Safe_Bet's Amy's Open Salon Blog

GUANTEED EPs - How to get an Editor's Pick without trying!

Thu, 17 May 2012 18:05:51 -0400

Want to garner one of the highly sought after, greatly prized Editor Picks?

Don't want to go though all of the hard work of actually writing something worthwhile?

Easy-Peasy! Just do like these folks did:

Example #1: Cut & Paste Your Way to Success!

http://open.salon.com/blog/jlw1/2012/05/11/brooklyn_da_shields_ultra-orthodox_jewish_child_abusers

No offense, Jon. It WAS a good subject. But other than an opening and a closing paragraph it was a Cut & Paste of a New York Times article! (I know you were as shocked as I was, dude!)

Example #2: Hyper Link Your Way to Success!

http://open.salon.com/blog/richard_rider/2012/05/13/facebook_co-founder_quits_us_to_avoid_capital_gains_tax

This one's actually my favorite. I know 'Little Dicky Rider from my days in San Diego. He is a SERIOUS piece of work, I'm telling ya! (and not in a good, non-fascist way, either).

Dicky got his EP by virtue of his reguarly hyperlinked blog which ALWAYS has the comment section closed, I might add, because he never reads the freakin auto populated thing. Well, I shouldn't say never... he did make a comment as recently as April, 2011. :eyeroll:

Example #3: "Gay Man Brown Nosing Obama" Your Way to Success!

http://open.salon.com/blog/davidnova/2012/05/17/a_symbolic_marriage

With profound quotes such as, "Yes, I'm a little cynical - I've worked on the edge of politics far too long delivering their empty promises. But now I'm happy to believe in President Obama once again..." **pardon me while I finish throwing up in my mouth** Ahem.

Anyways, 0 ratings and 2 comments (both mine!), plus enough sychophatic bullshit to float a score of democratic campaigns.

So what am I saying here?

What I'm saying is that the current EP's are a farce, a joke and a freakin INSULT to the good writers of this site.

Does Jonathan deserve an EP? HELL YES! for a BUMCH of his posts! He's written some STELLAR ones that didn't get squat. It's an insult that he NOW get one for this one.

Does Mr. Nova deserve an EP? Maybe. But I think it should be based upon content vs. "a pro-Obama gay dude" bias, which this one obviously was based upon (especially seeing how it was up for all of two minutes before getting an EP - is the an automatic "Pro-Obama gay dude" EP function on this site????)

Does 'Little dicky rate an EP? Even completely ignoring my "I know the lying little weasel and he is SO full of shit" personal bias, I've gotta say no. It might just be me, but I just kinda, sorta think EPs should go to people who actually write on this site.

**Disclaimer: and NO... this is NOT sour grapes. I received an EP in the past and tried to give the fucking thing back. They should go to people who EARN them. 'Sides, the fucktard PowersThatBe never gave my Suzy an EP and she actually worked at her writing. So I could honestly give a rat's ass about them other than that the current unfairness of their current assignment.

EMOSEWA, Dyslexic, Penguin Sex Photo Expose

Thu, 3 May 2012 15:05:24 -0400

At least there WILL be as soon as I can get Candace to open the door to her bathroom.

Until then, you'll just have to trust me that it's true as a Jane Smithie apology, as hot as a Leap'in Larry porn video and as shocking as accidently seeing Kim Gamble naked (but not nearly as funny).

Additionally, no innocent pterodactyls were injured in the making of this exposé.

Thank you for you support of the arts.

P.S. Dyslexia is no gnihgual matter, dammit! Show some respect!

I Missed My Little Nymph Today

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 22:01:21 -0500

I wandered through our snowy woods today

I was looking for my little nymph whose gone

Perhaps you've seen her?

She's was a pretty little thing

Golden hair and million watt smile

The cutest little elf bumps on the tops of her ears

A loving heart as big as the whole world

I looked for her in the woods today

I kept expecting, hoping to find her

Hiding behind every frosted tree I passed

I guess I missed her today just like I did yesterday

I'll miss her again tomorrow.

Anything HE Can Do, SHE Can Do EQUAL! (A Tutorial Open Call)

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 18:01:02 -0500

The other day, in a post about Lesbian Mothers written by Jonathan Wolfman there was a "discussion of gay & lesbian marriage. (http://open.salon.com/blog/jlw1/2012/01/09/lesbian_moms_and_the_welfare_of_children)

During this discussion, a commenter alluded to the old standby rhetoric of the opponents to gay marriage =

It is better for the children to be part of a family that contained one man and one woman.

I responded that I wanted to know “Why” this was so. I wanted to know exactly HOW having a person who just happened to have “dangly bits” somehow made it better for a child as opposed to two nurturing and loving women.

His retort was basically that (and I quote), “A good father in the home teaches a boy how to be a good man…”.

Of course, never being one to allow vaguely worded homophobic and misogynistic allusions to stand unchallenged :rolleyes:, I asked him to be SPECIFIC!

What specifically, is it that a man provides children that a women (or two women) can not? (I’m still standing here listening to the crickets as I await his response, BTW).

Anyways, that got me thinking along those lines: What things of major importance CAN a man do that a woman CAN’T equally as well? (The “things of major importance” was to eliminate “things of minor importance” like writing your name in the snow when you pee outside [hopefully] or how to properly scratch your balls while playing baseball).

Now there are a BUNCH of things that I know women do better than men, such as:

Women can multitask better than men. Studies have shown that women use more parts of their brains when given a wide variety of verbal and spatial tasks as opposed to men. As a result women can cook dinner, watch children, plan for meetings the following day, and assist with homework all at the same time.

Women live longer than men. Generally, men are more aggressive than women due to the testosterone hormone. They die more often of violent deaths that are believed to be more risky such as suicide, homicide, vehicle accidents, drowning, and cancer. Testosterone is believed to raise the harmful cholesterol levels in men increasing risks for heart disease and stroke. As women age and go through menopause, often times they are put on a hormone supplement of estrogen. This increases the good cholesterol and decreases chances of heart disease and stroke. Women have an evolutionary advantage over men to live a long life.

Women are happier than men. A happiness study conducted by The Nielson Company revealed that men's happiness is often based on economic conditions. Considering the economic crisis we are currently in, the happiness study does not have positive implications for men. The study was completed in fifty-one countries on 28,153 participants. Women were found to equate happiness with relationships. Women were also revealed to be more optimistic about their future, scoring higher than men on predictions of their happiness in the next six months. www.nielsen.com

Women are better at identifying emotion than men. Women are better than men at distinguishing between emotions, especially fear and disgust, and have a keener sense for processing auditory, visual and audiovisual emotions. This is according to a study published in Neuropsychologia. The study found that women were better at identifying facial and multisensory expressions. The study indicated that genetics plays a role although it suggested that females are wired to quickly and accurately decode or detect stress in preverbal infants or threatening signals from other adults to enhance their chances at survival.

Women are better at eating healthy foods than men. Women are more likely to choose food to benefit their overall health and/or select foods for a specific health purpose (digestive health). Women are also more likely to be satisfied with their health status, but are more concerned about weight and likely to be making changes to diet to be more healthy. www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/126045.php

Women remember appearances of other people better than men. Women have an advantage when it comes to remembering things like physical features, clothing and posture of other people. The researchers in this study reported they did not know for sure why women had this advantage but the results parallel with other studies that show women are better than men with interpersonal sensitivity. We use appearance cues to categorize people and to help us understand them. This helps us to interact better with others. Focusing on others' appearance is an important part of our everyday interactions. http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/gendiff.htm

Women manage stress better than men. When men are faced with a stressful situation they typically take the "fight or flight" approach. This is a theory that indicates when men are confronted with a stressful situation they respond with aggressive behavior or withdraw. Women, on the contrary, respond to stressful situations by protecting and nurturing their young and by seeking social contact or support from others (specifically other females). This theory is known as the "tend-and-befriend" response. Men are more likely to respond by developing certain stress-related disorders, including hypertension, aggressive behavior or abuse of alcohol/drugs. www.upmc.com/HEALTHATOZ/Pages/HealthLibrary.aspx?chunkiid=14248 Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Women drive better than men. Well this reverses a social myth – that women are bad drivers. Carnegie Mellon University researchers found after analyzing a lot of traffic data in 2007 that men are 77% more likely to die in a car accident than women, keeping the miles driven constant.

Women cooperate better than men. A study by Rolf Kuemmerli and other researchers at Edinburgh and Lausanne Universities indicated that women cooperate better than men. In the research, based on games played by 100 Swiss students, women cooperated with others almost twice as much as men did.

Women perform better than men in timed tests. A study by Vanderbilt University researchers in 2006 found that women score better in timed intelligence tests than men. The study, published in the May-June issue of the journal Intelligence, didn’t find much difference in un-timed tests, which meant women had a quicker mind.

