Oryoki Bowl's Open Salon Blog

In Defense of Fat People

Fri, 18 May 2012 19:05:55 -0400

Every day, in almost every way, overweight and obese people are the scape goat for all of society's ills, evils, failures, and problems. News reports show us "fat porn", with close up shots of big butts, bulging bellies, thunder thighs, and triple chins. Hands lifting oversized, greasy everything to hungry mouths, slurping the 64 ouncer soft drink. Those people.

Maybe you are one of them, and you are probably kind of tired of all this bullshit.

I am not going to suggest that being obese is good for your health, but not all obese people are unhealthy in other ways. There are plenty of slimmer people that also have self inflicted health problems from abusing drugs, alcohol, sugars, stimulants, diet products, pain pills, cigarettes. There are plenty of athletic people who drive up health care costs from their sports injuries and replacement joints. I also know that plenty of skinny people are mentally unstable and emotionally abusive to others, preening on their self congratulations. Their bio chemistry is different from mine. I don't want to be that way.

It is true that overweight issues typically stem from a few different things:

1) Not enough activity compared to food intake, but more specifically carbohydrate, sugar and alcohol intake. If you aren't moving around all day, or sweating it off in exercise, you will gain weight. Some of us are very efficient at turning those calories into storage fat. That is genetic, and much harder to overcome. Not impossible, just how it is. These same people would most likely be able to do lots of physical labor, and withstand longer periods of famine. They don't need to keep eating all day to survive, but the ingrained, hardwired, genetic predisposition to "gather nuts for winter storage" is always on.

2) Constant stress. I don't know too many people who aren't stressed out, due to family life, work life, relationships, children, not having relationships and children, not having work, chronic pain, etc. Now, on top of it, as a fat person, everyone gets to see "your problem" whether you like it or not, and you have become the target of politicians, comedians, the evening News, medical doctors, the fashion industry, pharmacy and insurance specialists. How does this not add on stress? Most people eat to relieve stress, especially if exercise has always been physically painful or exhausting. Always hearing about how "you just need to do...." is a constant reminder from the world that you are not acceptable. Maybe being overweight is a hardship. Mostly, it's a hardship on the person being overweight.

3) Hormones hormones hormones. Estrogens make fat. They also help with reproduction, but they are designed to help store fat- which makes for craving more carbohydrates. This is true of men as well as women. Some people make more estrogen than others, naturally, and some make more of the fat building variety, by nature. This is very hard to control, and requires avoiding almost all extra sugars, alcohols and starches. It gets worse as you get older. Environmental and dietary toxicity from estrogens (in dairy products, farmed animals, plastics, pesticides, solvents, household cleaning products) increase estrogen load (but cannot be measured very well) and store in fat tissue. If your body can't clear it (needs vitamins, minerals, enzymes, liver support), it will store it as fat. Everything your body can't get rid of gets stored in fat and bones, and it's very hard to eliminate. We accumulate a lot in our life, our food, water and air supply are contaminated. Some of us absorb this more than others. Thyroid hormones are also affected by the stress and high estrogens.

4) Unrealistic expectations. How can we expect to keep our weight down when we have long work hours, lots of driving, labor saving devices, and an unlimited calorie supply? We barely break a sweat, we barely shiver off the cold, we don't chop our own wood, we don't carry our own water, we hardly ever go without a meal. Now, we barely have to prepare or chew any of our own food, and there is nothing to block the steady stream of calories into our blood stream. Our genes haven't changed in 1000s of years, but our environment has done a 180 in the last century.

Meanwhile, everyone keeps saying that obesity is a drain on our economy (like the smokers used to be, but they have mostly quit, some have gotten fat from eating instead). Let's consider this:

1) They eat more food, they consume more beverages, they wear out clothes and shoes more often. That means spending more and keeping more businesses afloat.

