The Film Warriors's Open Salon Blog

They Went That-A-Way!

Fri, 31 Dec 2010 13:12:23 -0500

As of January 1st, The Film Warriors will no longer be actively posting on Open Salon. We have enjoyed meeting all of you within this online community over the past year and sharing our thoughts on the films we have seen along the path.

Now that we have our internet foundation in place, the time has come for us to focus solely on our primary Blogger site (The Film Warriors) and continue to build our audience from there.

Now is the time to bookmark our site, follow us on Facebook (HERE), and Twitter (HERE), to keep up to date on the latest happenings within the film community.

We thank you for your comments and hope you will continue to voice your opinions on our work in the future. This blog will remain active for the next month, then will vanish back into the cyberspace from whence it came.

Happy New Year!

Sincerely,

Honor Knight (Ace Hunter)

Stan Kiejko (Centauri)

Lani Simeona (Lina Lamont)

Brian Peckham (Uncle Billy)

We are the children of the blockbuster.

The 12 Days Of Cinema: Gremlins (1984)

Fri, 31 Dec 2010 12:12:05 -0500

By Centauri

4 Silver Bells

"Gremlins" is not your typical holiday film. However, (for the most part) if you've come to this series of posts expecting typical holiday films, you've been coming to the wrong place.

What is it about this particular film that earns it a place in my holiday favorites list? Unlike slasher films like Bob Clark's excellent "Black Christmas" or the "Silent Night, Deadly Night" series, this is an accessible holiday horror film. Yes, that's right...I called "Gremlins" a horror film.

This (along with "Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom") is one of the two films that had a major impact on the MPAA's decision to re-vamp their system and introduce the PG-13 rating. I specifically recall being taken to this in the theater when I was ten years old. Upon arrival at the theater, there was a sign in the box office window that gave my mother a slight pause.

"Although rated PG, "Gremlins" contains scenes that may be too frightening for children. Please take this into consideration when purchasing your tickets."

Luckily, mom knew me well enough to know that this wouldn't be a problem, so into the theater we went. I would, then, have one of my favorite experiences in a movie theater. Scary, funny, and right up my alley; this, along with "Ghostbusters" would set the bar for my favorite type of scary movie...the horror-comedy.

Interestingly enough, not only was "Gremlins" released the same day as "Ghostbusters," it was also released in the middle of the summer...not at Christmas, as its setting would imply. This added to the non-traditional charm of the film.

Where the film gets its holiday vibe, lies both in its setting and premise. Inventor Rand Peltzer (Hoyt Axton), who travels endlessly in vain attempts to sell his inventions, happens upon an unusual pet that he purchases as a Christmas gift for his teenage son. This sets the stage for some of the best holiday mayhem you are likely to ever see.

The gift that Rand buys for his son, Billy (Zach Galligan), is a Mogwai. These are creatures that must be cared for under very specific conditions. So specific are these conditions, that if three rules are not followed explicitly, all hell breaks loose.

Rule Number 1: Never get him wet.

Rule Number 2: Keep him away from bright lights, he hates bright lights, especially sunlight which will kill him

Rule Number 3: No matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs...NEVER, EVER feed him after midnight.

Rules number one and two are fairly straightforward enough (so it seems), but it is the third rule that sends the entire small town of Kingston Falls into a four-alarm holiday emergency.

The wise old (stereotypical) Chinese man (Keye Luke) that Rand attempts to buy the Mogwai from, proves wiser than his grandson knows. The grandson sells the creature to him against his grandfather's specific orders. It turns out that the family is broke and desperately needs money, so the deal is cut in the alley outside. This sends the Mogwai home with Rand.

Cute as a button and ultimately smart as a whip, the Mogwai immediately wins over Billy's heart. Naming him Gizmo (after his father's profession), the pair become inseparable. However, the story must advance, so rule number quickly two gets broken. This results in a multiplication of the Mogwai in their cute form. Fair enough, until an evil leader emerges, named Stripe who is hell bent on being all the evil he can be; tricking Billy into giving them food after midnight (of which Gizmo wisely will not partake). We then witness the creation of the gremlins of the film's title.

