tr ig's Open Salon Blog

Snake handling Pentacost bitten and killed? Holy shit!!!

Thu, 31 May 2012 11:05:38 -0400

Those that believe may want to just skip this piece . . .

True story? Apparently so, saw a blurb on Yahoo about it yesterday, and did some googling this morning.

Mark Wolford, preacher at the Apostolic House of the Lord Jesus in Matoaka, West Virginia, was bitten on the thigh by a timber rattler during "services" last Sunday at the Panther Wildlife Management Area in West Virginia.

From Yahoo: "Robin Vanover, Wolford's sister, told the Washington Post that 30 minutes into the outdoor service, Wolford passed around a poisonous timber rattlesnake, which eventually bit him.

"He laid it on the ground," Vanover said in the interview, "and he sat down next to the snake, and it bit him on the thigh."

Vanover said Wolford was then transported to a family member's home in Bluefield about 80 miles away to recover. But as the situation worsened, he was taken to a hospital where he later died."

I can only assume he was transported to a family member's home 80 miles away because his people thought he was immune to rattlesnake venom due to his faith. Huh?

Wolford, now dead, was 44 years old, and here's the kicker, the coup de gras, the apparent fact that blows my mind to smithereens; his father died the very same way, but at age 39!

Once again, quoting Yahoo: "Wolford told the Washington Post magazine in 2011 that he is carrying on the tradition of his ancestors by engaging in snake handling.

"Anybody can do it that believes it," Wolford said. "Jesus said, 'These signs shall follow them which believe.' This is a sign to show people that God has the power."

Wolford said watched his own father die at the age of 39 after a rattlesnake bit him during a similar service.

"He lived 10 1/2 hours," Wolford told the Washington Post Magazine. "When he got bit, he said he wanted to die in the church. Three hours after he was bitten, his kidneys shut down. After a while, your heart stops. I hated to see him go, but he died for what he believed in."

"I know it's real; it is the power of God," Wolford told the Washington Post Magazine last year. "If I didn't do it, if I'd never gotten back involved, it'd be the same as denying the power and saying it was not real." "

Denying the power and saying it's not real? Wolford, you imbecile! I assume you had a family, dead guy. Hope you can pay the bills from way up yonder in hebben. Retard . . .

MTN, MDM, SBA, CUP CAKE, and other threats to OS civility

Mon, 28 May 2012 15:05:03 -0400

Man Talk Now, the self professed extremely handsome and savvy international businessman and womanizer is, how to say with some modicum of tact (?), a wolf in wolf's clothing. Fair warning if you weren't aware, this avatar, whenever spotted commenting, or god forbid, blogging... is good enough reason to shut down the laptop for several hours, until he just goes away.

Appropriate actions might include anything from going outside to weed the garden, to locking yourself in the panic room and smoking weed- 'til he (he??) jumps an international flight to Dubai or Qatar to seduce virgins out of their head scarvy thingies.

True, he comes off as reasonably intelligent and self deprecating, but believe me folks when I say HE (if in fact male), this persona who has been known to also call itself DUFF, is dangerous to civil discourse here at our peaceful open saloon.

Yes, he is not only sexist, but also STATIST, as shown clearly here in his own words---

"nana, my apologies. I read through the comments too fast and missed your denuded, yet shiny and attractive head. It's true that you and tr ig share the affliction of Kansass-ia, and I'm not insensitive to that. Just last week I made a donation to an organization that ships volunteer women with undamaged DNA into your unfortunate state. God bless those good-hearted women and their lack of standards!"

Man Talk Now

MAY 28, 2012 01:57 AM

MDM or Mad Dog Margaret aka helmut head is another true danger to the long held OS traditions of blind glad handing and back slapping known here in some circles as fuckmuppetry.

Ms. Feike can, and usually does- in her comments, turn quaint musings and quiet reflections shared by sensitive thoughtful contributors into ascerbic roastings, sometimes sending the authors of said blogs into terrible personal places anywhere between annoyed self-doubt and attempted aspirin overdose.