2) Not sure if they require more doctor visits, because some are very health conscious, and some are not. Their need for pharmaceutical intervention keeps people who sell insurance, drugs, medical equipment and health care busy. I am pretty sure that they work hard and earn their insurance.

3) They do actually join gyms, they do actually try weight loss plans, they do actually consume diet products and healthy choices. However, some of this stuff doesn't work. Especially when the food industry doesn't have to be accountable for the kinds of garbage they put in food. Sugars are highly addictive, like cocaine and nicotine, and they are unregulated. Diet sodas and products are highly addictive, compulsive eating stimulators. They turn off self control. Excessive exercise without a good meal plan contributes to fatigue, overeating, and injuries- which lead to not moving around too much. Hmmm.

4) Studies show that "low self control" over diet plans has as much to do with the families, friends and work environments (with all those baked goods) pushing bad food on people as the person's individual will. If you want to be supportive, be supportive. Not a nag, not a tease, not a bully. Just supportive.

5) They are real people, one in two to one in three, who are not inherently more flawed than anyone else. With patience, diligence, and compassion, a person with overweight can be guided to make choices that work for their lives and their bodies. Shame, humiliation and excessive taxes are not the way to go.

Do we need to stop subsidizing poor health choices? Maybe, maybe not, but we already do in the way our farming and food industry is paid off by big oil and big pharma and big chem. We already do when we allow tons of toxic substances into our environment. We already do when we let industrial pharmacy and agriculture write our health care bills. We already do when we'd rather not pay for school health plans, physical education and good nutrition for the young- and then blast them and their parents for not knowing any better. All of us need to be our own best self advocate, but that is not enough. We need to help each other and stop pointing fingers. Of course, picking better choices means having them available, affordable, easily acquired and knowing what they are. You can thank the advertising industry for making sure we don't.

Who would Jesus bully? Clan mentality, civic duty, democracy

Thu, 10 May 2012 17:05:40 -0400

Discrimination in all its forms is bullying. Clan mentality- whether based in religion, gender, race, or attitude- perpetuates this bullying by creating classes of people in order to have allowed discrimination. Clan mentality is the opposite of democracy, as it always chooses self over other, always chooses ties based on blood and religion instead of merit or valor. One cannot be a warrior for Jesus, he was a pacifist.

So, how can all these self professed "lovers of Christ" systematically defile the message of their favorite prophet by enforcing caveman ideals? One needn't be a christian to do good things, and there is little evidence that correlates religiosity with kindness towards others. There is, however, plenty to point in the other direction.

It's probably a good thing that so many conservatives can't identify with Obama as a christian, because they don't see his behavior modeling their's. He calls for inclusion and freedom, two of the very enemies of clan mentality. Free thinking is a dangerous thing, and free living is clearly the slippery slope result of being allowed to engage in personal life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

There will always be naysayers who point out that the slippery slope of acceptance (not just tolerance, actual acceptance) of gay marriage will lead to pedophilia and bestiality. Only in the minds of the perpetually ignorant can this even be a feasable possibility. Only in the mind of hatred would discretion be equal to discrimination. Only in the mind of the entitled are other existences "lesser than".

Should he be so emboldened, I would call upon Obama (in his second term) to propose legislature that can repeal the historical discrimination that is tax exemption for the religious. Why is this important? Money laundering and tax evasion are epidemic and endemic to sheltered organizations. The premise of preferential tax immunity based on association with religious beliefs is long overdue for a constitutionally based challenge.

In order to do good works, one has to show good works. Any organization that involves actual charity work has to prove where their money goes, and can accordingly get their tax exemption. Faith based organizations not only systematically exploit "volunteers", they are exempt from the standards of conduct for any employer or educational organization. So, how are these people contributing to the welfare of the United States? How is dodging billions in tax revenue while simultaneously exploiting an increasingly dependent population doing "God's" work? According to Jesus, it is not.

Granted, one does not need to believe in Jesus at all. My status as a person of faith or a person without faith should have no impact on my responsibility toward my civic duty. My desire for a religious community in my neighborhood that is based on discriminating against my neighbors should have no legal preference. Surely, I should be required to meet the same civic responsibilities as anyone else, which is pay the same taxes.

As far as I can tell, those yelling the loudest about being "tax payers" are probably the people who pay the least- and would like to pay even less. There is no reason that the government should interfere with a church being able to amass millions in property, cash, and luxury living. As long as we understand they should not be more entitled than any other group. We could certainly start filling in some of the revenue gaps.

As a physician, I presumably do as much good as the local pastor in helping people figure out their problems, steer them towards more healthful living, and making better decisions about their actions. For a small fee, I counsel, I assess, I listen, I work out a strategy. I invite people to make their own best choices, instead of only pointing to an outdated set of social laws that don't actually work well anymore. I don't begrudge my taxes, even though I get the same student loan interest deduction as someone who spent ten times less to go to school than I did. I am required by law to have several valid licenses and annual updated certifications because I have such a great influence on the health and wellbeing of my "flock". I have never admonished anyone to beat their children, to single out people they don't like and discriminate against them, to force their spouse to act in ways that is hurtful or humiliating.

Of course, I could tack a religious affiliation on my name, form a non-profit, and continue to do exactly as I do but go tax free as a health ministry. I mean, it's a nice idea, but I am just not interested in being a guru. I prefer to empower individuals, to show them how to achieve their goals through their endeavors, and to accept themselves with love and equanimity - even when falling short of their dreams. This may not be the christian thing to do (and I am more of a Buddhaquakerian), but I think it speaks pretty directly to "First do no harm, prevention, education, treat the cause, treat the person, and the (natural law of the) way of healing".

However, I'm not speaking in tongues or wrassling snakes (literal or metaphorical), and therefore, I gotta pay taxes too.

At the moment, we await the big hand from the sky

Tue, 8 May 2012 13:05:56 -0400

The awakened life is not as fleeting as the clouds we might associate with its image. Surely, representation of one sitting in reflection, repose, connection involves images of the sun moving up from the horizon, or moving down into the horizon, clouds passing, maybe the eyes are closed and a little smile sits on the face.

Then what? Moment after moment, the awareness of being here, fully present, alive and tuned in, time takes a different shape around our psyche. Nothing happens. Everything can happen, will happen, has happened, but the moment in present mode is always just so. It can get very slow. Losing a timepiece or frame of reference to your day, time passes differently if at all. It's what we learn to make of it- shaped by expectation, desire, anxiety, obligation- that drives us yearning, always unhappy with the set of choices we have made. Somewhere, along the way, we have chosen wrong.

Or have we? We assume we have chosen wrong when things didn't work out as we wanted them to. Of course, many things work out exactly as we have chosen them to, without our control over all the outcomes, or without our awareness of our impact. The idea that we would redo things, differently, is a constant companion to our negation of experience. Staying present, we can maybe learn to see things as they are- with the good and the bad- instead of only yearning for their ideal- with all the good and none of the bad. How can harmony have bad things?

Ultimately, handing our fate over to some higher power, rendering ourselves helpless in the face of destiny is in the back of our thoughts. We await some force greater than ourselves- but made of our deepest wishes- to come down and steer for us, choose for us, put us on "the right path". We admire those who go without for their selflessness, but who knows how much of that is chosen by them and how much is what they have made of their circumstances?

We can adapt to almost any situation, if we believe we can, and sometimes thrive in places we thought we would surely die. The resounding spirit inside of us is not the big hand from the sky- but the light inside of us that shares particles with the rest of the universe.

You can commit to the life you live now, even knowing that things will change. Being present doesn't mean stuck, it means just being there instead of one foot out the door into tomorrow. It means believing that things are happening because of decisions we made and decisions others have made, and that we can't control it all. Some of our choices work out better than others, for our preferences, and some are just chasing our own delusions.

