xenonlit xl's Open Salon Blog

Week In Mis-Review And Brain Fresh

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:07:44 -0400

Oh boy, it's time for a brain fresh. After President Obama went on "The View", the lamestream media was all over it like weevils on jasmine rice. (So what if I'm a gourmet country bumpkin?)

They were worked up like steroidal wrestlers, with beads of sweat popping out of their pink foreheads like jewels in a crown of gleaming bullshit!

IS IT APPROPRIATE FOR OBAMA TO GO ON THE VIEW?

I love it when they lay out clearly biased agendas in the form of a stupid question! Well, clown, was it appropriate for Bush to go on Dr.Phil's show? Where were you then, you post deferential jackass?

OBAMA WASN'T INVITED TO THE KLINGON WEDDING! HE NEEDS TO HIRE SOME REPUBLICANS TO TELL HIM WHAT TO DO!!!

He's not mixed race. He's Black enough for this kind of egregious second guessing, thoughtless criticism and nonsense to spew forth.

OBAMA WAS ON THE VIEW!!! WHY WERE ALL THE WOMEN WEARING EITHER BLACK OR WHITE? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THAT? AIII--EEEE! RUN! RUN! WHAT THE HELL WAS WHOOPI WEARING? AL QUAIDA CHIC?

HE LIED ABOUT SNOOKIE! HE JOKED ABOUT SNOOKIE AT THE BIG JOKE DINNER THING LAST YEAR!

OBAMA GONE NASSAU! HE GONE DOGGONE GIRLY GIRL!

Dang! I will not hesitate to expose the town crier as the same doofus who plays the role of village idiot and who functions as the White-wring's sniper, too.

There was more news, of course, but it was hard to get:

He signed the Ryan White AIDS treatment extension act. Signed the Dodd Wall Street Reform Act. Signed the Unemployment Extension act. Signed the Daniel Pearl Freedom of Press act. Caregivers and Veterans Omnibus Health Services Act. The economic “bikini” now has a bow. Ordered that White House Visitors Records be released…..

BUT HE LIED ABOUT SNOOKIE! AND HE DIDN'T STOP THE TANNING BED TAX!!!

Well, that's it for the brain freshing. Now for Giovanni's Pizza, happy hour and the pool monsters. I need healthy, biased, factually unsupported and conflicting gossip, and I need it today!

Apocalypto Posse: Part III, Finale

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 03:07:21 -0400

GO HERE FOR THE FINAL TWIST. IT WILL SURELY BE WORTH THE RIDE.

Apocalypto Posse: Part Two Of a Spooky Summer Tale

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:07:33 -0400

Part One is Here, if you missed it.

APOCALYPTO POSSE: A SPOOKY SUMMER TALE, PART TWO

We settled into the old town for the night, nervously glancing up at a strange and puky sky and staying up close to each other. We set out perimeter defenses that were either solar or battery powered. We had some real spooks and spies in the Apocalypto Posse who came to us with sneaky tricks and no limp di....

Well, anyway, if anything larger than a beetle stepped in, we would know about it in a very obvious way.

After a great meal and settlment party at one of the most spectacular courthouses that we'd ever seen, we decided to stay here. This was it. Our engineers insisted that we could power and take care of ourselves for decades with the stuff that we had looted on our way here. By then, we should be doing even better for ourselves.

The nerdheads were huddled over papers and laptops, calculating wind and hydraulic possibilities and figuring out how to restore power, filter water and how to get the waste treatment and water plants back to work.

The medicos all wanted to start doing tests on everyone...all seven thousand, five hundred of us, which was not as easy as it seems since so many people were a little dicey about anyone in a white lab coat these days. The medicos were up to something and were talking about the Huddlers...there was something new going on with them.

We had about twenty people who were showing signs of going Huddler. The first wave of them came in 2010, when people would show a change in mood for a few days, then develop a body odor that they could not get rid of. Then they would go through a period of agressive behavior, but with their intellects intact and improved, unlike a true zombie invasion.

The first wave was a rare group, so their behavior was dismissed as part of the usual tragic nonsense that people were doing at the time.

