Pretty Lady's Open Salon Blog

Hire your Neighbor

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:03:44 -0400

Friends, though it may seem that way, Pretty Lady has not been Slacking Off, no sirree. For the first time in this lifetime, we have Books! Quickbooks, to be exact. A 2012 edition of Quickbooks which now bears a roughly accurate correspondence to the state of her financial affairs.

This would not have happened if Sally the Bookkeeper had not providentially shown up at Women's Power Networking last Thursday. After over a year of fretting, Pretty Lady decided to take the advice of her business coach, and Delegate. She may have the brains to learn Quickbooks on her own, but circumstances suggest that inspiration is lacking. Sally the Bookkeeper charged a very reasonable hourly rate to hold Pretty Lady's hand while we set up several Accounts, and we have a meeting two weeks hence to set up several more. Easy does it.

After we were done, Sally the Bookkeeper casually mentioned the state of her own financial affairs, which, not to be indiscreet, were rather startlingly unfortunate. Friends, there are many, many persons who have been Hit Hard in this recession. Persons who, through no fault of their own, find themselves facing long-term unemployment, late in their careers.

Not too many of us, sadly, are capable of offering these people full-time jobs at decent salaries, with benefits. (Not at the moment, at least.) But those of us with any semi-disposable income at all are not doing anyone any favors by hoarding our cash.

So do yourself a favor; hire a bookkeeper. Hire a lady to clean your house, or to do your laundry, or give you a much-needed night out without children. The idea that it could be a 'waste of money' is illiberal thinking; money does not disappear when you spend it. To do any good in the world, money must be kept moving. At the moment, your indulgence might be groceries, transportation and the electric bill for someone who would not have them otherwise.

The Definition of "Freedom"

Wed, 7 Mar 2012 11:03:44 -0500

Darlings, it has been SO long! Pretty Lady has been a bit busy, what with founding an empire and raising her offspring. But Recent Events have gotten a bit out of hand; plus, this morning's client failed to materialize. Thus I shall seize the opportunity to set the minds of the populace at rest about a few things.

So. Contraception vs. Religious Freedom is the order of the day! Complete with Defamation of Character, Socialist Oppression, and a Universal Mandate to post porn videos of oneself! Gracious. I thought Pretty Lady was given to rhetorical excess, but this situation trumps her completely.

Overmatched as I am, I must perforce be blunt. Since when does "religious freedom" mean "the freedom to force others to comply with one's own beliefs"?

Religious freedom, let me remind you, means "the freedom to practice one's own religion, adhering to the strictures thereof, in one's own personal life." Nowhere does this imply that one has any right or obligation to control other people's habits, practices or decisions.

And to those of you who declare, "What a lady does in the privacy of her home is no concern of mine; I just don't want to pay for it," let me set your mind at rest. You are not paying for it. The insurance company pays for it. You may pay the insurance company, but once you have done so, the money is no longer yours to control.

Perhaps this offends you. You may certainly choose to be offended. But let me ask you; have you ever peed in the ocean? If so, it was terribly irresponsible of you to have caused that distressing tsunami in Japan last year. Please see that it doesn't happen again.

Now, if you will excuse me, there is potty-training going on.

Pretty Lady for Hire

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 16:11:21 -0500

Yes, darlings, it is true. Pretty Lady sold her soul--or at least, her idiosyncratic Voice--for bargain-basement prices. Alas, one must live. Behold:

Extreme Window Shopping

Achieving A Timeless Style (on a Limited Budget)

The Ideal Cheap Date

Please to forgive the rather inane content, as well as the choppy editing. The commercial world has not yet caught up with Pretty Lady's more esoteric sensibilities.

As well, please do Pretty Lady the honor of ignoring the fact that this atrocity has her name upon it. I have been forever cured of the notion that having a professional editor actually improves one's readability.

The Return of Pretty Lady

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 18:08:09 -0400

Hello darlings!

Truthfully, I have been stalling. I have been unable to decide whether to make Pretty Lady an official archive, leaving her all perfect and unspoiled, or to forge ahead with current events, time permitting. Pretty Lady has therefore been in Limbo, although Time Out NY is now following her, much belatedly, on Twitter.

For motherhood has been the least of recent upheavals. We are living in Philadelphia, in the bleeding-edge community of East Kensington; I am a startup entrepreneur, much to my own surprise; and Joe is producing (and directing, and mopping up after) a heck of a new production for the Philly Fringe.

Since this is Joe's baby, and I've been wrapped up in learning how to grow a business (Inc. Magazine is now my favorite coffee break reading material, I kid you not), I haven't been directly involved in the process. But after reading the original script by Richard Kirkwood, I made the independent decision to get behind it one thousand percent, risking the possibility of embodying all kinds of horrific stereotypes in the process--Stage Wife and PR Harpy among them.

Because not only is it Noises Off-level hilarious, it's relevant. It's relevant to the bleakly absurd economic climate that's driven millions of people out of their jobs and their homes while the top .1% grow ever richer. It baldly displays the cant that pigs use to justify their actions, and the sophistry which makes asses of all of us. It's an extreme play for extreme times, and it deserves all the limelight it can get.

So, will Pretty Lady be writing again? Well, CBS Local in Philadelphia has hired her/me to do a little Primetime blogging, promoting a couple of shows called '2 Broke Girls' and 'How to Be a Gentleman'. Also I'll be working on an e-book entitled, tentatively, Pretty Lady's Guide to Harmonious Relationships. Also, there are about 10,000 things I'd like to say about startup entrepreneurship, which don't quite fit into the theme of my new blog. So that's probably a yes, darlings.

The Return of Pretty Lady

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 18:08:09 -0400