A friend in need, or need of a friend? Kathy Knechtges post

Sun, 6 May 2012 15:05:01 -0400

Kathy's post on friendship, and the difficulties of navigating this world of creating new connections in an old habit (self) has me and others thinking. Those of us who post on here, in blogs or comments, are often introspective types. I could probably write an advice column on "How to have a more fulfilling relationship with your borderline personality disordered feline" and come up with new material on a regular basis. (I type this as mine has put her catself within arm’s reach of my busy hands).

I'm a sociable gal who also happens to be an introvert. This means I need regular breaks from human contact, and "down time" to declutter my psychic space from the onslaught of inputs. I don't try to keep up with the Joneses, or the Smiths, or the Kardashians. I purposefully and deliberately make plans to not have plans, and try to craft unstructured time in which I am to do less than more. This is not only not celebrated in American culture, but perhaps deemed pathological. What kind of reality show would I make? About a ten minute one, in which they find I can be fascinating at cocktail parties, and then not so much at home. How do I cultivate this persona non drama?

Over time, I have struggled to accept that I am, in fact, more of a loner than I want to be. I have social skills, can dress well enough, instigate and maintain interesting conversations, show deadly wicked humor if I'm in the mood for it, and all around decent person (for a liberal, feminist, untheist). Some of this is innate, some of it is acquired, some of it in transition. For instance, it is no longer charming to stay until 2 am at someone else’s party. Of course, I also no longer know people who have parties that go to 2 am, if at all. This is called.... well, not sure... it either involves maturity or plain old adrenal fatigue. My rechargeable batteries take longer to recharge, and have a shorter activity life.

When looking for friends, we choose quality AND quantity. Quantity can be number of people we can call on a Saturday afternoon and merely suggest getting together without a three week plan and NOT look desperate or inconsiderate. Quantity can be the allotted amount that any given person can expect reciprocity of phone minutes, text messages, or actual hours in each other's company. Quantity can be how many issues or topics we can hope to discuss without recrimination. Quantity can be the size of the group that can be included in socialization with this person. Is she a one on one friend only? Is she friendly with other friends? Is she the kind of person that is only there to keep company in large group situations?

Quality is a bit more of a ranking on how much we would do for this person, if asked. I think most of us like to consider ourselves generous, selfless, giving, thoughtful, compassionate people. There is always a line in a relationship, that which can and can't be crossed. We could probably natter on all day long with colleagues about many subjects, but would not go to that person's house and help them with personal hygiene if they were physically indisposed. Even some of my closer friends are well clear of that line, and you can't always determine who will and who won't show up in the face of disaster. It's a self sorting group.

What do we want when we want a friend? Is it someone who will always take or return our calls? Is it someone who knows the harmony to our melody? Is it the person we can use the most words with, or the least? There is the person who knows you- your history, your preferences, your quirks- and the person who gets you. We each have a Tao of relating, and some are just created to leap into the center of our space with more facility than others. Not always being a better friend, but being a closer vibration to our own cosmic signal. A soul mate doesn’t need to be a sex mate, after all.

Recently, I have struggled a little with social boredom. I crave to find things more interesting. This isn't new, this pops its head up periodically, particularly around the warmer summer (Arizona) weather. I go through my list of "go-to" hobbies and find that almost all of them are one on one with me, myself and I. I have had to adapt most of my interests to things I can find the time to do regularly, can afford to do, can be picked up or put down with ease (book, knitting, exercise, whatnot), and tucked in to an ever tightening space/time continuum. Some things cannot be overlooked forever (dishes and laundry) in face of fun time. Some things will not be given up by me (regular meals and quality sleep). The opportunity cost of connecting with another suddenly includes gas money, general atmosphere, recovery time, time involved getting groomed, and expected return of satisfaction for the said engagement. Is it worth giving up time with my sweetie? Is it worth the 40 plus minutes of driving? Is it sufficiently delicious to warrant a likely $30 tab? Do I like these people enough to make small talk over messy appetizers and cheap wine?

