Kevin Weber's Open Salon Blog

Urination Meditation

Fri, 7 May 2010 23:05:15 -0400

With a recent jump into a healthier lifestyle, not only do the more obvious changes occur like better food choices and better-fitting clothes, but certain bodily functions seem to evolve as well. My decreased soda intake and increased water consumption (I aim for a gallon a day), sends me to the restroom at least once an hour...and that includes the hours between 1am and 9am when I'm trying to sleep! I'm still trying to learn the finer art of crawling out of bed with the least amount of rustle and tumble to avoid waking up my slumbering girlfriend. On most nights, she doesn't skip a snore, but on some nights I'll get a sleepy, "Are you okay?" from her dazed lips. I rationalize that I'm trading in a sound night's sleep for better health and clearer skin. Giving up soda has been the hardest challenge of my life. I'm a drug addict and it's my crack. I will still have one maybe once or twice a week. The bulk of it has been replaced by Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper which is being phased out, as well. After all, that shit will kill you, too. What's a druggie to do?

A seminar in Laguna Beach with James Van Praagh a few weeks ago put the thought of routine meditation into my head. It's not something that I've practiced on a regular basis but have dabbled in occasionaly. Today I decided to hit the beach with my towel and sunscreen, pretzel myself into a dysfunctional-looking lotus position, and meditate my ass off. The process of being able to clear your thoughts of everything around you, including work and relationships and unpaid bills, is a daunting task at first. However, once you begin to focus on only your toes and move that thought slowly up your body, until you've reached the top of your head, you realize that an entire 45 minutes has passed and you're feeling fresh as a daisy. I suppose the thundering crash of the waves and chirping birds helped with the process, too. God, I love Mother Nature. I've decided that medidation is a much needed, if not vital, part of my life that I need to ignore no longer. There's time in my day, before work, that's available to me and I need to snag it. What's keeping you from taking your 10 or 15 minutes each day to clear your head and reboot?

To Scoot Or Not To Scoot...

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 04:04:56 -0400

As I was winding my way through Laguna Canyon today, on my way to work in Irvine, I was tempted to put another buck's worth of fuel in the tank of my scooter and just keep going. The temperature was in the 70's and I wanted to go play. Unfortunately, I had to make a quick decision...turn left onto Laguna Canyon Road or end up on the freeway on an imported piece of plastic with two wheels that goes no faster than 65 miles-per-hour downhill. Besides, it's illegal to ride anything less than a 250cc on the freeways here. I'd surely hold up traffic, get honked at, and then get a hefty ticket on top of it. I gave in and went to work. Boo!

I'm taking to the friendly skies on Friday morning to head back to Colorado for a short visit with my mother. Planes are great to get you there fast and by car, the trip is only about 18 hours (and gives you an excuse to spend the night in Las Vegas). As my bizarre brain often does, it veered off course and started to wonder if I would be able to make a trip back ON MY SCOOTER! How long would it take me on my scooter, if possible at all? Would I freeze to death as reached the foot of the Rocky Mountains? Visions of the Donner party danced through my head. Basically, is it possible to get from California to Colorado without touching a major interstate? (Highways are okay, legally.)

Google Maps to the rescue:

View Larger Map

Removing the major freeways and toll roads, Google tells me that my trip will take about 1 day and 1 hour...by car. I imagine the more frequent gas stops (the scooter only holds a little over a gallon of gas.), the slower speeds, and the downright exhaustion of having my ass on a scooter all day should at least double that time. Let's say 3 days just to be safe. Of course, my curious nature will force me to pull over at every minor "scenic overlook" and "World's Largest Ball of Twine" exhibit, so let's tack on another day and a half for that. I'm settling on five days, by scooter, Cali to Colorado. Doable? Perhaps. The trip is about 1200 miles each way. With the scooter getting about 60 miles-per-gallon, at about 3 bucks a gallon, I'm looking at a total gas bill around $120 with roughly 20 stops, each way, at a gas station. Yikes! Twenty stops, just for gas? I'm exhausted already!

Breakdown:

Miles: Approx. 1200 each way
Time for trip (one way): 5 days (60 hours on a vibrating scooter)
Stops for gas: 20
Gas Bill: $60 each way = $120 total
Price of admission for "World's Largest Ball of Yarn" exhibit: $5

I've decided that when I have a good two weeks of extra vacation stacked up, I'm going to do it! Life's just too short to let this adventure go. I'm already making a list of things I'll need to put in my backpack.

Who's with me?

Hallelujah!

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:02:23 -0500

I hate to admit it, to you my reader, but I am, indeed, a softie. I have a few things that will make me cry at the drop of a hat. The list isn't long but it's still a list of things that turn me into a big pile of testosterone-fueled mush. Men aren't supposed to cry. Yes, that's caveman, pre-historic thinking, but I believe it. Be strong and never let 'em see ya sweat...or cry. That's my motto.