From there, it is a roller-coaster into Christmas hell as the malicious gremlins try to take over the town and kill its residents. Plenty of attempted murders of parents, neighbors, girlfriends and even the dog ensue. In one particularly inspired scene, the evil old woman (Polly Holliday, best known as Flo from TV's "Alice") who controls the town bank has her stair chair lift rewired by the creatures. This sends her screaming to the top of the staircase and the chair flying out of an upstairs window.

In the middle of the chaos, Phoebe Cates (Billy's super hot girlfriend, Linda) gets to give an extremely emotional monologue (unfortunately, she's not exiting a pool and stripping off her bikini top this time) regarding the fate of her father on Christmas Eve (and how she learned the truth about jolly old St. Nick). Parents, unless you're ready to have a long discussion about why you've lied to your children for years on end (and what else in their childhood is all a lie), I would be ready to chapter skip forward at this scene. However, if you have yet to have this discussion...what the hell are you showing this film to your child for anyway? In this case, you probably deserve the discussion that follows.

We get chases through the town, gremlins taking over a bar and beginning to show their own personalities (a personal favorite being the gremlin who becomes a flasher...complete with miniature trenchcoat), and a sequence taking place inside a movie theater. That theater sequence has become the film's best known scenes. It involves a theater full of the nasty creatures watching a re-release print of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." As they watch, the entire theater of gremlins (by the way, a phenomenal technical feat unto itself that creature designer Chris Walas should forever be commended for) begins to sing along with that movie's signature song "Heigh-Ho." Which prompts my favorite dialogue exchange of the entire film...

Linda: "What are they doing?" Billy: "They're watching Snow White...and they love it."

Of course, all of the action and horrific near deaths are done with the signature tongue-in-cheekiness that director Joe Dante been known for. Dante brings not only his Roger Corman protege sensibilities, but also all of his trademarks, such as his legendary good luck charm... Dick Miller as the neighbor, Murray Futterman. Miller gets to have fun in every scene that he is in by bemoaning the death of American manufacturing ("Goddamn foreign cars," is a frequently uttered running joke). Who knew that Dick Miller would foretell the incidents with Toyotas twenty five years prior?

The climactic showdown occurs in a, closed for the evening, Montgomery Ward store. Here, the battle involves a baseball bat, chainsaw, Barbie Corvette, garden fountain and a crossbow (?!?!). This finale has to be seen to be believed, and should be a part of every Film Warrior's repertoire of favorite action scenes.

All of this adds together to equal a great non-traditional holiday film. Once you've had your fill of "A Christmas Story" and "It's A Wonderful Life" on seemingly endless repeat until you're ready to vomit Zuzu's petals, throw in something that is sure to liven up the dull proceedings. At the very least, it will spark some discussions and arguments about why Aunt Edna can't have control of the TV for the entire week.

"Lesson Number Three. Always Trust Centauri."

Soiled Restroom Cinema: Easy A

Thu, 30 Dec 2010 11:12:32 -0500

By Ace Hunter

Two Flusher = Mexican Revolt

It’s a good thing that writer/director John Hughes is no longer with us, because if he were he’d probably be suing for copyright infringement by now.

“Easy A” is a Mad Libs concoction of some of Hughes’ best known work from over 20 years ago that wants to be a contemporary take on the teen comedy genre, but ultimately lacks the sincerity and originality those 80’s films had in spades.

Emma Stone plays Olive, a pretty, yet unassuming high school teen who becomes the center of attention when she fabricates a white lie that she spent a sexually charged weekend with a mythical community college guy. She uses her new found sexual infamy to her advantage, only to find out (predictably) later that sometimes the consequences far outweigh the cost.

The John Hughes checklist includes: breaking the fourth wall, a quirky gay character (Dan Byrd), understanding parents (arguably well played by Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson), the seemingly out of reach handsome nice guy (Penn Badgley), dishonest adults, the ‘outcast’ syndrome, and a musical number.

The film even ends on a high note where Olive comes clean of her misdeeds to her parents, friends, teachers, and the entire student body. She also ends up with the out of reach handsome nice guy, and they both ride off into the sunset on a riding lawnmower while Simple Minds blares over the soundtrack.

Any of this sound familiar? It damn well should.

I’m not sure what audience director Will Gluck (“Friends with Benefits”) made this film for; adults still nostalgic for these 80’s type scenarios or the younger generation who haven’t bothered to rent these flicks at their local Blockbusters. Regardless, he (and screenwriter Bert V. Royal) fail so miserably in the execution that it reaches insulting levels to the viewer.

Gluck makes the same mistake director Bryan Singer made before him with “Superman Returns.” They both created an homage film to a director without bothering to create their own take on the material in the process. Singer jerked us off to the glory of Richard Donner’s “Superman” films, and here Gluck repeatedly masturbates to John Hughes to the point that he probably suffered from temporary blindness.

“Easy A” rips off, indirectly, or directly winks at Hughes’ body of work for the entire running time without ever becoming its own entity. Even Cameron Crowe gets caught up in the cinematic semen burst with no less than two references to his iconic “Say Anything.”

This movie is drenched in so much déjà vu that I thought I was watching a Chuck Workman tribute film to the late director. Bad enough that you had to poorly emulate John Hughes, but did you have to include actual clips from his films as well, Will? Goddamn shameful!

FW Centauri and honorary FW Perri Nemiroff both gave “Easy A” high marks (to which I begrudgingly link their respective reviews HERE and HERE), and I wonder if we were all watching the same film. Perri comes from a younger generation, but there’s NO excuse for Centauri liking this regurgitated mess. He grew up with Hughes’ work and remains one of his biggest fans. He should be embarrassed.

There’s a reason we don’t have any good teen comedies anymore. It’s because we don’t have writers of the same caliber as Hughes who are capable (or willing) to write sharp, funny, and sometimes brutally honest screenplays that so accurately capture the voice of teenagers the way his work did.

Instead we get writers and directors who choose to play it safe and kick the dust off well worn material from much better films. This is both unacceptable and a slap in the face to the quest items that have come before.

I don’t want to see a retread or homage of John Hughes’ work. I have those films. I love those films. I know them by heart. I deserve better on my endless quest, and so should you.

Watching “Easy A” is the equivalent to pissing on John Hughes grave, and tops my list as the worst film I’ve endured this year. Thank heavens 2010 is over!

“Deeds, not words…”

The 12 Days Of Cinema: Santa Claus, The Movie (1985)

Tue, 28 Dec 2010 07:12:13 -0500

(The Heavy Metal Warrior, once again rises from the underground lair to spread Christmas cheer ...and fire a huge serving of figgy pudding at a celebrated character actor.)

4 Silver Bells (First 40 and last 10 minutes of the film)

1 Silver Bell (Anything involving John Lithgow)

One of my favorite Christmas memories of my oldest daughter is taking her to see "Santa Claus, The Movie" when she was about two and half years old.

My thoughts of the film upon first viewing was that it beautifully tells the orgin of the jolly old man better than any other Santa Claus film, or any other mythological character (including "Superman, The Movie"). The key to this is the casting of David Huddleston as Santa Claus in the best role of his entire career.

By downplaying the gregariousness that so many other actors bring to their Santa performances and playing up the spirit of giving and kindness, Huddleston's is the best screen Santa of all time. In my opinion, I would go so far as to say that it is even better than Edmund Gwenn's in "Miracle On 34th Street."

Providing a major assist to Huddleston's characterization, Judy Cornwell as Mrs Claus is very important. She gives his Santa a grounding that would otherwise be lost. She's the one who has to help him realize what is going on when he becomes who he will ultimately be. Without her performance, the entire film would fall apart. You could say that she is the hinge that the film hangs on.

The first 40 minutes or so of the movie is magical and then as my son in law says in these types of movies, 'it runs off of the rails.' This happens when the film goes from the beautiful origin story to the (then) present day 80s. The end result is a schizophrenic Christmas film that just can't figure out what it is as a whole.

That would have been okay if done properly but, they bring in a sub plot where Patch the elf (played very well by the great Dudley Moore) feels unwanted by Santa Claus and the elves. Saddened, he goes to New York City and gets corrupted by an evil, corrupt and unsafe toy maker (played by John Lithgow).

John Lithgow's ridiculously over the top performance as the evil toymaker, B.Z., destroys the beginning of the film by ruining the wonderful tone that was established. By going so far over the line into laughably bad caricature, Lithgow also gives the worst acting performance of his great career.

Although there are a few decent moments interspersed through the middle, the film does get redemed in its final ten minutes by its marvelous special effects, which was a trait of its producers Alexander and Ilya Salkind (case in point, "Superman, The Movie").

This is the part of the film my two and a half year old loved, when you get to experience the super-duper looper. As part of a life or death rescue attempt, Santa, with his sleigh and reindeer do a 360 degree loop in the air. My daughter loved this part of the movie so much that we went and saw it again two days later, because she kept begging to see it again.

The film's score (composed by the legendary Henry Mancini) and its long since out-of-print soundtrack album are also excellent. So much, in fact, that our family actually wore out an old vinyl album of it, playing it over and over again. In addition to Mancini's score, Sheena Easton provides vocals for the great theme song, "Christmas All Over The World."

So I encourage you to rent or buy the DVD and at least watch the begining of it with your children, as it will instill the magic and wonder of Santa Claus in their little hearts. Of course, dont miss the amazing super-duper looper at the end.

God bless David Huddleston for his magical performance as Santa Claus. Happy Holidays!

"What Does Not Kill Me, Makes Me Stronger."

The 12 Days Of Cinema: A Christmas Story (1983)

Mon, 27 Dec 2010 07:12:45 -0500

(Guest blogger and honorary Film Warrior Rachel Brethauer joins us for the holidays with a look at one of the all time classics of Christmas films. You can see more of Rachel's work on her blog HERE, and follow her on Twitter under the name @rachem)

4 Silver Bells

Maybe it seems a little obvious to choose a movie they play literally for the entirety of Christmas, but it still needs to be said: “A Christmas Story” is the greatest holiday movie of all time. Now, you might be thinking that’s some big talk. But a bit of consideration will make you realize just how many things the movie does right, and worthy of this mantle.

Pretty much everyone has seen the movie, so to rehash the plot points runs the risk of me turning into Chris Farley on SNL: “Remember the leg lamp? That was awesome: Fra-GEE-lay. It must be Italian!”

Instead, let’s celebrate a Christmas movie that doesn’t devolve into sentimentality, a true risk of both Christmas movies and period pieces. In the hands of a lesser production team, this could have been the worst movie ever. Imagine how it COULD have been: big-eyed Disney moppets, a toothless, whitewashed script. That’s worse than figgy pudding.

Not only does the movie capture the indignities of childhood that have nothing to do with the holidays—facing off against the neighborhood bully (and is it just me, or did they base Sid from Toy Story on Scut Farkus?), daring other kids to do stupid, reckless crap, weird parental punishments, and being fooled by marketers—it also paints a realistic picture of the average family Christmas. Whether it took place in the ‘40s, like the movie, or the ‘80s of the release, everyone can find a tale to relate to in this movie.

That’s the reason millions of people still watch it over and over again every year.

At least, that’s what I hoped. When I agreed to write this post, I hadn’t seen the movie in at least five years (Something she failed to mention. Nice. –Ace). My cable company doesn’t carry TBS, so a 24 Hours of “A Christmas Story” has long been a memory. Upon picking up the DVD last week, I happily discovered how well the movie holds up to adult scrutiny.

In fact, I think it gets better with age. This could be because I’ve since fallen in love with lots of movies and TV shows that have continued the tradition of an entertaining narrator, fantasy sequences, breaking the fourth wall, and a heightened version of reality.

Even limiting the comparison to Christmas movies, “A Christmas Story’s” legacy is clear. “Home Alone” is a high concept, more sentimental film, but the towheaded protagonist protecting his home is right out of one of the fantasy sequences in "A Christmas Story.” “

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” is a Chevy Chase-ified, full-on late ‘80s version of the Parkers’ tale. “Elf” is a mix of edge and heart, just like “A Christmas Story,” and it even features an appearance by Ralphie himself (Peter Billingsley plays Lum-Lum, the foreman Elf).

This year, as you watch a variety of Christmas movies, take note. You’ll be able to find elements of “A Christmas Story” woven throughout the best of all of them. Or, do yourself a favor and just get reacquainted with this movie over the holiday season.

Don’t worry, you won’t shoot your eye out.