The second wave figured out how to get real weapons and took out the bulk of our 4 billion lost lives. Those jokers, who used to be mothers and unemployed airline mechanics and American Idol judges, could suddenly work air-to-air missle launchers and supervise drones.

While they died within hours of getting their new found intellectual abilities, they were capable of taking out everything from military bases to the very same crazy, spoiled group of Shits and Grins who schemed up the whole thing.

The fact was that the serfs and lackeys who were supposed to get the secretive conspirators to their posh hidey holes turned on them while the rest of us escaped to various places and began to settle down.

The worst part of it all was that we each saw hundreds of people changing, yet did nothing until it was too late. Some of us just packed up, moved and kept moving, motivated by something that we couldn't quite explain. Others stayed where they were. Many stopped on the way and a lot of people went backward to where we came from.

It had been a crazy time, punctuated by Huddlers who did as much damage as they could before collapsing into piles of already rotting flesh that would pop open like month's old garbage that had been kept in cheap garbage bags.

We checked in with the remaining radio and ham operators who had set up in a pretty little storefront. They were horrified to find out that some nasty jokers in the Midwest were organizing an assault on some military facilities. If those idiots got hold of NORAD or an armory, it could get ugly. Some of the East and West Sweeps Posse were heading toward the major facilities in order to intercept the troublemakers.

We wanted to make a foray on over to the Army EOD facility and Beale Air Force Base up North to see what we could snag, but the North To South People's Posse had already settled there.

We were happy. We had already gotten ten tractor trailers worth of goodies from Travis AFB and cleaned out a few other places, thanks to the devices of Col Garfish, an odd little fellow who smelled like a muskrat no matter how many baths he took. He never did go buck wild and die though, and he saved our bacon on many an occaision. He just was funky, that guy.

Col Garfish, Bill Beck and others held training and organizing drills every day and were even teaching some arts to the gang bangers. But the bangers and their families had some arts of their own to teach, proving very resourceful in the process of surviving in a rapidly emptying new world. The entire Apocalypto Posse was well aware that we seven thousand, five hundred were all that we had, so we had better make a go of it. Now and again, when we had time, we would still wonder how we got along so well. All the movies that we had seen involved crazed clowns who tried to take over and rule everyone.

We just made sure that we didn't have much time for that kind of problematic reflection.

About the names: many organized groups had formed and were strangely able to put themselves together, settling here and there and dealing with Huddlers. Through those who had HAM radios and could use the still functioning WWW, we managed to coordinate ourselves into a national convention. From there, we security folk decided to call ourselves posses and to name ourselves so that we had some kind of official designation that we could associate with our area and use to justify our movements. Once settled, the general agreement was to leave a group alone and to let no group try to overwhelm another. In that process, little city-states began to form.

And now, we were no longer on the move and we had our own little city-state. Right now, we were "The State Of Whatever Entry Wins The Naming Contest".

Besides Col Garfish, some other folks were getting a little gamey, no matter how much they bathed and scrubbed and swallowed their mouthwash. This was a sure sign that they were going Huddler, but none of the scientists or medicos could figure out what new phase was happening. All of the previous phases of them were dead by now, but something new was changing people.

This was why the bio-nerds were frantic to get some power to the abandoned hospital which had some state-of-the art equipment and labs.

In the end, we decided to put the smellier folk at Tio Pepe's mexican restaurant. Then we put guards on them and set up some camera survelliance. Most people would have been indignant or would have resisted being separated, but the 20 or so of our own who appeared to be changing were strangely compliant and didn't seem to mind being put under a form of house arrest.

And this was disturbing. Whatever had been changing people into short-lived Huddlers over the past 10 years was adapting somehow. Very few of our own were being affected, but the ones who were affected were living longer and had didn't have the aggressive behavior of the first four or five waves of them.

What was causing this new phase and what would this new phase be?

It was all sending even more chills up our spines.

To be continued....

Photos 1 through 6 are part of the Auburn expedition and photo safari. I will do a special post with more photos of that beautiful place.