I envy those who cannot tell the difference between cheap and quality beverages and food (sometimes). They are not hindered by their senses. I have such strong sensory intake, I will often pay for days the cola, chips, or hot dog offered up at a gathering- or just the constant noise of music and video games in the background.

Being able to participate without complaint is key for social success, and the bar is set too low for my nervous system most of the time. The burden of becoming a healthier person with a higher quality of life is having to refrain and disdain. Cheap libations and crappy entertainment are toxic to the sensitive soul. It is with the realization that the hangover is not worth the experience- whether it is a spiritual, emotional or physical one- that the need for friendship changes. In turn, I may have less to offer others because I seek to keep a little more for myself.

Why can't they declare a war on menopause instead?

Thu, 3 May 2012 11:05:04 -0400

If the GOP really wanted to ally itself with women's interests- and, let's be honest, their husband's- they'd forget all this birth control shenanigans and focus on ending menopause. You heard me right. Guaranteed slam dunk in the election.

Menopause is that "middle period" of life for women. Some say it lasts for a year or two, but women in the know will tell you it lasts for 5, 10, sometimes 15 years. The slow agony of decline that not only has the power to take down any reasonable woman, but slay those all around her. Women's troubles are not over when they stop popping out eggs every month. NOOOOOOO. That would be too easy. Was this also god's plan?

It starts with that unrelenting feeling of unease, maybe around the mid 30s, when suddenly everything that annoyed you all day follows you to bed and keeps you from going to sleep. Click click click, like a reel tape, playing back what you didn't do. This signals the slow decline of progesterone, as the eggs don't always make it into orbit, and stop sending their precious mind soothing hormone. PMS gets PMSSier. Wine looks like an appropriate alternative to prozac. Chocolate is the cure.

But, we get used to this, just as we get used to the slow but certain spread of thickness in the middle. Not too much at first, but it only takes one Disney Cruise vacation to pack on 15 pounds. There is photographic evidence, which must then be destroyed. How can a family have family values on display when mom won't get in the picture, and dresses like a depressed teenager in an oversize T?

Still, we relent and move forward, fighting as best we can, watching what we eat even though we have lost most hormonal capacity to burn fat. Our fat storing hormones are in the permanent on switch because we have lost a signal from the sex central. I'd like to want to have sex. My libido went out with "the Rachel". Hair, now much thinner and stragglier, can no longer be manipulated to poof a suggestion of curvy backside onto someone's mind. It gets lopped, as it would be just another thankless chore to maintain.

A late game spurt of activity calls the fighting ovaries back into the ring. A zing of estradiol hits our brain and makes us red hot mad. Waves of uncontrollable heat surge through our bodies, we would take down everything around us if only we could move without dripping everywhere. The bathroom calls, to towel off and check for sweat stains. A woman resembling our mother stares back at us from the mirror, smirking. Did you really think you'd stay young and beautiful forever?

We look out at the sea of options before us. Work is crushing us with longer hours and more responsibility. Children are crushing us with more demands and no reciprocity. Our parents are leaning on us to help them maintain their lifestyles. Our husbands, if we still have them, have drifted into two camps. They are either begging us to see the doctor "about those hormones of yours" or they are experiencing andropause- the middle period when men grow hips and boobs and start to look like women. Unrelenting pressure from all sides slowly forces in and makes us into diamonds. Crystal clear and hard as a rock.

Why is this not top priority? Nothing screams louder than an angry, menopausal woman. She can't sleep anyway, why not organize this mega force into backing the cause with all they already manage? These women are already taking care of the nation's elderly, the middle aged, and their grown children who have moved back in after college, or who have had a child or two they can't pay for. What's one more job?

Declare the war on Menopause, and win the election!! Whose in?