Velina's Open Salon Blog

Selling Your Soul

Mon, 24 May 2010 22:05:18 -0400

Assuming the story is true that you can sell your soul to the devil for untold riches then it makes sense that you can you sell your soul to God? If so, what could you get for it? We know that when we pray God does not give us exactly what we ask of Him, but what if we were willing to put it all on the line? I think I would be willing to sell my soul to God for a myriad of things. Good health, wealth and family. But when I asked myself what am I willing to sell to the devil for an eternity of damnation well it was a pretty short list all of which involved the welfare of my children. So does this mean that the devil is more responsive to our prayers or does God just take free will a little too far. I don't know the answer, but I am open to suggestions.

The Man of the House

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 16:03:29 -0500

I have been MIA for a while working 2 jobs, getting ready for the Baltimore American Craft Council Show. I thought life was supposed to slow down after the kids leave the nest. I think this needs to be revised to say life gets better when the kids finally leave the financial nest! With both of my boys away at college at least now I can complete a coherent thought!

College $40,000

Living Expenses $12,000

Having a moment alone in peace and quiet "Priceless"

My cousin is always sending me these funny stories so this is her latest...

MAN OF THE HOUSE

The husband had just finished reading the book, "MAN OF THE HOUSE."

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to
know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!I want you to
prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect
a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me
my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, you know who's
going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The fuckin funeral director would be my guess."

The Gay and Lesbian Marriage Question

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:04:43 -0400

After the beauty queen had her misstep I thought long and hard about my views on Gay and Lesbian marriage. I really had not given it the evaluation that it deserved. As a christian I feel at constant odds with my faith and how to interpret the lessons in the bible. In order to understand how I felt emotionally about this subject I went to my old standard which is how would I feel if it were my child. Would I not want everything for him or her that is afforded the heterosexual population? What type of monster would I be if I did not embrace my child for something that is as inate to his being as the air we breathe. This revelation also gave me the insight I needed to understand spriritually how God would respond if asked this question. He would remind me that we are all God's children.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. Edmund Burke

Marriages Gone Bad

Mon, 9 Feb 2009 19:02:43 -0500

A not too tasteful view of marriages gone bad. Every now and then I feel a little tacky.

So Funny I did not Change a Word

Fri, 6 Feb 2009 17:02:08 -0500

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X