Case in point:

" YOOOOOWWWWWWWEEEEEE! Jumped in feet first and The Water. Is. Fine!!!!! Thank you Arthur because I think I speak for most of us when I say it's never more fun around here than when someone hangs someone else (or something else - who knows? Who CARES?) from the rafters and turns them into a human pinata. Let's whack her as hard as we can and see what comes out!

Arthur, remember how much fun we had that last time when I was your trainer and I coached you to a resounding victory over Nanatehay? Didn't that feel good? If I'm not mistaken you broke both his legs and gave him scoliosis.

We can do that to Amy too! Although it'll be trickier. That touch (sic tough?) scaly hide, the horn in the middle of her forehead and her tusks and spurs make for a dangerous opponent but the walnut-sized brain will definitely be no problem to outsmart. No contest. You can crush that pestilential plague easy but let's do it slowly because it's more fun to poke a rattlesnake for a while than to get rid of it lickety split."

Margaret Feike

MAY 27, 2012 05:54 PM

SBA or safe_bet's amy, is who Mad Dog is referring to in her above comment. While it's true that Amy is a known sharp-tongued heterophobe with a proclivity for ball busting and dick waffling, I can't abide Margaret's summation of her as a pestilential plague.

Or, can I? Yeah, on second thought I'm ok with that! Carry on Mags..

Take a look at this exchange between MDM and SBA:

"Very few things get stuck in my craw, Arthur. Those that do are expelled pretty quickly. As for "endorsing" Amy - she's easier to ignore although such a large target is so tempting...

The question is, what's in it for you? I think you're secretly crazy about her and this is your way of getting under her skin. And she's obviously crazy about you. Your little ploy goes on every day in schoolyards the world over. Even your title - all you have to do is substitute "cooties" for "plague" and there you go.

Margaret Feike

MAY 27, 2012 01:56 AM

ARTHUR LOVES AMY, ARTHUR LOVES AMY!!!!!

Margaret Feike

MAY 27, 2012 02:28 AM

Hmmmmm... Perhaps Artie has a point!

Are you just saying all this because I outed you nefarious plot to live in Kim Gamble's rafters?

Or do you have designs on Artie yourself? Is that it? Do you want him to give you a good "researching" while he gropes your left "field" with his liver spotted hand!

Well he's all yours, toots! I've already told him that his well deserved adoration of me wasn't returned.

I say go for it, Mags! Break out the prunes and let your pestilential barbarian free!"

Safe_Bet's Amy

MAY 27, 2012 02:46 AM

Which brings me to "CUP CAKE" aka nanatehay, also rumored to be an alter of (or vice versa... so confusing!) SBA.

Below he can be seen either talking to Amy, or talking to himself. YOU can decide which. He's a sick fuck I tell you.

"Amy, get me another beer. Do it NOW woman!

nanateh

MAY 28, 2012 01:47 AM

Nanatehay torturing very small fish and smirking!

Asia Rein in a shot copied from upskirts.com... a trollop,

a floosie, a woman with terrible taste in men!

Kim Gamble... well, an aussie. not his fault that he thinks upside down, because he is.

Don't even get me started on Phyllis 45!!

Beware my friends!!!

the torpid droopy balls of os, etc.

Mon, 21 May 2012 19:05:28 -0400

Three lines down so facebook and reddit and whatnot don't drop their torpid droopy balls into my text. Is three lines enough? We will see..

So who is this editor person that wants us to write about urban places that aren't fun? No matter. He (he?) has a hyphenated name so odd I can't remember it, and I try to not frequent places that suck, so I'll just wait for Emily, baby in tow I assume since she works for Salon and can't afford daycare, to return; then I'll do a flower post and get an EP!

Yeah I know . . os sucks. No news there so I'll quit whining now.

Wait! I just said I don't frequent places that suck BUT have been at this dumb website for nearly three and a half years... which makes me what, stupid? Or some sort of masochist? Or is it Emmerling that keeps me here? Him and the others... the ones that don't suck.

Or, all of the above?