Women perceive their relationships better than men. Talk about relationships and most men will frown. Now you know why – they know so little about their relationships! A Hebrew University of Jerusalem study, after surveying 97 couples in the United States, found that women are more perceptive than men in describing their relationships. The study, published in ScienceDaily, reported that women were much more accurate in describing the perception of their partners than men.

Women communicate better than men. Louann Brizendine, neuro-pyschiatrist at the University of California at San Francisco, found in a study that women can process 20000 words a day compared to men’s 7000 words (Louann Brizendine,The Female Brain, Morgan Road Books). This difference, as per Brizendine’s study, is more biological than social, which starts as early as the fetal stage. Additionally, women have approximately 11% more brain cells in the planum temporale area of the brain. This area assists with perceiving and processing language. Women can speak at a speed of 250 words a minute and have 11% more neurons in the area of the brain devoted to emotions and memory. Women are genetically inclined from birth to be better communicators than men.

Women learn better than men. That is why girls get better grades in school on an average than boys in many parts of the world. Dr Simone Kruger of Edge Hill University, UK, found in her research based on remote learners that women learners were more successful in sharing ideas and experiences with each other, and hence learnt more efficiently than men.

Women invest better than men. A study by the National Association of Investors Corporation (NAIC) for the University of California found that women earn on an average 1.4% more than men in their share portfolios.

Do these things make for a better parent? Yeah, pretty much!

We are more perceptive, safer, smarter, better educated, more caring, more nurturing and more financially savvy than the average man. We relate better to our kids and we communicate better with them. (I’m not even going to GO into the studies that show that the children of lesbians suffer MUCH less abuse and are VASTLY happier and better adjusted than children in conventional one man and one woman families. ;) )

What I AM going to do is keep an open mind and let the men (and some of the women too, I suppose) tell me EXACTLY "Why" a man makes for a better parenting group, strictly by virtue of his genitals being different.

So bring it, dudes! Just remember to BE SPECIFIC so that your “facts” can be refuted! (by our superior intellect *ahem*).

References / Credits: http://flatrockfred.com/images/pictures/cowboys/annie-oakley.jpg; http://socyberty.com/sociology/10-things-women-do-better-than-men/#ixzz1jHcHnsNb ; http://voices.yahoo.com/women-vs-men-ten-things-women-better-than-men-4713742.html; http://images.wikia.com/wonderwoman/images/5/58/WonderWomanLyndaCarter.jpg

How I Learned Santa Was Real.

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 13:12:23 -0500

Until my late 20's I never believed in Santa.

I grew up in a home where Christmas consisted of an excuse to get drunk and to pass off hand me down school clothes in time for them to be worn the next semester of school.

I didn't come to believe in Santa until our kids were four or five-ish and we took them shopping with us to the mall.

Of course, upon seeing the mall Santa, my Suzy got all excited and wanted to have the kids sit on his lap for a picture.

The kids on the other hand, weren't having any of it.

Lizzie, the oldest of our twins by several minutes, steadfastly refused because she was not going to sit on some strange man's lap, especially while he was wearing a "Halloween costume" and she could see his face.

They then both lowered the boom on their poor mom by declaring that they didn't think he was really Santa anyways.

On the way home, while relishing my unsaid "I told ya so"s, the kids and I were informed that she would be dropping us at home and that she would be back later.

She returned about three hours later and THAT'S when I started to believe!

Somewhere, somehow, someplace she had put together a "Suzy Santa Suit".

It consisted of a little Santa hat, a red blouse, matching "Santa" jacket with white fir trim and the shortest red velour mini skirt you've ever seen! This was finished off with a pair of ungodly expensive 6" high heeled bootlets. (I about died when I saw the bill, dammit!!!!).

Anyways, she sashays into the living room and sits down in my recliner and goes, "Hohoho! NOW who wants to tell Santa what they want for Christmas?"

Once the kids were seated (the little brats were FAST and beat me!), my Suzy preceded to tell them the following:

"Santa's not a person, Santa's an ideal. Santa's not a man or a woman, Santa is everybody with love in their hearts. Santa isn't just about Christmas, Santa is about being together as a family, giving TO one another and sharing our joy over the holidays. That's why Santa is just as much about Solstice, Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, as he is about Christmas. "

As I stood there watching "My Santa" teaching our kids love and good will to all, I believed for the first time.

I still do. (and I miss my Santa so).