1. Last evening's sky over Sacramento

2. Auburn Courthouse over Valero Gas Station.

3. A great restaurant in Auburn...killer breakfasts!

4. Shows just how steep this town is! It takes much climbing and hiking up and down to get around here.

5. Tio Pepe's

6. An entrance to the old underground of Auburn. Spooky.

Apocalypto Posse: A Summer Spooky Tale

Sun, 25 Jul 2010 13:07:40 -0400

We rode up on the petty excuse for a town at dawn. There were five hundred and seventy five buildings, including a gas station, a crammed convenience store, a supermarket, plenty of houses dotted around, a hospital, a school that had been turned into some kind of palace, a church that was now a bar and brothel and a storefront that was supposed to be a restaurant. We didn't count the supertankers that some jokers stripped down and tried to turn into mobile homes of some sort.

Mookie said "They're going to hell over turning a church into a whorehouse!"

I doubted that, since Jesus told us that disrespecting God was the only unforgiveable sin.

We didn't even exercise caution anymore. There was no residue and no challenge to our bodies, except for the odd Huddler who still had a gun and some bullets left. They tended to negotiate rather than shoot first these days.

Since the new sky showed up with its pitiful sun, it was not so hot that even the feral cows were hiding out somewhere. There were a few of the sneaky monsters barging through the brush. We looked forward to some stray cow meat to roast and smoke. It would take caution, since the rattlers, lions and bears were out in force at this time of the year.

There were acres of raddled garden that had perpetuated itself, yielding up some tomatoes and other pitiful vegetables. The grapes looked fine, too. We would work that garden and vineyard. They just needed some thinning and watering since the soil was more than rich enough.

It was a beautiful place, up in the foothills were the oaks transitioned into pines and the chapparal was left behind. There was plenty of water from the rushing stream that passed by, sending who knows what to who knows where...probably to the San Francisco Bay by way of Sacramento and the Delta. At least gravity still worked.

We continued to survey the place for a couple of hours, carefully skulking through to root out any huddlers. There weren't any huddlers, which sent a bit of chill up the spine.

Someone had washed and neatly folded a huge pile of clothes, probably doing the last loads in the machines before the final power outage in this area. The clothes were a welcome gift. About 50 cars had been neatly parked at the bottomed out part of a hill, many of them full or partially full of gas. We would check that out and run it through our filters before we filled the gas carts and tanks.

There were 7,550 of us. Three hundred of us started out in San Francisco, stole a boat and made our way to Oakland's Jack London Square when the "authorities" were still around.

= A lot of us made it as far as Sacramento, picking up off road vehicles, a caravan of new cars and trucks...and dirt bikes...someone's big idea that paid off. We scored a tractor-trailer that had four pigs on it and loaded it up with everything that we could loot between Berkeley and Vacaville.

We picked up people, too, even if we picked up fewer and fewer over the weeks of travel. At one point, we were as many as 12,000, but many were headed the other way, hoping to thrive on the coast. Some wanted to play "Mad Max" and had to die. Others were just too sick or crazy to keep up. A few tried to fight their way to the top. They had to die, too, because we were already at the top and had no intentions of climbing down.

Many decided to stop and stay when they found a likely and likeable place, taking in the sick and crazy and making a go of it. That was fine and we left behind some good friends to go and visit.

By the time that we made Sacramento, there weren't so many people to pick up, but we fought and won and rounded up abandoned children and incorporated the decent folks into our group with fewer and fewer problems.

And here, in the verge between the oak woodland and the coniferous zones of the California Motherlode, we settled. As with the first American diaspora to California, we were of all kinds of colors and standings, but what happened in 2021 served as the great equalizer. If we were going to stratify ourselves, it would have to be from a new chain of bullshit from those who have too much time on their hands and who are too capable of convincing others. We decided to keep everyone busy all day and drunk or sleep at night.

What happened? The human population of the entire planet went from about 6.7 billion to about 2.7 billion in less than ten years. This was the big idea of a secretive group of cheeky, dirty bastards who were way too overcompensated in life. Until then, it had all been the imaginings of whack job conspiracy theorists, but the monsters were real and they had actually pulled it off.

