Sally Swift's Open Salon Blog

Your Thanksgiving Scolding, Get It While It's Hot

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:11:05 -0500

I've been reading articles all week about how to "cope" with Thanksgiving. I don't get it. This is by far the coolest --and warmest-- holiday of the year.

Thanksgiving is a paid day (or two) off from work and school. It's secular, non-dressy, no gifts are even involved.

The whole purpose is comfort: hanging out with friends and loved ones, eating delicious food, watching television for hours, taking long naps. Coming home. Or going someplace fun.

And, if you're lucky, spending quality time counting your blessings.

Plus, a bonus for those who care about such things: a whole weekend to shop til you drop.

What other country would think up such a great holiday? And what other country would try harder to screw up such a good thing?

Psychic Shock
But there they are, the ubiquitous articles on how to protect your delicate ego from interfering family members.

"How to get through a visit with your parents ... or your children."

"How to manage a meal dodging weird Uncle Harry. How to refrain from flipping off annoying Aunt Sylvia."

"How to shut the kids up." Um, I mean, "How to keep the kids busy and involved."

And of course there's the media frenzy braying about Thanksgiving travel and crowded stores.

I have some advice for those who buy into such cynical pandering to the neurotic and disenfranchised among us: Get over yourselves! Get with the program! Oy vey, Enjoy already! (Okay, sorry, for a minute there I made Thanksgiving a Jewish holiday).

Parents
Younger complainers: if you can wait days in line for concert tickets, iPhones and X-Boxes, surely you can spend a few hours in an airport, train station or car to bring joy to those who love you more than any rock star ever will.

Grown children: Stop whining about schlepping to Mom and Dad's house. Remember. these are the people who spent time, effort, money and countless sleepless nights helping you make it to adulthood.

If they didn't, or were abusive, mean, nasty, horrible parents, don't go near them! You're an adult, you have the power now.

If they did their best, give them the love and respect they've earned. Show up, bring something, smile, help with the cooking and the dishes. Appreciate how lucky you are to have a family and a place to call home.

In-Laws
Couples: Stop arguing over whose side of the family to visit and which mother will pile on the most guilt if you don't. Remind yourselves and your parents that doing so pulls you apart .

If they love you, they should be encouraging you to respect each other. Try to please each other. Make your own decisions. And refine your ability to share.

If that doesn't work, use the big guns. Remind them that too many people have no families, homes or food on Thanksgiving or any other day.

Say you will pick a side to visit this year and donate money to a shelter in the other side's name. Then promise to switch visits next year.

If economics are involved, make the best plan you can, be gracious, firm and loving. Don't let yourself be bullied. It's your relationship, not theirs.

Ex-Laws: Never ever ever use your children as leverage. Do not involve them in a power struggle over who loves who more. Work out a holiday schedule responsive to YOUR CHILDREN, not your personal grievances.

You are giving them memories. Will they need a shrink or learn to create a loving Thanksgiving themselves?

Help/send/let them go to the other parent without guilt, anger or anything but a big smile and a "Have a great time!"

If you're a real class act (and, well, a little passive-aggressive), help them make something scrumptious to take along.

Reality Check
There's only one thing that should be really hard to handle at Thanksgiving: the empty chairs of loved ones -- unable to come, far away or gone for good.

How trivial to whine about your family's "issues" when others are spending Thanksgiving at a child's hospital bedside. In their own hospital bed. Trying to connect from Iraq and Afghanistan. Or bereft and alone.

So...

Give Thanks
So do yourself a favor. Drop the anti-Thanksgiving attitude. Count your blessings for the things you have ... and the things I hope you never have to face.

Then take another moment to remember --and if possible, help-- those for whom Thanksgiving is only another day of pain, or a painful reminder of loved ones missing and missed.

If you can't do that, you're just a big turkey.

PS You'd also do well to remember there are those who might be dreading dealing with you. Help them get over it. You'll thank me.

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving! Or else.

Now, go. Eat. Drink. Enjoy.

Thankful for Life, JAI, CHAI

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:11:51 -0500

This week I was planning some musings on gratitude, thanks -- appreciation rather than lamentation. Just for a few days. An effort to hold on to what we have, try to see the silver lining, however thin.

A friend sent this to me, saying simply, "There is so much to be thankful for.." What timing. She is one of my favorite people and very wise.

Please watch this, and maybe find your silver lining.

Thank you, Savta.

My Mad Men Memories of the JFK Assassination

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:11:39 -0500

I told my personal JFK Assassination story last year. Most of us of a certain age have a story. Certainly a sense of the huge divide between Then and Now.

One interesting note in the "art imitates life" category: my story revolves around a wedding. Just as the recent plot line in the penultimate episode of Mad Men.

I was just young enough in 1963 that I don't remember specific details of the wedding in our family. Yet I seem to remember that the wedding, and the reception, went on as planned with virtually all in attendance.

So to you younger Mad Men fans I offer one of this country's most momentous, history-changing events as seen from a wide variety of real perspectives ... starting with this Baby Boomer's.

Many others of all ages added their own personal accounts in the comments.

You might find it interesting. Especially those comments. Please do add your own here. Or there.

***Thanksgiving, November 28, 1963 ***

Memorable Movie Moments

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:11:33 -0500

So many movies, so little time, not nearly enough quotes. Still, this video is amazing. There isn't a movie in here that doesn't have more than its share of memorable lines.

As good as it is, there are plenty of great movies and quotes omitted.
Find the time to watch. I guarantee, you'll sit there mesmerized.

Then tell us which of your favorite quotes didn't make the cut.

Here are just a few of mine:

~~~~~

Gen George S. Patton: "Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." Patton

~~~~~

Alma: "I do mean it when I say I need you. 'Cause I'm lonely. You think I'm lying, don't you?"
Robert E. Lee Prewitt: "Nobody ever lies about being lonely." From Here to Eterney

~~~~~

Dr. Green: "If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment."

Melvin Udall:"Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?" As Good As It Gets

~~~~~

Meg: "They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay, they've justbroken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they've just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but they just can't commit. Or they want to commit, but they're afraid to get close. They want to get close, you don't want to get near them." The Big Chill

~~~~~

Ed Masry: "What makes you think you can just walk in there and take whatever you want?"
Erin Brockovich: "They're called boobs, Ed." Erin Brockovich

(I'm going to add more). Help me!

Freaky Friday The 13th

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:11:06 -0500

Wait. Hold on! This is not about Freaky Troll. I would never be so brazen. It's about Friday the 13th, just another calendar day, but one that people have feared for centuries. Witches. Spells. Black cats. Bad luck.

I'm here to counter those fears with some funny freaky photos. If you're gonna spend the day having nightmares, at least they should be new and different ones.

Or, you could just decide to laugh.

Freaky Fotos for Friday the 13th

And you thought the stork brought the little dears?

Hey, Freaky might like this if there were cake in it.

Want to see real Global Warming? Seriously.

Mom? Mom? Whoa. Mom?

Got milk? Here's the real deal.

Okay, now what? Prayer?

Who thought of this?

And you think commuting's rough where you live?

The world's biggest Wet Paint sign.

All I can think of here is "Boner Bummer."

Talk about Big Wheels... and um, small ... well, whatever.

Yuck. Just. Yuck.

Anybody for horsepucky burgers?

And finally, your worst Friday the 13th nightmare come true:

This is just too much ugly for one person.

Note: Presented with thanks to my freaky sister Judy.