and safeguard it 'til you reached your destination.

I remembered that you had the good sense not to look back because you knew that you would see the jumbled, emotional mess you'd be leaving behind.

We didn't talk about the almost month of Sundays when we would be separated by an ocean or two, instead we talked about what we'd do the moment our eyes caressed one another again.

We marveled about how we'd sit down and discuss the 'must-haves' for the new house that would accommodate the things a sentimental fool like me couldn't bear to part with.

You never complained because you knew how difficult it was for me to let go of things near and dear to my heart.

We spoke of wishes and hopes and dreams and gave no power to the underlying fear that went unspoken, but certainly felt.

Be safe, my love. I pray that you will come back to me, if not whole in body, then in mind and spirit.

But should God decide that He needs you more, know that my heart will be forever waiting for you on the other side.

Responding to Zuma's Retro Crap challenge!

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 09:08:56 -0400

Ok, here are some of my faves......some are old, some fairly new....but I'm fond of all of them! They're pretty much self-explanatory......lol

The Goodbye that was never said

Fri, 7 Aug 2009 16:08:18 -0400

Note:

This is not a new post. It is a post that was deleted from OS somehow and thankfully, I was able to find a cached copy on Yahoo.com. So, I'm simply reposting it. I'm also attaching the original comments.

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My sister- in- law's eyes gave away the secret before she began to step back behind my brother's broad shoulders. "Renee, mama's gone....." , he uttered as he watched my body involuntarily heave over. It was not entirely unexpected. Mama had been hospitalized once again for heart failure and all I could do was think about the smile that she had on her face when I last visited her. I could see her outstretched hands reaching towards me with a sense of peace that she somehow knew that her days on this earth were coming to an end.

Almost as soon as I arrived, it was time to leave. I didn't get a chance to hold her, to hug her and let her know that I did love her; that our past disagreements meant nothing to me. I begin in earnest to make a bargain with God; that I would strive to be everything that my mother wanted me to be. I would go back to church and get saved. Whatever the price was, I was willing to pay.

We were just beginning to find common ground with my daughter being the glue that held our previously frayed relationship together. But it wasn't meant to be. Her fate was decided by someone greater than I so I was left to sort out my feelings of loss, sadness and regret alone even though there were nine other siblings. Each of us had our own burden to carry, having to listen to mine would only make theirs heavier. This was not the time for that; so we all grieved as we silently pondered our own culpability in the loss of our mother.

I had never feared death until it was visited upon someone close to me. Up until that time, I had never been to a funeral. For twenty five years, I had been spared the awfulness, the finality of a journey that we all must take and there are no words to describe the abject horror of seeing a loved one laying lifelessly in a box; no matter how ornate or beautifully handcarved, but a box nonetheless. As I stood in front of her and reminding myself that this was just a shell of the person who was my mother and that her spirit now resided in my heart, I struggled to find the words to express how much I would miss her.

I still miss her twenty five years later. I marvel at her genius in raising ten children and managing to retain her sanity. I wish that I had the opportunity to tell her how much she meant to me and that as a parent, I realize that no one is perfect. I want her to know that I am healing from the wounds of my past and I've learned from them. I want her to know that I am still striving to become whole. I believe in the power of forgiveness and the reality that we can all have new beginnings; that whatever fractured relationship that we are now experiencing it can be healed.

The grave is not the place to ask for forgiveness or to negotiate better relationships. If you have someone in your life that you need to talk to: Do it today. Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. Don't wait. Tomorrow may be too late.....tomorrow may not include the person who is waiting for your call..... today.

Comments:

this post is beautiful from start to finish, but the part i'll try to keep with me always is:

"Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. Don't wait. Tomorrow may be too late.....tomorrow may not include the person who is waiting for your call..... today."

thanks for that one and for your good heart.

nanatehay

January 18, 2009 02:39 PM

Thanks, Nanatehay....whoever coined the phrase "Give flowers when they can smell them" got it it right. Love is best expressed when the receiver can see and feel it and in doing so, there will be no regrets.

onecorgilover

January 18, 2009 02:50 PM

Beautiful elegy...Such sweet words and heartfelt.

(rated)
G

Greg Thomas

January 18, 2009 02:51 PM

So wise and eloquent! Thanks!

zumalicious

January 18, 2009 03:07 PM

Beautiful, and a well supported moral. Thank you
Rated

O'Kathryn

January 19, 2009 08:06 AM

Great advice. I am sure that your mom knew all these things you might have spoken had you only known.
I have my mom with me always.
Bless you.

o'stephanie

January 21, 2009 10:30 AM

Thanks, Greg, Zuma, O'Kathryn and O'Stephanie. It is my prayer that my mom knew this....we weren't an affectionate lot, so I never got to tell her things that she deserved to know. Now, I'm hopeful that she has safeguarded my unspoken words somewhere in her heart.

onecorgilover

January 21, 2009 11:16 AM

Beautiful and heartfelt. This really touched me. Thanks

LadyLafayette

January 21, 2009 02:21 PM

Oh, sorry I missed your comment LadyLafayette....thank you for your warm words.

onecorgilover

January 29, 2009 04:39 PM

I missed this one first time around, it's beautiful Corgi.

hyblaean- julie

February 02, 2009 03:54 PM

Thanks, Julie.....I appreciate that!

onecorgilover

February 03, 2009 09:31 AM

My List of Firsts!

Thu, 6 Aug 2009 14:08:42 -0400

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?

I never went to my prom and I only have myself to blame.

2. Who was your FIRST love and do you still talk with him/her?

Tony M. (aka Billy Walsh from my B.M.O.C. post) was my first love and prospective prom date.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?

A wine cooler….bleech…

4. What was your FIRST job?

Assisting an old woman who was wheelchair bound when I was twelve.

5. What was your FIRST car?

A 1977 Honda Accord.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?

I don’t text nor do I own a cell phone.

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?

Axl Rose.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?

Mrs. Russell.

9. When and where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?

My first sojourn on an airplane was to NYC in 1988.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?

Mary Ellen Watley. No, we lost contact after elementary school.

11. Where was your FIRST sleepover?

I never had a sleepover, unless you count a boyfriend (that came much later…no pun intended).

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?

The woman sitting next to me on the bus, then I went back to sleep.

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?

I have never participated in a wedding, only attended.

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?

Took my meds.

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?

The Commodores at Tuskegee Institute in 1976.

16. FIRST tattoo?

I have none.

17. FIRST piercing?

I have none.

18. FIRST foreign country you've been to?

France, Paris, France.

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing in the theater?

Enter the Dragon starring Bruce Lee and John Saxon.

20. FIRST Detention you had?

I’ve never been sent to detention. My parents would have killed me!

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in?

Alabama, Birmingham, Alabama.

22. If you had three wishes, what would the FIRST one be?

That the economy would improve…..NOW!

23. What is the FIRST thing you would learn if you had the chance?

I would like to be fluent in French. I am using the Pimsleur series to help me reach that goal.

Happy Birthday to our wonderful Teddy!

Thu, 2 Jul 2009 13:07:34 -0400

Teddy, here's hoping that you have the most fantastic birthday....EVER!! You are such an inspiration to so many because you've managed to overcome so much and smile in spite of it. You give us hope, joy and laughter. Thank you for being such a dear and supportive friend. Happy Birthday, sweetheart!!

Renee