I went for a long walk today and when I returned home, I readied myself to jump in the shower to freshen up. That usually means an OCD-filled ritual of turning on the television and tuning it to something absent-minded (today's choice was Celine Dion on Oprah), draping a clean towel over the shower door, and laying out the fresh clothes I'm going to put on after my cleanse. (Failure to do any of those things results in a naked, wet man running around the apartment looking for a towel to dry himself with and/or trying to put dry clothes on a wet body. Hilarity ensues.) As I sat in my favorite chair to take off my shoes, Oprah announced a surprise for the audience. (Oh shock!) Celine was going to surprise the Canadian Tenors, who idolized her, by joining them on their song "Hallelujah". Remember that list of things that make me cry at the drop of hat I was telling you about earlier? Well that song is on it! I've seen many people perform that song over the years during my 24-year stint in radio (including kd lang, Wynonna, Jane Siberry, Nanci Griffith and Neil Young) and it brought me to silent tears each time.

Hearing that song again this afternoon made me think about the millions of things we come across in our short, precious lives and how so few really make a true emotional impact on us. I'll turn 42 this year and can make a list of less than ten things that make me sob. Male or not, I'm a little sad that the list isn't larger after all of my time on Earth.

My Top Tears:

1. The death of my father.

2. The thought of my mother possibly passing away alone in her house.

3. The guilt I feel about having to give away my dog Gus because I couldn't care for her anymore.

4. The song: "Ave Maria"

5. The song: "Hallelujah"

I'm sure I could come up with a couple more if I sat here for another hour or two, but who has that kind of time? What's on your list? How long is your list? Does a longer list make you a better, more caring person? Does a short list make you unfeeling or uncaring? I don't think there's a wrong or right answer but personally, I'm going to put more energy into surrounding myself with things that charge me emotionally...and building on that list.

I Give Good Laundry.

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:01:09 -0500

Rain. A lot of people hate rain but I keep thinking to myself, "If this were Colorado right now, it would be snow instead of rain. Enjoy it, B.J. Thomas-style."

In an attempt to have the outside patio area feel more cozy and "resorty", my girlfriend decorated it with tall candelabra-type things, plants, wicker baskets, and the like. Along the tall retaining wall that separates us from the neighbors, she attached those 10-foot strands of bamboo thatching. It looks great but now, with the wind and rain, everything has blown off and is crashing around on the tiled walkway. Oh look...there went an empty 5-gallon plastic water cooler jug flying by the screen door! The noise of the empty jug tumbling around has sent the cat flying from its window perch into the living room and up against the endtable, resulting in another crash of miscellaneous items falling to the floor...sending her running again. It's a vicious kitty-cycle that I don't imagine I will escape until the rain and wind subside. What the fuck is going on around here? Where's that cat-nip-filled sock I made for kitty? She needs to tie one on.

Speaking of laundry, it's a never-ending thing, too, isn't it? I feel bad about shrinking my girl's favorite sweater about two sizes three weeks ago. I thought I was being nice by washing the smelly thing...apparently it was dry-clean only. Well, at least it smells Downy fresh and that's all that matters in my book. Now, I'm only allowed access to her dirty clothing that can't be ruined by my laundry skills; or lack thereof she says. I think I give nice laundry.

Today's Outfit of Shame: Flip-Flops from Payless Shoes, American Eagle Briefs (striped again...but I swear a different, clean pair), white t-shirt from Old Navy with a drawing of some headphones on it, and those tan, JC Penney shorts again...this time stained with soft chicken taco juice from last night's Golden Globe dinner fest. (I guess I'll be putting those in the laundry next.)

Oh, Yes I Did!

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 02:01:28 -0500

Yep, I did it! I cried. Damnit! I said I wouldn't do it.

My girlfriend and I decided to cook dinner together tonight and watch the Golden Globe awards. We just saw "Sherlock Holmes" today and were interested in seeing if Robert Downey, Jr., could pull off a win for best actor. But, more importantly, we were rooting for Mo'Nique to bring home a statue for her portrayal of Mary Jones in "Precious". What? You haven't seen "Precious"? I'll admit, it's a tough movie to watch. You don't want to believe that things like that are going on in the USA while we ship millions of dollars off to other countries everyday for various things. But, this isn't a political post. This is a post that begs you to go see "Precious" to see for yourself what an amazing actress Mo'Nique is. See what Mariah Carey, Paula Patton, Gabourey Sidibe, Lenny Kravitz, and Sherri Shepherd can do when they're stripped of their makeup and entourages and bare their souls. I'm disappointed that "Precious" didn't win the Globe for best picture but I'm happy for Mo'Nique. So happy in fact, that I cried as I shoved my face full of a home-cooked chicken soft taco. That's right, a grown man, sitting in his leather recliner, sobbing like an idiot with shredded cheese, sour cream, and tears dribbling down his goatee.

Precious Trailer:

Mo'Nique's touching acceptance speech: