Timo Cerantola's Open Salon Blog

I'd Kill for a Peace Prize!

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 09:02:42 -0500

By Timo Cerantola

What would it take to make Americans give their freedom away?

A full-scale military attack from the combined forces of China and Russia (?)

An interplanetary invasion of aliens with advanced weaponry?

For the record, it takes only one nut-job (with a bomb in his underwear) to send the people of the most powerful nation on the planet into a tizzy fit of fear.

True. One crazy person, attempting a world-record in the wedgie category, combined with a scare-mongering mainstream media (with round the clock coverage of potentially explosive under garments) and the citizenry of the American nation were reduced to a bunch of paranoid, weak-kneed wimps that beg, if not demand that their government take away their constitutionally guaranteed freedoms so they might have protection.

Enter Barack “I’d kill for a peace prize” Obama – who could then justify more bombing, and killing (of mostly innocent Afghani and Pakistani people) in America’s endless war on terrorism – not to mention, justify the continued humiliation of the American people. Will that be frisked or naked pictures with your airline ticket sir?

All just another of the many sideshows created to justify constant war. You see, the “undie bomber” was mere political theatre designed to implement more war on behalf of the military industrial complex and its myriad of investors.

If you haven’t figured out that war is just a business and the US is just another in a long line of warmongering imperialist nations conducting business – either you’ve not been paying attention or you’re an id… er… NOT PAYING ATTENTION!

One thing for sure is, as soon as people start to relax and forget about “The War on Terror” you can expect another visit from the al-Qaeda terror fairy; maybe the next one will have explosives up his ass instead of in his underpants. It’s just what Big Brother ordered – a full rectal exam for everyone.

And then, once again, the US Department of Main Stream Media will take the point position and saturate us with “the news” on all the various government-approved newspapers, TV and radio stations. Incited to fear, the unwashed masses will once again, pee their collective pants in fear of “terrorists” (who live in caves in Afghanistan) and give up a little more of their freedom to gain some protection.

“Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.” Benjamin Franklin

Seriously, if it’s not America’s war against all things un-American, imaginary Iranian nukes, a healthcare system that treats everyone equally bad or a guy with a bomb in his underpants – it’s swine flu, bird flu or rampant urban crime and decay. The main message is, “Be scared. Be very, very scared – (but not so scared you don’t go shopping).”

In the name of corporate fascism and its moneyed interests, the mainstream news media now routinely filters, suppresses and/or distorts uncomfortable truths, applying corporate approved spin, bias and sensationalism. Or in other words, today’s news involves filtering reality and replacing it with corporate approved truth. All the news, all the time, all wrapped up in a pretty package for mindless couch potatoes too lazy or, incapable of critical thinking.

I guess that’s what years of being bombarded with lies will do to a public – program them to ignore the valid issues and realities of the day and instead focus on the peripheral, pointless or irrelevant sideshows created by a news media, government and financial system full of journalistic shills, political toadies and greedy Wall Street suck-ups.

American culture is a circus, a nation of voyeurs and peeping Toms. We have become one with that mindless freak show millions of simpletons watch each time they turn on their TV’s.

So, when are the people going to figure out and, more importantly, get angry and vote out their politicians, boycott these corporatations and turn off all those shilling corporate media monkeys who are totally full of sh… (er, insert appropriate foul language here)?

Probably never.

In case you’re wondering about the truth, not that it’s important but, the main event is a geo-political goal – namely US control of the Eurasian sub-continent by the construction, control and protection of several energy pipelines; and, even more importantly, construction of several permanent, strategically located military bases for the purpose of continued military dominance of China – especially as China emerges as the world’s next economic powerhouse

In order to get support (and cannon fodder) for these geo-political goals, the powers that be employ a relatively old-school methodology of controlling their populations through fear, violence and terror. It is easy to manipulate people if you can exploit their fears. That is why we have war, terrorism and urban crime broadcast into our homes daily.

For years, the American government through its department of propaganda (mainstream media and Hollywood) has been employing this technique of keeping the population afraid and convincing them they need protection.

And so, in order to protect their “freedom” they give it away by submitting, if not demanding, more war, more bombing of innocents, more frisking and more body scans (rectal probing is still optional). The message is clear from on high. Be very afraid (and go shopping). Of course, the only thing the US government is really afraid of is the truth.

As for Barack “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize” Obama, he is merely typical of recent American presidents. He is a fraud. Obama’s not out of touch with his base, he just thinks they’re insignificant.

Welcome to Bizarro-America where we subsidize wealthy bankers through our taxes and award peace prizes for escalating wars. OK, let’s all go shopping. And remember, we still have a 50/50 chance of not reducing the planet to a smoldering pile of radioactive grit.

The Asshole Quiz: Are you one?

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:08:40 -0400

By Timo Cerantola

Am I an asshole?

Don’t answer that yet (though I think I know what your response will be).

It’s a question we all should ask ourselves for, at times we are all guilty of a little shameful if not disgraceful behaviour - though for some, it has become their life’s purpose, their modus operandi if you will.

Indeed, in this selfish, greedy, dog-eat-dog world, the asshole population seems to be increasing exponentially – and not just on Wall Street with its many miscreant money traders or in the halls of government that overflow with a gangrenous, noxious filth that pretends at public service.

No, “the asshole” phenomenon now permeates society at every level – at work, school, church, the grocery store, drive-thru restaurants and, especially, whilst driving on the freeway.

And so, I have devised a quiz that will help you determine where the assholes are in your life and perhaps, determine what your friends and relatives have suspected about you for many years.

Remember, if you answer too many of these questions correctly; you are a prime candidate for membership in ARSE (Association of Repugnant Swine and Evil-bastards). This is nothing to be proud of.

Question #1.

You are driving in the passing lane on the freeway at 45 mph. Traffic is piling up behind you but hey, you can’t go any faster because you’re text messaging your wife, typing on your laptop, having a nice sip of your coffee latte supremo and picking your nose all at the same time. There you are, just cruising along the highway in all your macho splendour with your Global Positioning System bleeping out road directions and your stereo blaring WHEN, all of a sudden some impatient road weasel has the temerity to honk his horn at you, trying to get you to pull over so that he can pass. Do you...

a) Get out your cell phone and call a buddy to set up a golf date.

b) You’d like to help him out but you’re too busy doing everything but driving responsibly.

c) Flip him “the bird.”

If you answered “c” you are an asshole - if you answered “a” - smooth move road warrior.

Question #2.

You are in a large department store when, over the public address system they announce a “blue light” half-price special on the toy “Mr. Poopy Bear” – a toy that you know your kid would kill for. Do you...

a) Immediately proceed to the sale area and courteously look for the end of the line, conducting yourself in a civilized manner.

b) Dash to the sale area and quickly scoop up only a couple of the sale items so that others will also have a chance.

c) You grab a football helmet and shoulder pads from the sports department and then, whilst running full speed with your head down and pushing your grocery cart, crash the line screaming "Move or die, road kill!" - and then proceed to empty the entire “poopy” display into your shopping cart.

If you answered "c" you are starting to exhibit some ‘back passage’ type behaviour.

Question #3.

You are out dining out at an all-you-can-eat food buffet, it is extremely busy and you’re not sure there will be enough food left for your seconds, thirds and fourths, do you...

a) When confronted with only one dinner roll left on the buffet table, politely offer to split it with the next person in line.

b) Fill your plate with a modest sampling of each of the many offerings so that others may have a chance.

c) Defy the laws of gravity by piling food three and a half feet above your plate, grab an entire apple pie from the dessert tray and then stuff the remaining bread roll down your pants.

If you answered "c", you must be an asshole. If you answered "a" – that’s almost creepy, you wuss. Congratulations. You've just been awarded the "Mama's Boy" award for 2009.

Question #4.

You are in the grocery store and you have too many items for the “8 items or less” line, do you...

a) Fair-mindedly move to the regular line because you have 14 items.

b) Politely ask the cashier if you can sneak in an extra item or 6. Or...

c) Do you throw your jacket over the 8 items or less sign and then pile a weeks worth of groceries on the conveyer belt.

If you answered “C” – even if you are someone’s grandma, you are in hemorrhoid territory.

Question #5.

An Alien spacecraft has landed in your backyard and you are the first human they encounter. In an attempt to promote intergalactic friendship, do you...

a) Offer them a refreshing earth beverage (they enjoy transmission fluid).

b) Raise your hand in a gesture of friendship and say, “Greetings and peace intergalactic traveller. Welcome to Earth!”

c) Tell them to get the hell off your lawn and start spraying them with your garden hose.

If you answered c, way to go. You’ve set intergalactic diplomacy back a few millennia asshole!

Question #6.

Whilst standing at the back of a long line up at a popular restaurant do you...

a) Happily chat about the weather with the other people at the back of the line.

b) Patiently and quietly wait while you read a book you brought for just such an occasion.

c) To discourage other diners and secure a more favourable position in line, loudly discuss, in excruciating detail, the severe nauseating cramps and diarrhea you experienced last time you ate at this restaurant.

If you answered “c” – swift move butt plug.

Question #7.

You are in the cinema and the movie has just begun. This is the time when most people sit back and relax, but not you. Do you...

a) Immediately start to talk with the person next to you and tell them what happens at the end of the movie.

b) Decide you need a snack at that very moment, get up and disturb an entire row of people and leave to buy a meal sized snack which you will noisily chomp, snort and slurp on throughout the entire movie.

c) Stand up and try to start “the Wave.”

If you answered a, b or c – that pretty much describes my last movie going experience you assholes.

Question #8.

When you are high up on the top floor balcony of an apartment or on an observation deck do you...

a) Look to see if you can see your house from such a high vantage point.

b) Break some seriously nasty wind and hope that no one notices.

c) Check the wind speed and direction, and then try to see if you can spit on the people in the next town.

If you answered "c" cool move asshole. If you answered "b," watch the fibre in your diet.

Question #9.

You’re at a company meeting in the boardroom. Your boss, a seriously fat-assed fifty-something banal incubus of a guy whose been going through a very wacky mid-life crisis, walks into the Monday morning meeting sporting a new toupee, an earring and a tattoo that says “Pimpin”. Do you...

a) Start by sucking up to the boss with compliments about how natural his new toupee looks.

b) Ask him if he’s lost weight.

c) Offer to wash his car.

d) Offer to lick his boots.

OK, a, b, c or d - no matter your answer, we’re all assholes in this situation. Hopefully we get to keep our jobs.

Finally,

Question #10.

You are out driving along the freeway when, all of a sudden, someone zooms passed you and flashes a silly "Ha ha, I passed you" grin at you as they fly by, do you...

a) Slow down and cower in the slow lane and feeling impotent and ashamed.

b) Ignore the silly road dork and continue singing along to the Broadway show tune playing on your stereo.

c) Floor it until you pull in close behind them, tailing them so close they can see you mouth the words “DIE ROAD SCUM!” in their rear view mirror. Then, putting the pedal to the metal, you pull out on to the shoulder of the road kicking up voluminous quantities of dust and gravel and zoom past them at twice the legal limit whilst displaying your “special finger” - the one most associated with acrimony.

If you answered “c” you probably already know you are an asshole and you don’t care. Your membership to ARSE is in the mail.

~~~

Your score: Who gives a shit? It’s all about you anyway, isn’t it?

It's all over - except for the lying

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:07:37 -0400

By Timo Cerantola

When it comes to government and media, I don’t know whom to trust anymore. I certainly don’t trust ours - that’s for sure.

I’ll never understand or underestimate the public’s ability to mindlessly buy into government/media spin. Whether it’s about the economic crisis, America’s war against all things un-American or a healthcare system that treats everyone equally bad, why haven’t we collectively figured out that our politicians and their shilling corporate monkey media men are totally full of (insert appropriate foul language here)?

The “stolen” Iran election debacle for example, is likely just another propaganda campaign directed from the highest levels to demonize, destabilize and eventually create a case for war against Iran. As with any over-hyped media frenzy surrounding a political or social issue, this sent my “BS meter” off the scale. I immediately suspected I was being served up a healthy helping of misinformation and blatant lies.

Whether it’s about Iran’s building nuclear weapons (Iran is building a nuclear power station) or the supposedly “stolen” Iranian election, the message from on high is that, we the people are supposed to be very, very afraid.

…news bulletin: This just in, Michael Jackson, still dead. More to follow… now back to our regularly scheduled column…

To me, it merely appears to be the next chapter in a series of dubious claims designed to set up Iran and prepare the population for a “military solution” to the serious “Iranian problem” we face.

I imagine any day now, the Ahmadinejad/Hitler comparisons will be made, followed by a call for war to fight for freedom, democracy and to save Iran (bomb their cities) from that evil dictatorial miscreant Ahmadinejad - who isn’t even the guy in charge. (Ahmadinejad is just the face America’s public is being taught to hate).

Over the years, the names of the countries change, but it’s a tired old story that imperial America has spun for the last 60 or so years. And, with a dumbed-down, knuckle-dragging public that is greatly lacking in critical thinking skills (not to mention memory) it’s an easy sell.

Next will come the “you’re either with us or against us crowd” – a sleazy group of flag waving “media patriots” who demand you send your sons and daughters off to fight the good war, whilst they cheer the troops, tie the yellow ribbons and stoke the fires of war from a safe distance. Patriotic media people who prefer to remain inside their TV studios where it’s safe, next to their groupies, toupees and tele-prompters.

“One of the most horrible features of war is that all the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting."
—George Orwell, Homage to Catalonia, 1938

Sadly, the majority, a corpulent bunch of wallymart loving McSupersizemyass types who voted for George Bush twice, will fall for the usual lies. But what should we expect from people who are basically skin sacks covering digested donut material with IQ’s slightly lower than a can of spray cheese.

OK, one more time. Let’s remember history and review the facts.

Remember.

The US has 737 military bases around the world and continues to build even more.

Remember.

The US, despite its present dire economic if not nearly bankrupt situation, continues to spend as much on weapons and military as the rest of the world combined.

Remember.

The US has been in a perpetual state of war for the last 7 decades. Since WWII, America has invaded Iraq (twice), Haiti, Panama, Grenada, Laos, Cambodia, North Korea, Viet Nam, Nicaragua, Lebanon, Somalia, Dominican Republic and a bunch of other Latin American countries whose names escape me right now. The US has bombed civilian populations in Sudan, Iraq, Serbia, Bosnia, Kosovo, Libya, Lebanon (actually, naval shelling), North Vietnam, Afghanistan and now Pakistan. I probably missed a few.

Remember.

The US has had direct involvement in coups, against democratically elected governments in Iran (1953), Guatemala, Venezuela, Haiti and Chile (just to name a few) – do the research for yourselves.

Iran’s first attempt at democracy in 1953 was toppled by freedom loving America because Iran’s democratically elected (but socialist leaning Mossadegh government) had this crazy idea that Iran’s resources should benefit Iranians as opposed to the corporate oil interests in the US and Britain.

Remember.

In 2007, George W. Bush asked Congress to fund an ESCALATION of covert operations against Iran. Congress approved $400 million for a destabilization plan designed to undermine Iran’s religious leadership by way of active support of the minority Baluchi, Ahwazi Arab and other dissident organizations.

(Do you think there might be a connection between this destabilization plan and events presently occurring in Iran?)

Remember.

Electoral defeats of pro-US candidates, whether they are dictators or democracy lovers, are usually labeled as “stolen” by our mainstream media.

Seriously, I was totally amused (but not surprised) that within a day after the Iranian election, Satan’s little helper’s (the mainstream media) unanimously declared (without citing any evidence) Iran’s election as fraudulent. Funny, they had so little to say about George Bush’s dubious election numbers in Florida.

Seriously, most Americans would find it a challenge to find the US on a map let alone Iran. But now, thanks to the frenzied media coverage and hyperbole, the average American (who doesn’t give a rat’s back passage about American elections) is supposed to be very, very concerned about Iran’s?

That’s right! Mr. & Mrs. Average “let’s buy more cheap plastic crap from China” American is now very, very afraid of Iran(?).

…news bulletin: Paris Hilton, not wearing underpants. More to follow on this breaking story later… now back to our regularly scheduled column…

Until recently, other than a few political hacks and incurable news junkies such as myself, no one gave a (insert favourite expletive here) about Iran’s elections. But now that our western media does a daily hatchet job on Iran, it has become very apparent that our ownership, by turning public sentiment against Iran, is inventing a case for war.

As I see it, love him or hate him, agree or disagree, Ahmadinejad’s political support comes from the far more numerous poor peasant classes. Iran’s liberal, relatively wealthy urban middleclass is a relatively smaller group. It’s wouldn’t surprise me if Ahmadinejad won fair and square. Prior to the election, several reputable independent polling companies found he had 60% support.

This trend seems to be catching on in many third world countries and it makes sense.

You see, in true democratic fashion, when the impoverished poor (if their votes are actually counted) greatly outnumber the privileged rich, they usually win the day. Seriously, it shouldn’t surprise anyone if extremely poor people vote for the candidate promising social welfare, healthcare, education and an improved living standard.

Poor majorities likely voted for Hugo Chavez in Venezuela and for Evo Morales in Bolivia and for Lula da Silva in Brazil (and Zelaya in Honduras?). I suspect the same is probably true for Ahmadinejad in Iran. Whether you agree or not with their socialist politics is immaterial.

And, while the heated protests in Tehran may well be the real article, with a little extra fuel tossed on the fire by western intelligence and media (who are more or less the same people lately), the protesters likely do not represent the majority of the Iranian populace.

Of course, from a western point of view, we’re blinded by our own myopic, middleclass sensibilities that are constantly re-enforced by mainstream media as the only opinions we hear expressed in our media seem to come from angry Iranian exiles or pro-Israeli/anti Iranian “experts.”

This is very similar to the slanted western reporting we get from Iraq, Afghanistan and now Pakistan as our media consistently gives more weight and airtime to the opinions of “anonymous” military sources than named, eyewitness local reporters on the ground.

So while Obama “the man of change” and part-time superhero may rightfully condemn the Iranian government for the violent clamp down on election protests, his own government, without much media attention, continues to incarcerate in Guantanamo, Bagram and launch drone strikes at Pakistan – (which have killed hundreds of innocent civilians).

As is typical of recent American presidents, Barack Obama is a fraud and his words are empty.

But never fear Uncle Sam, your power and dominance are still safe for, as that great comedian and philosopher George Carlin would say, “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

Obama, growing on me like a colony of E. coli

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 16:03:51 -0400

ByTimoCerantola

Two months in and the best thing I can say about Barack Obama is that he’s not George Bush. Granted, he may be better than that banal skin sack Bush, but if the outcome is the same, does it really matter?

Is a knife in your back better than one through your heart? What ever happened to change he promised?

To date, all I see is politics as usual. You know, first win public approval with lies and promises and then, do whatever the hell those with the real power tell you to do. So far, president (and part-time superhero and media star) Obama “THE MAN OF CHANGE” has continued with a lot of that Bush league stuff.

Here’s change Obama style:

He has bombed Pakistan several times. He plans to leave Guantanamo open for another year (while he expands Bagram?). He says he will withdraw the troops from Iraq next year - and leave a mere 50,000 troops and several military bases operational - all subject to Pentagon review (with options to remain as long as the Pentagon sees fit). Obama has made no mention of the hundred and fifty thousand or so ‘contractors’ (mercenaries) the US employs in Iraq.

And finally, Obama is continuing George Bush’s bailouts for wealthy people in banking and on Wall Street. That’s right kids; Obama seems content to continue with George Bush’s economic program of ‘no greedy wall street bastard left behind.’

Like Bush before him, Obama too believes that corporate and bank losses should be the responsibility of the taxpayer - and that corporate and bank profits the responsibility of corporations and banks. In case you forgot people, capitalism already has a plan in place for banks that go broke - they go bankrupt and their stockholders lose all their money. And, the people who ran, pimped and thieved for those banks they ran into the ground find other work - (hopefully not in banking or anywhere near other people’s money).

What has changed so far?

Obama has built a government out of white-collar criminals, lobby group bootlickers and corporate elite lap dogs. Is this the change Obama spoke of? His number one money man is that (nasty word) Tim (another nasty word) Geithner, a former president of the New York Federal Reserve Bank - and one of the main players who guided us into this economic mess.

Obama has empowered the same corporate criminals (and spawn of satan) who, with obvious conflict of interest, believe the solution to our econmic problems is to help wealthy people maintain their wealth - at the expense of generations of taxpayers.