They thought that they would survive and be able to take over the beautiful, fresh new world. The cheeky, dirty bastards started it and were dead before they could get to their hyper-secure hidey holes, the fat, useless twits.

And now, we, who started out as cops and judges and doctors and gang bangers and lawyers and clerk typists, were a multigender, multiracial, multi everything posse of the apocalypto, about 200 of us who could ride and fight and shoot to kill without an ounce of regret.

Only the Huddlers were gone. They were no more.

This sent a chill up the spine for sure.

...To be continued....

Week In MisReview and Brain Fresh

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 18:07:54 -0400

This week has been a time of bashing around in the world of topics, injected with an attempt to get back into the world of painting and drawing, culminating in a good deed and some good conversations with a fellow writer.

My neighbor is a published joker who is working on his third novel. He's got the brass ring: Amazon, Barneys, Borders, multi million dollar sales...the works. I have a signed first edition of his first novel too. Snap!

We have both holed up in our apartments this past Winter, huddled over the computers and snarling at anyone who has the temerity to interrupt us before noon.

Now, it is Summer and it is time to get into the world, pain or no pain. The arts center will be having the nude life drawing. Even though some creep stole my anatomy book, I will get back into feet and hands and clavicles and buttocks. It's art. Once you have been there, it's not hard to get back.

I got to help with the monthly food collection. The local grande mart gives away tons of food. The food is mostly breads and pastries that are about to lose their luster and it all goes to the needy and the hungry in the community.

My little car was bulging with bagels! I scored a few raisin cinnamon bagels and have been indulging in those 300 calorie gut bombs for breakfast. The donuts were gone in about 5 minutes and all of the bread (underneath the bagels) gets sucked into a human vortex that is unbelievable in its power to make food disappear.

This photo was taken with me Droid, where seeing anything is impossible in the 8 a.m. sunlight. I just clicked the darned thing on a guess. The Photobucket app sucked it up, and here it is!

This is brain freshing. Now I can just snap and upload without needing the computer. Yee. Here comes the citizen photojournalista. Actually, I have a news writer credential now, but no pain free days to get out there and mix it up.

Someone is asking about our thoughts on rating. My only thought is that it is an internal and organic process that is between the communicator and me, the reader.

I only have time to read my favorites these days and they are all good writers. My favorite favorites are great people, not a cranky person among them, and I care about their lives. I follow others, many others, but find it hard to concentrate during the week. Tomorrow is my big reading day.

I watched a recorded HBO special with Paul Mooney. Damn he is funny. He wrote for Dave Chapelle, Eddie Murphy...all the greats. Then I watched a documentary on Black Comedy and there was a great tribute to Redd Foxx. Redd was the first to tell it like it is, letting out a lot of what Black folk really felt while coating it with humor.

Even Steppin Fetchit got recognized for working within the limits that were placed on him at the time. The discussion was a corrective message to the NAACP's incessant trashing of his comedy.

Speaking of the NAACP, they have too much podiumitis and are being played by the racist white wring. Last week had better be an object lesson in how to play offense, rather than throwing an innocent person like raw meat to satisfy the monsters.

And, boy did they pick the wrong person. I am so proud of Shirley Sherrod and her conduct during this debacle and media goat rope.

Finally, Rachel Maddow occasionally rounds up President Obama's incredible list of accomplishments. No one else does so.

Since the so-called "mainstream" media has been aggressively blacklisting these accomplishments, I refuse to say anything about President Obama's response to the lying, cheating creeps at F*CKS no-news and that nameless monster who will lie, cheat and lie some more in order to stir up trouble. What's 'is name is apparently too stupid to develop any other strategy for his racist agenda.

WHA HA!

We Vets get to have medical spliff! Mary Jane. Tijuana Tea! Dope! Pot!

But here's the trick. The state that a person lives in has to decriminalize the stuff first. Then, the improvement means that we will not get kicked out of the VA system for using marijuana. We can just use it if it is legal in our state.

The wonder drug will NOT be added to the VA prescription formulary, of course. And it has to be legalized for medical use in your state, so don't just go all Cheech and Chong yet!

Enough of Amerikkka. Here's some Redd Foxx.