Sigh.. just rambling and for whatever reason like posting my crap here, hitting publish, and waiting for comments. I do have an addictive personality and suppose it beats shooting fairy dust like in the old days. Or was it dried and pestelled fairy poop... who knows? Unregulated industry afterall. Is fairy poop white? Hmmm..

Yeah well, still kickin' and breathing here and wanted to say hi.

My dog was sick, but better now.

The weather good, work prospects decent.

Going to the lake after this next big wind blows through.

The kid got a new tattoo, his friend that killed hisself, Paul-

his initials, huge and right on his forearm which made me sigh.

Have to admire the loyalty to Paul's memory, blue eyed,

smart and talented kid . . .

But would have preferred DAD. Or would that be weird?

Love my gf and don't mind saying even though that's a word

I'm really careful about tossing about casually.

So, I guess it's not casual.

Monday is a bad day to post, but who gives a fuck... me? NA!

Hello.

Good-Bye.

Will answer comments, at least until the meds kick in.

continuing saga of the onerous onions comes to completion

Sun, 13 May 2012 12:05:21 -0400

Followers of this blog will surely remember the story of the onions that refused to die from a couple of weeks ago. . . April 30th, 2012.

This is the follow-up~

They seemed to like the night time...

Serpent-like, this one . . I photographed from a safe distance- BACK!!

No longer in fertile soil but they just didn't care! The circle of life is strong!!

Some of you suggested replanting, so we did yesterday. Eight of the hardiest that is. There, they writhe and dance still.

The rest will soon be naught but garnish, or soup... or something!

After planting, we finished off the brisket on the smoker...

Angel winged begonia . . . Happy Mother's Day Mom! No worries here, the onions have been dealt with!!

out-fished by a GIRL on Cinco de Super Luna (pics and vid)

Sun, 6 May 2012 17:05:56 -0400

At sunset yesterday, the fifth of May, already feeling twice baked after a day on the lake (and having snared a snake but eating no cake...), we intrepid campers endeavored to go... drum roll... NIGHT FISHING, after a well needed nap in the wind-blown ninety farenheit tent.

Really must say, my girl is a sport! Wasn't even that bothered that she'd kicked my butt forwards, backwards and sideways in the fish catching department over the past thirty hours. It was Cinco de Mayo and we didn't even know upon leaving home, the night of the SUPER MOON!

Van Gogh like ain't it- in a horridly pixelated phased the iPhone up to full fueled fade in way!

Usually the stars are the spectacles of the night down there but most were invisible to the human eye the last two evenings. Friday was waxing gibbous, Saturday, if not full, well, damned close. Can never recall seeing a moon so stupendous, and by pure chance we were 90 miles from city lights under a clear sky, primitive (ok, fairly primitively) camping.

She was using my lucky pole... yeah, that's it! That pretty fish is a smallmouth bass- for those who are scratching their heads wondering, wow, what kind of fish is that? Didn't matter the species though, she dominated in all.

Note, Asia's black crappie, caught simultaneously to nanatehay's white crappie, is slightly larger. BITCH! I mean I love you baby!

We, meaning mostly- SHE, caught several channel catfish which have a tendency to "slime your line." Don't know how they manage to barf the most viscous hideous substance imaginable a foot up the string from where hooked, but they do indeed. EWWWW!!

Found a baby alligator snapping turtle on some sort of hajj, on the pavement way up by the bathrooms. Maybe two inches head to tail, but anyone who has seen the adult versions will join with me in a double EWWW! They get HUGE and I thought about stomping it, but then remembered THE PRIME DIRECTIVE from Star Trek.

Do not interfere!

Then nanataJeff caught a serpent - had planned to befriend and train it, which is still a possibility assuming he can re-catch it after it got free in his vehicle last night! EWWW.. (he wasn't buying the prime directive shit I was babbling and flapping about)

Camped underneath this tree, embedded in hard rock near the lake...

Camp Weasel . . . a bit frazzled but still with one eye on the perimeter.

Sunset captured by Asia...

Another fantastic capture by her, in addition to all the fish... damnet

One more shot of super luna rising last night... Really, truly, I'm alright with being out-fished too. Was a super good time.