Yet each day, as more and more American people lose their jobs and homes and take up residence in tent cities whilst lining up for food stamps, their president bails out crooks. Hey Barack, where’s their bailout? They got beat up by the stock market too! (Fortunately, I still have my Beanie Baby collection - which now represents my entire pension savings).

I imagine soon, (within a year or two) the US dollar will collapse - this will lead to a collapse in the US economy at large, hence severe unemployment, poverty and eventually civil unrest and violence. Then, martial law will be declared. The media will all get together to sell martial law to the public as the best possible solution for the country. Naturally, the people will buy into the big lie and be thankful for martial law - an Orwellian parallel of staggering proportions.

And so, as this economic Titanic sinks into the depths, Barack Obama like George Bush before him, is busy preparing seats on the lifeboats for the richest among us. The rest are being locked down in steerage and are about to go down with the ship.

To those of you who entertain the delusion that our financial woes will soon be over due to Obama’s superhuman ministrations, I view you as merely evidence that reality, like science, is no longer considered valid when it proves to be contrary to political theatre and propaganda.

If you are not fond of reality, I recommend you watch more television. Yes, television - where healthy minds go to die. I believe if you flip on your TV right this minute, you can catch America’s Biggest Loser, Jerry Springer or the network news (if you’re into fiction).

As the book says, “You shall know them by their deeds” - and so far, Barack Obama’s deeds speak volumes. Furthermore, I know that saying this is like walking into a NRA meeting wearing an Osama Bin Laden costume but here goes - Barack Obama is a fraud. Sorry, if the truth hurts.

The US is not leaving Iraq as promised. Obama ‘the man of change’ is willing to let bygones be bygones with American war criminal George W. Bush and those in his administration (who were only following orders).

By all standards of law, George W. Bush is a war criminal. The world witnessed this criminality in his illegal war against Iraq. Hundreds of thousands of innocents died and their country was destroyed. Bush was responsible for torture and several US constitution violations such as spying on Americans, illegal wiretaps and secret detentions. But, Obama says, lets look forward not backward.

The people elected Obama so that he would clean up corporate crime and greed and regulate the financial system so that the public would regain its trust in it. Obama was elected because he was going to restore America’s reputation around the world. Obama was elected because he was going to get the US out of Iraq ENTIRELY! Obama wasn’t elected so that he would expand a winless war and start bombing Pakistan.

What a typical politician he’s turned out to be. If Obama wants the confidence of his nation, perhaps its time to find some balls and stand up and be the f…ing leader of all the people, not the mouthpiece for the elite. But as it turns out, no surprises here. Obama is cut from the same lying piece of shyte that Bush was. The presidency is merely a (insert your favorite nasty word here) country club. And like most presidents, Obama prefers to sound like a leader rather than behave like one.

Good-bye American Dream, hello American nightmare. [end]

“One of the most horrible features of war is that all the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting.”
-George Orwell, Homage to Catalonia, 1938

Barack Obama's Top 10 Ways to Save Economy...

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 21:01:34 -0500

Barack Obama’s Top 10 ways to save America and the economy…

Or… hey, everything’s going to be all right, but stock up on few months’ worth of food and ammunition just in case.

by timo cerantola

Number… 10. Buy high, sell low, bomb Pakistan, avoid facing reality.

9. Pretend to care about America’s middleclass. Less education, less healthcare, less Constitution and less freedom. Hey, it worked for George Bush - twice!

8. Hey, let’s loan some money to the Federal Reserve so we can borrow that money back from the Federal Reserve (plus interest) and then, let’s give that money to a bunch of crooked bankers and rich people on Wall Street?

7. Disregard the wishes of that segment of the population known as “the public” and more money for war - and let’s bomb Pakistan!

6. Let’s hire some experienced people who know how broken and corrupt the system is (because they helped make it that way) and see if they can fix the problem. Hey, who better than white collar criminals to understand the mind of white-collar criminals?

5. Sell Alaska back to the Russians for trillions - but they have to take Sarah Palin with the deal..

4. How about we spend some of that bailout money on distancing our economy from oil dependence and convert to greener, renewable energy technologies? And, maybe we could invest the bailout money on huge job creating infrastructure projects and rapid transit rail systems, wind farms and other programs that reduce polution, energy consumption and create employment all at the same time. And let's cut back on America’s favorite pastime and major multi billion-dollar expenditure - WAR! Huh…? OK, forget that. That’s just stupid. Let’s just bomb Pakistan!

3. Let’s continue with more of Bush’s policies of light on peace, heavy on bombs bullshit - and let’s drop a few bombs on Pakistan!

2. Stay positive. We have a fairly good chance of not reducing the planet to a smoldering pile of radioactive grit.

…And finally, the number one way to save America and the economy…

1. Obama’s going to put some of the bailout money on his Visa Card.